


The Dynamics of Love

by TifosaAtHeart (F1_Fanatic)



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Background Relationships, Crashes + crushes, F/M, Major Character Injury, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Romance, Secrets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2019-10-17 16:48:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 91,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17564282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/F1_Fanatic/pseuds/TifosaAtHeart
Summary: “Setting up the car is like putting a puzzle together. Easy if you follow the instructions. Life is like trying to get out of a maze. Impossible.”Mechanics is complex enough. When adding love and secrets to it, it can be as lethal as a racing car hitting the wall at 160 mph. Jessica Riley finds out the hard way.





	1. New Beginnings And Endings

**Author's Note:**

> This was written and abandoned almost a year ago so Seb and Kimi are still teammates and Maurizio is still in charge. Also, forgive me for being clueless about mechanics, although it doesn't include much. I'll try to update every weekend when possible.
> 
> A big thanks to [Leonora_Acker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leonora_Acker/pseuds/Leonora_Acker) for beta reading and coming up with this awesome title and to [Zephoria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zephoria/pseuds/Zephoria) for inspiring me get back to it. <3
> 
> It's my first Seb/OFC fic so please don't hate me if it's not good enough! If you enjoy, don't forget to kudo/comment.

“Good morning, guys!” Sebastian greets his crew, shaking a few hands. He mostly receives muffled hums and even some smiles as all of his engineers are focused on preparing his car for the upcoming season. They may have fallen short to Mercedes again last year but he feels the motivation is as high as it's ever been.

“Hi, Seb” Stefano Doniatello, head of aerodynamics, passes by. “Oh, Maurizio wants to see you” he suddenly remembers. “He said he has a surprise for you.” Sebastian gives him a confused stare. “Don't look at me like that, his words” Stefano shrugs and Sebastian can only sigh and go in search of his boss.

 

“Hey, Maurizio. The guys said you wanted to...” Sebastian stops dead in his tracks when he realizes who's standing behind Maurizio's office examining his data.

“Hi, Seb” she awkwardly waves at him.

Sebastian raises an eyebrow in surprise. He must be dreaming.

“Seb, buongiorno” Maurizio finally notices him standing at the door. “I trust you already know Ms Riley?”

Sebastian's gaze shifts from her to his team principal and back before he finally remembers how to speak again: “This is a prank?” he assumes, his voice instinctively rising. “Some badly-set-up joke for the new season?” He hardly seems amused. “Or just...?” He wills his brain to think of something that explains this. “Or just press commitment?”

Maurizio furrows his brow. “Press commitment?” he reiterates, not quite believing it. “Seb, she's going to be your race engineer for next year.”

Sebastian almost chokes on his own saliva. He probably just misheard. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me” Maurizio confirms before he suggests he should give them more space to get to know each other.

Once they're alone, Sebastian sighs quietly. His day had started so pleasantly, why would Maurizio never let him have what he wants? As he watches her put his data back in order, it finally dawns on him: Jessica Riley is going to be his new race engineer. Her credentials may be impressive - fourth place with Force India, two World Championships with Mercedes - but he's not sure he likes that idea. He's not sure he likes _her_ either. 

He looks at her, head to toes. Not that it's necessary, he has seen her before at the races. Her brown curls and blue eyes compliment the pale silver of Mercedes perfectly, he concluded after hours of following her with his gaze as she passed by in the paddock, and, although a tiny part of him wants to to be able to admire her looks whenever he feels like it without making weird excuses to the team, it doesn't change his opinion about her.

“So...” he chants, trying to get her attention “You're Hamilton's girlfriend, right?”

He feels her stiffen at the question, as she holds tightly to the corner of one of the pages in her hands, and he gives himself a mental high-five. If she thought she could scare the hell out of him, he may as well return the favor.

“Well, Mercedes fired me because of him, so I prefer to introduce myself as his engineer” she gives him a tiny smile.

Nope. She hasn't gone mad at him. He's not trying hard enough it seems. “They threw you out? That must suck.”

She clenches her jaw. “I chose to leave.”

He won't give that up, not just yet. He's kinda enjoying it, actually. “Sure, you quit the position every engineer would cut his right arm to have” he brushes it away with a wave of his hand. “Normal stuff, people do that every day.”

“Cut it out, Vettel” she glares at him and Sebastian decides he should stop pressing for his own good. She can be persuasive.

“Our only goal is the championship, you know that?” he redirects sharply.

“I wouldn't have it any other way” she grins, resting her hands on her hips. “Question is, are _you_ going to help me win it or not?”

Sebastian's hands ball into fists on either side of him. He isn't helping her with anything. Then again, that means no car, no championship. _Play your cards right, champ._

“Don't let it get to your head” he warns. “Just because your shirt is red doesn't mean you're Ferrari.”

“Why?” she chuckles. “There's some sort of a tradition I need to go through before you officially accept that I'm working with you next year?”

Sebastian drops his eyelids as she laughs. It's not like he hasn't seen her smile before but that genuine smile intended at him is a whole new experience. Her face widens, he notices, and her eyes look bluer than before. Cute, Sebastian admits, but it also does things to his stomach he's not supposed to feel. He doesn't fancy his new engineer, does he?

“Well, how are you two getting along?” Maurizio returns, disturbing his pants-off-Jessica thoughts. Sebastian shakes his head as if to remove the smug expression from his face.

“Quite well, actually” Jessica grins and Sebastian's coughing assures Maurizio of that. He may receive a pretty obvious glare from the Italian but he's made up his mind: He doesn't like Jessica Riley now and for sure there's no chance of liking her in the future.

* * *

She's a workaholic just like him, Sebastian comes to realize as he watches her guide his crew. It may as well be the only thing they have in common. He keeps his emotions safely locked away from prying eyes; she lets everyone know how she feels. He encourages his engineers when things get off the right track; she yells at them pretending to be the one in charge. Is this how working with her next season will look like? Sebastian doesn't know. At least, she likes silence during lunch, contrary to him, so he can afford a break every now and then.

“So, I heard you have a new mechanic next year” Kimi and his pasta are next to him so Sebastian stops glaring daggers at Jessica's back.

“Race engineer” he corrects and Kimi only shrugs, questioning the difference. “Jessica Riley, the devil from Mercedes.”

“They're all devils at Mercedes” Kimi knits his eyebrows together, confused. Sebastian glares at him, because he knows exactly what he means, but Kimi misses it, shoving a mouthful of spaghetti in his mouth. “What special did she do?”

“Slept with Hamilton?” Sebastian suggests. “This is highly anti-professional!”

“How is that any business of ours?” Kimi only shrugs, filling his mouth with more food. “We employ people because they're good at their job and she clearly is.”

Well, he can't argue that. She has four World Championships to her name after all. So, he just clutches his water bottle hard, dragging it close to himself, and takes a hefty swig. His gaze falls to the other side of the room where Jessica is sitting with his data scattered in front of her and an untouched plate of spaghetti.

“It shouldn't be a problem” Kimi continues. “Unless you plan to take Lewis's place in her bed, that is...”

Sebastian chokes on his water as he pulls his bottle away from his mouth, spilling water everywhere in the process.

“What the hell, Kimi?” he curses, furiously wiping at his shirt. “I'm not doing such a thing!”

“Why not? It would be fun” Kimi is now smirking at him and Sebastian swears he'd punch him if he weren't his friend.

“Save it” he hisses standing up. “I'm not making my life a soap opera for you to laugh at.” And with that, he storms away, ignoring the weird glances he receives from his engineers. Only after he's out of the cantine, does he realize he hasn't eaten all day. He's not going back there, not when she's still inside. He'd better have a run in the simulator. He's not hungry anyway.

* * *

Jessica's inner lip will probably start bleeding if she chews on it any longer. It's not her fault the car doesn't seem to work as it's meant to but it's her job to find the solution, and if there's one thing she absolutely detests, it's dealing with the mess other people leave behind.

“Hey, stranger. Long time no see.”

She lifts her eyes annoyed but her gaze softens when she notices the Italian making himself comfortable opposite her.

“Yeah, Fabrizio, since the Force India days” she smiles, putting the data aside. Sebastian and his car can wait. “Can't believe it's already been three years.”

“It's been that much?” He counts with his fingers to make sure. It really doesn't feel like it's been a day, let alone three years. “You remember when we met?” She smiles fondly at the memory and he continues: “You were a rookie and I was supposed to show you around. Turned out you knew more than I did!”

She chuckles and checks her phone for any new messages, sighing when she finds nothing. It wasn't like she was expecting Mercedes to send her a congratulations card for her new job in Maranello but she hoped some of them at least would have the decency to wish her good luck. Guess she's been overoptimistic. She locks her phone aggressively and throws it in her pocket determined not to think of them ever again before looking back up, only to find Fabrizio staring at her. She gives him a tiny smile.

“What did we do wrong?” he mutters and she drops her eyelids shyly. She really isn't in the mood for talking about their shared past right now. “So...” he says rather quickly. “What happened with Mercedes?”

She sighs and absentmindedly twists the spaghetti around her fork. She remarks they must've gone cold by now because they're starting to feel like glue. “They...” she stammers. “They fired me.” They practically threw her out but she chooses Fabrizio should stay out of that.

“Why?” he furrows his brow in confusion. “Two doubles in two years isn't good enough for Torger's liking? Or is it because of the Hamilton rumors?”

Her fork slips from her hand and falls to the floor. She wasn't planning on eating anyway.

“Jess?” he questions more worried than curious now. “You weren't really in a relationship with that idiot, were you?”

She covers her mouth with one hand and averts her gaze feeling tears forming in the corners of her eyes. She doesn't know the word for what she and Lewis had. She's quite confident, though, it's not called a relationship because that is a two-way road, right? And much as she loved him almost wholeheartedly, he only used her to get his shiny trophy. He never actually cared for her feelings.

“I...” she opens her mouth to explain but nothing comes out. “I don't know” she finally manages, swallowing the lump in her throat. She can't focus, tears are blurring her vision and her head is pounding.

“Jessica...” he repeats in a comforting tone of voice and reaches out a hand to touch hers but she snatches it away from him pressing her palms to her eyes to block the tears. So he just nods and leans backwards in his chair. “You like Maranello?”

“What?” she looks at him startled. She hasn't thought about it. She's in Maranello to do her job, how the place looks is none of her concerns. “It's nice, I guess. Not that I care...”

“How about Ferrari?”

A small smile finds its way in her lips. “Mostly positive, I'd say. I like Stefano” she points at the head aerodynamicist on her right. “Our approach to racing is quite similar. Don't pout, you're still my favorite.”

Fabrizio drops the jealousy act and grins. “Any problems?”

“Yeah, Vettel” she immediately responds huffing.

“Sebastian?” Fabrizio wonders, searching for the German with his eyes.

Jessica nods. “He likes to put his nose in everything.”

“I don't remember anyone having problems with him” Fabrizio scratches his chin trying to remember before a mischievous smile lights up his face. “Maybe he has a soft spot for you.”

Jessica kicks him hard under the table and he groans with pain. “Take it back!” she demands looking merciless. “Take it back or I'll kick you again!”

“Okay, fine, I took it back” he raises his hands in defense. “You just need your time.”

Jessica tries to burn him with her gaze but he ignores it. “So, the car is fine?”

Her face brightens. “Well, we did have an issue with a sensor but apart from that, it's a real beauty, honestly. I can't wait for it to hit the track.”

“And you'll be standing there as a rare engineer” he beams. “The dream is coming true.”

She snorts. “Not yet. That's still some way to go. The target is technical chief at some point.”

The smile disappears from his face and he presses his lips in a tight line. “Right.”

Jessica shifts in her chair; the silence stretching between them is a little awkward. Luckily, her phone vibrates in her pocket and she instinctively beams, only for her smile to fade when she realizes it's just her mom. “Listen, I have to pick this up. We'll catch up later, yes?” She stands up with a fake smile.

Fabrizio nods. “You know we have testing next week, right?” he calls out for her and she grins over her shoulder.

“I wouldn't miss it for the world.”

* * *

Arriving at Fiorano only in a T-shirt and a fleece jacket in early February was never meant to be a good idea. Jessica is literally freezing as she examines Seb's data from the day. There's something wrong with his braking point but her brain refuses to focus on anything else other than the cold. Sighing in frustration, she pulls her zip higher up so that her jacket almost covers her ears and sneaks behind Fabrizio in a desperate attempt to block away the bone-piercing frost. She still wouldn't get it. Fine, let's forget about the braking. She'll focus on the rest of the data and return to it later.

As she flips through the pages, her gaze falls on the garage across from her. Kimi is pointing at her direction and Sebastian smiles cheekily. They can't be talking about her, right? She glares at him just in case and he blushes hard when he realizes he's been caught. She fights back the urge to dart there and punch him in the face. She's not going to waste her precious time on him, so she just shrugs and heads off to find Stefano.

Kimi turns to his teammate with an amused smile. “See? You definitely have a crush on her. I'm telling you, you'll be her next Hamilton before you know!”

Sebastian slips his arms back in his suit's sleeves smirking. “Never” he clarifies.

* * *

The next day Jessica turns up at the track fully prepared, a warm coat draped around her shoulders. Only that the sun decides to shine and it rests on her stool's back at the pit wall for the most part while she walks around only in her Ferrari T-shirt.

“Domenico, what's the weather forecast?” she rips off her set of headphones once the morning test is over and the two Ferraris have returned to the pits.

“Sunny, should not rain till the evening” the meteorologist next to her checks the weather radar in front of him.

“Wonderful” she says cheerfully and hops off her stool picking up her clipboard. “Team, we need to talk!” she claps her hands in the air to get the attention of everyone in Sebastian's side of the garage. “Fabrizio, please, help me.”

The Italian waves at some members of the team and Sebastian joins them at the pit lane.

“The feedback is mostly good” she starts checking the papers in her hands. “But there are a couple of issues I need you to work on. First...”

Sebastian's attention is divided. Between what Jessica is presenting and the two undone buttons at the front of her shirt that very briefly give away her breasts. It has his brain swirling with sensations and he really doubts he'll be able to concentrate on anything else for the rest of the day.

“Sebastian, do you hear me?” Her voice is a distant sound that fits well with the image of her he's currently forming in his mind. “Sebastian!” she waves her hand in front of his face and he looks up to be met with an angry set of blue eyes. “Did you hear what I was talking about?”

“Aaah... Aerodynamics?” he suggests, scratching the back of his neck.

She glares at him. “Braking. You brake too early for the corner. Fifteen meters later and you'll find two tenths of a second.”

Sebastian would most certainly be concerned about losing two tenths of a second in a qualifying lap but when she leans forwards to show him the data, his eyes drift back to the same spot: Her chest.

“Vettel!” she slaps his arm, roughly bringing him back to reality. “What's your problem?”

He looks at her amused. Her cheeks have turned a shade of crimson but he's sure she's furious, mainly because she looks like she'll just murder him. He decides some more pressing will do no harm.

“It's not my fault” he denies in mock innocence. “You and your natural assets are distracting me.”

The blush on her cheeks intensifies and some of the other engineers start laughing behind the palms of their hands.

“Are you kidding me?” she shoots back. “Did you hear even a word of what I said?”

He simply smiles and shrugs, which seems to only enflame her anger more. She won't break in front of him. “Back to testing” she orders. “Now.”

She turns on her heel and storms away, only for Sebastian to follow right on her tail. “Come on, Riley. Don't tell me you're mad. We can always sort this outside the track” he smirks at her.

She turns to look at him. “Sebastian, I'm not doing this with you.”

“But if I were Lewis, you would.”

At the mention of her previous driver's name, she falters and stops dead in her tracks.

“My offer still stands” Sebastian muses. He is enjoying this way too much to stop. “We can arrange this if you want.”

She silently stares at him. Sebastian realizes he's crossed some lines and braces himself for a rant. “I'm your engineer, damn it!” Her voice is barely above a whisper, rising as she goes on. “I'm your damn engineer! Not some random girl at a bar you'd try and get to your bed! And as it stands, you need me more than I need you if you want your name on the trophy. Figure what you want, Vettel.”

She glares at him and Sebastian's stomach drops. Is she threatening him? Is she implying he's lost without her? He doesn't even get the chance to defend himself since she's already walking away, collapsing into Fabrizio's arms who kisses her forehead asking her if she's okay. And Sebastian tilts his head to the side confused because watching them hurts. Seeing her in the embrace of one of his pit wall guys hurts. He shakes his head to remove that thought, because, God, he doesn't have a crush on Jessica Riley, and returns to his garage, only to have Kimi opposite him forming a heart with his fingers. Sebastian doesn't reply, instead pulls his balaclava over his face so that the Finn can't see his expression and starts getting ready for the second half of the test. He isn't going to prove Kimi right.


	2. Testing Cars And Patience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter one, but enjoy nonetheless! Credit for the chapter title goes to [Leonora_Acker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leonora_Acker/pseuds/Leonora_Acker). :D

They avoid each other like the plague for the next couple of weeks. Sebastian couldn't be happier about it. He doesn't need her pointing out every mistake of his and he certainly hasn't missed her. Only when he lands in Barcelona for pre-season testing, does he realize he regrets pushing her away with his behavior. As he sits at his garage waiting for the first session to start, fingers fiddling with his balaclava, and watches her greet the rest of his crew, he wishes time could pass quicker till he's sitting in his car, foot pressing the gas hard and her voice in his ear guiding him through. Blocking the world outside and focusing solely on him.

“Rumor has it the two of you are not talking” Kimi appears from practically nowhere to disturb his perfect daydreaming and Sebastian shakes his head hoping the Finn hasn't noticed his smile. “Don't tell me you miss her!”

“I don't” Sebastian denies rather quickly.

“Ah, ah, liar liar pants on fire” Kimi teases and Sebastian glares at him.

“I. Don't. Miss. Her” he repeats slowly so that Kimi can fully take it in. “I don't even care about her.”

“Sure” Kimi shrugs. “You don't care about her. You don't mind Fabrizio just kissed her.”

Sebastian's head turns towards her direction in rapid speed just in time to see his Italian engineer greet Jessica with a kiss on the cheek. He clenches his jaw, trying his hardest not to be jealous of Fabrizio, and stands up jolting where his car is parked, leaving Kimi smirking behind.

“Seb, are you okay?” Maurizio asks surprised at the sudden outburst of his driver.

“Of course” he promises. “Just let me be in the car and I'll be fine.”

* * *

Sebastian thought this moment would never arrive but here he is, sitting behind the wheel of his Ferrari, visor pulled down, waiting for Jessica to release him. He watches her behind his helmet: her long hair falling free on her shoulders, her pink lips twisting into a smile, her delicate hands gripping tightly on the jack... He could do that for ages, just sitting here and looking at her. Because right now he's the center of her universe and that thought makes Sebastian's heart race in his chest. _Maybe_ , a little part of himself pokes him, _just maybe you were wrong about her. Maybe she's a good girl and she can lead you back to glory._ Sebastian smiles fondly at that, he likes that idea. So much so he almost wants to climb out of the cockpit and run to her side to make amends right here and now. But then the little voice at the back of his mind he's been trying to ignore, escapes his grip and is shouting at him: _Hamilton had her first. You're not coming second to him. Never again._

“We should be clear now.”Jessica's voice is suddenly in his ear and Sebastian forces his thoughts aside. Testing first.

“Here we go again” he sighs in his helmet and prepares himself to accelerate out of the pit lane once he's given the all-clear.

* * *

Jessica has to hold on the lift jack with both hands to stop herself from jumping up and down in excitement. She looks at the Ferrari in front of her and smiles, gently biting her bottom lip. Her brain child is about to hit the track and she can't help but feel proud. Nervous for its first appearance but proud. With the corner of her eye, she catches Sebastian checking on her from inside the cockpit and decides to go back to checking the traffic in the pit lane. A papaya orange McLaren passes her by, followed by a Martini-branded Williams, meaning they're soon getting out as well.

“We should be clear now” she informs Sebastian, avoiding to look at his direction. Instead, she leans backwards and peers towards Kimi's garage where his race engineer is signaling to her that she's going first. She nods and takes a deep breath as she notices the Mercedes numbered 44 leaving its box. It hits her harder than she expected it to, like a bucket of ice. Lewis's face is hidden behind his helmet but she's pretty sure he's smirking to himself at her miserable expression. The memories of their time together come back to her mind and tears threaten to start falling down her cheeks. Her palm clutching the jack is sweating hard but she honestly doesn't give a damn right now. Her chest hurts and the lump in the throat is getting harder to swallow. Why did that have to happen? She's been good all winter, avoiding all the things and places that remind her of him, trying to force his memory out of her mind. And all that, what for? For him to appear and break her into pieces in split seconds?

“Jess?” There's a hand on her shoulder and she turns to meet Fabrizio's worried gaze. “We can go out now” he explains since apparently she must be looking at him as if he suddenly grew a second head.

“Yes, sorry” she fumbles for words before lowering the jack and releasing Sebastian.

The blood red Ferrari storms out of its box and Jessica blinks twice to get her focus back on.

“Are you alright?” Fabrizio is by her side again.

“Yeah, fine” she sighs.

* * *

A couple of hours later, Jessica is grinning ear to ear as she watches the two Ferraris return to the pits. She may have spent her morning listening to Sebastian complain on the team radio about the front suspension, but the checkered flag sees the scarlet cars P1 and P3, the German leading the rest of the field. Her good mood is back and she happily hums a tune as she switches off the screen in front of her in the pit wall after the end of the first session.

“Someone's cheery” Domenico next to her comments.

“Well, I don't know if you've noticed, Dom, but the car _I_ designed just finished in P1.” She stirs around in her stool and jumps on the ground. “I can be as cheery as I want.”

Stefano on her other hand chuckles. “Okay, princess, don't bite.” He looks at her winking. “Does the car _you_ designed stand a chance of winning the championship?”

“I don't know, Stefano” she sighs. “Ask me again after the race in Australia. For the time being, all I can say is that we look competitive.” She shivers at the light breeze and pulls her zip up. “Weather forecast?”

Domenico smirks. “Cloudy with a chance of championships.”

* * *

Testing goes well for Ferrari, having dominant pace and topping almost every session they've taken part in. But it's exhausting as well and Fabrizio is more than happy it's close to over and done with as he walks down the pit lane on the second-to-last day.

He enters the garage and scans the space with his eyes. Sebastian is trying to glare his race engineer to death while sipping on his water bottle and Kimi is winking at him from across the room. Just another day in paradise, he chuckles to himself. He spots Jessica in the back of the room lively chatting with some of the other engineers and he jogs towards her, wrapping his arms around her to try and get a little warm.

She turns to smirk at him. “You'll never grow up, will you?” His only reply is an indifferent shrug as he rubs his palms to her Ferrari jacket.

“Nice car.”

The room goes suddenly dead-silent as everyone freezes and Jessica escapes Fabrizio's grip trying to curl up at herself. Sebastian frowns suspiciously and averts his gaze towards the entrance of his garage, only to snort at the sight of Lewis freaking Hamilton. He fakes a smile. “It is, isn't it? Makes sure we continue to fight each other on track.”

Lewis nods. “I see you've done some changes.” He searches for Jessica and locks eyes with her. “Hope they don't backfire.”

Jessica balls her fists struggling to hold back a sob. It comes out barely audible but Lewis hears it and snickers at himself. Sebastian doesn't know why but he feels it's his own job to ease the pressure on the young engineer. His eyes harden as he turns back to Lewis: “I think you should leave.”

Lewis just shrugs and starts walking away. Jessica is immediately on her heel and, pushing aside Fabrizio who's asking her if she's okay, she storms out of the garage and chases after him.

“You can't keep punishing me forever, you know.” Much to her surprise, he does slow down waiting for her to continue. “I live my life and you live yours. That's what we agreed.”

Lewis turns to look at her straight in the eye, confusion and anger etched all over his features. “Agreed?” he reiterates as if not believing it. “We had a deal, Riley, and _you_ broke it. _You_ decided you don't want this anymore. So, you're going to reap what you sow.”

“That's it, then?” she blinks tears away folding her arms in front of her chest. “I created this mess and you'll never let me get out of it?”

Lewis shoots her one last scornful glance before starting to walk again. “Good luck for the season.”

She stays there, watching his back as he returns to the Mercedes motor home, and wipes away a few stray tears. Testing sucks. She wants Australia to be here.


	3. Game On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, managed to update. *lets out sigh of relief*

Walking to the track in a crowded Melbourne is already a bad enough idea but walking with Kimi, that is unforgivable. Jessica sighs as she stops for the millionth time and watches Kimi being interviewed by some national channel. She never wanted company anyway, rather the opposite; she wanted some peace and quiet to try and clear her mind of all things and people. The Finn had been persistent, though, claiming they had to talk, and she reluctantly agreed he could join her, more out of curiosity than anything else.

She regrets it now. They stop what feels like every five minutes because apparently every existing journalist in Australia wants a word from Kimi before the two Free Practice sessions. Not that he talks, mainly he replies with a yes or no, but it's the thought that counts. Why he dragged her along, she'll never know. She can't even bring her mind to think of anything that Kimi could discuss with her, to begin with. She's not on his side of the garage and his teammate barely utters two words to her. And he doesn't know more than she does, right?

“This should be the last idiot” Kimi wraps up his interview and smiles at her.

She shrugs and starts walking again. “So, before we get interrupted by another idiot, you mind telling me what the hell you wanted to talk about?”

Kimi shoves his hands in his pockets and tries to appear innocent. “Sebastian” he says simply.

Jessica raises her eyebrows because Sebastian truly can't be what he wanted to talk about. “He's a brat and I hate him, what about him?”

“He fancies you.”

She almost trips over herself. “He does what?”

“Fancies you” Kimi repeats smirking. “Like... Wants to crawl in bed with you.”

She chokes on her saliva and Kimi chuckles amused, only for her to shove him hard in the ribs with her elbow. “Shut up. He said that?”

Kimi shrugs indifferently. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

“Raikkonen!” she pouts. “Details. When? Where? How?”

“What do I get from the interrogation?” Kimi demands smiling cheekily.

“All of Seb's data from the day” she offers immediately.

“Hmmm.” Kimi scratches at his chin, pondering the idea.

She has to act quickly since apparently he's not really interested. “A bottle of vodka for free.”

Kimi's face brightens. “Now you speak” he grins and she glares at him because there's a reason she's bribing him in the first place. “You really haven't noticed?” he raises an eyebrow. “He stares at you during debriefs, he blushes when you smile at him and he's jealous of Fabrizio for being closer to you than him. I'm telling you, he fancies you.”

Jessica doesn't reply, only keeps her gaze firmly fixed on the ground. She doesn't want to accept Kimi's words, mainly because then it would mean she fancies Seb too, but it actually explains a lot of things. Like why Sebastian tends to interfere whenever she's fooling around with Fabrizio.

They walk the rest of the way to the track in silence, both lost in their own thoughts, and surprisingly no more journalists disturb them, as if they sense the weird atmosphere between them. Jessica doesn't dare look back up until...

“Hey” Sebastian jumps in front of her and grins widely at her.

Kimi tries and fails to hold back a small laugh and she glares at him. “Sebastian, good morning” she plasters a smile. “Have you taken a look at your data yet?”

He nods, ignoring Kimi's grimaces behind Jessica's back. “I have but I was thinking maybe we can go through them together? So you can explain and I can improve?”

He gives her a sheepish look that could challenge herself and she turns around to see Kimi smirking at her. “Sure” she sighs and Sebastian beams at her before darting to his garage.

“Have fun with little Sebby!” Kimi pats her back. “Going through data, how romantic!”

She sticks her tongue out at him and starts walking away. “One day I'm going to murder you.”

Kimi only shrugs and heads to his own garage. “Don't forget my vodka!”

She ignores him because he's being very childish right now and she's a grown woman who stopped paying attention to foolish boys at kindergarten. She's certainly not making an exception for Kimi Raikkonen.

* * *

FP1 goes exactly as Jessica hoped it would. P1 by almost three tenths of a second. She's happy, more than so, because wins and ultimately the championship is still within her reach but with a more supportive team. If only it weren't for Kimi and his stupid assumptions that keep her occupied the whole morning. So much so she almost walks straight into Sebastian outside the Ferrari motor home.

“Riley!” he hisses at her. “Watch where you're going!”

He's flushed and looks very annoyed, as if she interrupted something important. She can't help but lower her eyes, feeling very sheepish right now. “Sorry...”

Sebastian doesn't miss the tone of hesitation in her voice and instantly his gaze softens. She notes how dangerously close to her arm his hand is, so she takes a step back to prevent his fingers from actually touching her skin.

“Are you okay?”

Jessica suddenly remembers Sebastian isn't standing alone, a bunch of other engineers are there as well. She mentally curses herself for being so distracted as she only looks at Domenico who asked her the question. “Me? Fine.” She hopes it's convincing enough for him to let it pass. “So, what are you doing anyway?” she quickly changes the subject folding her arms to her chest.

“Just playing football” Stefano shrugs, casually kicking a ball from one foot to another. She rolls her eyes because much as she was lost in thought she's noticed what they were actually doing and that wasn't football, they were damn passes. “We chill out and it helps Seb with his racing stamina so everybody wins.” He suddenly catches the ball putting it under his armpit, and grins at her. “Hey, why don't you join us?”

Sebastian looks excited at the suggestion while Jessica only raises an eyebrow. “Join you?”

“Yeah, you come to play with us and since you're new, you tell us a few things about you, too” Stefano explains. “What do you say? Sounds like a good enough deal to you?”

She smiles. “It does.” She has nothing to lose, anyway.

Careful to maintain the circle, she finds a spot near Fabrizio who's smiling at her encouragingly and Stefano passes her the ball. “Tell us something we don't know about you” he instructs.

She gives it some thought. “I wanted to become a computer technician once” she recalls. “Abandoned it for cars before I got to high school.” She kicks the ball to Domenico, only for him to kick it back almost immediately.

“Why?” he demands.

She shrugs, pretending it's not a big deal. “Started helping a friend. He was racing and we used to build his go-kart together. Figured out cars are more interesting than computers.”

Domenico nods. “And that friend? Is he still racing?”

She closes her eyes for a brief second and tries to concentrate on her breathing, ignoring the pain in her chest. “No.”

Fabrizio gives her a much needed thumbs up patting her back gently and takes the ball from her, making Sebastian furrow his eyebrows questioningly. He doesn't know more than the rest of them, does he? “Best memory of motorsports?”

The ball finds Stefano who controls it on his chest while answering: “I remember going to Monza to watch the Grand Prix as a kid. My brother and I waved a giant Ferrari flag, our parents held it. We had a rough time putting it to our car boot to and from the track. But we managed to get Jean Alesi sign it so it was worth the trouble.”

He passes to Sebastian who catches it with ease. “Meeting Michael Schumacher” he replies immediately. “I was in Italy and dropped by the Fiorano circuit. I was lucky because they were testing the car and I watched from the fence. When they were done, Michael came to me and asked me if I was having fun.” There's a melancholic smile on his face and Jessica sympathizes with him because she knows the feeling. “Don't look at me like that, Riley!” he chuckles noticing her and she shyly drops her eyelids. “Come on, what's your favorite memory?”

She smiles fondly. “When I was nineteen, my friends and I went to watch the Grand Prix in Silverstone. We rent a caravan, camped near the track and watched every session of the weekend. We had to hitch-hike on the way home because our tyre went flat halfway through.”

With the corner of her eye, she remarks Sebastian is grinning softly at her but she doesn't look either at him or Fabrizio who's answering his own question. Her eyes fall on the Mercedes hospitality only a few feet away from them. _Focus_ , she forces herself, because, bloody hell, they're not ruining her day. She sighs under her breath and looks back up only to be met with Domenico's smirk.

“You mind if I ask you a question?” he blinks at her, trying to appear innocent.

Jessica mentally braces herself, having a pretty good idea what he's about to ask as she watches Lewis leave the Mercedes motor home. “Spit it out.”

He flashes her the sweetest smile of his. “Were you and Lewis Hamilton really a thing?”

She feels everyone's gaze on her, Sebastian's one the more persistent of all, as she reveals: “Yes.”

Unsurprisingly, they all start giggling and sharing dirty Italian jokes with each other. Jessica feels blood rushing to her face and wishes the ground could open and swallow her right now.

“Why did you do that?” Sebastian speaks up, looking dead-serious and she swears she doesn't recognize him right now. The very same guy that celebrates his victories singing on the team radio and doing drum sounds seems to be the most mature of the whole bunch of idiots around her put together. She makes a mental note to lift him up in her appreciation scale.

“Sorry?”

“You seem like a clever girl and Lewis is an idiot” Sebastian explains calmly. “Why would you get yourself into something like that?”

She tries to shrug it off. “I was his engineer, we went along well, I was trying to get over a break-up...” Sebastian swears Fabrizio stiffened at the last part. “The night after we won our first championship together, he invited me to his suite, presumably to talk about the year. The one thing led to another and... I guess you know the end of the story.”

“Did he love you?” Stefano asks, back to his serious self again.

“I don't think Lewis ever loved anyone apart from his trophies and titles” she scoffs. “As long as he has these two, nothing else matters in his world.”

“But you were his girlfriend” Sebastian objects. “You should matter.”

She shrugs. “I got over it, so why are we still discussing it when we should be playing?”

It's Sebastian's turn to ask and there are a million things going through his mind but he doesn't want to make Jessica feel uncomfortable so he simply goes for: “Which circuit do you love and which do you hate?” He seems genuinely interested and she simply can't resist him.

“The track I love, Spa, because it's fast, it's tricky, exactly what Formula One is about. The one I hate...” She takes a deep breath, unblinking the memory. “... Hockenheim.”

Sebastian nods. “Why Hockenheim?”

It's a reasonable question, more than so, but little does he know he's scratching at open wounds. She counts how many years have passed in her head. _Is it ten? No, eleven._ Eleven years? It hurts like the very first day.

“It's just...” Jessica gulps down her tears. “I've linked it to a bad memory, that's all.” Her voice is barely audible, breaking with emotion at the end, but she knows so only because of the frown on Sebastian's face. She doesn't dare look at the others, fearing there might be similar expressions on their faces as well.

Fabrizio distracts the others, giving her a much-needed break: “Seb, favorite football team?”

Jessica grabs the chance Fabrizio is offering her like a lifeline and escapes the huddle gasping for air. She was wrong when she joined them. She had everything to lose with them and she had lost most of it.

* * *

Qualifying doesn't go exactly Sebastian's way. Second on the grid behind Lewis, pole lost by one and a half tenths. He's raging as he goes over and over his hot lap in his head during the debrief. Almost flawless, he chants per usual. Pole should have been his. He blames this on Jessica, cute or not.

Once the debrief is over, he sprints close to her, going off at her. “That's your fault!”

She furrows her brow. “I beg your pardon?”

“What did you do to the car?” he accuses. “It felt perfect yesterday, today it's only capable of P2!”

“I didn't touch your damn car!” she denies.

“Oh, yeah? So we lost pole by magic?” What he receives as an answer is a clipboard shoved to his chest. “What the hell am I supposed to do with that?”

“I told you to improve your braking point but you wouldn't listen!”

Sebastian very briefly goes over the data. “My braking point?” he hisses. “You honestly think that's our problem?”

“Lewis braked twelve meters earlier than you in turn 9” she shrugs. “If you do the math, it is!”

He lets her clipboard fall on the table before him. “Then fix it! Tomorrow afternoon I want a car capable of winning the race” he calls for her as he walks away and slams the door behind him.

Jessica blinks at the coldness of the gesture. Kimi definitely has to be wrong about them. She doesn't know if she should be happy or sad.

* * *

“Good morning!” Jessica cheerfully hops between Fabrizio and Stefano interrupting their conversation on race day. Across from her, Sebastian shoots her a glare while being interviewed by Sky but she simply ignores him.

“Hey” Fabrizio flashes her a smile putting an arm around her shoulders. “Excited?”

She nods. “A little nervous as well.”

“It's normal” Stefano assures, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I remember my first race for Ferrari. I was a disaster. We crushed out.”

Jessica's pupils widen in terror and Fabrizio kicks Stefano hard in the shank.

“I told you to shut up!” he scolds but Stefano only shrugs and lets out an evil chuckle. “You're going to be alright, I promise” Fabrizio turns back to Jessica, gently tugging at the end of her ponytail.

She raises an eyebrow. “And how exactly do you know?”

He shrugs smiling. “I just know.”

Jessica doesn't mind following their conversation, letting her eyes wander through the garages and stop on the Mercedes one. Surprisingly, it's not particularly crowded, which is just an added incentive. She decides a little trip down the pit lane will do no harm, so she excuses herself to the boys and sneaks in the Mercedes hospitality. It brings sweet nostalgia but at the back of her mind there's also that bite of betrayal she can't ignore. The walls feel cold and it may only be because of her red T-shirt but she feels she sticks out as if she doesn't belong here.

First, she sees Valtteri. He's resting one hand on his hip while going through his strategy. She knows so only because she used to stumble on him almost every race weekend while moving around the garage trying to prepare Lewis's car for the start.

She stands on her tiptoes to peek at his clipboard over his shoulder. “Two stops, huh? Risky.”

He lets out a husky scream and jumps almost a meter before turning to face her. “Jess?” he questions, trying to compose himself. “What are you doing here?”

She knits her eyebrows together. “Came to say hi?” she proposes.

But he's already engulfing her in the warmest hug he can and she almost chokes on her own saliva. “How are you?” he asks, grinning wide. “The garage is not the same without your singing in the background!”

Jessica blushes hard remembering all the times she used to relax between sessions sitting at the back of Lewis's garage, singing along with the latest rock hits that played on her phone. “I don't sing anymore. Italy doesn't provide me with much of an inspiration.” She proudly points down at her shirt.

He chuckles. “Right, I heard you joined the red monsters. I hope they're treating you well.”

“More than what you think” she winks and runs her fingers through her hair. “Yeah, it's Ferrari for the time being, actually team Vettel, and it's good. We have a great car, a great team, I quite like Italy, I'm happy.”

Valtteri nods sympathetically. He knows these past few months haven't been easy for her so if things finally are getting on the right track, he's happy for her. “I'm sure you'll do great at Ferrari” he assures. “You're an exceptional engineer.”

She shrugs. “Who knows, maybe one day I decide I've had enough of that, return to Liverpool and never want to hear anything about cars ever again. But...” she emphasizes smirking “...not before we work together.”

He laughs. “Of course not.”

“Hey, Valtteri, have you seen James?”

Jessica's eyes widen and she paralyzes. She'd recognize this voice everywhere. The unmistakable voice of Lewis Hamilton.

“Well, well, well, what do we have here?” Lewis smirks and Jessica's face falls. She didn't have exactly that in mind when she decided to drop by Mercedes. “The little witch of a traitor.”

“Nice to see you, too, Lewis” she sighs and turns on her heel, already heading back to Ferrari.

But her arm is yanked from behind and before she knows, Jessica finds herself in his arms, back pressed against his chest. She squeals trying to release herself but Lewis only tightens his grip around her.

“Smile, the media is going to love it.” His breath is hot in her ear and her heart picks up speed. Jessica curses under her breath because him messing up with her mind is the last thing she needs, and fakes a smile for the camera that's wandering around the Mercedes garage.

She's pushed off him the moment the camera is out of sight and Jessica tries to recollect herself. Which would be way easier if Valtteri hadn't left for a quick chat with his race engineer and, most importantly, had she not have Lewis smirking right across from her.

“Stop it” she warns. “We're not going back there.”

He scratches at his chin. “You sure? 'Cos I'm winning a championship next November and I need to celebrate.”

She glares at him. “Celebrate alone.”

He chuckles sarcastically and Jessica swears she'd give anything to smack that expression off his face. “I'd forgotten how much I love your sardonic humor. You know, I'm trying to relieve stress with my therapist” he redirects and Jessica shoots him an angry glance, questioning how is that any business of hers. “She suggested to be reminded of good memories. You know what's my bed time favorite? Us in a hotel room in Abu Dhabi, tearing off each other's shirts...” His voice is just a whisper now since he's only inches from her face and Jessica feels her cheeks burning. “...my arms around your curves and you pleading me for more... It doesn't have to be a memory, you know.”

She takes a step back. “Not in this life, Hamilton.” Each word is emphasized with hate and Lewis's expression turns into one of pure anger and disappointment. She goes for him never being rejected again as she starts walking back to Ferrari. “Oh, by the way, this is our championship!”

* * *

By the time Jessica returns to the Ferrari garage, the national anthem is already playing in the background and she has to run the last meters to the grid if she wants to make it there before the race starts.

Fabrizio yanks her arm as soon as he sees her, pulling her close to the team while she struggles to catch her breath. “Where have you been? We've been looking for you.”

With the corner of her eye, she notices Lewis is checking on her while putting on his helmet but she chooses to ignore it. “Sorry, took a walk around” she lies. “Lost track of time.”

Fabrizio nods sympathetically and lets her help with last-minute preparations. Working on Seb's car is exactly what Jessica needs right now to clear her mind. Only that she feels Sebastian's gaze burning her back as he leans against the wall, concentrating on the race ahead of him, visor still open so he can watch her.

“Don't push too hard in the corners” she tells him because the silence is too awkward to bear. “Look after your tyres.”

He shoots her a sideways glance. “Think I've driven this thing more times than you have” he snaps and she blushes. “I hope you made sure my car is perfect.”

She grins. “Of course it is. I need you to beat Mercedes for me, okay?”

He looks at her, for the first time realizing she's on his side, and Jessica manages a small smile. But then the visor is pulled down as he climbs in the car, engine roaring to life and the formation lap is on. Instinctively, Jessica's eyes drift to the silver Mercedes on her left, because that's what she did for two years, watching Lewis speed off, fingers clutching hard on the fence, but now she's in the Ferrari pit wall, covering her mouth with both hands in anxiety as she waits for the five lights to go out. It seems like an eternity before the red vanishes and Fabrizio leans towards the track to watch the start.

“He's in front” he informs and Jessica feels relief flood her body as she lets out a shaky laugh and Stefano pats her back.

Even better, Sebastian wins the Australian Grand Prix. Fabrizio is hugging her hard the moment the blood red Ferrari crosses the line. “I knew you would make it!” he screams in her ear and she only smiles. She's taken the baptism by fire.

Stefano turns to her with a smirk on his face. “What do you say now? Can the car _you_ designed win the championship?”

Jessica grins and replies with a simple yet confident, “Yes.”

She practically flies on her way to watch the podium ceremony, hugging every single member of the team. Even Lewis's glares from where he's parked his second-placed Mercedes in parc fermé can't bring her down. She's happy, more than so.

“This is it” she whispers to herself as she watches Sebastian receive his trophy and open his bottle of champagne.


	4. Rules Are For Those Who Lose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more month to go till lights out in Australia. Can't wait!  
> #essereFerrari

The moment Sebastian crosses the line in Bahrain, his heart is beating so loudly he's sure it's going to explode. He's won, fair and square. It wasn't an easy battle, Lewis was constantly on his tail even at the flag. But he's come out on top, so he's more than happy. He sings on the team radio during the cool-down lap before parking his Ferrari at parc fermé and jumping out of it. He pumps his fist in the air and hugs his team before finally discarding his gloves and helmet.

“Congrats.” A hand lands on his shoulder and Sebastian turns around to see it's Kimi. “You deserve it” the Finn gives him a tiny smile as they start walking together to get weighed.

Sebastian grins and exhales the breath he didn't know he was holding. “For a second, I thought we'd lose.” He steps on the scales and quickly jumps on the ground again, grabbing a bottle of water and taking a swig. “But, no, let's get in there.”

Kimi laughs and winks at him. “Your favorite is here.”

Sebastian turns his head to see Jessica standing inside the cool-down room with a small smile on her face. He lets his gaze soften and darts close to her, pulling her into a bone-crushing hug. She lets out a squeak of surprise at first but then she chuckles and hugs him back.

“Good job” she praises, patting his back. “We're almost there.”

“Almost” he repeats and it even sounds like a promise.

With the corner of his eye, he remarks Lewis is glaring at them while quietly sipping on his water, looking as angry as hell, but Sebastian could care less. Jessica is solely paying attention to him right now, blue eyes warm and her smile as enchanting as ever. He purrs like a content cat and clings to her, wanting to drag out the moment as long as possible. She furrows her brow confused, but doesn't push him away. He considers that as a good sign.

“What are you doing here?” he mumbles against her shoulder, breathing in deeply her vanilla perfume.

She raises a questioning eyebrow. “Came to pick up your trophy? Don't look at me like that, Maurizio's idea; he said some rubbish about team bonding.” She suddenly looks sheepish. “Unless you don't want me to, I can always ask Fabrizio...”

“I want you to” he cuts her off and she smiles. Sebastian builds up the courage to continue, “I want you to do it for the whole season.”

A water bottle is slammed on their right as they let go of each other and Jessica rolls her eyes to see Lewis storm out of the room with such force even Kimi narrows his eyes at him. She follows him with her gaze to the guardrails where he's arguing with Toto, pointing his index finger at her. She wonders what she has to do with anything involving Mercedes. If she's not completely mistaken, she stopped wearing silver about five months ago.

“You know that's cheating, right?” Lewis is suddenly back and yelling at her.

She rolls her eyes. “What?”

“Your upgrades” he hisses. “They're illegal and you know it!”

Jessica's eyes drift to the couch on her left where Sebastian is seated next to Kimi, watching them curiously. She has a pretty good reply at hand for Lewis but the previous moment with Sebastian felt too good to let Lewis ruin it, especially when his lips are only millimeters away from hers.

“Lewis, we're in public” she reminds him coldly, and he has to back away as they get called for the podium ceremony.

Jessica takes in a few deep breaths, trying to compose herself and opens her palms where her nails were digging into the soft skin leaving painful marks, but when Sebastian passes by, he flashes her a smile mouthing a silent “Thank you”, it makes all worth it. At least, she has Kimi and his smirks to distract her. But much as she looks like she's enjoying herself on the podium as she uses the Constructor's trophy to drink the champagne Sebastian offers her, inside she's raging. She tries her hardest not to smash the water glass in front of her during post-race debrief but once the meeting is over, she jumps on her feet and darts to the Mercedes motor home.

Lewis is still chatting with some of his engineers but she decides he can afford some time to explain himself.

She drags him by the elbow. “I never expected a handshake but seriously? Accusing me of cheating?”

He jerks his elbow away from her and rests his hands on his hips, raising an eyebrow. “So you didn't know they're illegal? The front wing's too wide by chance?”

“The wing is fine!” she snaps. “I'd never break any rules.”

He shrugs. “You broke my rules.”

Jessica chooses to ignore the fact that he's so close she can practically feel his breath against her lips. She blinks, as realization begins to hit. That has nothing to do with today, that's personal.

She tries to keep at bay the anger in her voice as she replies, “I broke _one_ damn rule of yours for the sake of your team but, no, everything has to be about you! No one else exists in your universe! _I_ don't exist!”

Lewis furrows his brow questioningly. “ _You_ get to say that? How about Russia last year?”

She flinches at the memory. “Had to be done” she defends herself but Lewis shakes his head. He's not buying it.

“I needed you and you weren't by my side. You picked the team over me. You picked _a job_ over me!”

Jessica shudders, because that's not the first time she hears the exact same words. On both occasions, it didn't end well. She forces these thoughts aside. Now's definitely not the time to be reminded of the past.

“The upgrades are bloody legal” she changes the subject, hissing.

“Then I guess you don't mind if the stewards do some checking on your legal car, do you?”

“Because you're not a big enough boy to accept you've lost? Why don't you work on that with your therapist, too?”

“Jessica!” Toto's angry voice cuts them off, as the Austrian walks in the room looking less than impressed. “You're not welcome here anymore.”

She scoffs under her breath and glares at Lewis pointing a finger at him. “The car isn't being checked by anyone” she decides and starts walking away. If anything, she feels worse than before.

* * *

Fabrizio is already looking forward to his comfortable bed waiting for him in his hotel room before he even walks out of the Ferrari motor home. He yawns as he closes the door behind him. Then, climbing down the stairs, he notices something suspicious. Or rather, someone curled up around themselves, hands around their knees as if to make themselves as small as possible. Frowning heavily, he realizes the sobbing mess before him is Jessica, and instantly his heart skips a beat.

“Jess?” he breathes out worriedly.

She doesn't reply, just shuffles close to him, tears dampening his shirt. Fabrizio wastes no time. His own rest long forgotten, he leads her inside the motor home to the now empty debrief room where they can have a little privacy, and watches as she sobs uncontrollably. There's a question of why flying somewhere in the air, but Fabrizio wisely waits till her breathing evens out to bring up the subject.

“What happened?” he asks softly, kissing her hair.

She flinches in his arms. “I saw Lewis” she hiccups. “Down at Mercedes.”

Fabrizio clenches his fists on either side of him. If that idiot said one word... “Did he insult you? Did he do anything you didn't want him to? I swear I'll...”

“He said the same thing as you” she interrupts and Fabrizio looks at her confused. Last time he checked, he and Lewis Hamilton don't really see eye to eye. “He said that I chose my job over him.”

_So that's what this is about._

Fabrizio sighs and tightens his hold around her. “Jess, you can't blame it all on yourself. Lewis isn't a saint either, you know. He made mistakes, too.”

She lifts her eyes to look at him and a stray tear finds its way down her cheek. “But you didn't” she sniffles, cupping his face. “You were sweet and charming and I ruined it all because of a damn job!”

She looks at him, pleading with him to say something. And there's so much Fabrizio wants to tell her. How he was never as sweet and charming as she deserved him to be. How he's forgiven her long before she asked him to. How he wishes he'd done things with her differently. But she's properly crying now and Fabrizio knows he has to calm her down, even if there are tears burning in his eyes as well. So, instead of telling her all of this, he just leans down and crushes their lips together.

It's the moment Sebastian walks in the room intending to pick up his phone he'd forgotten inside. But his heart skips a beat at the sight and he immediately turns on his heel and walks away, deciding he's seen enough, anger and betrayal boiling inside of him.

* * *

Post-weekend debrief on Monday morning couldn't get any more awkward for Jessica. She has Kimi smirking at her on her left, Fabrizio avoiding to meet her gaze on her right and Sebastian glaring at her across from her. She wants to scream feeling blood rush to her face as she sits there squeezed between them all. She uses her papers as a fan; not that it helps. She questions whether Maurizio would consider opening another window but right now the Italian is going off at his strategists for not calculating Lewis would jump Kimi in the pit stops, so she decides asking may not be such a good idea. She tries to get herself lost in her own thoughts as she absentmindedly draws patterns with her pen on her clipboard.

Kimi pokes her with his pen. “What did you do to piss him off him so much?” he whispers, pointing with his eyes at his teammate, who's currently picking at a loose thread on the sleeve of his jacket.

Jessica lowers her gaze and sighs quietly as she shrugs, “I don't know.”

Kimi raises a skeptical eyebrow. “You don't know or you don't care?”

Actually, she cares more than she wishes and she has a pretty good idea about what's troubling Seb. But he can't have seen her kiss Fabrizio, right? And even if he has, he can't be mad about it, because she means nothing to him, right? And she's not hurt, because he means nothing to her either, right?

She glares at Kimi. “Both.”

The Finn snorts and peeps over her shoulder to what she's drawing. He guesses it was meant to be a flower but very much resembles an owl.

“He's very upset, you know. He won't talk, won't joke with his engineers, he even skipped breakfast this morning. This looks like it's serious.”

She slams her pen on the table, producing a shrill sound that earns her a questioning glance from Maurizio but when she mumbles an excuse, he quickly goes back to talking with his engineers. She turns to face Kimi, her eyes hard. “One month ago you were willing to have fun with our lives as if they were some sort of a video game and now you're suddenly concerned about our happiness?” She moves her chair with her leg as far from him as she can without brushing Fabrizio's shoulder. “Spare me the favor!”

Kimi wants to object because that was never his point but she's now offering her undivided attention to Maurizio, taking in every word he speaks. So he just shrugs and relaxes backwards in his chair. A couple of minutes later, he feels her stir next to him and he looks at her as she works on the final details of the owl flower. He opens his mouth to tell her it has no eyes but she glares at him so he decides to just let it be. Let the two idiots figure out what they really want by themselves.


	5. Things You Ask For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter for ya all!
> 
> Because I forgot to tell, last chapter's title was [Leonora_Acker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leonora_Acker/pseuds/Leonora_Acker)'s idea so big thanks! *blows you kiss*

Jessica was never very fond of Shanghai; too crowded, too polluted for her liking. But as she sits at one of the sun lounges in her hotel, watching Sebastian and Fabrizio play ping pong across from her next to the swimming pool on Friday evening, she feels she's suffocating. The fact that Kimi is standing just next to them smirking and grimacing at her does nothing in terms of calming her nerves. She doesn't want to join them. Things between her and Fabrizio are still weird and Sebastian refuses to talk to her, except for the very necessary which only include halfhearted greetings and feedback on the car. She's very surprised he's still playing with Fabrizio, even if he's totally crushing the Italian. 

But she can't stand that silence either. So when Fabrizio jogs away to pick up the shot Sebastian has missed, she jumps at the chance, making herself comfortable opposite the German on the table.

“Hey, Riley, what you think you're doing?” he grunts as she takes the racket Fabrizio has left behind.

“So you've raised your veto” she narrows her eyes at him and Fabrizio looks between them confused as he hands her the small orange ball. He notices her shivering when their fingers briefly make contact. “What do you say, Vettel? Racing or ping pong?”

He raises his eyebrows. “With you? Ping pong. Only.”

Fabrizio skeptically sits down next to Kimi, who's beaming at them like the cat that got the cream. He questions if that's a good idea and wonders whether he should interfere before this can escalate into an argument between his team's lead driver and his race engineer and during a race weekend of all days. But then Jessica is serving hard and Sebastian fights back with an equally aggressive move. Only one way to find out, Fabrizio sighs and relaxes back in his lounge accepting the cocktail Kimi is offering him.

They mostly play in silence what appears to be a nail-biting point-by-point match that very quickly surpasses the victorious eleven points. There are certain things Sebastian wants to ask but he forces them aside because A)Jessica is hitting the ball with so much force he's afraid she'll take her anger out on him if he pops up the subject, and B)he's not sure it's such a good idea to ask about the kiss when Fabrizio is so close, anyway. Not to mention his competitive streak has fully emerged on the surface and he doesn't want anything to distract him from focusing on beating her. And it's not like Jessica is in talking mood, either way. In fact, it's only when Kimi passes by the bar for a second round -totally by chance, Sebastian assumes- dragging Fabrizio with him, that she speaks the first words in an hour or so to him.

“What's the deal with your teammate?” she snaps.

Sebastian knits his eyebrows together, concentrating on his serving. “My teammate?”

She nods. “The smirks, the grimaces, you know he's making theories about the two of us, right?” She thinks her shot was way too strong but it lands on Sebastian's side of the table without him touching it. “Slow reflexes” she comments, snickering at herself before noticing the neutral expression on his face as he hands her the ball for her to serve. “You honestly don't care Raikkonen is shipping us?”

Sebastian shrugs. “Why would I? Even if I fancied you, you're clearly not interested.”

She raises an eyebrow. “And you figured that how...?”

He squeezes the ball in his hand, creating a hollow pit in the plastic as he throws it back to her. “I saw you kiss your boyfriend after the race in Bahrain.”

Jessica flutters her eyelids. Is it meant to hurt if he presumes she's not available? “Fabrizio's not my boyfriend” she clarifies shrugging, and doesn't miss the startled look on his face. “Just a good friend.”

Sebastian's expression falls, as his brow transforms into a frown. “You don't kiss a friend on the mouth. I don't know how it works for you, but I, at least, don't kiss my pals.”

She glares at him after she's returned his shot. “I said he's a friend!”

Sebastian only shrugs and continues playing because he's 100% sure he doesn't want to know more. Fine, 90%.

“So, your teammate...” she insists hesitantly, avoiding meeting his gaze. “He's wrong about us, isn't he?”

Sebastian's heart skips a beat. He could easily give her the answer she's asking for but he's been lying so long to himself he wants to know how the truth sounds just for once.

“What if he's right and I do like you?” he stammers, his voice hardly above a whisper.

Jessica looks at him speechless, eyes wide open in shock. “What do you mean if you like me? You can't!” She serves as hard as she can, hoping her shot will leave him no space to react but it ends up hitting the net instead. Damn.

Sebastian seems confused as he knits his eyebrows together. “Why not?”

“Because I'm done with drivers and I'm done with dealing with other people's mess and I'm done with _you_!” she points a finger at him as she slams her racket on the table. “Game over!”

“But we're 22-23” Sebastian protests.

“Then call it a tie!” she retorts over her shoulder and starts walking away.

* * *

For a day where pole position seemed very much on the cards considering the pace during Free Practice, qualifying is a disaster. For some bizarre reason, Jessica decides they should go out on the wets when only a few drops are falling. Sebastian tries to make this foolish strategy work but he struggles for grip in a mostly dry track and while Lewis sets fastest sector after fastest sector, he winds up eighth when he finally switches to drys. He curses uncontrollably in his helmet as he parks his Ferrari in parc fermé and stomps away, without breathing a word to anyone. He doesn't feel like socializing right now. He just wants to be alone with Jessica so he can rub this to her face. She mumbles some childish excuse of not being concentrated and then listens to Maurizio ranting at her embarrassed, but there's no way Sebastian will let her get away with it so easily.

“That's your own failure” he tells her bluntly once the debrief is over and the room starts emptying out.

She sighs as she nervously fiddles with her pen between her fingers. “I know and I'm sorry. I can't concentrate today.”

He wonders whether that has anything to do with their conversation yesterday. “Can't concentrate because someone's crushing on you? What are you, five?”

Jessica feels her cheeks burning as she fights back: “It seemed like it was going to work. I said I'm sorry it didn't!”

“Well, it's not enough!” Sebastian's hand lands on the table in front of him and Jessica blinks at the loud sound. “If you're playing ping pong, maybe an apology fixes everything, but this is Formula One! You can't just mess up my strategy and then cry over spilled milk!”

“I'm doing my best” she defends herself.

“I hope so” he glares at her and stands up approaching the door. “Do your best tomorrow” he demands before exiting the room.

Jessica stays there alone, head resting between her palms as she tries to recollect herself. This can't happen again. She has to pull her head together before the race. Hamilton isn't winning anything because she lost her sleep thinking of Fabrizio's lips in Bahrain and Sebastian's confession yesterday.

* * *

The grid is buzzing excitedly when Jessica makes her way close to Sebastian's parked Ferrari where Fabrizio is setting the steering wheel.

“Hey, Fabi, can we talk?” she tries, nervously playing with her fingers.

The Italian barely lifts his gaze from his papers to look up at her. “I'm a little busy here so maybe this can wait till after the race?”

“No!” she panics because she can't afford a scenario similar to qualifying to happen again.

Fabrizio furrows his eyebrows at her outburst but when he looks at her, he can tell it's pretty serious. “Okay, speak.”

Jessica aahms and eehms, realizing far too late she should have prepared what she was supposed to say.

“I'm sorry about Bahrain” she finally manages, voice barely audible and gaze fixed on the tarmac under her feet.

“What for?” Fabrizio frowns. As far as he's concerned, she has nothing to feel guilty of.

Jessica sighs. She really didn't want to have this conversation on the start/finish line of the Shanghai International Circuit, teams going up and down to prepare their respective cars.

“I... You have enough to worry about already. Plus, we're not together anymore. My problems are none of your concern, that's all.”

“Jess...” Fabrizio sighs, taking her hands in his. “When we broke up, we agreed to stay friends. Now, I don't think I'll ever manage to keep that agreement because you know I'll never stop loving you, but I'd never let you down.”

“I know” she says lowering her eyes. “It's just... Lewis said exactly the same but never lived up to his word. Rather the opposite.”

Fabrizio gently lifts her chin up, forcing her to make eye contact with him. His gaze is a mix of pure concern and affection. “I'm not him.” He presses their foreheads together. “We're not leaving each other, deal?”

She smiles. “Deal.”

* * *

Starting from eighth, it was always going to be damage limitation. And as Sebastian sits behind the wheel of his road Ferrari at the track's parking lot waiting for his engineers, head resting on the glass, he knows he should be happy with fourth place. He had performed nice overtakes on Perez, Hulkenberg, Ricciardo and Bottas and didn't even need to defend too much for his position in the pit stops. But Lewis has won, Kimi was second and his point advantage over Lewis has decreased to just one point. One damn point. He should be reigning, because that's what he swore last year to do: Prove he deserves his championships. Lead all season, from Australia to Abu Dhabi. But as it stands, his title hangs on a thin thread, all because Jessica couldn't be a professionalist. And the worst part, is that he can't even be mad at her. He sighs, closing his eyes for a brief second as he relaxes backwards in his seat. He doesn't want to think. Thinking causes him a headache.

Looking out of the passenger window, he catches Jessica walking with Fabrizio and Stefano towards his car, joking and smiling. He suddenly feels anger boil inside of him and he quickly jumps out of the Ferrari before he can change his mind.

“Fabrizio, she's not getting in the car” he calls over the front door, pointing a finger at the Italian.

The three of them stop dead on their tracks and for a brief second Seb feels guilty for Jessica's defeated expression. Then again, she cost him a victory, so he assumes he doesn't owe her any favors either.

“You promised us a lift” Fabrizio furrows his eyebrows skeptically.

“I promised you and Stefano a lift” Sebastian corrects. “No one said anything about Riley the devil joining us.”

“I'll be a good girl” Jessica protests playing with the ruffles of her skirt. “I'll wear my seatbelt, I won't talk, I won't litter your seat...” she counts with her fingers smirking. “... I won't distract the driver.”

Sebastian snorts, ignoring the last part. “Fine” he grunts and she beams at him as she hops on the passenger seat.

“Nice car” Jessica remarks, caressing the car's leather interior. “Can I drive it some time?”

Sebastian glares at her while pulling on his seat belt. “No.”

The lift is slightly awkward. Jessica rests her arm against the glass and uses it to support her head while at the backseat Fabrizio and Stefano argue in Italian about the latest football match. But other than that, there's mostly silence. Peaceful, comforting, infuriating silence.

“You're seriously going with 60 kph?” Jessica raises an eyebrow, shooting a sideways glance at the speedometer.

Fabrizio and Stefano's animated talking stops suddenly and they turn to look between the two in the front confused.

Sebastian's grip on the steering wheel tightens as he replies,“I'm driving to my hotel in a packed Shanghai, you honestly want me to play Schumacher?”

Jessica tries to appear innocent as she flutters her eyelids. “And if I'm asking you to?”

Sebastian glances at her, eyes wide open, trying to distinguish whether she's serious or not and she only shrugs with a devilish smile on her face. Clearly she is. _Damn it, challenge accepted._ He shifts the gears and floors it.

There are excited screams from the backseat while Jessica next to him gasps as she's pushed backwards in her seat. But then she regains her composure and chuckles at him amused, as if she didn't believe he would actually do it. Sebastian smiles and shrugs like he read her thought.

There are horns honking all around them but Sebastian doesn't slow down even in traffic lights wherever he considers it safe, which earns him a couple of glares from Jessica. Still, when he parks his Ferrari in front of the hotel entrance, she grins at him unclipping her belt.

“Wow, that was interesting. Thank you” she leans towards him to place a kiss on his cheek.

Sebastian's heart picks up speed but before he can return the gesture she's saying her goodbyes to the boys and getting off the car. He watches her climb up the stairs and brings a hand to the spot where her lips touched his cheek. He's sure she's more than his race engineer he detests at this point but he doesn't know what exactly. There's a certain possibility in his head but it terrifies him. He can't be in lo...

“Hey, lover boy, you also promised us dinner” Stefano disturbs his thoughts, slapping his arm.

Sebastian sighs deeply and hands them his credit card, realizing he has to wait till Azerbaijan to see her again. He hopes Baku will treat him right this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, the last scene in Sebastian's Ferrari is inspired by Rush. Don't hate me, it's my favorite scene of the movie!


	6. Behind (Not So) Closed Doors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, an update! *lets out sigh of relief* Hope you enjoy this one because I have a busy week coming up so not sure if I'll manage to update. I'll do my best but no promises. :(

Kimi groans in frustration as Sebastian once more sets about describing Jessica's artistic achievements in what he's understood was a drawing competition for some international TV channel. It was supposed to be a relaxed break for coffee between team meetings and media obligations, but Sebastian wouldn't shut up about his race engineer. Not to mention Kimi has witnessed her drawing skills with his own eyes back in Bahrain, and they are a bit lower than rubbish. He very much doubts she can draw a straight line, let alone the stunning scenery Sebastian is gushing about. Which only proves what he's been suspecting for a while now: Sebastian is in love with his engineer. And a push towards the right direction wouldn't hurt, right?

“Pass me your phone” he demands, taking a strong sip of his espresso.

Sebastian furrows his eyebrows suspiciously. “Why?” he questions, but hands his phone to the Finn anyway.

Kimi only shrugs as he quickly types out a text. “You'll thank me later.”

Sebastian frowns but doesn't say anything, looking cautiously at his friend while sipping on his cup of coffee. His phone soon rings with a reply and Kimi beams while reading it. It's the moment Sebastian realizes that's not going to end well.

“What did you do?” he asks snatching his phone back, and reads what Kimi has written.

_To: Jessica_

_How about dinner tomorrow evening?_

His eyes widen in shock. “You didn't do it?!”

Kimi nods far too calmly and points with his eyes to the screen. “Read the next one.”

Sebastian takes a deep breath to prepare himself for whatever is going to happen and glances over at Jessica's reply:

_Sure. But it's your treat._

Sebastian goes over and over the text displayed on his phone screen. _Sure._ Jessica agreed to have dinner with him. This can't be happening. He looks back up terrified, only to find Kimi smirking at him.

“Your chance, huh?”

Sebastian begins to come back to his senses and glares at him. “You're paying the bill.”

* * *

“Black or blue?” Sebastian appears out of his closet, holding a suit in each hand.

Kimi scratches at his chin. “Black” he decides from where he's lying supinely on Seb's bed pointing with his finger and Sebastian throws the other suit back in the closet. “It's classic. Romantic, according to women.”

Sebastian only snorts before disappearing in the bathroom to get ready. As he puts some gel in his hair to try and make them look somewhat presentable, he notices how ridiculously much his hands are shaking. He can't help but feel angry at himself for being such a nervous mess. It's not like he hasn't been on a date before; actually he's been multiple times. Being rich and famous, a lot of women wanted to go out with him, even if it was only for one night. But Jessica... He knows she's different. It's not only she's the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, she's also the first he's met to have a personality of her own. Most girls would happily plaster a smile, say all the right things and laugh at his jokes, practically pleading for his attention. Jessica, though, never asks for anything and if she isn't happy at him, she'll let him know. Likewise, whenever he does a good job she always gives him the thumbs up, even when she doesn't realize it. He closes his eyes and smiles fondly at her memory: luscious long curls, piercing blue eyes and that mesmerizing smile...

“Are you ready yet?” There's a knock from the other side of the door accompanied by Kimi's impatient voice.

Sebastian huffs for being shaken out of his daydream and begins to tie his tie as he calls back, “Just give me a sec!”

As he stands there examining his reflection in the mirror, it hits him: _You broke your rules._ He pauses tilting his head to the side like a confused puppy. It's true he had promised to himself he'll never end up with Hamilton's last girlfriend but just because he's going _on a date_ with her doesn't mean he's _with_ her, right? And, besides, people always say you can't choose which person you love, right?

_You're fooling yourself._

“Seb, I gave you thirty freaking minutes, now just get out!” Kimi disturbs his thoughts and Sebastian only sighs and steps out. “Ah, perfect!” Kimi grins at him, teeth and all, but his face sulks when he takes in his teammate's expression. “What kind of a face is this? You're about to go on a date with the love of your life, shine up!”

Sebastian scoffs while picking up his phone from the bedside table. “She's not the love of my life.”

Kimi raises a questioning eyebrow. “What the hell happened in the bathroom? Did the steam affect your nerves?” Sebastian glares at him as the Finn practically drags him to the door. “If anything, you can get confidential Mercedes data. Trust me, nothing can go wrong. You love her, she loves you, it's going to be fine.”

Sebastian doesn't seem any more convinced. “You're still paying for it.”

Kimi smirks at him while pressing the elevator button. “So, do you really love her?”

_Yes._

Sebastian only shrugs. “We'll see.”

* * *

Sebastian checks his watch for the millionth time and sighs. She's late. It's almost as if she doesn't want to come and just wants to keep him waiting. He should just leave, he thinks to himself. But for some odd reason he can't explain, he's glued to the spot because his legs refuse to carry him away. So he just leans back in his chair, stretches his legs under the table and nervously fiddles with the tablecloth. And then Jessica walks in.

Sebastian's jaw almost hits the ground as he watches her approach the table he's reserved for them in the hotel restaurant. She's gorgeous. It's only a tight baise dress and black high heels but still... Gorgeous. Sebastian instinctively makes the comparison in his head. She's nothing like the other girls he's dated. She's smart and charming and...

“Hey” Jessica smiles and only then does Sebastian realize she's right next to him.

He clears his throat and stands up giving her an one armed hug. “I wasn't sure you were going to show up” he says and moves to help her with her chair like the perfect gentleman he is, but she's already making herself comfortable opposite him.

“Sorry about the delay” she apologizes. “Had a problem with my zip.”

Sebastian blushes thinking how he'd love to help with that problem but lets it pass other than that, quietly sipping on his wine.

“So...” Jessica starts, with a cheeky grin, tapping her nails against the table. “You wanted to have dinner. Are you sure my natural assets aren't going to distract you before the race tomorrow?”

Sebastian's blush intensifies and he curses under his breath as he chokes on his wine and Jessica laughs. “Seriously, though...” she says looking at him. “When I walked in Ferrari's headquarters back in January, I never thought I'd be here having dinner with you.”

Sebastian lowers his eyelids, feeling very sheepish right now. “I know, neither did I” he admits in a quiet tone of voice.

A waiter approaches them to take their order, providing a much-needed distraction. And of course, Sebastian instructs him to charge it on Raikkonen, because he isn't paying for six courses and some fancy wine. And of course, Jessica gives him a questioning stare but he chooses to ignore it, pretending to be trying to pick a salad.

Once they're alone again, Sebastian looks back up to find her smiling softly at him. “Congrats for pole” she says. “It was a great lap.”

He scratches at the back of his neck. “Pretty neat, wasn't it?”

She nods. “I also think you've improved your braking point a tiny bit.”

Sebastian's face brightens. “Have I?”

“Ah huh. But don't let it get to your head” she warns, pointing a strict finger at him. “I won't go easy on you before the title is ours.”

He smiles. “I'd love that.”

_That's why I love you._

“So...” he immediately redirects. “How's Ferrari working with you so far?”

She shrugs. “Pretty well. I like the guys, I like my job, all good.”

Sebastian nods. “Do you miss Mercedes?”

She sighs and absentmindedly draws patterns with the steam on her glass. “Sometimes” she admits. “But it was time for a change anyway and the whole thing with Lewis just sped everything up.”

Sebastian runs a hand through his curls, debating whether he should wear his heart on his sleeve for her. “When I left Red Bull, I kinda felt the same” he starts and she instantly seems interested. “We had a disastrous campaign that season and I felt like I was losing the team's support. Then, the deal with Ferrari came and obviously the victories returned.” There's a brief pause and Jessica raises her eyebrows in anticipation. “At first, I thought it was going to be just another team. Now it feels more like family, like that's where I belonged all along. It was my childhood dream to race the red car one day, yes, but all these people working so hard for the same cause despite the obstacles... I don't know, it feels more like home to me now.”

Jessica doesn't reply straight away, too lost in her own thoughts. Then, tears fill her eyes and her bottom lip starts wobbling. “Home...” she scoffs. “Mercedes was my home, too. Not anymore. Formula One is business, Seb. No one gives you anything because they love you. You're family and home as long as you win and play with their rules. The moment you start losing races or break their limits, you're out.”

Sebastian's heart aches at the pain in her voice. He wishes he could take her in his arms and kiss her tears away. But he can't, so he just reaches out a hand to cup her palm on the table. She flinches but doesn't snatch it away, progressively relaxing under his touch. “Hey, let it go” he advises, voice soft and comforting. “You're not Mercedes anymore. You're Ferrari. I don't know all the details but Lewis and his team have hurt you badly enough already and they don't deserve your tears. They belong to the past, either way.”

She knits her eyebrows together, studying his face. “How much of it have you heard?”

Sebastian blushes as he shrugs, “Only what was written in the press.” In fact, he's spent the weeks before pre-season testing reading every existing article about his engineer but still he wasn't able to find anything worth of mentioning.

“That was all rumors” she clutches her wine glass hard glaring at it. “That was some stupid story Toto's PR guys came up with to entertain the fans. The press never published a word about what's it like to have to defend yourself in front of the whole board of a team for something you were only half responsible for. Or what's it like your team to thank you for their last title that's half yours by firing you and letting you know during post season testing.”

Sebastian wants to ask what really happened but their dinner was supposed to be romantic, fun at least. Lewis Hamilton belongs nowhere here.

“It's going to be alright” he promises, rubbing circles in her hand with his thumb. She only shrugs and takes a large swig of her wine. “So, you told me about Riley the engineer” Sebastian changes the subject, wearing his genuine signature grin. “What about Jessica the girl?”

She manages a small smile and Sebastian gives himself a mental high five. “Not much to tell, really” she chuckles but he's looking at her expectantly, so she sighs and continues: “I grew up in Liverpool, my family was always interested in motorsports and I had a friend that was racing...”

“Right, you mentioned that in Australia” Sebastian remembers. “By the way, do I know him? Have I raced against him at some point?”

She swallows thickly. “No. He raced in Formula BMW a year or so after you left the series. But he doesn't race anymore.” There's no way of telling this out loud without feeling her chest burn.

Luckily for her, Sebastian doesn't seem to pick up on her sudden melancholy. “Go on” he prompts with an encouraging wave of his hand. “Tell me more.”

And she does. She tells him almost everything about her. How she used to travel to Silverstone to watch the British Grand Prix every so often as a kid. How she dreamt of following her father's footsteps in the technology industry. How she discovered her passion for cars and how she almost ruined a go-kart by putting too much understeer on it. Sebastian listens to her carefully, occasionally letting out small giggles or hums. With every word she speaks, Jessica gains confidence in her voice and the dinner turns out to be much more enjoyable than she thought it would be. But somewhere between the first and the main course, she notices how at ease she feels near Seb. How natural the flow of the conversation is with him, even when it revolves around things she's buried deep inside her long ago. And it scares her. The last time she felt like this it ended with her collapsing on her bedroom's floor in tears after an endless flight from Abu Dhabi to Liverpool. She promised to herself she won't do the same mistake but right now she's very close to breaking her own promise. She can't go through the same torture. She finishes her meal and lets her fork fall on the plate with a rattling sound as she sighs heavily.

Sebastian sends her a confused glance as she stirs nervously in her chair. “Are you okay?”

She nods. “Yes. No!” Sebastian furrows his brow. “Look, it was a mistake to dine with you, so I should probably leave and let you finish your dinner in peace.”

Sebastian grabs her wrist before she can stand up. “Don't go” he pleads. “I should've said that sooner but there's a reason why I invited you for dinner in the first place...”

“Please, don't continue” she begs, rubbing her temples with one hand. She has a terrible headache suddenly.

“...Because I don't want you to be just my engineer. I want you to be more.”

“I told you before you can't!” she yells, attracting some other clients' curious stares. “This isn't going to work and if someone gets hurt, that's going to be me. So we keep our relationship strictly professional. I don't fancy you and you don't fancy me.”

Sebastian presses his lips together, anger boiling inside of him as he relaxes back in his chair, avoiding to meet her eyes. “Who gets to decide that?” he snaps quietly, fidget evident in his voice.

“I do” she clarifies and picks up her purse. “I'm leaving.”

Sebastian doesn't fight her this time. He can't believe she just rejected him because of Lewis freaking Hamilton. He's beating him this season, he decides. His daydreaming is interrupted as two cups of dessert land in front of him and Jessica's now empty seat. Well, at least he has plenty of chocolate to console himself with.

* * *

Kimi senses the weird atmosphere the moment he steps on the other side of the garage. Sebastian barely lifts his eyes from his race strategy on his clipboard to look at him, apparently too busy trying to glare his race engineer to death. Something's off about them. Kimi shrugs and takes a seat next to his teammate.

“So...” he sighs innocently, gulping down a large swig of water. Sebastian glares at him, but Kimi ignores what was meant as a warning. “How did your romantic dinner go?”

Sebastian huffs. “She left in the middle of the night!”

Kimi's pupils widen. “She ditched you? How the hell did that happen?”

“Why don't _you_ tell _me_?” Sebastian groans. “I've been wondering the same thing all night but I can't come up with a reasonable explanation.”

Kimi stays silent for a while, then furrows his brow suspiciously. “Tell me you didn't say you like her?”

Sebastian stiffens at the question. Kimi's ability to read him like an open book can be annoying at times. “I might have?” he hesitates.

Kimi snorts and rubs a hand over his face, looking pretty much disappointed. “You know nothing about women, Seb. I really need to teach you.”

* * *

“We're going out for the installation lap soon” Fabrizio informs Jessica as he passes in front of her in the pit wall where she's sitting on her stool shooting daggers towards Sebastian's garage. Her only response is an absentminded hum. Fabrizio stops on his tracks and looks at her confused. “Hey, do you hear me?” he snaps his fingers in front of her face.

“Yes, of course, sorry.” She looks roughly shaken out of her daze. “I was concentrating.”

Fabrizio raises an eyebrow. “On what? Burning Seb's back with your gaze?”

She glares at him. “I have my reasons.”

“And what would those be?” Fabrizio supports his elbow on the pit wall next to her.

Jessica sighs. She has to let someone in, otherwise her head will explode. “He said he likes me. As a woman” she clarifies.

Fabrizio turns to look at her properly. “That's great!” he exclaims and she shoots him a side-ways glance. “Sebastian is good for you and he can help you get over Lewis.”

She shudders at the mention of the Mercedes driver. “That's not the point!” she whines. “I can't do this again!”

“What, falling for a driver?” he guesses and she only shrugs. “Jess, Seb's not Lewis” he assures gently, taking her hands in his. “He'd never break your heart like Lewis did.”

She silently studies his face for a moment, as if she can find the answer to her problem there, and then she sighs deeply. “Fabrizio, I've worked in Formula One for five years now. You know what I've learnt in my time as an engineer?” He cocks his head to the side and she squeezes his hand. “Setting up the car is like putting a puzzle together. Easy if you follow the instructions. Life is like trying to get out of a maze. Impossible.”

“Jess...” Fabrizio sighs, softly tucking a tuft of her brown curls behind her ear. “You have to let go of the past and live your future. Even if he breaks your heart it's not the end of the world. You got over Brian, you got over me, you're getting over Lewis, you can get over Seb, too, if need be.”

Jessica gives him a pained smile as she cups his face between her palms, blue orbs gazing back at him, soft and sad. “You don't understand, Fabrizio.” She states it as if it's the most obvious thing in the world and he closes his eyes to the calming effect her touch instantly has on him. “My life keeps going round and round in circles.” She rotates her index finger around itself to emphasize her point. “Happiness, heartbreak, happiness, heartbreak. If I fall now, I'll never get back up. If I lose my balance, no one will lift me up. I'm on my own, Fabrizio, we both are.”

He sighs and kisses her forehead, hoping he helps to close some wounds. He chooses to ignore the fact that for a long time he contributed to those.

* * *

From the very start of the race, it's clear Sebastian is not in the mood for following team instructions. She asks him to try to catch Lewis in the straight when he loses the place to the Briton at the start, he allows Kimi through, falling further back in third. She calls him to pit, he argues staying out would earn him a position. And while it works and he passes Kimi without even trying, Jessica is on the verge of a panic attack when he begins to close the gap to Lewis.

“Don't try a move” she warns, hopping off her stool to clutch the pit wall with both hands. “We're pitting this lap, we'll jump him in the pit stops.”

Sebastian, though, decides taking Lewis's slipstream is a good idea. “If the gap is there and I don't go for it...” he begins to explain but she cuts him off.

“He's in the lead, Sebastian! He won't give that up so easily. Box this lap so we come out in front.”

Sebastian shakes his head in his helmet as he aggressively turns off his radio. He won't listen to her. He knows better. At the end of the straight, he's diving down Lewis's inside and he's back in the lead, that's it. But when Lewis closes the door and he refuses to back away, contact is inevitable. A hard bump is the only warning he gets before coming at a sudden halt on top of the kerb. He catches glimpses of navy blue going past him so he assumes Ricciardo just inherited the lead.

“Damn it!” Jessica curses at the pit wall, looking like she'll smash the screen in front of her. “Damn _you_!”

Sebastian frantically returns on the track, just in time not to lose second place to his teammate as well, realizing he's picked a puncture. He shoots a quick glance at his mirrors where Lewis is limping to the pits with a broken front wing. “Silly what he did there” he complains on the team radio.

Jessica barely restricts herself from punching her clipboard. “ _You_ are silly!” she hisses. “I told you we're pitting, no reason to take the risk. But, no, let's just throw away the lead, probably second place as well!” Fabrizio puts a reminding hand on her shoulder because he knows how out of control she can get when angry and he'd rather that stayed behind closed doors. She gets the meaning behind the gesture. “Box” she demands. “Now!”

Sebastian doesn't fight back and brings his Ferrari in the pits for a new set of supersofts, hoping he'll join the track ahead of Lewis. He doesn't, and he now has three cars to pass. But he still wins, only because Lewis has sustained damage and doesn't resist the second time, Kimi's tyres are degrading and Daniel's engine blows up ten laps before the end. 

It's not celebrated like his other victories; he goes for a plain “Grazzie” during the cool-down lap and only shakes hands with Maurizio. He should be over the moon because Lewis only managed P5 and that means the difference between them is now more than the equivalent of a third place, but he's not. There's an empty pit in his stomach and his brain refuses to focus on anything else other than the silence on the team radio after his pit stop. 

He pushes it back. He just doesn't feel like celebrating. He's not concerned about Jessica's eyes on him as he animatedly talks to Kimi about his battles. The Finn smiles and listens to him patiently, but in the end he just repeats his congratulations and walks away. Sebastian sighs in frustration and looks around him for another distraction, but Max is still discussing with his engineer in the guardrails so the only persons in the cool-down room are him and Jessica. He snorts and turns to face her. She's angrily tapping her foot on the floor and glaring at him with her arms crossed in her chest.

He runs a hand through his blond hair.“Fun race, wasn't it?”

She raises an eyebrow as the words leave his mouth. “Fun?” she reiterates. “You colliding with Lewis was fun?”

Sebastian shrugs. “That's racing, Riley. What are you gonna do?”

Jessica huffs at the sarcasm in his voice and darts to his side. “No, racing is when you accidentally lock one of your wheels, not when you destroy someone's front wing by crashing into them because you're too stubborn to listen to someone else! You could have received a penalty, Sebastian, and force Lewis to retire.”

He licks his lips in frustration. “Just because he's your ex-boyfriend, doesn't mean he gets special treatment!”

Jessica feels blood rush to her face, but she only scoffs and walks over to sit next to a very confused Max on the couch. “You drive like a rookie” she snaps.

Sebastian cuts her off with a wave of his hand. “Hold on there, I'm a quadruple world champion.”

“Damn your championships if you can't drive!”

The room goes dead-silent at her angry shout and even Kimi who's being weighed turns to look at her from the scales. Sebastian's eyes blow wide and he opens his mouth to give her a proper reply, but quickly closes it again when he finds no words. Thankfully, they're soon called for the podium ceremony and Jessica walks past him to collect the constructor's trophy without breathing a word.

She doesn't join him in celebrations and champagne spraying. The one time Sebastian actually attempts to turn his bottle towards her direction, she glares at him so hard he instantly regrets even thinking about it. So, he just shrugs and sprays Kimi instead.

Jessica climbs down from the podium the moment the memorial photo is done with, and gasps for air. She's tired of Sebastian Vettel and his caprices.

* * *

Post-race debrief is unpleasant, to say the least. Maurizio is walking up and down the room silently, like a bomb ready to explode at any minute. No one dares talk. Some like Domenico and Fabrizio whisper at each other, making assumptions about what has upset the Italian so much. Jessica doesn't need to guess; she's certain the media has enjoyed the race engineer versus driver live argument. She twists her pen between her fingers and narrows her eyes at Sebastian across from her. He simply flashes her a small smile that couldn't get any more sarcastic if he tried. It infuriates her even more and she kicks him under the table. She hopes it hurt. But Sebastian only looks amused at her outburst as he chuckles behind the palm of his hand. She wants to kill him right now.

“Are you two nuts?” Maurizio finally breaks his silence and they force themselves to look at him. “That was ridiculous, fighting live on the TV like a bunch of children!”

“Tell that to your engineer” Sebastian snaps, glaring at her.

“I'm telling you both” Maurizio clarifies, but his voice is covered by Jessica's one as she points a finger at her driver.

“I did my job, okay? _You_ defied my instructions!”

“Because they weren't going to work!” Sebastian defends himself. “You wanted to let the idiot Hamilton win because apparently you can't get over the fact that he broke up with you.”

“I wanted you to secure the victory” she argues. “What if Kimi had no problems with his tyres, huh? Or if Daniel's engine hadn't failed? We're not standing here as winners. And the fault is yours!”

Sebastian blinks at the accusation. “For the record, I just stated a fact. _You_ started the fight!”

She huffs. “What are you, five? Work your issues out first and then you can pretend you've become a genius in engineering!”

“I have no damn issues!” Sebastian protests, slamming his fist in the table before him.

“Enough!” Maurizio demands, and they both shut up. “I'm running a team in Formula One, understood? I can't have you fighting over ten cursed points like babies in the playground. If that happens again, one or both of you change sides of the garage.”

“Great, that's going to be a blessing” Sebastian hisses, standing up and Jessica sticks her tongue out at him.

He really wishes Kimi would ask him his question from the previous night now because after today's race he's more than sure he's made up his mind. He plays the scene over and over in his head as he falls asleep that night.

_“So, do you really love her?”_

_“No.”_


	7. The Student Is Only As Good As His Teacher

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back! I have the part you were all waiting for. Big thanks to [Leonora_Acker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leonora_Acker/pseuds/Leonora_Acker) for helping me with this chapter! ❤ 
> 
> I'll try to update on Saturday on race weekends because I don't want anyone (including myself) to get distracted from the race but again I'm not sure when the next update will be. He he, life's busy!
> 
> I'm so excited about the new year! I truly hope this is Ferrari's year and we bring the trophy home.  
> #ForzaFerrari #ForzaSeb

“Ouch.”

Sebastian slumps his shoulders and sucks in his breath. God, couldn't they survive five minutes without any drama? First, Baku and now this, the track walk for the Spanish Grand Prix. Jessica isn't even talking to him apart from explaining the circuit, so why on earth is he supposed to care for her squeals?

He turns around slowly to see Fabrizio supporting her with one arm. “What now?”

Jessica innocently points at her platform wedges. “They're not exactly recommended for long-distance walking.”

Sebastian raises his eyebrows. She must be joking. “Then why the hell did you put them on in the first place?”

“I thought you liked them on me!” she pouts, looking very offended.

It's true. Sebastian himself had complimented the red velvet when he first noticed her wearing them in the garage earlier this morning, despite him blanking her, commenting how it made her legs look longer. She had blushed at the time but now he's the one to have his cheeks turn a bright pink at the memory.

He smirks. “Maybe I had imagined them in a different outfit.”

Jessica glares at him. “The point is I can't walk anymore.”

Sebastian brings a hand up to pick at an eyebrow, considering her options. “You can crawl or trade them for Fabrizio's shoes or I could give you a piggyback ride.”

Her eyes brighten at the last part. “That's not such a bad idea.” She scratches at her chin, pondering the pros and cons of it.

Sebastian's face falls. “Riley, I'm not doing such a thing!” She tries puppy eyes but he glares at her, so she just sighs and starts bargaining Fabrizio's comfortable sneakers.

Kimi next to him snorts disappointed and uses a palm to shadow his eyes. “You really are clueless. I'm starting teaching you now” he decides, yanking his friend's arm and before Sebastian can object, he continues in a low tone of voice: “Women like being taken care of. They like gifts on anniversaries and roses on dates and you always being there for them. You gotta help her” he raises his eyebrows meaningfully.

Sebastian rolls his eyes accepting defeat and turns back to Jessica, who's obviously not succeeding in negotiating Fabrizio's shoes, because she's now glaring at him with her arms crossed. “Come on, I'm giving you a piggyback ride.”

She beams at him and does a small party dance around herself, only to wince at the pain.

“If Antti asks how I injured my back, I'm blaming _you_ ” Sebastian tells Kimi as he watches her sitting down on the kerb to take her very uncomfortable shoes off. “Hop on” he instructs, kneeling down next to her. She does, locking a leg on each side of his waist, and squeaks as he stands up, trying to find a more comfortable position. “I'll let you fall down if you don't stop moving” Sebastian warns, chuckling as she hands him her platforms. She finally adjusts her posture and nuzzles satisfied in his blond fluffy hair. “Turn 8” he reminds her.

She lifts her eyes to the circuit. “So turn 8, second part of the chicane, please don't run wide at the apex and, for heaven's sake, don't damage your suspension” she points with her finger over his shoulder.

Sebastian smiles, practically not listening to her, only observing her. He realizes then and there, as she constantly moves out of the way the tufts of hair the wind brings in front of her face while she talks, that he's in love with his race engineer. If only he got a chance to tell her...

* * *

“Truth or dare?” Jessica hisses, raising an accusatory eyebrow as she sits on the floor of Fabrizio's hotel room. “You dragged me here to play truth or dare?

Fabrizio shrugs and sits next to her, ignoring her glares. “Come on, Jess. I thought it would be fun.”

She rolls her eyes at him, as Stefano stands up to open the door for Kimi and Sebastian to walk in. “Fun” she reiterates. “I'm already laughing to tears.”

“If you stopped complaining, you could actually enjoy yourself” Fabrizio sighs and hands her a can of beer.

She gladly accepts it, taking a large mouthful, and lets a deep breath out when Sebastian approaches to take a seat right across from her, between Kimi and Stefano. His expression remains neutral as he squats down trying to make himself comfortable in the limited space and stretches his arm to grab a non-alcoholic, mind you, beer. Her nostrils flare when his team shirt lifts up, leaving a fair amount of pale flesh exposed, but he glares at her the moment he realizes where her eyes have drifted. So, she just clears her throat and shifts her attention back to the huddle on the floor.

Kimi furrows his brow looking between Seb and Jessica, currently giving each other the cold shoulder. He pokes his friend's side. “Tell me you brought some chocolate for her?” he whispers behind the palm of his hand.

Sebastian shrugs indifferently, twisting his can's tap. “Why would I? She's not my girlfriend.”

Kimi rubs at his forehead, sighing. “You're never going to win her like this, Seb. Now listen to me, 'cause I'm going to give you my invaluable advice you're going to be grateful for and I'll tell you only once, so you'd better take notes.”

And Sebastian does. He does listen to Kimi's advice with his undivided attention while waiting for the others to take their seats. Irony is he's done most of it. He's commented her beauty, he's complimented her work, he's been by her side when she needed him... He knows how to be a charmer. But as he studies Jessica's face while she tries to teach Fabrizio basic German across from him, he doubts Kimi's tips can be of any use on her. She's _different_ and, cliché or not, he'll keep repeating it because it's the truth and because there's not a single word that can describe her.

Suddenly, someone kicks his knee hard. So much so tears fill his eyes. No way...

“Stop looking at her like a love struck school boy!” Kimi scolds as quietly as he can without attracting much attention. “You'll only scare her away.”

Sebastian glares at him, sitting an inch closer to Stefano, and smiles at Jessica giggling with Fabrizio's twisted tongue.

“Idiot. Just tell her you're in love with her” Kimi mutters louder than he expected to.

Jessica turns to look at them, a deep frown of surprise in her forehead because she's the only female in the room and as far as she knows Sebastian isn't seeing anyone. But Kimi couldn't be talking about her, right? Her and Sebastian despise each other. Baku only proves her claim. And no matter the fancy titles in literally every existing sports magazine about their Azerbaijan “love fight”, it's never happening. Then again, she happily let him carry her yesterday morning, so everything's possible right now. And the fact that she comes face to face with a very flustered Sebastian blinking back at her, just confirms what she's suspected some time ago: Sebastian Vettel is in love with her. She doesn't want to deal with it right now, not when she's spent last week debating whether it's supposed to hurt if he doesn't answer her texts or calls. So, she tries to scoot away, but Kimi grabs her wrist with a meaningful look before she can move and she just sighs, throwing the towel. At least, Fabrizio is still sitting next to her.

Across from them, Domenico takes the last sip of his beer and frantically claps his hands in the air, as he places his now empty can on the floor in the middle of the circle they've formed. “Going first” he decides, spinning the can. It lands on Kimi opposite to him, which is not strange at all given that Domenico's shot was only strong enough for it to spin 180 degrees. “Truth or dare, Kimi?”

The Finn smirks. “Dare's always more fun.” He points a finger at Sebastian. “Applies in relationships too.”

The German glares at him, willing him to stay silent for the rest of the evening, which of course Kimi doesn't plan to, and Jessica knits her eyebrows, apparently uncomfortable with the whole exchange.

“I dare you to... Gulp down a can of beer in one go” Domenico finally decides.

Kimi scoffs. “Easy one.” He grabs a can of beer and empties it out in barely two minutes. “I told you it was easy” he comments triumphantly, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before going back to playing. The can points at Stefano and Kimi sulks, because he was hoping he could turn the evening a touch more interesting by questioning either Jessica or Sebastian. “Truth or dare?” he grumpily asks.

The Italian considers his options. “Dare?” he suggests at the end.

Kimi chuckles at him. “I'll go easy on you because you're cute.” Stefano blushes, because he's more than certain that wasn't meant as a compliment. “Do a cartwheel.”

Stefano relaxes and stands up, but then eyes the floor cautiously. He adjusts his position a couple of times, unsure what to do with his hands and legs.

“Bend your right leg slightly and keep your left leg straight” Jessica offers and as her colleague does as he's told, Sebastian glares at her because she's not supposed to help him. “Raise your arms above your head. Bend over and shift your weight onto the right leg. Good, now place your right hand, on the floor and raise your left leg. Then, kick your other leg in the air, balance your weight on your arms, and straddle your legs in a v-shape.”

Stefano genuinely tries but winds up sprawled on his back on the floor.

“Ah-ah” Kimi chants, shooting a meaningful glance at Sebastian on his right. “Always know your limits, Seb. Don't overestimate yourself.”

Sebastian snorts and taps his nails against the cold floor. He hates this game right now and can't wait for it to be over.

Stefano's spin lands on Jessica who looks at him warningly. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth” she winks. “Already had enough courageous little boys in here tonight.”

Stefano scratches at the nape of his neck, trying to come up with something embarrassing or at least witty when Domenico leans towards him and whispers something in his ear. They both start giggling like toddlers and that's the only thing she needs to guess what he plans to ask. She glares at the pair in advance.

“Is Lewis as good in bed as he's on track?” Stefano smirks and Domenico chuckles loudly.

Although Jessica was expecting such a question, she can't help but feel her cheeks burn. Shooting a sideways look at Sebastian across from her, she notices his balled fists on either side of his, so hard his knuckles are turning white, and she suddenly has a fabulous idea. Of course, she can't avoid answering because that's against the rules of the game but if she's to make a fool of herself, she might as well earn something in return.

She bashfully flutters her eyelids. “He's a good kisser, if that's what you want to know” she admits in mock innocence and the giggle from Stefano and Domenico intensifies. “In bed, he's even better. I won't tell you any more, though. Work your way in and find out.”

Sebastian snorts and licks his lips in frustration. The way she talks about Hamilton, as if he's the perfect boyfriend, he doesn't know why but it drives him crazy. _He_ wants to be the one that kisses her and makes her feel good and possesses her. His palms are hurting because of how hard he presses his nails in them but watching her joke about Lewis seeming so care free, does things to him. Things he doesn't know how to handle.

A hand lands on his shoulder. Kimi. “Purposeful” he warns, looking at him hard.

He shoves him off. “How good?”

They all look at him startled and Kimi sighs. Jessica blinks, a small smile playing on her lips. Her plan was more than successful, after all. “What?”

“How good is he?” Sebastian repeats slowly. “On a scale of one to ten?”

Jessica shrugs, her grin widening. “An eight, at least.” She notices how his muscles tense up as he presses his lips together tightly. “Why are you asking?”

He shrugs one shoulder indifferently. “If my crew gets to know details about your love life, why not me as well? Just a thought.”

“Sure” she nods. “Well, you got your answer. I hope you're satisfied now.”

Sebastian glares at her. “Just continue playing, Riley.”

She shrugs and spins the can. And of course it has to land on the one person in the room she detests and loves at the same time: Sebastian Vettel.

“Bad karma, Riley” he tells her, as if he read her thoughts. And before she can question he goes for, “Dare.”

“Decided to take up on Kimi's advice, huh?” she mocks but he doesn't even breathe as a response. It's not like she expected one, anyway. She crosses her fingers, as she tries to come up with a decent challenge. And then it dawns on her. She snickers at herself as she reveals, “Stay in your boxers for the next round.”

Sebastian blushes as the rest of the huddle starts chuckling. He can't do that, not in front of his engineers anyway. But refusing would make him look weak. He glares at her while standing up to take off his jeans. “Just so you know, I hate you Riley.” He discards his shirt and trousers to a chair and moves to sit across from her again.

She raises an eyebrow at his navy blue boxers with the Red Bull insignia embroidered on the front. “Seriously, Seb?”

He grins, looking down at it. “What? It was Christian's goodbye gift. It's only fair to use it.”

Ignoring the fact that he's only in his underwear in front of a group of five freaking people, Sebastian grabs the can and calculates his spin so that it lands on Fabrizio. He wasn't very good at geometry in school but it works and he grins widely as he watches the Italian's face turn into a heavy frown for being picked.

“Truth or dare, Ricci?” he asks mischievously. “Careful what you decide.”

Fabrizio aahms, balancing each option. “Truth, I guess?” he hesitates.

Sebastian doesn't have to think. He really wants to pay back both him and Jessica for Bahrain. Especially Jessica, who's currently closely inspecting his abs. “Are you and Riley a couple?”

Fabrizio's eyes open wide and Jessica chokes on her own saliva. She should have known better. _Everything comes at a price, Jessica._ “No” she immediately clarifies on his behalf.

Sebastian looks at her amused. “A little annoyed, Riley? Why would that be?”

“Nothing's going on” Fabrizio interferes before she can give him the reply he deserves. “We're just friends.”

Sebastian raises an eyebrow, carding his fingers through his beard. “This punch line is getting old, don't you think? There must be something. I mean, the stares, the smiles, the jokes, Bahrain...”

They both stiffen at the last part, causing everyone's attention to fall on them.

“Hold on, Seb gets to know and I don't?” Domenico demands. “What happened in Bahrain?”

“I'm not reporting to any of you!” Jessica snaps before narrowing her eyes at Sebastian. “I said we're not a couple, understood?”

Sebastian shrugs, pretending to believe her. “Fine, Riley. We'll do it your way.”

It's only many rounds later when Sebastian's clothes have returned and most of the alcohol has been consumed, that Kimi finally picks Jessica. He instantly beams, looking far more interested in the game than the whole evening before. “Truth or dare?”

She's sipping on her second beer, babbling excitedly about qualifying tomorrow to Stefano but she still has enough clarity to realize it's not going to make a difference whichever she picks because it's going to have something to do with Seb, judging from the look on Kimi's face. She decides she may as well do it in style as she determinedly replies, “Dare.”

Kimi barely holds himself from clapping his hands. “I dare you... To make out with Seb in front of Lewis.”

Okay, she _definitely_ didn't see that coming. Eyes wide open in shock, she turns to face Sebastian. He looks as shocked as she does and he's very happy the room is mostly dark because his cheeks must be redder than his car. But he only raises his eyebrows at her, as if challenging her to agree. She sighs and turns back to Kimi. “Fine” she grunts, glaring at the Finn. “Tomorrow morning before FP3.”

* * *

Sebastian walks around the paddock, wiping his palms on his racing suit, and curses under his breath because they keep sweating. He's going to have a serious word with Kimi later. How could he do this to him? His first kiss with Jessica had to be special. Given maybe as a congratulations gift for a hard on-track battle. Or in a try to comfort him for a DNF. But instead it's going to be a way to make fun of Lewis, how poetic.

He sighs as he spots her in front of the Ferrari motor home, sitting on the grass with her back pressed against the wall. He suppresses a fond smile as she blows bubbles with the gum she's chewing. She's also trying to burn with her gaze Kimi and her three immature colleagues who are supposed to keep an eye for when Lewis appears in sight, and right now he hopes that was possible because all the humiliation he's going to go through in a matter of time is totally on them.

He clears his throat, approaching her side. “Head okay?”

She rolls her eyes at him and makes a big bubble, instantly breaking it with her tongue. “Why wouldn't it?” she questions, looking all but impressed.

Sebastian shrugs, slipping his arms out of his suit's sleeves. “Thought you might have a headache or something after all that alcohol you downed last night.”

Jessica stands up and discards her gum in the nearest bin. “I only had three beers and one contained zero alcohol. Also coffee in breakfast helped.” She turns around and looks at him cautiously. “Are we seriously doing this?”

Sebastian nods, smirking. “Unless you want to refuse...”

“Never” she stops him determinedly but there's a flicker of fear and hesitation in her eyes.

Sebastian notices and lets his expression soften as he moves to lean his elbow on the wall across from her, arms folded over his chest. “Relax, Riley. It's just a kiss, no feelings, no strings attached. Our strictly professional relationship is not going to be affected.” She hardly seems any more convinced, nervously chewing on her inner lip. He reaches a hand to reassuringly stroke at her upper forearm, at which her eyes widen considerably. “Hey, I won't break your rules. I learnt my lesson not to mess with you in Baku.”

She manages a weak laugh. “Really?” she hesitates and visibly relaxes when he nods in agreement.

“Monkey!” Stefano practically jumps from his seat yelling what is a ridiculous warning that Lewis is approaching.

Jessica drags in a deep breath as she moves closer to Seb so that he can circle his arms around her hips. She looks at him worried. “It won't change anything between us. Right?”

Sebastian grins, tightening a bit his hold around her. “Absolutely not, Riley.”

“I'm going to kill Kimi” she quietly complains but Sebastian interrupts her, covering her mouth with his.

At first, a surprised hum escapes her but very soon she regains her calm and kisses him back. Sebastian's world stops spinning that very same moment. Out of the corner of his eye, he notices Lewis a few meters away watching them, phone clutched tightly to his hand, and judging from the murderous look on his rival's face, he's not happy but he simply doesn't care right now. He closes his eyes at the sensation of Jessica's lips on his own as their teeth gently clash. He wishes this moment could last forever. But Lewis walks past them far too quickly and, since he has a promise to keep, Sebastian pulls away.

She lets out an embarrassing small whine when their lips part and Sebastian smirks. “Enjoyed it, Riley?”

Jessica snorts, untangles herself from his arms and wipes her mouth with the back of her palm. “Shut up.” She shoots a glance at the bench across from them where Stefano, Domenico, Fabrizio and Kimi are sitting and she breaks into an amused grin at the hearts they've shaped with their fingers. “Quite some success that had, huh?” she points at them and Sebastian's only response is a cheeky whistle. She pinches his arm, chuckling. “Can you behave like a civilized person just for once?”

Sebastian shrugs with a confident smile on his face. “It's not my fault if I'm a better kisser than Lewis.”

She waves a hand at him as she starts walking away. “Stay safe on track, Vettel.”

“For you, I will” he promises and, ignoring his total honesty she simply laughs and places a hand upon her chest, pretending to be flattered.

Sebastian barely takes two seconds alone after she's gone to recollect his thoughts as Kimi jumps right in front of him with an idiotic grin. “You're a fast learner.”

* * *

Jessica's breath gets stuck in her throat as soon as the car leaves the track and rolls straight into the barriers, gravel flying everywhere in the air and a wheel bouncing off the bodywork. It feels like an eternity before it comes to a halt and Jessica covers her mouth with both hands as she desperately searches for any signs of life. “Seb, are you okay?”

The reply is hopefully instant, “Yeah, I'm fine. My bad.”

She breaths a deep sigh of relief at the sound of his voice. “Don't worry about that, just get out.”

She tears off her headphones and turns to look at Fabrizio who's studying her face with a soft expression. “I'd appreciate it if you guys stopped scaring the hell out of me whenever you feel like it.”

The Italian flashes her a knowing smile and pats her shoulder before hopping off his stool to dart to the garage. “Come on, we have work to do.”

Jessica doesn't join him in the garage straight away. Instead, she turns back to the screen and watches as Sebastian climbs out of his Ferrari, or rather what's left of it, and walks on the gravel, taking off his gloves and helmet. She knows he's fine, she just watched him board the medical car unaided but there's no way she can calm down her erratic heartbeats. She needs to ask him about the incident, she needs to touch him, she needs to have him smiling in her arms before she fully soothes her concern. She's well aware she's crossing a line she drew herself but right now that's the least of her problems. She just wants Sebastian to be alright, both physically and mentally. Surprisingly she can admit it without feeling her chest swell. She's in love with her driver. 

_She's in love with Sebastian Vettel._ The thought has her smile.

* * *

Sebastian disappears in his driver's room the minute he's cleared from the medical center. He places his helmet on the floor and unceremoniously plops next to it, leaning against the door. He hides his face between his palms, knees pulled close to himself, and he lets out an exasperated sigh. The roaring of the engines out on track is only a distant sound but it makes him more angry and disappointed with himself. He should be out there, lapping and gathering data to prepare for qualifying but instead he's confined to the garage, patiently waiting for his engineers to repair his car. He's seen that before. A competitive car, a handful of strong results, then a stupid mistake of his and championship gone. It's in moments like this that he doubts himself and he wonders whether the media is right and he won his titles only because he happened to sign with the then best team of the grid.

There's a knock on the door, preventing him from continuing his tirade of self hate and, sighing, Sebastian stands up to open it. To say he's surprised to find Jessica gazing back at him, blue eyes gentle and worried, would truly be the understatement of the century.

“Hey” she waves at him, offering him the tiniest of smiles. “Can I come in?”

“Uh... Sure.” Sebastian kicks his helmet to the side, making enough space for the door to open properly. “So, what are you doing here?” he questions once she's inside the small room, mainly because the silence is too awkward to cope with.

She cups his face between her hands and looks at him, examining his features. “Had to check up on you. I was scared.”

He sighs and lowers her hands. “Sorry for scaring you. I'm fine. A little shocked but fine.”

“What happened?” she asks.

Sebastian runs a hand through his hair, taking his anger out on it as he tugs at its ends. “I... I clipped the grass, then the car slipped out of my control and I couldn't really have done anything to stop it at that point. I'm sorry.”

“Don't worry about it, nothing that can't be fixed” Jessica assures calmly but Sebastian doesn't seem any relieved knowing that.

“Yeah, but...” he fiddles with his fingers, averting his gaze from hers. “I keep making those mistakes that ultimately cost us victories and titles... I can't help but feel responsible.”

Jessica softly lifts his chin, forcing him to make eye contact with her. “Seb, we're _one_ team. We win and we lose in unison. I believe in you. You're our champion. You're _my_ champion.”

Sebastian looks at her with a fond expression. He had no idea she felt like that but all this trust and confidence in him overwhelms him, to the point of actually hurting his chest, as if being too much to bear. Before he realizes what he's about to do, he leans down and plants a kiss on her lips. The contact is tentative and soft but she actually kisses him back, closing her eyes to the comfort it seems to offer her. It's him that breaks the kiss for air and she reaches a hand to stroke his cheek.

“Seb...” she whispers against his lips before the reality of it all hits her. She instantly snatches her hand back and her pupils open wide.

Sensing her sudden distress, he shushes her, placing a finger over her mouth. “Just listen to me for a second, will you?” She doesn't make a move to protest so Sebastian sucks in a breath and goes on, “I meant what I said in Baku. You being my race engineer is no longer enough. I think I'm falling for you. I can't promise I'll be everything you deserve me to be but I can promise I'll try. I'll try for us.” She opens her mouth to say something but he speaks up: “I don't expect an answer now. Take your time, think about it and come back to me when you're ready, okay?”

She nods. “Okay.”

* * *

Truth is Jessica doesn't have all the time in the world to think about it. She spends the rest of the weekend fixing a car that qualifies thirteenth and finishes sixth. But as she stands outside Sebastian's hotel room post Sunday, she's almost sure she's figured out her feelings. Funny, she smiles to herself knocking on the door, that had to happen on a weekend where Lewis secured the victory and gained the championship's lead for the first time this season. But don't they say late is better than never?

“Riley!” Sebastian appears at the door with a big smile.

“Hi” she greets back. “I think we need to talk.”

Sebastian lets her in but she barely moves from the door, nervously rocking on her heels. It's unlike her to be quiet; the last time she had to do that, though, things didn't play out exactly as she expected so she hopes he can excuse her.

“So, something about the race or...” Sebastian offers, eyebrows raised in anticipation.

Jessica looks at him startled, as if she already forgot why she walked in in the first place. But then she takes a decisive step forwards, closing the distance between them, and circles her hands around his neck. “I want you” she says slowly, making sure he doesn't miss this.

Sebastian's face transforms into a huge grin as he caresses her cheeks. “You have me” he assures. He brings her face closer and places a soft kiss on her lips. It's long and lingering and she sighs into his mouth.

“I tried to stay away” Jessica begins explaining as Sebastian pushes his head to the crook of her shoulder and very gently kisses her pulse. She lets out a small gasp in response. “But I couldn't” she continues. “I'm in love with you, Seb.”

He smiles against her skin. “Good thing I love you too, then.”

They end up tangled in bed, Sebastian trailing eager kisses all over her. Jessica can't say she doesn't enjoy it as she loudly moans his name and pleads him for more. But somewhere after complaining it's not fair he's still fully clothed and helping him to remove his slightly oversized T-shirt, it all flashes back to her. The hotel bed she's currently lying on no longer locates in Barcelona but in Abu Dhabi, the body covering her own is a chocolate brown instead of pale white and despite having him licking her jawline, all she sees is Lewis backing away from her touch as she tries to explain herself, telling her she can pack her bags and return home. All of a sudden, she realizes she has too much at stake and it terrifies her. How does she know she made the right choice? What if Sebastian betrays her just like Lewis did? Is she strong enough to handle it?

“Wait.” She slips away from Sebastian, who looks at her with wide surprised eyes, and sits at the edge of the bed. “I don't think I can do this.”

Sebastian gently reaches for her knee. “What did I do wrong?”

“No, it's not you, it's just...” she fumbles for words before lifting her gaze to meet his, worry and pain obvious in her tearful eyes. “Will you still love me in the morning?” she hesitates, with a sheepishness that is almost adorable.

Sebastian grins and moves to sit beside her, hugging her waist. “Always”.

Jessica lets out a shaky laugh as he kisses her cheek, feeling relief flood every inch of her body. She takes a few moments to calm herself down, then pushes him down on the mattress and climbs on top of him. “I take control now” she decides, beginning to undo his belt. Not that Sebastian has anything against that...

* * *

Later, both Jessica and Sebastian are trying to measure their breathing, snuggled close to each other. The German is absentmindedly playing with Jessica's curls that are draped over his chest while her head is rising and falling in time with Sebastian's breath. She sighs peacefully as she brushes her nose against his nipple. Not in her wildest dreams had she ever thought she would be here, in his arms, listening to his heartbeat. But right now she feels so loved, cared for and safe, as if nothing can touch her.

She lazily rolls her eyes to look at Sebastian, observing his face. Exhaustion and disappointment are clear in his features and she doesn't blame him; he hasn't had the ideal race weekend. But he also radiates that pure happiness she loves seeing on him. It makes his face shine and his eyes sparkle. Even more than this carefree expression itself, she loves being the cause of it. _To make him happy._

Out of the corner of his eye, Sebastian catches her looking at him and smiles down at her. Jessica smiles back but shyly averts her gaze when he keeps his intensely on her, as if she wasn't the one arching her back for him just minutes ago. Sebastian only chuckles and kisses her hair sighing.

Out of the blue, Jessica feels the immense need to be his shoulder to cry on, to support him and comfort him for his race. She kisses his bare chest. “Seb?”

“Hmmm?”

She lifts her head to look at him with a small smile. “I'm sorry this race sucked. Next time will be better.”

She's just trying to cheer him up but Sebastian is sure about that. How can anything go wrong when he has Jessica by his side?

He leans down to capture her lips into a soft kiss. “I don't have the slightest doubt” he beams.


	8. Old Kisses, Fresh Wounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have a guest star, ladies and gentlemen! I hope you welcome him properly because he's staying around for a bit.
> 
> Huge thanks to [Leonora_Acker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leonora_Acker/pseuds/Leonora_Acker) for helping with titles. I really don't know what I would do without you! ❤

Monaco is always packed. And as Jessica squeezes her way through people in the harbor, she curses herself for opting to shower and change clothes instead of accepting Fabrizio's lift. She pauses. Fabrizio. Fabrizio should be easy to spot. Typical Italian appearance, dressed in red head to toes, stands out in a crowd, right? She scans with her eyes the lined yachts one to one and beams at the sight of a pretty luxurious one, or most likely, her colleague joking with a certain Renault driver on its deck. She speeds up, closing the distance between them.

“Is this where they keep ex Force India and co?” she asks with a playful grin as she steps on the yacht.

Nico Hulkenberg chuckles and hands her a frosty glass of juice. “My favorite ex race engineer! Welcome back, Jess!”

She smiles and takes off her brown-lensed sunglasses, supporting them against the messy bun of her still wet hair. “It's good to see you, too, Nico.”

“Ah-ah, I see what attracted Fabrizio” he comments, winking at her dress' low-cut when she leans to kiss his cheek.

Jessica blushes hard as she moves to sit between the two of them, purposely shoving his knee in the process. “Shut up, Nico! I wonder how girls still like you. That's not a way for a gentleman to talk to a lady.”

“And it wasn't even _that_ that I noticed” Fabrizio chimes in. They both turn to look at him surprised and Nico raises a daring eyebrow so he proceeds to explain: “At first, I admired the way she worked. Methodic, organized and focused till every little detail is perfect. Then, when we started to bond, I noticed she's beautiful. I noticed her smile and her long lashes and her thick eyebrows. But never did I notice...whatever you implied I noticed.”

Jessica looks at him startled, unable to breathe a word. She had no idea he felt like that. She often caught him observing her dazed when they used to work together but she never imagined that was what he was fascinated by. She was more with Nico into that. As if reading her thoughts, Fabrizio shrugs flashing her a soft smile at which she smiles back.

Nico looks at the two of them with a warm grin. “I always thought you were meant to be” he informs them. “Why the hell did you break up?”

They both freeze at the question. Jessica becomes suddenly much more interested in her juice now that it's cooling off than when it was still cold, taking it down in one go.

Fabrizio aaahms, scratching the back of his neck, before being able to articulate anything that makes sense. “Well, it was mainly because of how tensed we both were. You probably remember there was a great deal of pressure at Force India because we were still fighting for best of the rest and were trying to close the gap on the top three. We found less and less time for ourselves. Then I moved to Ferrari, Jessica switched to Mercedes and... We just fell apart.”

“That's sad” Nico cocks his head, then raises his hands defensively. “But I don't mean to interfere. If that's what you decided, I belong nowhere here.”

Both Fabrizio and Jessica nod in agreement, way too relieved that he gave up on that without any more questions.

“Is there someone you see now, Jess?” Nico asks, taking a sip from his yellow glass of juice. Jessica isn't going to comment on how childish he is for picking a glass in his team's color. “Someone in a less complicated environment, perhaps?”

She shakes her head, grinning. “Nah, I prefer single life.” Actually, that's not one hundred percent accurate because less than two weeks ago she was naked on Sebastian Vettel's bed, literally begging for him, but she doubts she can tell them that. “Why don't you ask Fabrizio as well?”

Nico lifts his sunglasses to his forehead and furrows his brow questioningly. “Because he's engaged?”

Jessica's pupils widen in shock and her heart picks up speed. She turns to look at Fabrizio who appears just as wonderstruck as she is. “You are engaged?” she repeats slowly. Fabrizio gives her a hard nod. “How long?” she demands.

“Since December.”

December. Long before Bahrain and their kiss. So her losing her sleep in China because of him and Sebastian's qualifying disaster were pointless. He didn't even care for her. There's that horrible feeling of betrayal rising up her throat.

“Apart from Nico, who else knows?”

He hesitates. “Maurizio, so that I can have the day off at anniversaries, and Stefano, because he's going to be my best man.”

She nods, realization starting to sink in. She looks at him solemnly for a second, then moves her chair away from him. “So, Nico, I've noticed you have a special helmet for this race. Is there a story behind it?” she immediately changes the subject, determined not to think of Fabrizio for the rest of the weekend, and for the rest of her life, if need be.

* * *

Sebastian is spying on his engineers from across the garage. More specifically, he's watching Jessica as she coldly offers her hand to Fabrizio for a congratulations after a successful qualifying session. Normally, it would be a hug or a friendly kiss on the cheek; a handshake is just way too typical for them. Something's off about them but he simply can't put his finger on it. It has him worry about Jessica, though. Her and Fabrizio have always been very close and if she suddenly started giving him the cold shoulder, it must be something serious.

He doesn't want to think of the worst case scenario; that he betrayed their friendship. Once, when he was at high school, he found out one of his pals had just used him to become popular and it broke his heart. He can only sympathize with her if that's the case. He wishes he could dart to her side to engulf her in a hug and tell her that everything's going to be alright. 

“Pole, huh?” Kimi pats his shoulder from behind and smiles at him. “Good job, half of the victory in Monaco.”

Sebastian nods with a smile and significantly relaxes hearing Jessica laugh with Stefano's dumb jokes about Monte Carlo's expensive suits and poor terriers. 

“So, you and Riley...” Kimi smirks and Sebastian raises his eyebrows expectantly. “... Are you together, yet?”

Sebastian snorts and scratches the back of his head. “I'm not sure” he admits, clearing his throat. “It... It was just a night. We haven't really talked about it.”

Kimi's eyes blow open wide. “A night? A whole freaking night? Damn it, Seb! You're a quick learner!”

Sebastian winks. “I had a great teacher.” And before Kimi can comment on that, he finally jogs to the pit wall, giving Jessica a bone-crushing hug and kissing her cheek hard as she beams at him, reminding him that he still has a race to win for her tomorrow. Right now, he doesn't mind if the whole world is watching. Besides, Kimi smirking at him is worse.

* * *

There are race weekends you want to forget and then there are weekends that just can't get any better. Monaco is one of the latter. Pole. Fastest lap. Victory. Sebastian is certain his feet no longer touch the ground as he takes the checkered flag because that's freaking Monaco and no matter how many times you win there, the feeling is always the same. Big. Glorious. Legendary. He jumps out of his blood red Ferrari and pumps a fist in the air as he triumphantly stands on a wheel.

When he steps in the drivers' cool down room, he feels slightly dizzy because of how hard his team patted his helmet while he stood at the guardrails. But the moment he removes the HANS device and his helmet, he finds himself pulled in an enormous hug once more, making his eyes a bit blurry since they've yet to adjust to the bright sun light. He welcomes it gladly, chuckling softly at Jessica, and rubs circles at her back.

“Mission accomplished” he salutes playfully and she leans on her tiptoes to place a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

“Great job, soldier” she praises, fingers fiddling with the hem of his racing suit, unaware that they're burning his skin.

Sebastian has to remind himself there are cameras around as the urge to just pull her body against his and shower her in kisses grows bigger with every passing second. He licks his lips thinking of possible ways to celebrate his victory but instead he lets her tug on his hand to guide him to the sofa at the back of the room, simply tracing his fingers up and down the nape of her neck as they sit practically in each other's lap, while waiting to be called for the podium ceremony.

“Frustrated Lewis is the cutest Lewis” Sebastian comments silently in German with a pointed look on his left where the Briton is watching the race highlights displayed in the screens annoyed. They both start giggling like childs, earning a sharp glance from some race officials.

Jessica folds her arms in her chest, pouting. “What's their problem if we're having fun?”

Sebastian grins at her and stands up, offering her a hand to be hauled up as their names are announced from the speakers. “Come on, Riley. Let's go have some fun.”

And by “fun” he means talking Prince Albert of Monaco into having a sip from his champagne. He bargains doing that instead of being soaked with alcohol when the spraying show starts and both Sebastian and Jessica shake hands with him to confirm the agreement. But even if the audience applauds loudly as the royal gulps down the liquid, they all end up drenched with champagne because obviously Lewis is no concerned party and sprays them all, wearing a smile Jessica is certain is fake.

* * *

Lewis is not happy. He's not happy he lost pole and he's not happy he lost the race either. He sits on a stool in the pit wall, watching his crew pack up, rocking gently, water bottle tightly in his hand. Suddenly, the six points by which he's now trailing Sebastian are the smallest of his concerns. Ferrari are all standing on the pit lane for the memorial team photo and even if he doesn't mind the huge P1 on the pit board, _her_ attitude feels like a thousand knives being fiercely shoved in his chest.

Mercedes isn't the same since Jessica left. Race weekends are a lot less exciting without her and the team radio is filled with Bono's voice. Lewis doesn't have anything against the poor guy, he's easy to get on with, but he simply isn't Jessica. 

He misses her. A lot. He misses watching her work on his car, he misses her brushing her knee against his during debriefs, he misses waking up to her curls tickling his chin, he misses her smile, her kiss, her touch... He misses everything about her, to be honest. Of course, he's the one that ended things between them but she broke his trust and at the time, hurting her back seemed to be the right thing to do. 

However, as she stands there tucked under Sebastian's arm, she looks content, _happy_. Lewis can't help but feel jealous. He doesn't want to spoil that happiness, rather to be a tiny part of it. He wants her back and he can't get it out of his mind since that kiss in Barcelona.

“Lewis, good job. I'm sorry it's not what you wanted.” Toto is suddenly next to him, patting his shoulder in a fatherly tone of voice.

Lewis smiles weakly at the Austrian and takes a tiny sip of his water. “Canada will be better” he promises. There are giggles from Ferrari's garage and Lewis rolls his eyes to see Sebastian spray his team with a bottle of champagne he managed to sneak from somewhere in the paddock. Jessica is laughing as she hugs his neck. Lewis smiles melancholically and sighs softly. “Do you ever wish you had done some things differently?”

Toto furrows his brow, completely taken aback. The way Lewis confidently paces around the paddock, as if he's discovered the deeper meaning of life, has never implied he's the type to ask such questions. “What are you talking about?”

“Jessica” Lewis admits, motioning towards her direction. “Do you think her and Vettel could be a thing?”

Toto shrugs indifferently and folds his arms in front of his chest. “Not my problem.”

“Yeah, but... I miss her” Lewis interjects, as he rubs his jaw, creating a small patch of red on the bone. “Even the team needs her. Victories were so much easier when she was still around.”

Toto grabs his driver's shoulders and looks at him hard. “Champ, focus. The championship won't win itself. You don't need Riley, none of us does. Take a few days off, relax, clear your mind and come back stronger, okay?”

Lewis shoots one last glance down at Ferrari, locking his eyes on Jessica's joyful smile. If he can't share that happiness, then she can't have it either. Much as he holds no power over her relationship or whatever it is with Sebastian, this championship is _his_ to lose. He beams turning back to his team principal. “Consider it done.”

* * *

Sebastian knows he should just enjoy the night and party. It's his victory, after all. But as he watches Jessica lively chat with Domenico on the bar across from him at the venue Ferrari have reserved for the night, he can hardly keep his eyes off her, despite being forced to stick with Kimi and some prominent faces from the team. He's completely uninvolved in the conversation at that point, unaware of the topics that are currently being discussed as he only stares at his race engineer, drink untouched in his hand. Kimi nudges him in the ribs with a stern glance so he's probably being too obvious. Damn it.

She notices him, anyway, a few minutes later and leaving Domenico behind in the bar, she starts walking towards him. Sebastian bursts into a big grin, quickly excusing himself, and closes the distance between them.

“I thought there was a dress code?” he snickers, pointing at her tight blue dress.

“I leave that up to you” she fiddles with his red tie and looks at him almost pleadingly. “Dance with me?”

Sebastian is certain he couldn't resist that expression if he tried so he nods excitedly and guides her towards the dance floor. He circles his arms around her waist, gently rocking his hips to the pop song in the background.

“How was business talk?” she asks with a smirk.

Sebastian shrugs. “Was literally dying of boredom. Thanks for saving me” he replies, giving her a thumbs up.

Jessica chuckles and rests her head in the crook of his neck, sighing happily as she places a small kiss there. Sebastian gets goosebumps but she doesn't take it any further. In fact, she doesn't talk for the rest of the song, peacefully trapped in his arms, and Sebastian is only reminded of her presence when she lifts her head and grumpily mumbles something he's unable to decipher, her gaze firmly on the wall across from them. He looks over his shoulder to where her eyes have drifted and realizes it's Fabrizio she's glaring at.

“Did something happen between the two of you?” he carefully brings up the subject. “I noticed some tension during the weekend.” But she remains dead silent and Sebastian sighs as he reassuringly strokes her arm. “Come on, Jess, talk to me.”

She whines, burying her face in his chest. “I really don't want to now.”

There's a promise of “later” left unsaid so Sebastian decides it's better not to press more and leave things as such for the time being. He just pulls her away from Fabrizio to a comfortable white couch in a quiet corner.

She reaches up to plant a kiss at the spot right below his ear. “Want to celebrate your win?”

Her eyes are dark and Sebastian has to fight back the urge to just take her in his arms and make love to her. “We're in public, Jess” he reminds her. “People would talk.”

She shrugs, moving to cuddle by his side. “So? Let them.”

Sebastian smiles shakily at her carefreeness, massaging the top of her neck with his fingers, and she instantly closes her eyes to the warm touch. “Not so simple, sugar.”

She still manages to break him. It's a couple of hours later and they're both tipsy because Kimi makes sure they never run out of alcohol but even so it's hard to resist temptation when she _accidentally_ brushes her leg against his.

Sebastian smirks at her. “You want to play dirty, Riley? Fine, we'll play dirty.” He rests a hand in the inside of her thigh, his grip moving higher with every gasp she lets out. “Say it” he orders. “Say you want me.”

“I want you” she practically cries and he only beams pulling her closer, so that she's now sitting between his legs, and hungrily kisses her mouth. But it lasts only some minutes before he breaks apart and she pouts. “Let's get out of here, what do you say?” he winks and she nods, scrambling off him so that he can stand up.

They barely make it to his hotel room. The moment they're inside, Jessica is pushed against the door and captured into a heated kiss, clothes hastily thrown away and his tongue sweeping her bottom lip.

“Show me” she pleads while he pulls down her dress, kissing her legs in the process. “Show me how much you want me.”

It's nice, even comforting to some way; to live in a happy little bubble where Seb possesses her in every possible meaning. But Jessica both knows and ignores that Monte Carlo has dug its knife deep in her flesh and the moment she has to pull it out, the moment she has to face the world, her blood will splash everywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure Nico owns a yacht but hey this is fiction! :P


	9. Secrets Are Hard To Keep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm raging since qualifying yesterday afternoon so here's some fic to console myself! Forza Seb, bring the trophy home.
> 
> I think I've messed up a race engineer's responsibilities a bit in this chapter but (again!) hey this is fiction! Enjoy nonetheless!

Fabrizio is worried. Jessica hasn't spoken a word to him after they all left Monaco two weeks ago. He wonders whether that has anything to do with finding out he's engaged; he curses himself for not letting her know earlier when she'd figure out sooner or later. But as they are bent down across each other, avoiding eye contact, trying to keep the electric blankets on the tyres for as long as possible before Sebastian joins the track for the first session of the Canadian Grand Prix, he decides he no longer can stand the silence.

“I'm sorry” he says simply. She shoots him a sharp glance as a response. This is hardly the place or the time to have such a conversation. “For everything” he continues and both of them remove the blankets in sync.

Sebastian accelerates out of the garage and Jessica snorts, standing up. “It doesn't fix everything” she says flatly, folding the tyre warmer back in place.

“I'd like to make it up to you, if you'd let me” Fabrizio tries again, softly touching her shoulder but she yanks it away.

“Honestly, get lost, Fabrizio!” she snaps and walks over to the pit wall while he trails right behind her. “You think I enjoyed the week between Bahrain and China?” she questions, taking her seat and gazing at the screen in front of her. “You think I enjoyed hanging on a flicker of hope about us, huh?”

“I'm sure not. It wasn't easy for me, either, you know. But we have to move on from the past.” Fabrizio studies her face, searching for any positive signs, but Jessica simply plasters a perfectly neutral expression as she concentrates on Sebastian's lap times. Who is he trying to fool, anyway? It's his fault for involving them in this awkward situation in the first place. “You could meet her, spend time with us in Italy.”

Jessica scoffs, lifting her eyes from the screen for a brief moment. “What do you want from me, Fabrizio?” The coldness in her tone astonishes him. “Our past hurts and you can't change that.”

“I know” he admits sheepishly.

“Then get the hell out of my life!”

Fabrizio blinks. He can't say he hadn't seen that coming but he never expected an outburst that would attract Maurizio's attention, who's asking her if everything's okay. It's a silly question, as far as he's concerned, given the state Jessica is in, but she only nods, replying she's fine. And then she turns back to the Ferrari on track and asks Sebastian about the feel of the car, ready to ignore him for the rest of the day. Which he's glad about, because they wrap up FP1 in P8 and FP2 in P6, some seven tenths off the pace Mercedes set, and Fabrizio knows if they're to pose a threat this weekend, they still have to squeeze something out of the package.

* * *

Jessica sighs as for the millionth time one of her fellow engineers shakes his head, replying that, no, he hasn't seen Maurizio. Honestly, this guy has the bad habit of disappearing when they need him the most. Jessica taps her nails against her clipboard, considering her next best option. But then Maurizio comes in sight at the entrance of the Sauber garage lively chatting with Fred Vasseur, and sighing in relief, she crosses the pit lane to reach his side.

“Hey, Maurizio, you mind checking our strategy for qualifying?” she passes him the clipboard, resting her hands in her hips the moment he accepts it. “We went a bit aggressive but hopefully we end up higher than the fifth place of FP3.”

He barely takes a minute to examine it. “Yes, yes, I approve of it” he concludes and returns it, as if it burnt his fingertips. She raises a skeptical eyebrow because even for the perfect eye for detail that's too hasty to process. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you.”

“Me?” she furrows her brow, tucking the clipboard under her armpit and crosses her fingers. “Okay, I'm all ears.”

Maurizio sucks in his breath, carefully approaching the subject. “Do you remember the party in Monaco?” he asks cautiously. “Do you remember you and Sebastian kissing and making out?”

Jessica's eyes widen in shock and she almost chokes on her own saliva. “We did what?”

“You were making out in the bar” Maurizio repeats, scratching an eyebrow. “You don't remember anything?”

She does remember Sebastian waking her up in the crack of dawn so she could return to her own hotel room without being noticed but definitely no memory of that. She rubs her temples. “I was quite drunk, I don't remember most of the night. I promise it won't happen again.”

Maurizio nods. “Are you sure nothing's going on between the two of you? I don't mean to insult you but you know there have been rumors while you worked for Mercedes and I'd like to keep the team out of trouble.”

She folds her arms in her chest, glaring at him. “Because it's always the engineer to blame for, right? As if I seduced him!”

“Jessica...” Maurizio sighs and puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I'm not blaming anyone. I'm on your side. I just don't want anything to disrupt the harmony of the team when we're fighting for the championship.” He observers her eyes but she keeps her gaze blank. “Would you tell me if there was anything between you?”

“I don't know because nothing is” she says matter-of-factly and Maurizio removes his hand.

“Okay, I let it go” he raises his palms in a failed attempt to make amends and then beams at her. “We're lucky to have you in our team, Jessica. Keep up the great work.”

Without another word, he spins on his heel and darts back to Ferrari but Jessica stays there in Sauber, inspecting the place for something to kick or smash to take her anger out on. Except there's nothing apart from maybe a loose rock which she kicks with all her force. Only that it turns out it's just some gravel Ericsson brought in with him after his spin and she curses under her breath, rubbing her hurt knee as she makes her way back to her team's garage.

* * *

“I don't want to do this” Jessica stubbornly folds her arms, pouting, as she stands next to Fabrizio and Domenico, who are kneeled on the grass assembling a raft out of the random stuff they've been given. She already has had a bad day, especially since Sebastian qualified behind both Mercedes and his teammate because apparently the strategy wasn't as aggressive as it should have been, in Maurizio's words. She's not really looking forward to jumping into a boat and competing against the other teams in freaking cold water. The thought alone has her shiver and she wraps her Ferrari jacket closer to herself.

Domenico shrugs, sharing not even half of her lack of enthusiasm as he focuses on the rear end of the raft before him. “I think Maurizio made it clear you don't have a choice.”

She scoffs, shoving her hands deeper in her pockets, as if that is even possible. “Just give me a single reason why we are doing this.”

“Team bonding” Domenico immediately offers, turning the raft around so he can have a good look at its front as well.

“You could use some of that, Jess” Fabrizio comments, pointing a finger at her.

Jessica glares at him because she's still not talking to him, even if she's about to freeze to death. “I just want some rest” she whines. “I don't even know how to raft!”

“Principessa, shine up” Domenico says gently as he stands up and hands her a life vest, which she accepts halfheartedly. “We are fighters, no? We'll win this one.” The vest is followed by a paddle that Jessica eyes cautiously. “Come on, let's take this baby out for a ride” he beams at his creation and she raises an eyebrow but he walks away before she can scold him about the new love of his life. Instead, she just sighs and picks up the other paddle of her set, preparing herself to melt from humiliation and boredom. Only that Ferrari actually have the best reaction time as well as physical strength and find themselves in the lead after the start. Well, her spirit just perked up a tiny bit...

* * *

The one thing Lewis absolutely adores about racing in Canada is all the various events surrounding the Grand Prix, the raft race included. He's in the greatest of moods because pole is his and Toto has invited him to come and watch his engineers race so why not joining? Apart from the neglectful detail that his gaze is firmly fixed on the red boat with the Ferrari flag in the back. More specifically, on Jessica who's constantly giving instructions to the rest of the crew. He smiles. He remembers she would do that even in silver, last year when she rearranged their positions so as to achieve the right balance. They won in the end so whatever she did must've worked, he presumes.

Team Ferrari reaches the finish line first, just ahead of Mercedes, and start celebrating their victory in spectacular Italian fashion; loud cheers, claps and slightly impolite gestures. She stands out between them and Lewis decisively leaves Toto's side, who's joking with Maurizio that's the only thing they're going to win the whole season and _accidentally_ walks towards the wooden platform where the teams are boarding off their respective boats. What needs to be said, will be said.

* * *

Jessica has a big grin on her face as the raft peacefully floats on the water. It might seem as a stupid thing to someone from the outside, winning some silly rafting race no one bothers to watch, but she feels much happier right now as she gets rid of the equipment on the inside of the boat and carefully tries to step out. But her foot slips and she braces herself for the cold water of the lake when her arm is yanked and she's steadied back on the ground. She lets out a small sigh of relief and looks up at her savior's face, only to realize it's the last person she wants to see right now: Lewis.

“Congrats for the win” he tells her with the smallest of smiles. “Was a good one.”

She nods, undoing her life vest. “Just ensuring race positions tomorrow.” Lewis chuckles, instinctively reaching out to tuck a lose strand of hair behind her ear but she grabs his wrist with a warning glance. “Why did you come here, Lewis?”

He lets out a disappointed puff of air. Fine, they'll do it her way. “You know, there are some rumors spreading in the paddock about you and Vettel. Something about a kiss in Barcelona.” She raises a skeptical eyebrow. That's not the paddock, that's just him. He was the only one present when that took place. “I was wondering...if you two are really a thing?” he awkwardly scratches at the nape of his neck.

Actually, yes. Since that kiss in Barcelona. Then there was the night after the Spanish Grand Prix and then the party in Monaco and... “No” she shakes her head. “It's a long shot till Vettel and I crawl on the same bed.”

Lewis lets out a heavy sigh of relief and she raises her eyebrows. How dare he pretend he even cares about _her_? He can't have come here just to stay up to date in terms of her love life, anyway. “What are you doing here?” she demands, rather coldly. Knowing Lewis, after such a dominant performance, he should be on the bee line for the closest party.

He shrugs, pressing a small kiss on her jawline. The sensation of the familiar pair of lips on her skin sends shivers through her spine as memories get triggered in her mind. They're not pleasant ones but she cracks under their weight. His lips. His eyes. His body. The need to have him grows bigger inside her the longer he stays there. “I miss you.”

The words snap her out of her daze. _He misses her_. This has to be a joke. “Not in the mood, Lewis” she clarifies and pushes past him.

He catches up with her pretty quickly. “I mean it, I really do.” She scoffs next to him and, sighing, he grabs her elbow, forcing her to face him. “Look, I know it doesn't make everything right but I'm sorry. I need you on my team and I need you in my life. Just... Just let me make it up to you.”

She averts her gaze in a desperate attempt to hold back her boiling fury. That's the second time she hears the exact same words this weekend and they drive her crazy. You know what, sorry is a stupid word. Since it was invented, people would just repeat it like a mantra after they had made everything a mess, hoping it would just fix things. Well, no. “Make up for what?” she asks sharply. “You destroyed our relationship, you destroyed my job, you destroyed my whole life! There's nothing more you can break in me, just leave me the hell alone!”

Lewis looks at her speechless and reaches for her face. “Jess, you don't mean that...”

She backs away from him. “I do” she assures with a nod and remarks how anger flashes in his eyes. She could care less. “Give my regards to Toto, he's obviously concerned about me.”

Lewis peeps over his shoulder where Toto is watching them with narrowed eyes. He nods at his team principal to show he's doing fine and turns back to Jessica who's now glaring at him. “You know what they say, Jess?” There's a dramatic pause as he leans down to kiss her the corner of her mouth. “A race isn't won until it's over.” And with that, he stomps away joining Toto who's praising his crew for their performance. They both make her feel nauseous.

* * *

How worse could this weekend go? First Fabrizio, then Maurizio, now Lewis. Jessica's head is going to explode if she doesn't confide in someone. But Seb can't know, let alone Kimi, she's supposed to be ignoring Fabrizio, Stefano is missing the weekend because his daughter is being born and Domenico is the most reliable way to let the whole paddock know. She sighs. She ran out of options apparently. She guesses the best idea given the situation is to get out of the circuit, return to her hotel room, take a hot shower and snuggle under her warm bed sheets.

Only that her feet guide her to Renault and she finds herself wearing her heart on her sleeve for Nico while picking at some freshly baked croissant. She tells him literally everything. About her relationship with Fabrizio hanging on a thin thread, about Maurizio's suspicions, about Lewis's confession, about Seb. He listens to her patiently, wide eyed, trying to come up with a good solution. But when she ceases talking and looks at him pleadingly, he's unable to utter even a word. 

Nico finally sighs and rubs his forehead, as if to clear his thoughts. “So, if I understood correctly, you learnt about Fabrizio being engaged in Monaco from me, right?” She nods weakly. “Well, I'm sorry about that.”

She shakes her head. “Don't blame yourself, Nico. Fabrizio and my relationship was messed up long before that.”

“And I don't even know what could possibly help” he admits. “Maybe if you sat down and essentially talked... But you don't seem to feel like talking with him right now.”

She shakes her head. “No, not really. What about Maurizio?”

“I think he's just being a bravado, as usual” Nico jokes and a shaky smile finds its way onto Jessica's lips. He gives himself a mental high five for that. But his expression turns deadly serious in an instant. “What I'm most worried about is Sebastian.”

Jessica becomes rigid. “What about him?” Her voice is muffled, barely above a whisper, and she's not even sure Nico heard that till he exhales a puff of air and looks at her worriedly.

“He's a driver, Jess. Most importantly _your_ driver. This sport is so unpredictable. What if his season goes catastrophically wrong and he blames you, like Baku? Things would get out of control. You don't need him to become a second Lewis.”

Jessica blinks. In her scenarios, Seb is always a sweetheart, the type of man that kisses his girlfriend goodnight, and cooks breakfast for her in the morning and showers her with gifts. Him turning to a jealous, possessive brat like Lewis has never crossed her mind. “I don't know, he's sweet and charming, nothing like Lewis” she protests, tiredly rubbing the back of her neck. “Things have been okay since we got together. But we love each other so we'd figure things out if that isn't always the case, right?”

Judging from her gaze, she's begging him to say yes, soothe her fears and assure her that everything's going to be alright. But to let her believe a lie is cruel and Nico knows better than that. “I wish I could tell you that love fixes everything, Jess, but the truth is it doesn't. There are things beyond your control that unfortunately are too costly and too painful, in our environment even more so. I'm sorry, Jess, but Formula One isn't about love. It's about survival. And the less you risk, the less you lose.”

She may be tired but Jessica is well aware that translates into: _If you don't love Sebastian, he holds no power over you._ Too bad he already owns every little piece of her...

* * *

“Good morning, sleeping beauty!” Fabrizio laughs as Jessica enters his suite, yawning. All she can manage in response is a lazy wave before taking a large sip of her coffee. They had agreed to skype with Stefano the morning of race day and waking up earlier completely destroyed her already messed up sleeping patterns. “You didn't sleep at all last night?” Fabrizio raises a worried eyebrow when she squats down next to him, barely keeping her eyes open, and she simply shrugs, as if talking requires way too much effort.

“Jessica had other priorities” Domenico smirks. “Sebastian, for example.”

Jessica's eyes blow wide, seeming fully awaken all of a sudden. “Why would Sebastian be any of my concerns?”

“Come on, Riley” Domenico chants. “You seemed very...intimate with one another in Monaco. And paddock chatter is Maurizio told you off for that.”

“I don't know what kind of gossip you've heard, Dom, but nothing's going on” she cuts him off, glaring at him. “Sebastian and I only have a professional relationship.”

Domenico shrugs in mock innocence, pretending to believe that. Jessica couldn't be more thankful when Stefano appears in Fabrizio's laptop's screen, holding a baby cutie dressed in a hospital pink onesie. All three of them beam at the pair, letting out excited sounds as a grinning Stefano waves at them.

“Hello there! This is Alessandra, she was born yesterday evening, she weighs 3.2 kilos and she's perfectly healthy” he informs them, bouncing the little girl while his wife behind him offers them a tired smile.

“She's beautiful!” Jessica exclaims happily. At least, life is going on. “She has your eyes.”

Stefano's grin widens, as if that is possible. “She does, doesn't she?” he agrees, looking proudly at his daughter who's now fast asleep in his arms. “Although I think she looks more like Teresa.” 

They fall silent, observing the baby, trying to determine who of her parents she took after. “Anyway, how are you doing in Canada?” Stefano changes the subject. “I watched qualifying and we were some five tenths off the pace.”

“Yeah, we're still looking into it” Fabrizio sighs, scratching at the back of his head. It's no secret they've struggled this weekend.

“But we won the raft race!” Domenico says cheerfully, clapping his hands. “The losers Mercedes were second and _I_ built our boat. I named her Victoria because she's victorious, got it?”

Stefano chuckles nodding but Jessica snorts and rolls her eyes at him. “Domenico, how many times do I have to tell you...?”

Her sentence is cut halfway through by a flustered Sebastian who barges into the room. “I know I'm late but Maurizio thinks eight in the morning is a comfortable time to discuss race strategy.” His expression softens when he notices the bundle in Stefano's arms and he bursts into a big smile. “Well, well, well, look who decided to join the world. She's gorgeous, congratulations, Stefano!”

“Thanks, Seb! Her name is Alessandra and she's already one of your most passionate fans” Stefano laughs, showing them the pair of Ferrari baby shoes he bought for her.

“Well, in that case, I hope to make you proud, Alessandra” Sebastian winks and finally sits down next to Jessica, kissing her cheek hard. “How are you, Jess?”

She smiles. “Good, just a little sleepy.”

Sebastian nods sympathetically and circles an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to himself, allowing her to snuggle close to his side and use his shoulder as a pillow. She closes her eyes and purrs contently when Sebastian plants a soft kiss on her hair. They probably look like a very much in love couple, which isn't far from the truth to be fair, and of course Domenico grabs the chance to engage Stefano in his stupid little game. “What do you say Stefano? Are Jessica and Seb a couple yet?”

Jessica opens her eyes to see all her colleagues smirking at her, even Stefano who is hundreds of thousands miles away. She kicks Domenico's leg as hard as she can because it's easier than actually strangling him to death. “Stop it!” she demands. “Believe it or not, we're not a couple. Do you really think I need a second Lewis in my life?”

Sebastian's chest tightens at her words because he doesn't want to be another version of Lewis but he remains completely neutral while she goes off at the Italian meteorologist.

“Don't mind Domenico, Jess” Stefano calmly advises. “He's nice deep inside but he can be a little annoying from time to time.” She sticks her tongue out at said person and he only grins. Stefano turns to Sebastian, giving him an encouraging thumbs up. “Do a good race for us, Seb!”

The German manages a tiny smile. “For your adorable daughter, I'll try.”

* * *

“Are you satisfied with your result today?”

Sebastian looks at the guy with the big lenses and Sky Sports microphone as if he suddenly grew a second head. Of course he's not satisfied with freaking fourth place. Of course he's not satisfied the car lacked pace all weekend. Of course he's not satisfied he lost the championship's lead. On top of that, Lewis won; to be precise, he dominated the race from start to finish, and as Sebastian stands next to him for post race interviews in the press pen, he can hear the Mercedes driver bragging about being crowned as the master of Canada once again. He'd give anything to smack that expression off his face.

He plasters a half-hearted smile. “Obviously, I'd rather I had won but we tried and it wasn't enough. We don't know at the moment what went wrong so we have two very long weeks ahead of us till France to analyze all the data back to the factory. Congrats to Lewis and Mercedes, not only for the win but also for delivering a 1-2 finish, they did a great job all weekend and they really deserve that.” The words are forced out of his mouth but the reporter doesn't seem any discouraged from continuing. “How do you plan to move on from that?”

Sebastian smirks. “For starters, get out of here.”

And he does. The moment Britta signals to him he's free to go, he's off immediately, only stopping to text Kimi he needs a ride since his trainer has already left the circuit. It's in moments like this that Sebastian is grateful Kimi isn't exactly the most sociable person on earth because he really isn't in the mood to talk. 

Once seated in Kimi's car, he calls Jessica but she doesn't pick it up so Sebastian decides to wait. They're approaching their hotel, though, and she hasn't responded to any of his calls or texts yet, which must be more than a dozen. Sebastian nervously bites his bottom lip, messaging her for the millionth time to meet him in his suite, and he waits for a couple of minutes but still... Nothing. He sighs deeply and throws his phone back in his pocket.

“Things okay between you and Riley?” Kimi asks, sounding alerted as he shoots a sideways glance at his teammate.

Sebastian adjusts his seatbelt, plastering a look of indifference. “I think so.” He turns his head to gaze out of the window, feeling Kimi's eyes burn his face. “Why do you ask?”

Kimi shrugs a shoulder. “I heard Maurizio saw you two making out in the party in Monaco and put the blame on her.”

Sebastian's eyes widen. “He told her off?” So that explains a lot. “Why didn't he even come to me?” Yes, she had pushed for it in Monaco but from his point of view, he was the one actually responsible for it.

“I don't know, Seb, my sources are limited” Kimi jokes before sobering up. “It must be like a deja vu for her. As if everything with Hamilton wasn't enough already...”

“Can you maybe go a little faster?” Sebastian interrupts because he can't cope with being compared to Lewis right now and pulls out his phone again to text her that he needs to see her. They have some serious talking to do.

* * *

Jessica attaches her lips to Sebastian's skin and sucks hard, leaving a small purple bruise near his collarbone. He lets out a soft moan and she stops, looking down at her creation before climbing off him and rolling on her back next to him.

“Wow, angry you is fun” Sebastian comments, rubbing the spot in his neck where her mouth has just been.

She smirks. “Then you should anger me more often.”

He shakes his head, reaching a hand out to stroke her cheek. “Nah, I want you to be happy. Always happy.”

Her smile slowly fades and she pulls away covering her face with both hands. Sebastian's heart skips a beat at her pained figure and he props on his elbow to look at her. “Hey, I'm here for you, okay? And I always have your back, no matter what nonsense Maurizio says.”

Jessica turns to him with tearful eyes. “Why are you doing this, Sebastian?”

“What thing?” he furrows his brow confused.

“ _This_!” she insists, making a vague gesture with her open palm. “Trying to be sweet and helpful... Not everything is meant to be mended. So why the hell are you doing this?”

“Because I love you?” Sebastian offers, making it sound more like a question than an answer. “Because I want to prove to you I'm not another Lewis?”

A bit of color raises up her cheeks, which Sebastian finds endearing. “You didn't really believe that, did you?”

“No” Sebastian assures, chuckling softly. “But I do want to try for us. Be different than Lewis. Show you how much I'm truly in love with you.” He captures her lips into a small kiss and she hums satisfied. “Maybe you can help me with that?”

Jessica scrunches her nose, trying to decide what would please her the most. “Invite me to Switzerland” she beams finally as she stands up to look for her clothes. “Lewis didn't like meeting at his place due to the risk of being seen so he always came to England and used team meetings as an excuse.”

“You can come if you want.”

She pulls her top down her shoulders and turns to face him taken aback. “I can come?” she reiterates as if thinking she misheard.

“You can come to Switzerland” he confirms, nodding. “We can arrange it, if you'd like. We'll fly home with Kimi's jet and you can stay with me. We'd have breakfast in bed and go for walks around the lake...”

“Okay, okay, sweet dreams, champ” she interrupts his daydreaming and presses a kiss to his temple.

He hugs her waist, refusing to let go of her. “Stay the night?” he pleads with big blue puppy eyes.

Her brain protests because that's the most irrational thing to do just when people have started to suspect something. But she gives in, sighing, “Fine, I'll stay.”

He beams brightly at her and snuggles close to her side, resting his head in her chest, eyes fluttering closed in a heartbeat. “Love you, Jess.”

She can't help but grin. “I love you, too, Sebby.”


	10. A Night Of Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've done some editing in the previous chapters but nothing important in terms of the plot, mainly words or short phrases.
> 
> Also, I've added a couple of bits so I've raised the chapter count. I hope no one complains!
> 
> As per usual, credit for chapter title goes to [Leonora_Acker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leonora_Acker/pseuds/Leonora_Acker). I'm lucky to have you! 💕 
> 
> WARNING: Drama ahead so grab some tissues

Jessica is up the minute the sun rises in Montreal. To be one hundred percent accurate, she can't be up because she didn't get any shut eye all night. Seb's soft breathing is a comforting sound in the silence of the hotel room but as she sits on his bed, carding her fingers through his blond curls, all she can do is think. Think about the weekend, non stop.

She's quite confident about her decisions and even if she had the chance, she would change nothing. But there's that tiny pit of doubt in the back of her mind. What if Fabrizio is right? Surely, their past is miles away from what they had hoped to build back then but how longer can she hold a grudge for that? Weeks? Months? Years? Fabrizio is already moving on, why can't she just do the same?

Hesitantly, she stretches her arm and picks up her cell phone from the bedside table next to her, typing out a message, trying to keep it as short and emotionless as possible.

_To: Fabrizio_

_I'm sorry about this weekend. I changed my mind. Can I meet her?_

What are the chances he's awake this inhumanly early hour in the morning? Plenty, since it hardly passes a minute before he replies.

_No problem. I'll text you the details._

Jessica locks her phone and puts it back on the expensive piece of furniture on her left, tapping her nails against the screen. She didn't expect such an instant answer. She's not even sure she wanted one in the first place. Wait, she's not having second thoughts. Or is she?

“Good morning, beautiful!”

So absorbed she were in her own thoughts she didn't even notice Sebastian waking up. She smiles warmly and leans down to kiss his lips. “Hey, there. I hope you slept well because we have debrief in less than two hours and a flight home straight afterwards.”

He hums in agreement. “Will you fly to Switzerland with me?”

Oh, that. She hoped he would have forgotten it till the morning. Her smile washes away. “I'd love to, Seb, but we can't.”

He frowns. “Why not?”

“Because it would attract people's attention” she explains. “Maurizio is already suspecting there's more to our relationship, Domenico too, we can't afford them or anyone else to actually find out. We have to be discreet.”

He raises an accusatory eyebrow. “You sound like Lewis.”

“You're reading too much into that” she sighs. “I'm trying to keep both of us safe. There've already been rumors about me sleeping with my driver once, do you know what are the chances I find a job in Formula One if that happened again? None. And all your dreams about winning a title with Ferrari, forget about them. So, please, be sensible and put some distance between us, at least in the paddock.”

Sebastian reluctantly nods in agreement. It's not what he has dreamt for them. “But you'll still consider coming to Switzerland with me one day?” he manages a tiny smile, looking up at her, hope glimmering in his sea blue eyes.

Jessica laughs, placing a soft kiss on his forehead. “Fine, Seb. One day. If that's good enough for you.”

He grins, clinging onto her, and breathes her in deeply. “It is” he assures and after some more lazy kisses, they finally leave the bed because there's a debrief waiting and a lot of things to be discussed.

* * *

Jessica isn't sure what she expects out of this meeting. She doesn't know if she should be excited about Fabrizio stepping into a brand new life or devastated because that's where the two of them end. But the moment she spots Fabrizio in the crowded, luxurious restaurant she certainly feels underdressed in her plain black dress and had it not been for Fabrizio darting close to her, she would have ran away due to that awkward feeling and the fact that his fiancée is actually _there_.

“You didn't tell me it was was going to be that formal” she complains as he kisses her cheek hard.

“You look beautiful no matter what you wear, Jess” Fabrizio reassures, guiding her to the table he has reserved for them.

“Flatterer” Jessica scoffs under her breath while trying to keep her erratic heartbeats at bay.

Fabrizio flashes her a smile, and it surprises her how at ease he seems to be, before he shifts his attention to the woman with her back on them, gently patting her shoulder. “Jess, this is Monica, my fiancée. Monica, this is Jessica, one of my best colleagues and friends.”

The young woman smiles warmly at her, stands up and offers her hand to her. “Hi, a pleasure to meet you.”

Jessica doesn't reply straight away, firstly taking a moment to scan her with her eyes, which probably is rude but she's just been introduced to a woman whose existence she wasn't even aware of up until two weeks ago so she hopes she forgives her. Extremely long dark hair, bright brown eyes and a huge smile, in total contrast to herself. Jessica can't help but make the comparison in her head. Monica, or whatever her name is, seems younger than her, full of life and very down to earth. That must have been what attracted Fabrizio to her because Jessica has always wanted the world and she would never settle with anything less.

She shakes the extended hand, plastering a smile. “Nice to meet you, too.”

They take their seats, give their orders and make small talk about each other. Thankfully, Fabrizio is sitting between them the whole time, ensuring there are no awkward silences. In fact, it's only after the main course when Fabrizio excuses himself to go to the bathroom that Jessica's heart starts pounding in her chest. She doesn't want to hear a word about them...

“So...” Monica starts over the rim of her wine glass, taking a hefty swig. “...I've heard a lot about you.”

Jessica fiddles with the expensive white tablecloth, avoiding to look at the other woman in a desperate attempt to hide the tears that are burning in the corners of her eyes. “Is that so?”

Monica nods. “Fabrizio always talks about you. He still loves you, you know.”

Jessica's head snaps up at her phrasing, no longer caring if her self pity is out for the world to see. “How exactly do you know?” she demands, sharper than she meant to.

“We've always been close” Monica shrugs, as if it's no big deal. “Fabrizio and I grew up together. We played together when we were kids, we went to school together, we watched races together... We lost contact some five years ago when Force India signed up Fabrizio and I was still studying to get my degree in family law...” _A lawyer, then._ “Last summer, we met each other again by chance in his parents' home in Parma. I'm starting to believe they had it all set up in the first place!” she chuckles softly and Jessica balls her fists on her knees under the table at the carefreeness in her voice. “We spent more and more time together and we fell for each other. In December, he proposed” she beams, proudly gazing down at her ring on her finger.

Jessica has no idea why Monica feels the need to torture her like this. “And where do I come in?” she clenches her jaw.

“He used to talk a lot about you back then and he still does now. He has told me about what you two shared, how you started and how you ended.” Jessica shudders because they had promised whatever had happened would stay between them but apparently Fabrizio had other plans. Great, now she has another reason to resent him. “I'm sorry it didn't work out.” Monica actually looks apologetic as she leans confidentially towards Jessica's side of the table. “But I care about him as much as you do and I promise I'll try to offer him the life you couldn't. I really love him, Jessica.”

As Jessica nods, all she can see through her tears is her temporary saving in the form of a returning Fabrizio with a worried look in his eyes. She wonders whether he's aware of how much pain he has just forced her to endure.

* * *

Jessica feels like she's suffocating the longer the evening goes on and she comes to find out more about the couple. She simply wants to get out of there so the moment she finishes her dessert, she announces it's high time she left. She wishes she could skip goodbye hugs and kisses but when Fabrizio offers to accompany her to her car with a meaningful look, she can't refuse. They walk in silence towards the parking lot, Jessica shivering slightly in the night breeze. She enjoys it, though, and prevents Fabrizio from actually wrapping his coat around her shoulders. He nods in understanding and watches her unlock her car, eyes dull at her back. If only she just looked at him...

“Are you mad at me?” he stammers, shoving his hands into his pockets as if he's not sure what to do with them.

Jessica quits whatever she's doing and turns to face him, a deep frown of surprise between her eyebrows. “No” she clarifies and he sighs in relief. “Why would I be mad at you?”

Fabrizio shrugs as if the answer is way too obvious. “Because of everything? With Monica and...” he pauses, searching for her gaze in the darkness. “... Us?”

“I'm not mad at you” she repeats but it doesn't make a difference as Fabrizio's expression remains broken. Jessica sighs and pushing the driver's door closed, she approaches his side. “For what it's worth, I'm sorry about the way I acted in Canada.” His eyes meet hers and tension instantly leaves his shoulders, to some extent, at least. She deems that as a good sign and continues, “I was just angry and that made me blind, I guess. So much so I couldn't admit you're right. We have to move on.” He raises an eyebrow as if doubting her honesty. She averts her gaze, almost feeling guilty. “It must sound like I'm crying over spilled milk but I figured you may want to know.”

“I do” Fabrizio confirms, nodding.

Jessica takes a step closer to him, acutely aware of the pain in her chest, which she tries to cover with a shaky laugh. “I like her” she informs him, pointing with her eyes at the restaurant they've just walked out of.

Fabrizio exhales the breath he didn't know he was holding and beams at her. “I thought you were going to hate her!”

Jessica shrugs with a gentle smile. Who would have thought it would be so hard to pretend. “You'll be happy with her.”

He throws himself in her arms, at which she hums in surprise. “You don't know how much it means to me!” he says, voice slightly trembling with emotion. 

Does that mean he doesn't give a damn about them? She lets him hug her regardless and relief floods her body the second he pulls away. Only that it's short lived because he leans in again, capturing her lips into a chaste kiss. She wants to scream at the top of her lungs that's not freaking fair but he breaks the kiss soon enough and she couldn't be more grateful. His eyes fall on hers and she curses herself when her breath hitches in her throat. “Goodbye, Jess” he whispers against her mouth. “I'll never forget you.”

* * *

Jessica hardly manages to drive five kilometers before she collapses. The sob rising up her throat finally finds its way out and is soon followed by another which in turn is succeeded by a third one and before she realizes it, there are rivers of tears splashing down her cheeks. It goes without saying she can't drive in that state so she pulls at the side of the road and just cries till she has no tears left.

That's not fair! Life's not freaking fair! Fabrizio hurt her, he tore her apart and yet she's the one suffering while he simply moves on and builds a new life for himself. She covers her mouth with her hands to block the echo of her sobs but to no avail, as she can hear her quick heartbeat in her aching temples. _Now isn't the time to be weak, Jessica. You have to be brave._

Slowly, her sobs decrease to occasional hiccupping and she tries to relax, reclining backwards in her seat and closing her eyes. The darkness is comforting. But it's not completely dark because the road in Sochi appears out of the shadows and she's forced into the same nightmare.

 

_“We shouldn't have had so many drinks” Fabrizio complains and grips the steering wheel tighter, struggling to keep his eyes open. “It was Checo's party anyway and we're on Nico's side of the garage.”_

_Jessica shrugs. “It was the team's party. We were allowed to have fun.” She unclips her seatbelt to stretch her arms, yawning. “We should have called a cab.”_

_Fabrizio looks at her offended. “I **can** drive!” he protests._

_An idea flashes in Jessica's mind but she hesitates. She finally smirks and stands on her knees on her seat, leaning towards his side, and plants a kiss at the side of his neck. “What about now?”_

_Fabrizio swallows thickly, his trousers becoming tighter in his legs. “Go on” he rasps._

_She grins and pushes her head in the crook of his shoulder, continuing to kiss his jaw and throat, smiling as he bites his bottom lip to stop himself from moaning. It's been some time since they last made love and she has missed this. She straightens up to undo the upper buttons of his shirt when she notices the red light on the car's windscreen and her nostrils flare because that means having Fabrizio for herself, even if it's for a couple of seconds. But the car doesn't feel like slowing down; instead, the speedometer is constantly rising up._

_“Fabrizio?” she furrows her brow worried because the traffic light is closer than ever, but he only steps harder on the gas. “What are you doing? Slow down!”_

_She tries to reach for the steering wheel but he pushes her hand away. “We're all alone, exactly what you wanted!”_

_She blinks in surprise but she has no time to react. She hears rather than sees the truck colliding with the passenger door before she's pushed backwards in her seat, glass and aluminum smashing everywhere in the process. It feels like an eternity before everything ceases shaking. Moving hurts, breathing hurts and she can't free herself because her leg is trapped under some debris. So she just stays there, gasping as she waits for help, vaguely aware that Fabrizio has kneeled next to her, pleading her to forgive him. She only manages a weak whisper, “Don't let me die.”_

 

Jessica's eyes blow wide open as tears threaten to return. She doesn't know why it's so difficult to stay strong tonight. She didn't cry back then. She didn't cry when they showed her the footage of the accident while she was half dead on a hospital bed. She didn't cry when Otmar patted her shoulder, telling her to take a break. She didn't cry when she signed her resignation from Force India, abandoning her heart with it, just so she didn't have to face Fabrizio again. And yet, his engagement, him following life's way into normality hurts more. Does that even make sense? She doesn't want to hear the answer.

Her gaze lands on the three-pointed star on the steering wheel she's currently sitting behind. Mercedes had been her everything. Her home and shelter after she had to leave Force India. But their motor home in the paddock feels foreign now and their cold eyes always burn her back, even when she doesn't let anyone know. Life with Lewis wasn't all plain and rosy but he made her happy till the bubble she was living in broke. They don't even greet each other any more.

This time she doesn't stop her tears from running. What is wrong with her? Why on earth does she always find herself in the eye of the storm?

She wants to get out of here, be somewhere where she can feel loved and safe, as if her past is just a bad dream she can forget about and never think of again. She searches frantically for her cell phone in her purse and types out a text to the only person she can think of.

_To: Sebastian_

_Can I come and stay with you?_

It's way past ten now but apparently he hasn't fallen asleep yet.

_From: Sebastian_

_Sure. I'll book a flight for you and arrange for someone to pick you up from the airport._

She smiles, wiping away tears with one hand. He's too good for this cruel world, it doesn't deserve him.

_To: Sebastian_

_Thanks. I'll be there as soon as possible. Hope we can still have breakfast in bed and go for walks around the lake!_

_From: Sebastian_

_I might have better ideas._

She lets out a choked laugh and eyes the car's interior once more. Why she's still keeping it, it's a mystery even to herself.

_To: Sebastian_

_I want to get rid of the Mercedes._

She can practically hear the smile on his face as he replies,

_I'd be happy to help._

She sighs at the double meaning of his words. If he doesn't refer to her new car, she doubts he can be of any help because her world has just come down to pieces and he can't put it back together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love some feedback on how you deem Jessica. While writing this chapter, it dawned on me she could be a Mary Sue and even though my lovely beta assured me she's a likeable character, I still have my doubts. So what do you think about her? Is she too scarred to the point of making her unrealistic? Is she justified to cry because of Fabrizio or should she just forget about it and move on? Do you sympathize with her or you'd rather she did things differently?
> 
> Anyone up for some more drama, I was listening to Falling Inside the Black by Skillet, My Immortal and My Last Breath by Evanescence and Lovely by Billie Eillish while writing this chapter. On a positive note, the next two chapters are pure fluff. To get an idea, I suggest Castle of Glass by Linkin Park, Salvation and Whispers in the Dark by Skillet.
> 
> Enjoy your week!


	11. New Devotion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Kudos to [Leonora_Acker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leonora_Acker/pseuds/Leonora_Acker) for her awesome cheesy pick up lines AND chapter titles. You're literally the best!! ❤

Jessica makes a circle around herself, taking in every little detail of Sebastian's living room, and lets out an incomprehensible sound of amazement. His place is massive; there's enough space for ten people to be living there, not just Sebastian by himself. And the annoying constant presence of Kimi it seems, as he sits cross-legged on the sofa across from her, curiously watching her over the rim of his cup of tea. She wants to glare at him till he turns to smoke and ashes. As if his mini interrogation during the ride from the airport to Sebastian's house wasn't bad enough already. She honestly thinks Sebastian could find a much better person to drive her to his home if he tried.

“I put your bags in my room” Sebastian informs her, returning in the room, before unceremoniously plopping on the other sofa with a small smile.

She beams at him and moves to cuddle close to his side, capturing his lips into a gentle kiss. “I can't believe I'm here.”

Sebastian chuckles, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “I can't believe it either. I don't know why you changed your mind but I'm glad you did.” He absentmindedly plays with her curls as she lies down on his lap; then, realization hits and he rubs his forehead worried. “You must be exhausted. Do you need anything? Something to eat, perhaps, or a nap?”

She shakes her head. “Just a shower.”

“Go on, then” he gently pats her back and she hums in discomfort but finally straightens up.

“Will you join me?” Jessica proposes with a wink.

She can see his eyes darken but he shakes his head. “Sorry, love, tomorrow maybe.”

She pouts but stands up and kisses him again. Sebastian follows her with his gaze till she's out of sight and then turns to Kimi, only to find him looking at him with raised eyebrows. “What?” he accuses.

“Nothing” Kimi shrugs. “Just wondering what the hell happened in three freaking days that made her change her opinion. Suddenly it's all good if she's here with you?”

Sebastian sighs. His teammate probably knows way more about his love life than he should be allowed to. “I don't know but if it means she's willing to stay with me, then I'm not going to complain.”

“She has you so wrapped around her little finger that you can't even see the woods for the trees, that's what” Kimi scoffs, stirring what's left of his tea with his tablespoon.

It's the moment Sebastian becomes defensive. “Look, Kimi, if you agreed to help me only to get free gossip and make sharp comments, thank you very much but I have better things to do with my time.”

He's probably being rude to a friend that was just trying to be helpful, but there's a reason why Kimi is nicknamed the Iceman. He gulps down the last sip of his tea and indifferently stands up, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Don't worry, I'm leaving anyway. One, you and Riley are none of my business and two, I have to watch your and Lewis's football war live on TV. Just, Seb...” He pauses, shooting the German a meaningful glance. “...Be careful what and who you love, okay?” Sebastian considers the words for a minute, then nods weakly. Kimi pats his shoulder encouragingly and walks out of the house, shouting behind him as he does, “Arsenal versus Eintracht tonight at eight, don't miss it!”

* * *

By the time Jessica comes out of the bathroom, refreshed and feeling like a human being again, Sebastian is already sprawled on the bed watching some football match on TV, occasionally muttering to himself what she assumes are curses in German. She doesn't bother to question which team he's rooting for, as she snuggles next to him, brushing her nose in the soft wool of his sweater.

“I'm supporting the black ones” she tells him, letting out a small yawn. “Red is Lewis's team. We can't be on the same side” she explains, sneakily wrapping his blanket solely around herself.

Sebastian chuckles at her antics looking down at her and then kisses her forehead. “I was worried when you texted me. I had stopped hoping you'd come to Switzerland in this life. What happened?”

She aahms, playing with his fingers over his belly. “I had a rough evening” she replies enigmatically. “Needed someone to be there.”

“You're safe with me” Sebastian assures, instinctively tightening his hold around her waist. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Jessica shakes her head, tucking it under his chin, and her eyes flutter closed. “Just stay here.”

“Not going anywhere” he promises and leans down to kiss her lips hard. It feels amazing when she kisses him back with the same passion and heat and Sebastian tries to pull her on top of him to make it lead to more but she breaks away.

“Seb, I'm tired. We can play tomorrow.”

Sebastian snorts in disappointment but nods and she kisses his cheek good night before rolling on her back and drifting off to a deep, dreamless sleep.

* * *

When Jessica suggested they pick up where they've left off the next day, she didn't expect him to be so literal about it. She wakes up to Sebastian kissing her stomach; not that she minds. She beams, removing her pajama top to give him more space and giggles as he alternates kisses with soft bites. That's exactly her definition of perfect mornings; waking up by Seb's side, totally lost in happiness.

When he finally stops, he lies next to her and she rolls to the side to look at him. Sebastian is flustered and breathless but his eyes are glued to her and his gaze holds something Jessica has never seen before, something close to rapture.

“What are you looking at?” she questions, self consciously bringing a hand up to brush away from her forehead a loose strand of hair.

“You” Sebastian offers simply and traces the outline of her face with his fingers. “You're unlike the other women I've met” he explains in a husky voice, rich with emotion. “On the outside, it's almost as if you're made of china; you're so precious and delicate that I'm afraid you'll break to pieces if I touch you. Inside, you're tough as iron and yet your feet are not firmly fixed on the ground. But for some bizarre reason when I look at you I feel that as long as you're standing by my side, I can go high enough to reach the stars.”

Jessica senses tears prickling in her eyes but this time they're accompanied by a warm feeling of protection and security. Sebastian's confession and the sweetness behind it is more than what most people get to hear in their lives and only reminds her how lucky she is to have him. But much as she wants to say it back, she never had her way with words. So she just surges forwards and traps his lips into a heated kiss, pouring all her love and affection into it, and he happily deepens it, closing his eyes to fully enjoy the moment. And suddenly, Jessica has the feeling that night in Sochi never happened in the first place. Fabrizio and his fiancée carry no significance at all and her shattered world comes back together in one piece. She has Seb and Seb is her world now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still working on next chapter, I think I'll finish it in time for next weekend. Also, if anyone's interested, I'll update my Race Chronicles series this week.
> 
> Forza Seb, win for us tomorrow! Had to be said...


	12. This Is How It's Done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who decided to update! 😲  
> I'm sorry for the delay but life was in my way. It still is to be honest so not sure when I'll post the next chapter. Might be a little scrappy because I just wanted to post NOW. I had to take my mind off the Azerbaijan GP. #ForzaFerrari #ForzaSeb

“We really have to take the Renault?” Jessica pouts from where she's sat on the hood of a shiny cherry red Ferrari 812 Superfast, fingers fiddling with the end of her scarf and legs dangling over the smooth metal. She loved the car since the very first second she landed her eyes on it and during the half of an hour she has spent stroking it in Sebastian's garage she has developed an emotional attachment to it, so much so she dreads in the idea of abandoning it for a whole day. “This baby is lonely here!”

Sebastian raises an eyebrow. “Darling, we're going skiing in the Swiss Alps with Kimi. My Ferrari belongs nowhere there.” He shudders, eyes widening in panic, when she leans down, making a motion as if hugging the car, _that_ close to scratching his precious possession. “And I'd very much appreciate it if you stopped sitting on my car.” He runs his fingers through his curls. Life with Jessica is way harder than he anticipated. She has the heart of a naughty kid and she will do anything to attract your attention, no matter how embarrassing, ridiculous or childish that is. Spain and her humiliating challenge is only a faint reminder of that.

Jessica suddenly straightens up, as if she read his thoughts, and looks at him dead serious. “You still want to talk?”

Sebastian's head instantly snaps up. The reason why she decided to come here despite her complete denial in Montreal. “Go on” he prompts, leaning against the mirror of the Clio he's intending for them to drive. It's no big deal if anything happens to that, anyway.

She drags in a sharp breath and avoids eye contact with him for as long as possible, gazing down at her boots instead. “I met Fabrizio in Italy earlier this week” she reveals and doesn't fail to notice the heavy frown that etches on Sebastian's forehead as the words leave her mouth. “He's gotten engaged.” She fights back the lump rising up her throat but a small sob still escapes her. Sebastian is in front of her in the blink of an eye, comfortingly hugging her waist and she intertwines their fingers, giving his hand a gentle squeeze as she continues, “Made me reconsider my life. I've effectively pressed pause, turned the volume of my feelings down and denied myself of any pleasure or happiness, apart from my job. I need a fresh start, Seb, a new future.”

“Let me be that” he all but pleads but she shushes him, placing a finger over his lips.

“You don't know what you're asking for, Seb. I have my scars and my flaws and my past is always going to be around the corner. Lewis is always going to be between us. Fabrizio is always going to be between us.”

Sebastian chews on his inner cheek to stop himself from enquiring but in the end he can't resist. “So you and Fabrizio really were a thing?”

She ignores him. There are more important things to be discussed right now. “To be my future, you'd have to be there. You'd have to put up with all these things. I'm not good at relationships, I don't think I know how to handle feelings...”

“Jess...” he sighs lovingly, wiping a few stray tears away from her face. “I've never ever desired anyone as strongly as you. I don't care what I need to do to have you. I know it's not going to be easy but we'll have each other every step of the way.” He grasps her face and brings it closer to himself to try and lose himself in those enchanting blue eyes. “If you're hurt as you say, I'll heal you. I'll take care of your wounds till they close for good. I'm not leaving you alone. We'll get through this together, understood?”

Jessica nods weakly and he crushes their lips together. It's as soft and yet as powerful as it can be and she sighs into the kiss. “I love you” she tells him when they break apart for air and lowers her head into his shoulder.

He kisses the top of her head. “I love you, too. Never forget that.”

They stay in that peaceful silence for some minutes before Jessica tugs his sleeve. “Seb?” she whispers questioningly in his ear. He hums in response. “I don't know how to ski.”

Sebastian grins and lifts her face to look at her. “Is that what you're worrying about? I'll teach you.”

“Not a good student” she warns before sulking. “Why on earth people have hobbies I'm clueless about? Liberty Media with rafting in Canada and now you and your skiing. Can't you just pick something normal?”

Sebastian chuckles, resting his hands on either side of her on the Ferrari. “So, no rafting and no skiing. What else?”

She troubles her tongue between her teeth while thinking. “I like swimming” she says finally. “Horse riding, tennis, I sometimes play the piano...”

He seems thrilled. “Really?”

She nods. “Maybe one day I can play something to you.”

Sebastian smiles warmly. “I'd love that.” She beams at him, carding her fingers through his beard and he closes his eyes to the pleasant touch. “How can you be so perfect?” he wonders in amazement and kisses the thumb that is caressing his cheek.

Jessica laughs shakily. “Me? Perfect?” If she was perfect, she wouldn't have fallen for Lewis. She wouldn't have kissed Fabrizio in Bahrain. She wouldn't envy his fiancée for living the life she couldn't. Heck, if she was perfect, she wouldn't even be standing here. “Far from it. I just hope I don't let you down.”

He beams. “You couldn't let me down if you tried.” He captures her lips into a passionate kiss and she deepens it, fingers gently pulling at his hair. When he continues kissing her jaw and neck, she leans backwards, lying over the windscreen of the Ferrari, begging for him right here, right now. In a heartbeat, Sebastian pulls away from the kiss and jolts her off the car. “Don't even think about making out on my Ferrari! If anything happens to it, I swear I'll...”

“We're running late, Sebby” Jessica smirks, picking up her backpack and boarding the dull Clio. She'll make up for lost time with the Ferrari later when Seb won't be present. She just hopes it doesn't traumatize its sensitive feelings.

* * *

“Come on, Jess, we have to make a skiing specialist out of you!” Sebastian enthusiastically claps his hands but Jessica only huffs as she stands up from the wooden bench she's made herself comfortable.

“I don't want to learn how to ski!” she whines, walking towards him and visibly struggling with her skis and poles as she does. “I'm going to be a disaster. I'll lose my balance, break both legs and make a fool of myself!”

“You're a huge grump, you know that?” he teases, offering his hand to help her which she gladly accepts. “You're going to be alright, I promise.” Jessica snorts in disbelief but doesn't protest otherwise, pretending to believe him. Sebastian takes a few steps backwards to better be able to monitor her progress and begins explaining. “So, the most important thing when skiing is not to lean backwards. You should keep your weight forwards. Pretty much like oversteer and understeer in cars.”

She raises a skeptical eyebrow. “The car doesn't function well with either of the two.”

“Good point, but we need oversteer in skiing.”

She gives him a thumbs up that is almost mocking. “Oversteer check.”

“Just watch out at the corners. Wouldn't like to end up in the wall, or, in this case, the trees.” Her eyes widen in horror and he snickers at himself. Who would have thought teaching Riley the stubborn mule could be so much fun. “Now, you also need stability. Keep your feet shoulder width apart, with your toes pointing inwards and heels apart, as if your skis are a slice of pizza.”

“I have serious trouble imagining my feet as a slice of pizza right now” Jessica scoffs. “Can we go for pizza afterwards?” she proposes, gaze firmly fixed on the ground.

Sebastian gently lifts her chin, forcing her to make eye contact with her surroundings, and she pouts. He flashes her a strict glance. “Watch where you're going! If you look at the snow under your feet, that's where you're going to end up.”

“You're an awful teacher” she glares at him.

He smirks. “Thank you very much, might be the sweetest thing you ever said to me. Of course, after that I drive like a rookie.” She sticks her tongue out for him but he only kisses her cheek hard before going on, “Bend your ankles, knees and waist in this order and stretch your arms out wide, as if you're about to hug someone.” Of course she _has_ to wrap her arms around his neck. Sebastian sighs. He should have seen that coming. “If your plan is to strangle me to death to get rid of skiing, it's not going to work” he comments when her grip tightens. “Antti trains me hard. I can hit back.” She hunches her shoulders and returns back to her spot, cursing under her breath. “Better that way” Sebastian hums contently and ignores the fact that she's currently trying to burn him with her gaze. “Feel your weight evenly on the balls of your feet and heels. That's how you move.”

“When are we going to the fun part?” Jessica questions, trying the exercise. “All this technical stuff is boring.”

He winks. “For someone that makes a living out of technical stuff, that's actually a strange thing, Jess.” Apparently, his sense of humor doesn't reach her since her only response is a warning glance. “So, if you want to make a short turn, flex and extend quickly. To make a longer turn, flex and extend more slowly.”

“Pretty similar to cars” she observes, rubbing her chin and Sebastian nods in agreement. “Are there brakes?”

He smiles at the choice of words. “Sure. You simply turn your toes towards each other a bit more and push your heels further apart. And basically that's all I can teach you.”

Jessica seems surprised. “That's all? So, in theory I know how to ski now?” He replies with a plain yes and she lets out a nervous sigh. “Okay, let's give it a shot.”

She's a natural at skiing. Sebastian is impressed with her fluid and speed control and her abilities are almost infuriating for an experienced skier like himself. He's happy though because she seems to be enjoying herself. Nothing bad will happen if he averts his gaze for a second to check around for Kimi and their promised lunch, right? The next thing he knows is Jessica is lying on her stomach on the snow, calling his name.

“JESS!” He rushes to her side worried and kneels down next to her, as she pushes herself up. “Are you alright? Did you hurt yourself?” Wait, is she...laughing?

“I'm fine, Seb” she cups his cheek, straightening up. “The only thing I hurt is my pride.”

Sebastian lets out a sigh of relief as he grabs her shoulders. “Don't you ever do that again! I was bloody scared.” He leans slightly backwards to have a better look at her. “Are you sure you're okay?”

She nods. “Never been more sure. Can we go now and have that pizza you were gushing about?”

He manages a small smile, helping her stand up. “You really haven't learnt anything about skiing, Jess” he sighs and she only shrugs so innocently Sebastian can't help but steal a quick kiss from her lips.

* * *

Kimi's face frowns above his pepperoni pizza at the sight before him. Sebastian and Riley practically snuggled together, joking at her inability to ski, occasionally exchanging affectionate words. His eyes blow wide open when she courageously lifts her head to place a chaste kiss on his lips and he actually kisses back. Despite his promise to Sebastian the previous evening to stay out of his relationship with his race engineer, he deems that's the point where he _has_ to intervene. Someone has to be reasonable here if the two lovebirds are completely oblivious to the world. He snaps his fingers to distract them and they break apart, both clearly annoyed.

Jessica glares at him. “Problem, Raikkonen?”

He leans towards them, glaring back. “Have you two lost your minds? This is a public place, anyone could take a picture. And, anyway, who the hell are you to kiss Sebastian in the middle of a busy restaurant in Switzerland?”

She shrugs. “His girlfriend who loves him?”

Sebastian turns to look at her surprised but Kimi only winks before shoving a slice of pizza into his mouth. She swears he's smirking. “That's none of my business” he huffs between bites. “But, for heaven's sake, be discreet. That's what houses and beds were invented for.”

“Thank you very much, I might find that useful later” she beams at him mockingly and devours her own pizza, despite feeling Seb's gaze burn her back.

* * *

Sebastian comes out of the bathroom drying his hair with a light blue towel and instantly furrows his brow at the death silence around his house. “Jess?” he asks quietly in case she's already fallen asleep but receives no response mainly because she's nowhere to be seen. He stands in the middle of the aisle folding his arms in his chest and raises an eyebrow. The ground can't just have opened and swallowed her. “Where did the little devil go?” he thinks out loud before a flashing thought has his eyes open wide. “She didn't...” As if on cue, there's the roaring of an engine in his garage downstairs and Sebastian sighs, slumping his shoulders. “She did.”

He finds her sat behind the wheel of his 812 Superfast, driver's door wide open and an idiotic grin on her face. Much as she looks cute, Sebastian isn't letting her get away with it so easily. “How the hell did you get in here?”

Jessica's head snaps up and her smile slowly fades, feeling caught. “I'm sorry Grace, daddy Seb doesn't like us becoming friends” she says to the car, patting its dashboard gently.

Sebastian fails to suppress a smile. “Grace? You named my car Grace?”

She shrugs, reclining backwards to look at him more comfortably as he supports his arms over the open door. “Why not? She's graceful. And, to answer your question, I trespassed your drawers for your keys.”

That's sounds like a typical thing she would do. He snorts and rubs his forehead before covering his face with his palms. “What am I going to do with you?” he whines, voice coming out muffled. “You have that bad habit of fumbling with everything and apparently you're in love with my car... I'm going to need a security system if you're to stick around.” He adjusts his posture and looks at her mischievously. “What do you hate? Spiders?”

“Snakes” she flinches.

Sebastian rubs his hands with an evil smile. “Great, I'm getting myself a dozen of cute pet snakes! What color do you prefer?”

Jessica glares at him because she honestly believes he's capable of actually allowing some reptiles to stroll around his house for the sole purpose of discouraging her from touching his belongings. “Do it and you can call your championship done.”

He chuckles, kneeling down on the floor next to her. “Seriously, though...” She has a pretty good idea what he's about to say and sucks in a deep breath to prepare herself for this conversation. “What you said to Kimi was very sweet.” He pauses, studying her eyes. “Did you mean it?”

She breaks eye contact, searching for the right words, before finally deciding, _damn it_. She surges forwards and plants a heated kiss on his lips. “I meant every word I said” she tells him when he pulls away for air and his smile widens. “I wish I could tell you everything I feel. I love you, Seb. No matter what nonsense I do or say, I love you. That's all that matters, okay?”

He grins. “If you say so.” He leans in for another kiss. “So, we really are a real couple now?”

“Of course we are. We even had our first fight in Baku.”

Sebastian chuckles, carding his fingers through her brown curls. “I think we had our first fight the day we met. But I admit we've done progress since then.”

She laughs and grabs his face between her hands, making sure this sinks in, “To hell with everything and everyone else, let's build on the two of us. Be my future, Seb.”

He beams, kissing her temple. “I'd do anything for you, Jess.”

She smirks. “Letting me borrow your Ferrari?”

“Anything apart from letting you borrow my Ferrari” he clarifies and Jessica's only response is to stick her tongue out at him and push the driver's door closed.


	13. Of Places And People...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the very late update but life has been chaotic. I promise more regular updates once my stupid exams are over. I hope you all understand!

“Jessica, love, you have a flight to catch” Sebastian tries to put some reason into her as she tugs his shirt, trailing wet kisses all over his chest.

“I'll be quick” she insists and Sebastian doesn't stop her this time. Contrary to her promise, she takes as long as possible and then plants a breathless kiss on his lips. “I love you.”

He knits his eyebrows suspiciously. She hasn't stopped repeating it ever since she set foot on Switzerland. She's never been one to openly express her feelings; she's hardly what you'd call romantic, so why the hell _now_? “I know” he assures as she scrambles off bed to get dressed. “Why do you keep telling me that?”

He swears the hair at the back of her neck stand up but she dodges the question, asking him to call Kimi to drive her to the airport instead. The next time he sees her it's on Thursday morning, joking and laughing with Nico Hulkenberg at the terrace of the Renault motor home in France. He wants to dart there, hear her soft voice, squeeze her arm, maybe steal a kiss or two from her... But he stops dead on his tracks before he even takes a step towards their direction. Jessica was Nico's engineer in Force India, how is he supposed to turn up uninvited in Renault? Heck, he's _not_ supposed to turn up there in the first place! Sure, she's in his team now and he knows Nico quite well, but still...

His thoughts are disturbed by Crofty and a microphone that is shoved right in his face. “Sebastian, if we could hear a word from you, please. All seven races to date have been won either by you or Lewis. What are the chances we have a different winner this weekend?”

Right, there is media. He manages a small smile for the camera. “Well, I didn't know that, I'm not very good with statistics nowadays. I think whoever of us you ask, we all want to win. Our respective teams all want to win. They've worked so hard to develop such quick cars, although you can see mine chilling out over there!” he chuckles, waving at Jessica who waves back at him with a wide grin on her face. “Hopefully, we can have a fun race for the fans to watch here and at home, too.”

“That would be great” David agrees. “If you had to put money on someone, who would that be?”

He smirks. “Myself, undoubtedly! I always bet on myself winning.”

* * *

Paul Ricard is truly a wonderful track to race at. The place holds a sweet nostalgic feeling and even the air she breathes smells like car racing, fuel and worn-out tyres. Stretching her arms above her head in the yellow and black director's chair she's currently sitting, Jessica can feel the excited vibe dominating in Renault. She doesn't blame them. The guys haven't had a home race for ten years, they should be happy; she is, too. She loved the French Grand Prix as a kid and she's never been to Paul Ricard before, she's looking forward to exploring the circuit. If only it weren't for...

“Do you have any clue how many Renault world champions have there been?” Nico nudges her elbow, lifting his eyes from the data he's studying and to which she _might_ have taken a peek when he thought she was just admiring the scenery. Why have friends at other teams if they are of no use anyway?

Jessica drags in a deep breath, taking a sip from the cup of coffee Cyril has offered her. Polite French guys. “Just one, I think? Fernando Alonso?”

He beams at her and writes that down. “Girl after my own heart.” She's almost sure he doesn't mean that as a compliment but she finds it hard not to blush either way. “How many French ones in general?”

She grins. She knows that. “Alain Prost. Only one.” She slides her hand around their cups to grab the croissant in the plate in front of him and takes a big bite. Cyril wasn't joking when he bragged about Renault having the best canteen in the paddock.

“So, you came here only to steal my food” Nico glares at her but she only raises an eyebrow, pointing a strict finger at him.

“You should be grateful that I'm making sure you don't cheat on a race weekend.” She finishes her snack and wipes her fingers with a napkin. “Why the hell are you asking me history questions?”

“I have a segment for some French channel” he sighs, not really looking forward to it. “They've turned the revival of the Grand Prix into a national celebration.”

Jessica pulls a face. “Don't remind me! We have to take part in a quiz later because apparently the most historical team in the sport has to be involved.”

“What do you mean by 'we'?” he furrows his eyebrows.

She shrugs. “Seb, Fabrizio, Stefano, Domenico and me, I think. Ferrari's representatives.” She brings her coffee up to her lips to prevent him from asking more questions. “What else do you want to know?”

He checks his list. “How about race winners?”

She inhales sharply, her eyebrows shooting up. “Prost, Alesi, Cevert, Panis, Depailler...” she counts with her fingers.

There's a dragged out pause and Nico lifts his head confused, only to see she's trying to balance her chair on one foot. He lowers his sunglasses in the bridge of his nose and looks at her over his lenses. “If you continue doing that for any longer, you'll end up breaking your head and I don't want to be the one responsible to pass your last words to the future generations.” He couldn't be more sarcastic if he tried. “Plus, I don't know if you're aware but you being a child is broadcasted live all over the world.”

Her head snaps to the Ferrari motor home where a Sky camera is filming her next to a smiling Seb waving at her. She instantly straightens up, her chair thudding against the ground to the point of making her dizzy. She's happy to see him again and excitedly waves back at him, grinning ear to ear, even if Nico laughs so hard at her reaction he almost chokes on his own saliva.

“Can you not be a five year old for a minute?” she kicks his leg after both the camera and Sebastian are out of sight. “What's so funny anyway?”

“How are things between you and Sebastian?” he surprises her. 

Jessica sucks in a big puff of air and unconsciously turns defensive, putting some distance between them. “Fine, I guess. We don't fight on team radio anymore and that's something. But if you need to know, I spent last week at his.”

“Do you love him?”

She snorts, shooting him a sharp glance. “I don't need your lectures, Nico. I'm an adult, I can perfectly handle things on my own.” Isn't this what she's been doing her whole life? Mess everything up, throw herself into a deep hole and find her way up alone. And she prefers it staying this way.

“Jess...” he says gently, reaching for her hand. “I'm not lecturing you. I care for you. I want you to be happy and if he's the source of that happiness, then I'm okay with that.”

She raises her eyebrows suspiciously at him. Wasn't he the one telling her that love has no place in Formula One in Canada? As far as she's concerned, two weeks aren't a long enough period to change long-time attitudes in life.

“Who is the source of whose happiness?”

Right, she had forgotten about Fabrizio and his awful timing.

“Fabrizio, mate!” Nico looks far too bright about seeing him. “Just in time to help with French winners. We've got Prost, Alesi, Cevert, Panis and Depailler so far.”

“Jacques Laffite won a couple of races in late '70s” he remembers, settling down between the two of them confused, and Nico beams at him. “What has Laffite to do with happiness?”

Jessica shrugs. “Happiness is a subjective thing.”

He looks totally unconvinced. “Do you two know something that I don't?”

“Relax, mate!” Nico brushes it off with a wave of his hand before redirecting, “How's Monica?”

Now, that's what Jessica hates about Nico. He has what she calls German logic, believing that discussing the sore points will just make things alright. Well, no.

“She's fine” Fabrizio smiles at the thought of his fiancée. “We were planning the wedding before I left. She wants one of those big, fat weddings, full of people and food. Parma is nice in summer.”

Nico shakes his head, sipping on his coffee. “Nah, you should do it in spring. The weather's better.”

Fabrizio shrugs, pursing his lips. “What do you say, Jess?”

Jessica looks at him startled. What season would she prefer his wedding? Autumn, on a rainy day so that what-her-name-is gets soaking wet and her sparkling white wedding dress crawls on mud. The picture has her eyes open wide mischievously and the corners of her mouth twitch up into a smug smile but she suppresses it before he can notice. “I like spring weddings.”

“And I like my crew being on time” Sebastian suddenly appears at the stairs, wearing his signature smile. “Or did you forget we have to compete in a quiz for a TV channel I can't even pronounce?”

“We could never forget about you, Seb” Jessica beams, her sulking obviously gone as she stands up to circle her arms around his neck. “What did Crofty want?”

He shrugs one shoulder, hugging her waist, and looks up at her because she's standing one step higher than him. “Nothing, just to bore me with useless statistics about me and Hamilton. I made it clear I'm winning this weekend.”

“Sounds like a plan” she smirks and kisses his cheek hard.

Fabrizio can only watch and frown. Of course, he was there when they were cuddling each other in Montreal and when they made out in the party in Monaco and when they kissed each other in Barcelona but still... Baku. Their fight on team radio. Shanghai. Sebastian going off at her about his qualifying catastrophe. Fiorano, pre season. Seb and Jessica dislike each other. He turns to Nico for an explanation but the German is watching the pair with a fond expression on his face. And finally, it all dawns on him and he's unable to stop himself from letting out a small gasp.

_No. Freaking. Way._

* * *

Leaning against the fence on the pit straight, Jessica is shivering due to the morning breeze as they wait for the TV crew to arrive. She hadn't expected France to be so cold in late June but according to Domenico and his weather forecast, it's going to be cloudy all over the weekend with a slim chance of showers on Sunday. Indeed, the air she sucks in does carry the smell of oncoming rain. She hopes not because their car isn't cut out for the wet.

“Cold?” Sebastian's voice is soft in her ear and she must be shaking like a leaf if he decides to pull her against him, rubbing the side of her arms, despite her speech about them being discreet in Montreal. He looks at her worried. “God, you've turned blue! Where is your jacket?”

“In the garage” she shrugs, voice coming out muffled from where she's hidden her head in his chest. “Didn't think it was going to be that cold.”

“Well, now you found out, you may as well disturb its precious nap once we're done here and I've smashed you.” She pinches his back and Sebastian chuckles amused. “After spending so much time with you in mine, these last few days have been absolute hell” he mumbles in her hair, causing goosebumps to appear in her skin. “I constantly have to remind myself not to grab you!”

“Seb, shut up!” she scolds him, rolling her eyes at him even if her cheeks have turned a bright shade of red. “Seriously, though, I already miss you and Switzerland.”

“Then, come. Come again!” he beams at her far too excitedly. “This time you were kinda sad, you didn't enjoy it fully. Also...” he sings in her ear, “...I have a surprise waiting for you.”

Her eyes widen as she looks at him with a huge smile. “You have a surprise for me?” The moment he nods she's jumping up and down in excitement, frantically tugging his hands. “What is it? Tell me, tell me, tell me!”

“But if I tell you, it won't be a surprise anymore, would it?” Sebastian smirks amused.

“Come on, I'll see it anyway, telling me earlier would do no harm” she insists, tapping her foot in the grass.

But he shakes his head, lips pursed into a thin line. “No. If you want to know, come see it with your own eyes in Switzerland after the race.”

She folds her arms, glaring at him. “Fine. I'll come.” Sebastian bursts into a big smile and presses a sloppy kiss on her cheek. “You'd better make that worth the trouble” she points a finger at him. Sebastian nodding eagerly is the only confirmation she needs that she's going to love his surprise.

* * *

Jessica squirms in her seat, trying to get comfortable in the small vintage Citroen they've been given to drive around the circuit while being quizzed about the history of the French Grand Prix. The old vehicle looks so fragile that she tries to avoid touching anything in fear of it collapsing to pieces.

“Hey” Sebastian next to her touches her knee, as if he can read her mind. “Relax. We're not paying for the damage. You just enjoy the game.”

“Nah, I'm going to beat you” she smirks before turning to the trio in the back. “How are we going to split into teams? We're an odd number.”

Domenico, who is sat in the middle, shakes his head. “I'm just going to ask the questions.”

Jessica raises an eyebrow at Seb. “So, me versus you, Vettel?”

He shrugs, concentrating on his driving. “Fine by me. Pick your teammate.”

She taps a finger in her cheek, trying to determine which of her two colleagues can offer her the most of help in order to absolutely trash him. “Fabrizio” she says finally, settling back in her seat and the Italian looks at her a little surprised.

“So predictable” Sebastian comments with a mocking smile before making a thumps-up gesture to the aerodynamicist through the rear view mirror. “We'll win, Stefano!”

Jessica peeks her tongue out at him as a response and Domenico raises his hands in a 'stop it' motion. “Guys, let's focus!” He flips through the cards with the questions he's holding and beams when he finds a good one. “Team Riley...” Jessica snorts at the name while Sebastian looks like he's about to protest that the first question is aimed at her. “I'm sorry Seb, but ladies first” Domenico explains before smiling at her. “Name the circuits that have hosted the French Grand Prix since its inception in 1950. Each correct answer gives you one point.”

Jessica sucks in a breath, using her fingers to keep track of the counting. “Reims, Rouen, Le Mans, Dijon, Paul Ricard...” She pauses, willing her brain to think.

“Magny-Cours” Fabrizio offers, earning a big smile from her.

“Missing one” Domenico informs them and she looks at Fabrizio pleadingly but he only shrugs.

“No clue.”

Jessica sighs, holding her hands up in defeat. “Give up.”

“Ah huh!” Domenico exclaims, far too excitedly, keeping the cards close to his torso. “Team Vettel?”

Sebastian gazes at her with an idiotic grin. “Clermont-Ferrand .”

“That is correct!” Domenico almost jumps on his seat. “So, team Riley is leading from team Vettel! Next question. Team Vettel, who won the first French Grand Prix?”

“Bwoah” Sebastian breathes out, scratching his head. “When was that?”

“1950.”

“Who was the champion that year? Fangio? I'll go with Fangio.”

“Correct!”

“But the champion was Farina” Jessica leans towards him with a mischievous expression.

Sebastian shrugs. “Who cares, got the job done.”

“Really?” she asks sarcastically. “Then, please get the job done on Sunday as well.”

He winks meaningfully at her. “During the race or after the race?”

Her cheeks turn red in an instant but Domenico saves her clearing his throat. “Team Riley, Alain Prost took his maiden career victory in Dijon but which year was it?”

“Come on, I probably wasn't even born yet” she scoffs, snorting. “I don't know, 1970?”

“Alain is not that old” Sebastian objects but she shoves him hard with her elbow.

“Shut up, Vettel! That's _my_ question!” She aahms and eehms, going through races in her mind but in the end just shakes her head. “Honestly, I have no idea. But I'm making a mental note to ask him next time I'll see him around in the paddock.”

“Fabrizio, have you ever had a chat with Mr. Prost about that?”

“Not really” Fabrizio chuckles. “But I'll say it was...1980?”

“Oooh, close! 1981” Domenico says and Fabrizio groans annoyed. He could have gotten that. “Team Vettel, how many French drivers have won their home race since it was added in the F1 calendar in 1950?”

“We have Prost” Stefano reminds his teammate. “I think Arnoux won it once.”

Sebastian nods. “How about Baghetti? Or was he Dutch?”

“Sounds Spanish” Stefano frowns.

Jessica looks at them with wide eyes in shock. “Guys, he was Italian.” She points a finger at Domenico. “Do I get extra points for correcting Sebastian's mistakes? 'Cos, you know, that seals my victory.”

“Ha, ha. Very funny, Riley” Sebastian mocks.

Domenico shakes his head at her with a slight smirk. “I'm afraid not. The one you missed was Jabouille” he says to Sebastian and Stefano.

Sebastian makes a face. “I can't even pronounce his name.”

“Love, you can't pronounce anything in French” Jessica flutters her eyelids.

“Team Riley.” Domenico begs for concentration. “Who had his career ended after an accident during the 1972 French Grand Prix?”

Jessica sulks. “Why do I get all the hard ones while the easy ones are specially reserved for Seb?”

“I suppose you don't know the answer then?” Domenico makes it sound more like a question than a fact. “Fabrizio, any ideas?”

His fellow Italian shakes his head. “Absolutely none.”

“Does Team Vettel know?”

“Dr. Marko” Sebastian immediately replies. “He was hit in the eye by a rock thrown up from Fittipaldi's Lotus.” Jessica knits her eyebrows at him surprised as Domenico screams something about him being correct. “He used to tell us the story every so often” Sebastian explains.

Jessica scoffs and crosses her arms, reclining backwards in her seat. “That's you having an unfair advantage over us. I've never worked for Red Bull and Helmut doesn't seem like a particularly sociable guy.”

Sebastian simply shrugs. “Then, you should brush up on your history knowledge, _love_.”

“Bonus round!” Domenico announces cheerfully.

“We should send Dom to replace Crofty for a weekend” Jessica whispers to Sebastian, snickering.

“Alex Jacques first” he shakes his head. “Start small and build on that.”

“I heard that” Domenico rolls his eyes at the pair in the front. “Whoever answers the question first, gets the point. Which constructor has the most victories in France?”

“Ferrari!” they all shout at the same time.

Domenico's eyes blow wide open for a brief second before he decides, “Half point each.”

“No, we should look at the numbers ” Sebastian protests and turns to look at Jessica next to him. “How many victories do you reckon they have?”

She worries her tongue between her teeth before hesitating, “Thirteen?”

“I'll say fourteen” Sebastian smiles. “Just to annoy you a tiny bit.”

“Fifteen!” Fabrizio shouts from the backseat.

“Sixteen!” Stefano argues, louder than necessary.

“Half point each!” Domenico reiterates, struggling to be heard over everyone's yells, and hums satisfied at the peaceful silence that follows. “For the record, they're seventeen.”

Sebastian huffs. “We almost had that.”

“ _Almost_ ” Jessica points out. “Need to reach the checkered flag first to win.”

“I'm leading, _love_ ” he reminds her. “I'll beat you.”

She purses her lips. “Never. I already see the checkered flag.”

“Uh huh” Domenico coughs, looking like he can't wait for this fiasco to be over despite his initial enthusiasm. “Team Vettel, who has the most victories in France and what's remarkable about it?”

“Michael” Sebastian instantly replies and Domenico nods.

Jessica's eyebrows shoot up. “Come on, he's the biggest Schumacher fan boy alive!”

“That's basic knowledge” Sebastian defends himself, shrugging.

She shakes her head. “That's you having an unfair advantage. _Again_!”

“Jess, if you continue complaining, you'll lose a point” Domenico sighs, rubbing his forehead. Why on earth did he agree on this nightmare?

Jessica turns to face him stunned. In an absolutely negative way. “What?” His response is a warning glare. Clearly not joking. “You have them all bribed, don't you?” she pouts at Seb, folding her arms.

He shrugs. “Do you know what's remarkable about it?”

Invaluable opportunity for points. Only that she has no clue whatsoever. “Never started on pole?” she stammers.

Sebastian cocks an eyebrow at her ridiculous ignorance, deadly serious. “Eight wins” he tells her, holding up as many fingers. “The most times anyone has ever won any Grand Prix.”

“Correct!” Domenico confirms.

Jessica smirks at her driver. “I'll remind you that on Sunday. Incentive for you to go for the win. To imitate your idol's success.”

He laughs, despite himself. “You're unbearable, Riley.”

“I know” she winks, lowering her voice. “But you love me.”

Sebastian fails to suppress a grin. “I do.”

“Question for both” Domenico says, spoiling the romantic mood of the moment. “In one minute, name as many drivers as you can to have won the French Grand Prix at least once. Team Riley, you go first.”

“So, we do know Schumacher, Prost, Arnoux, Fangio and that Jabouille guy have won it” Fabrizio sums up. “Who else?”

Jessica scratches her head, as if that can help her mind think. “I think Massa was the last one to win here. Probably Kimi and Fernando before him. Seb hasn't.”

Sebastian chuckles. “Not yet” he clarifies. “Think who have been champions” he advises then and Fabrizio narrows his eyes suspiciously because he's not meant to help them.

“In that case, I'll say Senna, Lauda, Hunt, Mansell...” Jessica is determined to win by all means so why not take up on his suggestion? Besides, it sounds pretty reasonable.

“Lewis?” Fabrizio offers, just to watch her reaction.

“No, I'd know that” she dismisses it. “Jim Clark?”

“Time over!” Domenico stops her. “Good job, twelve out of thirteen.”

Jessica waves her fist in the air, beaming at Seb. “Smashed you.”

“Checkered flag, Riley” he reminds her, lightheartedly.

“Just remember, Seb, grace in defeat” she insists teasingly before turning to Domenico. “Who was the odd one out?” He seals his lips and she whines.

“Probably Senna” Sebastian offers instead. “Don't think it was part of the calendar.”

She leans backwards, observing him with wide eyes. “Wow, you're so old you remember that, Vettel?” she pretends to be surprised. “Good to know.”

“Seb, your turn” Domenico chimes in. He's had enough of them today.

“All I know are Schumacher, Prost and Arnoux, really” Stefano raises his hands, blushing a little embarrassed, and Jessica snickers because that's her victory assured. “Any ideas, Seb?”

Sebastian exhales a puff of air and looks at Jessica almost cockily. “Michael Schumacher, Ralf Schumacher, Kimi, Fernando, Felipe, Alberto Ascari, Fangio, David Coulthard, Niki Lauda, James Hunt, Hill, Andretti, Piquet, Stewart, Clark, Hawthorn, Jones...”

“Time over!” Domenico declares. “Nineteen! So, that's a win for team Vettel, twenty-four and a half to eighteen and a half over team Riley!”

“Wow” Jessica breathes out impressed. “What was that, tour de force?”

“No” Sebastian laughs. “I just love Formula One. I'm not only the wild playboy driving a shiny fast car. I love the sport as a fan.”

“True” Jessica mumbles under her breath. She knows that out of personal experience. Sebastian has nothing of the glamorous, outgoing brat that is Lewis. Between the two of them, she'd choose Seb over and over again.

“One last question” Domenico disturbs her thoughts when Sebastian parks the car on the starting grid. “Who would you prefer to win on Sunday?”

“Me” Sebastian retorts.

“Daniel” Jessica objects. “He's a cool lad and it's been boring so far this season.”

Sebastian raises an eyebrow at her grinning. “Always have to ruin my dreams, Riley, don't you?”

She smirks. “Always.”

* * *

In theory, starting from second would give Sebastian a good shot at the victory. Especially since Lewis isn't capable of putting on a clean lap in qualifying, winding up back at fifth and Valtteri is on pole. And it really looks like it's going to be his after the Finn retires from the lead with a broken gearbox right before the first pit stops. Apparently, he can't get any luck recently, Jessica actually feels sorry for him. But Sebastian inherits the lead and strategy at Ferrari is out to play with.

“Box, Seb, box now.” Jessica's voice is suddenly in his ear and he prays everything will be alright with his pit stop. Thankfully, it's okay and it's rather a quick one.

“Which plan are we on?” he asks, driving out of the pit lane.

“Still on A” Jessica tells him, looking at telemetry and Lewis's sector times. Obviously, he's been told to push because he's closing in on Seb. “It's going to be tight at the exit with Lewis.”

It's closer than Jessica expects and she finds herself holding her breath as Seb and Lewis battle for the first position. There's some wheel spin, Lewis clipping the grass and Seb missing his braking point at turn one but the Briton is on slightly older rubber so the Ferrari finally comes out on top a couple of corners later, immediately pulling away because of the fresh softs and clean air.

“That's it, build a gap, Seb” Jessica encourages him, checking the lap time difference between him and the only remaining Mercedes on track. “Lewis just did a 37.698, yourself 36.251. We need at least a ten seconds gap to be safe at the end.”

“Will these tyres last till the end?” He sounds concerned.

“They will, that's the plan” she assures.

Sebastian believes her, concentrating more on putting distance between him and the Mercedes that occupies his mirrors than on tyre management. Until some fifteen laps from the end when something snaps. Coming down from the pit straight, he locks his front wheels going into turn one but instead of getting away with simply a flat spot, the rear of the car slips out of his control, sending him spinning around.

“What the hell was that?” Jessica mumbles, furrowing her brow as she jolts off her stool to lean towards the track, trying to get a closer look at it.

The answer comes from an unexpected source and it's the last thing she wants to hear, “Rain” Domenico sighs solemnly.

Jessica freezes. Not now. She jogs over to him. “What? How can it be rain?”

“I don't know!” Domenico admits. “I just see rain in turns one, two and fifteen.”

“Damn, there's water on the straight!” Seb hisses down his radio, confirming their suspicions.

She takes a deep breath to recollect herself. Sebastian comes first, her own fears and insecurities second. “We know, Seb, we're discussing...”

“What are you discussing?” he fumes. “It's freaking raining!”

It only gets worse. Visibility is getting poorer, the showers just keep intensifying and there are muted whispers about red flagging the race.

“Domenico, please weather forecast.” Jessica is literally biting her nails because of how nervous she is.

“Only worse, rain increasing at the straight, slightly better through thirteen and fourteen.”

There's navy blue flashing past her while she passes that to Seb, meaning Red Bull have taken the gamble and pitted their cars.

“Should we switch to wets?” That's aimed at Fabrizio, accompanied by pleading eyes, but he shakes his head.

“Not worth the risk. We already lost over a second when he spun, Lewis is closing in on used tyres. We pit now, that's our victory done.”

She knows drys aren't going to work long before Ricciardo overtakes Lewis's Mercedes and Sebastian's Ferrari at the Mistral straight, making them look sluggish, to take the lead seven laps from the end. And like it or not, Verstappen is exceptional in the wet so his overtaking comes as little of a surprise a couple of laps later.

“How many?” Sebastian demands. “How many laps till the end?” She swears she hasn't heard him so nervous in a good while.

“Just three more laps to go, Seb” she replies, trying to keep her voice calm and confident. “We'll make it.”

Or not. On the penultimate lap, Lewis is on Seb's tail, trying a move around the outside at turn fourteen, and Jessica's heart skips a beat. They've worked so hard to bring the car back on the right track, please don't let it go for waste. The Mercedes cuts the corner, allowing Seb to go through first to retain that final podium place. 

“Just one more corner, Sebby” she mouths, watching the on-track battle unfold. “You can manage one corner.”

Lewis doesn't even attempt an overtake into turn fifteen. They head down the pit straight, literally dancing on the tarmac as Lewis takes Seb's slipstream. But the Ferrari engine is powerful, Sebastian chooses his lines very carefully and, although it feels like an eternity, the checkered flag is finally waved. Third. Jessica sighs in relief. Not what they were hoping for but given the circumstances, an outstanding result.

“Tricky one, tricky one” Sebastian sighs on team radio, sounding anxious as hell. “But we got through it together. Nice to be able to hold the Mercedes behind so happy with the podium. Grazie a la tutta squadra. Let's keep pushing, now roll to Austria.”

Jessica presses her headphones in her ear shells to clearly make out what he's saying and gives him a small smile, even though she's well aware he can't see it. “Well said, Seb. You did a great job, I'm proud of you. Enjoy the podium and...” she drags the 'd' at the end, breathing in the smell of wet soil. “See you in Spielberg.”

Domenico next to her lets out a large puff of air, connecting his hands behind his neck. She pats his back. “I couldn't have made it without you, Dom.”

He chuckles, leaning towards her to properly shake her hand. “Thanks, I guess. You didn't do bad yourself, either. Although I thought you were going to give me a heart attack or something.” Her response is a big grin and a slight blush, which self consciously she tries to hide coughing.

“Good race.”

Fabrizio is standing in front of her, extending his hand at her. Her smile fades slowly and she takes the offered hand rather coldly. “We could've won this one.”

He nods, painfully aware of that and also of his conservative judgement that in the aftermath could be deemed as an error. He'd very much appreciate it if she stopped rubbing that on his face. He clenches his jaw. “You can't always win, Jess.”

Of course you can't. If you could, she would be living a happy, peaceful life, not being haunted by the past's scars. But she wisely decides he doesn't have to hear that and simply shrugs, heading towards parc fermé where Sebastian is currently being interviewed by Paul di Resta about his race.

Now that her fears have somewhat subsided, she's more worried about him. She knows how much he craved victory, especially after the disaster that was Montreal. Obviously, Sebastian Vettel is always hungry for the best result possible but with the fruitless campaigns he's had in red so far, she can see pressure is mounting on his shoulders. The way everyone is observing him long after he has walked past them, murmuring behind his back, as if they're all waiting for him to put a foot wrong, is driving her crazy. And if she feels that from where she's clapping for him in the guardrails, imagine what is going through his mind up there in the podium, despite looking like he's having the time of his life, accepting Daniel's shoey, sandwiched between Red Bull's 1-2.

Only when he's back in the garage, hugging her and telling her to buy herself a lottery ticket before she runs out of luck, does she manage to calm down a little. She smiles at his humor and stands on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear, “I'm taking a shortcut through Switzerland to Austria.” And even though he's discussing the closing stages of the race with Maurizio, his face is split with a huge smile, causing a frown to appear on the Italian's forehead. Yep, his acting skills are freaking awful.

* * *

“Tell me what is it, tell me what is it, tell me what is it!” Jessica squeals impatiently tugging his arm as Sebastian unlocks the front door of his house.

“Sugar, we're almost there” he tries to reason with her, wiping his feet in the rug. Honestly, sometimes she can be very childish. “Can't you just wait two more minutes?” Apparently not because she kneels down on the same level with the lock to anxiously watch his hands. “There” he sighs pushing the door open for her, making a gesture towards the inside of the home, as if to invite her in. “Make yourself at home.”

Jessica grins and looks like she wants to barge in, then thinks again and retreats her foot from where she has left it hanging over the doorway, biting her bottom lip hesitantly. “You didn't buy any snakes, did you?”

“No” Sebastian chuckles and she hunches her shoulders in relief. “Yet” he adds mischievously for her eyes to blow wide open, horror settling back in place. “Red was hard to find.”

She makes a grimace of disgust, sticking her tongue out at him before stepping into his house with a look of 'I'm so proud of myself for doing this'. At least for the time being, he's not sharing his property with any of his beloved snakes. 

“Where is it?” she demands expectantly.

She can hear the smirk on Sebastian's face as he replies, “Living room.”

She crosses the aisle running but upon reaching the pointed room she freezes at the sight before her.

“What is it?” Sebastian is right behind her, sounding worried. “You don't like it?” Now doubts are creeping in. “Of course, I should have asked first but I assumed...” he trails off, slightly blushing as he scratches the back of his neck. He smacks his forehead, “Idiot!”

Jessica interrupts his rambling by practically jumping on his arms and planting a firm kiss on his lips. “I love it!” she tells him, beaming ear to ear and instantly senses his muscles relax. “Although...” she pulls away and raises a skeptical eyebrow. “A grand piano? Seb, that must've cost a fortune!”

He smiles, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I think my fortune is kinda larger than most people's. And besides...” he leans in closer to seductively whisper in her ear, “Maybe I want to appease my own audiovisual pleasure a bit more?”

She blushes before pinching his arm. “Seb!”

Sebastian laughs and pats her back encouragingly. “Go on, then. Play something.”

Jessica approaches the instrument hesitantly, tracing its outline with one hand. “It's been ages since I last played. Lewis isn't exactly the classical music type of guy.”

“Why don't you try me?” Sebastian suggests, shrugging.

She still seems unsure, then lets out a weak laugh and sits on the bench. “I may be a little rusty...” There's silence as she stretches her fingers but the very same moment she touches the keys the room fills with sweet melody.

Sebastian recognizes the tune in a heartbeat and raises an amused eyebrow at her. “Honestly, Riley?”

Jessica shrugs. “I think I owe you an answer.”

The way her fingers hover above the keys, seeming so carefree, so natural, as if being the extension of the piano is quite remarkable and Sebastian concludes that apart from mechanics it is her element as he leans against the door frame, singing along quietly.

 _There are places I'll remember_  
_All my life, though some have changed_  
_Some forever, not for better_  
_Some have gone and some remain_

Jessica's mind is buzzing with thoughts the whole time she plays. She has a soft spot for this song because of how well it portrays her. Places... There have been quite a lot of them in her life but only a few hold a special place in her heart. Liverpool, Hockenheim and Sochi stand out. Faint memories of her youth, of racing cars screaming past her, of hospital machines and bedrooms. They're not all happy memories, rather the opposite, but they're all part of herself now, every little detail of them has shaped who Jessica Riley is.

 _All these places have their moments_  
_With lovers and friends I still can recall_  
_Some are dead and some are living_  
_In my life, I've loved them all_

She doesn't remember all the people she has met in her life so far but she often thinks about those who had the greatest impact on her. Brian, her partner in crime, her best friend since childhood who she was cruelly deprived of almost eleven years ago and who she misses dearly even now. Then, Fabrizio who she loved wholeheartedly, almost as much as she loved herself, but in the end everything fell apart. They fell apart in the worst possible way and sometimes that night in Sochi still comes back to haunt her. And of course, Lewis, the glamorous, charming golden boy that all girls dream of attracting. He was sweet in the beginning. But it turned out he didn't even deserve half of the love she offered him. She just wishes she had realized before their massive row and that girl from the party in Mexico.

 _But of all these friends and lovers_  
_There is no one compares with you_  
_And these memories lose their meaning_  
_When I think of love as something new_

She blinks tears away to glance over at Seb, who's looking at her with his undivided attention. Why is everything else so significant she can't stop thinking about it? She has Sebastian. Sebastian who is loving and caring and who deserves the world. She's determined to give that to him along with her heart because he deserves it. That is _their_ life and they'll shape it however _they_ wish. Sebastian is by her side; she'll make it just fine.

 _Though I know I'll never lose affection_  
_For people and things that went before_  
_I know I'll often stop and think about them_  
_In my life, I love you more_

She stops playing quite abruptly because it simply makes her overthink everything. She doesn't want to think; she wants to enjoy the moment as long as possible. She slowly turns her head to flash an apologetic smile at Seb who has a deep frown etched on his forehead. She stands up and jogs over to him, kissing his lips hard, and he kisses back startled.

“I'm the luckiest girl in the world if you're here with me” she whispers against his lips when they break apart for air.

Hearing those words come out of her mouth, Sebastian's heart starts racing in his chest and he smiles so wide his cheeks are hurting. He just pulls her body against his to kiss her again, long and lustfully. Jessica melts like honey in his arms. The past belongs to the past. Seb is here now and she's happy. Sebastian makes her more happy than she has ever imagined is possible.

 _Though I know I'll never lose affection_  
_For people and things that went before_  
_I know I'll often stop and think about them_  
_In my life, I love you more_  
_In my life-- I love you more..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Jessica plays at the end of the chapter is “In My Life” by Beatles. Seb likes them and it seems to suit our ship so... *shrugs*


	14. Twists And Turns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exams are finally over so I'll try to update more often. Also, I added some chapters so I now plan to write 30.

Arriving in Austria, back to back races are a fact. As she walks past the crowds of the Red Bulls fans who've come to support their team on home soil, Jessica is well reminded of how exhausting the European season can be. Unpacking done. Assembling the car done. Team meeting done. Discussing possible race strategies done. Media duties done. Asking Domenico about the weather forecast- thankfully no rain expected- done. She doesn't even realize how time flies by on Thursday.

At least, Friday is solid. FP1 and the two scarlet cars sit comfortably at the top of the pile. Fortunately, they seem to have squeezed out some more straight-line speed compared to their rivals so in theory it should be a positive weekend. And that's always a reason to smile.

She's shutting off the computers in front of her in the pit wall humming cheerfully when the familiar male voice throws her off balance, “Your wide front wing is back, huh?”

Sighing, she turns around slowly where Lewis is nodding towards Seb's car that is currently being pushed back to the garage. She can see he's frustrated that an oil leak has confined him to the garage for most of the session and while normally that would be good news for Ferrari, having worked for Mercedes for two years and knowing the way they operate Jessica is certain his car will already be more than ready by the time FP2 gets underway.

“The wing is legal” she glares at him, crossing her arms.

He shrugs. “We'll see that after the race.”

Jessica scoffs under her breath. “You shouldn't be here.”

He snorts sarcastically. “Am I a distraction to you, Jess? I should tell that to Toto.”

She looks far more interested in that as her eyes blow wide open. “Toto? You and Toto discuss about me behind my back?” Well, if that's a surprise. 

“Yeah, men's talk” Lewis nods indifferently. “He thinks you distract me from solely focusing on the championship.”

Jessica jumps off her stool, an angry frown in her brow as she shouts, “Toto never, _ever_ , gave a damn about me and now he's blaming _me_ because _you_ don't know how to drive?” Toto had never been particularly friendly with her and she didn't blame him because of him being a private person and a strict businessman and clash of characters and blah blah blah but that's beyond human logic. She considered that team to be her home but who knows what else they've been accusing her of? “Did any of you really cared about me?”

The last part is whispered with pain and regret and it has Lewis cup her face lovingly, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs. “I loved you with all of my might. A part of me has never stopped loving you. I know if I tried again, I could love you as intensely as I did back then and even more. Never forget that, okay?”

She hates herself for wanting to believe him. But at least she's smart enough to pull his hands down and back away. “Let's not pretend, Lewis. We both know you never truly loved me. All you loved was the victories and the titles me and your team could offer you.”

They do say truth is a painful thing but she doesn't expect him to ball his hands into fists and clench his jaw as he says bitterly, “You were lucky in Bahrain, Jess. Looks like you just ran out of that luck in Spielberg.”

Jessica is pretty sure that's a hint to the wing he complains is illegal but she doesn't get the chance to question him since he's already walking back to Mercedes, having a quick chat with Toto in the entrance. “Jerk” she mutters, astonished by how well her choice of word suits them both.

* * *

Surprise, surprise, it's a Mercedes back on top once Lewis's car is repaired for FP2. _His_ Mercedes, to be precise. But at least, on the bright side, Ferrari appear to have the edge when it comes to race pace. Now Jessica's job is to make sure they establish that for the rest of the weekend so there's still plenty of work, even if she has called it a day at the track. But first she can't deny herself a sweet treat from a machine in the paddock, especially since there's another person dressed in red standing in front of it, picking a Red Bull for himself. They're in Austria after all.

“Old habits die hard, huh?” she smirks, throwing a coin in the slot.

Sebastian grins at her and takes a large swig of his drink. “Probably. I still want all the titles of the world for my own.”

Jessica laughs before discarding the colorful wrapping of her chocolate-and-caramel bar. “Well, you can leave that up to me, Mr Greedy.”

He nods playfully while sipping on his can and then lowers his voice, “Will I see you tonight?”

She shakes her head. “I have to call to the factory to compare our data with the guys in the simulator and then go through strategies for qualifying.”

Sebastian's face drops a little. “You like doing that, don't you? You were all mine three days ago in Switzerland and now you barely have time for me. It's always all or nothing with you, right?”

She shrugs. “I'm sorry, Sebby, but the championship won't win itself. I do promise, though, that there's going to be a reward if you win on Sunday.”

His nostrils flare. “I can pick whatever I want?”

“Sure” Jessica smiles. He looks thrilled. “I'm going to remind you that if you fall behind in the race, although I'm sure you're hardly going to forget.”

He kisses her cheek hard, beaming at her. “Sunday. In your room. I'm going to be there.”

* * *

Qualifying in Austria is the epitome of frustration for Ferrari. What appeared as an easy one two, is transformed into a two four. Sure, at least Sebastian can find comfort in the fact that he split the two Mercedes, but pole could be his. All he missed was thirty six thousands of a second really and he can't help but go through his hot lap in his mind non stop during the press conference.

Where did he lose it? It could be at turn one or turn eight. Or it could be his wider line through turn four. Or his climb over the kerb in turn seven. Or the fact that he had no slip stream in the long straight of the first sector. Or the Haas that wouldn't move out of his way when he started his lap. It's literally eating him alive and only when he's back in the garage pulled in Jessica's embrace is he able to breathe again. He closes his eyes to the warm touch, relaxing against her shoulder. 

“I'm sorry” she whispers in his ear, carding her fingers through his curls gently. “But no race is won until it's over and this one hasn't even started yet. I know you can win tomorrow.”

He straightens his head to smirk at her, “Does our agreement still stand?”

Jessica chuckles. How easily he seems to forget about past disappointments and be his good, old, smiley self again is truly something to be envious of. “Of course, Seb. But I won't settle with anything less than the win.”

“You made that pretty clear” he grins. “But I won't either so I think we're good.” She nods playfully and Sebastian nuzzles back in her neck. “I hate being anywhere but near you” he mutters against her skin and she gets goosebumps. “Would you consider moving to Switzerland with me?”

Jessica looks at him wide eyed. “Seb, that would raise suspicions. And besides it's still too early” she reasons and he sighs. He knew that would be her answer long before he asked. “But...” she lifts his chin with her index finger to make him look at her. “You can come visit in Liverpool for a few days if you'd like?”

Sebastian looks bewildered. “Really?”

“Of course” she smiles. “I'm going a couple of days earlier anyway and you'd do me a favor if you'd come. I don't want to be alone, the memories always come back to haunt me when I'm there” she admits in a small voice.

Sebastian grasps her face between his hands and looks at her lovingly. “Will you let me know one day?” he asks hesitantly. “What scares you so much?”

Jessica swallows hard. She hasn't let anyone _actually_ know besides her parents. Sure, Brian's family knows most of the story and Fabrizio and Lewis only basic parts of it but she's not sure she can really confess it out loud, not even to herself. Yet, she nods determinedly, “Yes. One day I'll tell you everything, I promise.”

She doesn't know whether she wants, whether she _can_ live up to this promise but it earns her a sad smile from Sebastian and she breathes his scent deeply as he kisses her forehead. At least, she can hope the day she has to face her actions isn't any time soon.

* * *

Fabrizio is no fool. He saw with his own eyes the way Jessica and Seb dominated the quiz in France, always lingering close to one another, always managing to revolve the conversation around them two. He was standing right next to them when Jessica hugged Seb after qualifying yesterday, after he marginally lost pole. And he's sitting on her left in the pit wall when she sings with him on team radio to celebrate his victory on Sunday. Sure, people would argue that's a normal thing to do when happy about a friend but in this case some things just don't add up. Firstly, Jessica seems _way_ too happy about Seb, ecstatic almost. Secondly and most importantly, Sebastian and Jessica aren't friends.

He's seen them argue countless times, on and off camera. He has heard the sharp words they've exchanged during debriefs and team meetings. He's seen them shove each other's elbow in the paddock, unwilling to provide a single inch of space to the other, literally and metaphorically. He was sitting right next to Jessica when they went off at each other in Baku like a bunch of kids.

Even if he accepts they've gone over that stage, they can't be friends. The small touches they give each other when they think no one is looking, the longing stares before every race, the slight bumps of knees during debriefs, the freaking party in Monaco, these aren't things friends do. The pieces are just in front of his face and if he puts them together, it can only mean one thing. Jessica Riley and Sebastian Vettel are a couple.

He can't imagine how this happened but he recalls Nico's words to her when he joined them at Renault, _“I want you to be happy and if he's the source of that happiness, then I'm okay with that.”_ When he asked, both of them dodged the question but it has to be Sebastian. It has to be Sebastian who offers her the happiness he had dreamt of offering her.

Closing his eyes, he remembers the party in Sochi. He remembers watching Jessica dance with basically every single member of the team while he sipped on his whiskey. He remembers being envious of her carefreeness and joy, longing to touch her and have a little part of her. And he knows he could have just that because at the time being she was all his. But he destroyed it, who knows why, by trying to appease his own ego. 

She yelled at him to get the hell out of her life when he visited her in hospital. Even now, three years on, he's well aware that Jessica never forgave him inside her, despite treating him like a friend and laughing at his silly jokes, and he doesn't blame her. Admittedly, he had a rough time as well but that doesn't make it alright. For heaven's sake, he almost killed her trapping her under that truck! The morning after the accident he was shown the video and the photos of it and solemnly informed by the police that rationally, considering the velocity of their car and the angle at which they were hit, she shouldn't have made it alive out of the debris.

The thought alone has him sick. His sour face must be the odd one out between all these cheerful people and shouts at the rails. He nudges Maurizio's side, muttering some foolish excuse under his breath. The moment his fellow Italian nods, he turns around and walks out of the paddock, in spite of feeling Jessica's worried eyes on his back. He just wants some peace and quiet.

* * *

Lewis doesn't recall a single occasion that he was more relieved for a race to be over. Seb beat him, fair and square. This time he doesn't even have a reason to grudge, not like Baku where the stupid stewards decided that Vettel driving into him was a racing incident, not like Bahrain or France where he could fume at his team for coming up with the wrong strategy. This was a battle on equal terms. Equally good cars, DRS for both of them, tyres of about the same age, it was a simple, damn maneuver when the German took advantage of the lapped Williams to dive down his inside at turn two. A driver of his caliber should have seen that coming, defend his position, not let him get away with that so easily. But nope, let's just lose the lead, hand it to him on a silver plate.

He tries to hide his frustration wiping the sweat off his face with the towel he's been given. In the background, there are whispers and laughs from the couch that's currently occupied by team Ferrari and he can't help but sulk behind the soft material of the towel. When he glances over at them, he can tell whatever the three of them are discussing has nothing to do with the race. The way Jessica is sitting cross-legged on the couch smiling and blushing when Sebastian points between her and Kimi who's standing in front of her... No, that's something personal. So personal that Kimi "The Iceman" Raikkonen is actually talking and laughing. What has he missed?

They're called for the podium ceremony by a very kind girl dressed in the traditional Austrian clothing and Lewis jogs up the stairs, despite having to wait for Kimi to take his place on the rostrum first. But anyway he's finally handed his trophy, a trophy he's not so sure he welcomes as he watches Sebastian throw his winner trophy in the air and Jessica receive the respective one for constructors. And then he has to witness the typical Ferrari celebrations while the Italian national anthem plays loudly on the speakers. As if that's not bad enough already, Jessica is completely blanking him and focusing on drenching Seb with champagne instead. 

And, truth be told, he's putting up with all of that just fine till she hugs his neck as they're standing side by side waving to the crowd below and Sebastian leans in to kiss her cheek hard. In a heartbeat, Lewis's eyes blow wide open and he stays there simply staring at them, bottle of champagne clutched tightly on his sweating palm. She was never so open and expressive with him. Sure, he didn't ask for it either but did she ever love him as passionately as she apparently does Sebastian? 

A race official saves him from embarrassing himself any more, asking them to stand together for the memorial photo. The moment it's taken, Lewis instantly storms away, deciding enough is enough.

* * *

Doing shots with Nico Hulkenberg at the closest bar because your hotel's bar is occupied by the people you least want to face right now, also known as your team, isn't exactly the recommended method to deal with your problems. Fabrizio doesn't care. For a night, he doesn't want to think. He wants to go to bed carefree and sleep peacefully. He doesn't want to be reminded of that night in Sochi ever again. And if drowning his sorrows could prove any useful, Fabrizio will gladly take up on that as he orders himself another round.

Nico next to him eyes him cautiously, drink untouched in his hand. “So, if you've suddenly turned into an alcohol addict, there must be something serious bothering you.” He tries to smile away the tension but Fabrizio only sighs in his glass, downing even more vodka. Nico lets out a big puff of air and pats the Italian's shoulder in a friendly manner. “Don't bottle it up, Fabrizio. Talk to me.”

Fabrizio looks at him solemnly. He's not sure whether it's because of his foggy mind or because he can no longer keep it to himself but he decides the German deserves to know. “Remember Sergio's podium in Russia three years ago?” Nico nods hesitantly. “ _After_ the party? When Jessica...” Fabrizio pauses swallowing hard. He doesn't know how to voice this when even the thought alone has him flinch. “When Jessica had that accident?”

Nico instantly averts his gaze, forehead creased into a pained frown and fingers tightly curled around his glass pulling it closer to himself. “I remember” he mutters under his breath. He'll never forget that day as long as he's alive. First, the disappointment of being outclassed by Perez again and then Jessica's accident. He recalls his horror as he ran across hospital aisles, head pounding, asking the personnel about her condition, and immediately feels sick.

“Guess what?” Fabrizio forces a choked, sarcastic laugh, rolling his eyes at the drink between his hands. “ _I_ was the one responsible for it.”

Nico's head snaps up to stare at his friend in disbelief. “Fabrizio, what are you talking about?”

“I was the one driving” Fabrizio explains, watching all the feelings alternating in Nico's eyes.

“But Jessica said...”

“I know what she said!” Fabrizio cuts him off sharply. “I was standing right next to her when she told you it was her fault! She was on her knees trying to prove to me that she still cared for me, that she wasn't emotionless. She made me promise that I would never let anyone know what really happened. We only told the police and Otmar. But the truth is, I was the one driving. I was the one going double the speed limit. I didn't slow down for a traffic light and the truck hit us. Jessica was trapped under the debris. The doctors said it's a miracle that she made it. I almost killed her, Nico.”

The German swallows down the lump in his throat, pushing bad memories aside, and runs his hands through his hair, processing everything he has just heard. “And you remembered that now, three years later, in the middle of Austria?”

Fabrizio shrugs. “It always haunts me. It's just... You know she's seeing Vettel, right?” Nico replies with a half hearted nod. “Have you seen how he looks at her, as if she's the center of his world? Have you seen how she smiles when he hugs her? That should be _our_ life, Nico. _I_ should be the one making her happy. God, I still love her so freaking much!”

Nico looks at him completely taken aback. “But... I thought you have Monica?”

Fabrizio shakes his head. “I've never loved Monica as much as I do Jessica. She's a sweet girl but I doubt I can make her happy.”

“Well, doubts are normal” Nico soothes, although he's barely convincing his own self. “Once you're married, everything will clear up.”

Fabrizio scoffs. “I need to talk to Jessica. Maybe we can figure something.”

Nico's eyebrows shoot up alerted and he holds his hands up. “Fabrizio, mate. You tried and you failed, like it or not. Sebastian makes her happy and she deserves to be happy. Don't ruin that for her.”

Fabrizio gulps down the remaining of his vodka and stands up, picking up his jacket from his stool's back. “I need to talk to her” he repeats slowly with a meaningful expression of stay out of that.

Nico sighs, reclining backwards in his seat. “Well, good luck with that.”

* * *

Jessica's number one rule for post race parties is that when she's literally stumbling upon herself because of how much she has drunk, it's time to call it a night. And since she can hardly control her own feet, it's probably as good time as any to put it into use.

She says her goodbyes to Domenico and Stefano (Fabrizio hasn't shown up for the party, she wonders why) and picks up her phone from where she's left it at the bar to head to her room upstairs; the pros of staying at a five star hotel with its own hosting venue. Walking out of the door, she locks eyes with Sebastian who's standing near the entrance with Kimi discussing everything but the race. She knows exactly what's going through his mind as he scans her exposed chest in her figurine white dress, eyes darkened with lust. 

She smirks, leaning in to whisper in his ear, “Come find me when you're done here.”

She has barely taken off her shoes when there's an anxious knock on her door. “Open” she calls from where she's lying supinely on the bed.

It's little, or to be more accurate no surprise to see Sebastian stepping in the room. Jessica grins and stands up, more able to control herself now that she has at least gotten rid of her very uncomfortable high heels. She walks over to him, cupping his cheeks, and traps him into a heated kiss against the door. “Came up to pick up your reward?” she rasps when they have to break apart for air.

Sebastian doesn't reply, instead lifts her up and carries her to bed all but bridal, ignoring her squeals that she feels dizzy because of all that alcohol she has downed. “Made a promise, Riley” he reminds her and she sighs in relief when he places her down.

“Our agreement included nothing of me being hauled up while being drunk” she protests as he looks at her amused. “What are you waiting for, take off your clothes.”

He discards his tuxedo as quickly as he can and climbs on top of her, undoing her dress zip. “I've wanted to rip that off you all evening” he tells her before he leans down to kiss her.

It's not often that they get to share moments like this, especially during race weekends, and Jessica couldn't be more happy for having him here for herself. He makes her feel loved and safe. But even more she loves their quiet moments, the calmness that comes after. Like when Sebastian kisses her temple goodnight, assuring her that he loves her. Despite hearing the exact same three words for the millionth time, the confession makes Jessica's heart race in her chest. Seb is here. How can anything go wrong if he's here?

* * *

“Disqualified.”

Sebastian's jaw drops as the words echo in the room. Everything was so perfect yesterday night, even today in the morning when he woke up curled up next to Jessica; there was no way he could have predicted this chaos in Monday post race debrief. Sure, his disqualification from the Austrian Grand Prix must be a terrific plot twist for the sport's fans but Sebastian is well aware that for him it could mean game over.

He turns back to Maurizio, fumbling for words. “Wh-What? How?”

The Italian shrugs. “Apparently Mercedes complained about the front wing on your car being way too wide and following scrutiny, the stewards decided it is illegal because of two fifths of an inch.”

“Damn” Jessica curses quietly from the other corner of the room and Sebastian turns to face her. Her exterior seems so controlled and calm but he can see the rage glistening in her eyes. “Is there anything we can do?”

“We can always appeal” Maurizio sighs, rubbing his forehead in frustration. “But I wouldn't get my hopes very high.”

“Doesn't matter, file an appeal as soon as possible” Sebastian huffs. “I won't just sit around watching them steal the victory from us!”

“You haven't even heard the worst part yet” Maurizio scratches his cheek, unsure how to drop the bomb to the German driver. “Because of the disqualification, Hamilton inherits the win, consolidates his lead and you trail him by twenty nine points.”

“That's not good at all” Jessica mumbles, eyebrows shooting up as she fiddles with her pen to stop herself from punching the table.

Sebastian exhales a large puff of air, leaning backwards in his chair as he scoffs, “Two fifths of an inch... That doesn't even have the slightest impact on speed!”

Maurizio links his fingers and supports his jaw on them, seemingly in deep thought. “I don't make the rules, Seb. From now onwards, all we can do is race, hope for some luck and see what comes out of it.”

Sebastian doesn't get that. “You really want to see what comes out of it?” He pushes his chair backwards, producing a shrill sound as he stands up and points with his finger outside the window. “Those idiots just destroyed our season and you stand on the side and watch! I don't care what you'll do, I want my twenty five points back and if that's out of your control, I want a car that's capable of winning them back!”

“We're doing our best, Seb” Maurizio reasons with him as gently as he can because he knows his driver needs to take out the anger that is boiling inside him somehow.

“Obviously not” Sebastian snaps and with that he stomps out of the briefing room, fist connecting hard with the door as he walks out. “Damn!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know the front wing is the last thing a team like Ferrari would get disqualified for but it was the easiest thing I could think of. Can you imagine me going into detail about something like fuel flow? No, just no.


	15. Love Is A Game You Can't Win

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Canada sucked. France sucked. Austria sucked. How do we relieve pain? With fic.
> 
> Also, the fact that I won't be back till the week of the British GP played its tiny part in this unusual Monday update. Enjoy!

Sebastian was never very fond of media events, even less when he's just been disqualified from a race for a technical infringement. He doesn't feel like strolling out in public, have everyone rub that to his face and ask him how he plans to move on from that and if there's still a chance he can recover. Yet, the very next Friday he's dragged to some charity football match in Vienna, along with most of his colleagues. Although the footballer in him deems that as an excellent chance to stretch his muscles a little, fill his lungs with fresh air, Sebastian Vettel the racer, currently in his angry form, protests all he wants to do is stay in bed all day, flipping through the channels on TV while cuddling Jessica, forget about this season's drama.

Speaking of Jessica, he hasn't seen her since the debrief on Monday morning. He knows he's partially responsible for that since he shut himself in his hotel room all day immediately after leaving the track, lying supinely on his cold bed, staring at the ceiling. He saw her calls and texts, but didn't respond to any of them and eventually she must've taken the hint because at some point she just gave up trying to reach him. He was grateful for that on Monday evening. Lonely but grateful.

He hasn't even realized he misses her till he sees Nico hug her at the locker rooms before the start of the game. Of course she would come, most of the Ferrari crew have come. She even smiles at him when she notices him staring at them, mouthing good luck to him before offering him the softest of touches as she makes her way out. The moment her fingers make contact with his skin, Sebastian feels guilt spread through his insides. If guilt was a color, green for example, he would have turned green from head to toes. 

_Idiot_ , he mentally slaps himself. _How could you do this to her? How must've she felt when she was trying to be helpful and comforting and you refused to be helped and comforted by her, as if this mess was all her fault? Did you think about her feelings just once? No, because you were too busy burying yourself in self pity and mourning over the damn disqualification. Like she, the woman who built that car, had no right in mourning over her creation being considered illegal. But instead she was worried about **you**_.

“Seb, mate!” A cheerful Nico is suddenly by his side, disturbing his tirade of self hate and Sebastian resists the urge to roll his eyes. “How's...life?”

Despite his allegedly innocent tone, Sebastian knows this look on his fellow German's face. He wants to talk about something and it's not his excessively wide front wing everyone has been gushing about. “Skip the foreplay, Nico. What is it?”

Nico lets out a deep breath, rubbing his forehead. “It's about Jess” he admits sheepishly and a frown instantly finds its way between Sebastian's eyebrows. “I figured you two are together some time ago, but she seems a little tense lately. Things okay between you two?”

Being reminded of that is the last thing Sebastian needs. “Why, I'm not good enough for her?” he turns defensive, crossing his arms.

“Mate, you're looking at it wrong” Nico snorts. “I think you're exactly what she needs. I'm not blaming you for anything. I just want her to be happy.”

Sebastian's face falls at the simplicity of the words. Besides, she loves him, he loves her, it should be simple. “Yeah, me too” he says in a small voice.

* * *

Nico sighs as Jessica wraps her arms around him, kissing the top of her skull. He'd been lying if he claimed that he's not worried about her. He is; worried sick, actually. It just seems like this girl can't find peace for a while ever since he met her when she turned up on the Force India factory four years ago. And the last weekend in Austria only proves him right, sadly. First, he was made to live that dreadful night in Sochi all over again, sitting next to Fabrizio as he got himself drunk, and was left thunderstruck by his confession, and then he found out about Seb being disqualified on Monday morning. He feels powerless over everything, but at least he can try and make it easier for her.

“Everything alright?” she asks looking up at him when he clings to her longer than usual.

Nico tries to shrug it off reminding her of their surroundings, “A pitch's locker rooms isn't really the place to have this conversation.” She doesn't insist. “How about you, you okay?”

Jessica doesn't reply, hiding her face in his flannel. Nico furrows his brow suspiciously. “Jess?” He tilts her chin up, but she's not looking at him. He follows her gaze to where she's observing the other German at the back of the room over his shoulder. “Is it about Seb?”

She sighs against his skin. “He hasn't breathed a word to me since the debrief on Monday when we were informed about the disqualification. I can't help but think that he blames it on me.”

Nico exhales a large puff of air. Great, as if she didn't already have enough to worry about. “I...”

“Don't” she cuts him off warningly, pulling away a little so that he can see her eyebrows shoot up. “We're both adults, we can handle this on our own. Stay out of that.”

“Whatever you wish, Jess” Nico nods, defeated, in agreement. He does believe it should be solved between the two of them only. After all, the friendly chat he plans to have with Seb when she leaves is just him helping a good friend, not interfering, right? “To be fair, even if he was mad at you, he obviously got over it since he's making love eyes at you.”

Jessica straightens up to indeed find Sebastian looking at her with his head tilted to the side and a fond expression in his eyes. In this particular moment, nothing in him resembles the furious Sebastian Vettel that stomped out of the Ferrari motor home on Monday, slamming his fist on the door. He looks more like a sad, confused puppy and she can't stop herself from flashing him a smile even if it's a faint one. But he ducks his head away the moment he realizes she's seen him, and is that guilt that is glimmering in his eyes? Jessica isn't sure.

“Anyway, I should go find a seat” she looks back at Nico who nods. “Enjoy the game” she tells him, hugging him firmly. “And please trash Lewis and his team for me.”

“Anything for you, Jess” he promises winking and she blows him a kiss as she finally untangles herself from him.

Much as she loves Nico, he was suffocating her a little, to be honest, and it feels nice not to be circled by his arms as if they were some kind of bubble foam cocoon to keep her safe. But Sebastian is closer than ever and now that Jessica is practically within an arm's reach, she recognizes it's _definitely_ guilt that has settled in his eyes. What for? For Austria? For distancing himself from her?

“Good luck” she wishes him under her breath, gently squeezing his arm.

Sebastian, though, yanks his hand away from her as if her fingertips burnt his skin. She frowns suspiciously because his behavior is honestly confusing her.

She finds Fabrizio with Stefano and some empty seats at the space exclusively reserved for the VIPs and they both wave at her with wide smiles on their faces as she approaches.

“Why were you late?” Fabrizio stands up, hugging her tightly to himself. “I thought you weren't even going to show up.”

“I went to talk to Nico at the locker rooms” she explains moving to hug Stefano as well. “He seemed pretty stressed for some reason. He didn't want to let go of me” she informs the other Italian, making herself comfortable between the pair of them.

She swears Fabrizio stiffens at the last part and she wants to raise an eyebrow at him, but Stefano makes light of the situation, “Maybe he considers you to be his lucky charm.”

Jessica chuckles. “I don't think so. He'd have dragged me to the pitch with him if he did.”

And while the flow of her conversation with Stefano and their lighthearted jokes seem almost natural, Fabrizio looks like he's in a world of his own, always silent, not engaging in their passionate cheering or claps during the whole game, completely ignoring whatsoever is happening around him, even if he's totally involved. Jessica gets it; although he's Italian, Fabrizio has never been as hot headed as other of his countrymen like Domenico who's making impolite gestures to the referee whenever he makes a decision against their team. Plus, Fabrizio is allowed to have bad days, and if he's indeed having a bad day, she doubts he wants anyone sticking their noses where they don't belong. But when Stefano offers to go buy them all something to snack at a few minutes before the half time and Fabrizio leans towards her side, brushing her shoulder, she can't just pretend nothing happened at all.

“You okay?” she asks, dodging his touch.

Fabrizio sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. “We need to talk.”

“Here?” she frowns, hardly paying attention to what he says because Seb has the ball again and her eyes instinctively brighten. “A football pitch doesn't really seem like a place to...”

“Jess, I love you.”

The three words shake Jessica out of her daze and she turns to look at him confused. “I know, Fabrizio. I love you, too.” He raises an eyebrow questioningly and she cups his palm with her own. “You're my best friend. How could I not love you?”

Fabrizio removes his hand, realizing what she means, and drags it through his slightly combed hair. “I didn't mean as a friend!” he groans frustrated. Jessica cocks her head to the side puzzled as he repositions himself to stare at her eyes. “Jess, can't you see it? _I'm in love with you_.”

Jessica's eyes widen considerably in shock. “Y-Y-You're in love with me?” she stammers and her heart skips a beat when he nods decisively.

“I thought I could just force your memory out of my mind and move on, but I can't. I know I've made huge mistakes and I'm sorry I can't undo them, but I've never loved anyone else but you.”

The words echo around her as the world goes still. In the background, she can hear Lewis's team cheering for a goal, but she doesn't even care. All she can think of right now is Fabrizio. Their kiss in Bahrain, the dinner with his fiancée in Italy, _that_ night in Sochi, everything flashes back in her mind and the more she mulls over it, the more heavier her breathing becomes.

“Bought us chips!” Stefano announces cheerfully, tearing open a packet of crisps.

Jessica scoffs, shaking her head. “I'm leaving.”

Fabrizio is instantly on his feet, pushing aside Stefano as he chases after her. “Jess, wait!”

“I could buy crackers for you!” Stefano calls at the pair stumbling upon the stairs before shrugging and shoving a fair amount of junk food in his mouth.

“Jess, wait!” Fabrizio gasps as he grabs her elbow in the parking lot, just before she boards her car -the black Mercedes she still keeps for no apparent reason. “Listen to me for a second and if you're still angry, then...then go.” She pauses, turning around to look at him and stubbornly crosses her arms. “I mean it. I do love you. I know I hurt you in Sochi...” he notices she flinches at the reminder “...but I hurt as well. I can't go back and do things differently, no matter how many times I've wished that, but I can try not to repeat my mistakes if you give me a second chance. Can you do that for me, Jess?”

“You're getting married, Fabrizio!” Jessica snaps. “What's the point in proposing and planing a wedding if you're to mope over the what ifs that might have been?”

“If it were just you and me, would you consider it?” he presses.

“It's not just you and me” Jessica snorts. “I made it clear in Russia that we're over. Done. Whatever you and I had, Fabrizio, we're never gonna get it back. In another life maybe but not now, not when we've both moved on and have other people to care for.”

Fabrizio grits his teeth, realization hitting down on him. “That's because of freaking Vettel.”

Jessica looks at him warningly. “Don't speak like that about him. Seb and I are none of your concern.”

Fabrizio huffs. “How can you be so blind, Jess? Can't you see that he's using you? The moment he has his fingers on his shiny trophy, he's gonna walk away and forget you ever existed in the first place, just like Lewis did.”

“Don't compare Seb to Lewis” Jessica mutters, anger starting to settle in in her insides.

“Why not?” Fabrizio raises a challenging eyebrow. “In the end, they're like two drops of water. Identical. The same arrogant, greedy brats who love racing around in circles more than anything or anyone else and are prepared to die for it and _you_ most certainly can't change that. You'll end up pained and hurt again.”

“For the record, _you_ wanted me to be with him!” Jessica shouts at him and Fabrizio falls silent, pupils widening ever so slightly in shock. “In Baku, after Seb invited me to dinner. Or have you blanked that?”

Fabrizio blinks, recalling his words. _“Sebastian is good for you and he can help you get over Lewis.”_ Only then does he realize what he's actually done. He pushed Jessica in the arms of another man, hoping that she'd find in him the happiness he failed to offer her. And up to that point, it worked just fine because Jessica is happy, the happiest that he's seen her in a long while. But his own plan is backfiring since he now wants her back.

* * *

Jessica is leaving. Basically, fleeing up the stairs, Fabrizio rushing after her. Following them with his eyes from the pitch, Sebastian can't help but frown suspiciously. He doubts this has anything to do with his and Jessica's communication problems earlier in the week; this rather seems like something between the two of them. But Jessica is his girlfriend, his beautiful baby girl, and whatever affects her, inevitably affects him by extension.

“SEEEB!” A thick French accent pulls him out of his thoughts and he turns around to see Pierre waving his arms frantically at him before a ball flashes past him. He assumes that was a pass intended at him but it winds up in Esteban's feet instead.

“Sorry for that, I was distracted” he apologizes once the young Toro Rosso driver reaches his side, falling into step with him.

Pierre pats his shoulder encouragingly. “Don't worry, it was just a pass.”

Honestly, Sebastian is sure that Pierre is far more happy for teaming up with his childhood hero than he is concerned about winning the match. He fights back a small chuckle. “Come on, let's beat those guys.”

Actually, challenging his rivals outside of the track is quite fun. He gets the team he prefers and they're completely destroying their opponents, which is a side benefit of having Nico “the Hulk” as their goalkeeper. So far most of the other team's attempts to reduce the score difference have ended up in Nico's hands so he assumes it's fair to say that his fellow German is doing most of the work. But still Lewis “Nasty” Hamilton is always there to scratch at open wounds.

“So, you were disqualified in Austria” he taunts, quirking an eyebrow as they stand side by side, waiting for Romain to kick a corner. “Such a shame.”

Sebastian glares at him, clenching his jaw. “Drop it, Hamilton. We both know you had something to do with it.”

“Me?” Lewis's eyes open wide in mock innocence. “How is your front wing any business of mine? If anything, you should be going off at your sweetheart Riley for giving you an illegal car.”

Sebastian narrows his eyes at the Briton. “First off, our car is perfectly legal.” Lewis lets out a small cough at that but Sebastian ignores it. Besides, Romain is kicking the ball hard and he runs close to Marcus to defend; not that it's necessary since Nico has already caught it and passed to Daniel. He turns around, jogging across the pitch, Lewis right next to him as he continues, “Secondly, you should leave Jessica alone.”

Lewis scoffs. “You think she cares for you? Dreads in the thought of losing you? You're just her pastime outside the track! Eventually, she'll turn her back to you, just like she did to me. Mark my words, Vettel.”

With that, he runs away, giving instructions to his team and Sebastian stops dead on his tracks, licking his lips annoyed. Lewis is a stupid little brat if he thinks he can just mock him, talk about Jessica like that and get away with it.

“Take out your anger on the pitch and on track.” Kimi is by his side, patting his shoulder meaningfully.

“Good advice” Sebastian smirks at him.

Even though he won't be back on track till next Friday, he can still be a tiny assistance in ruining the game for Lewis and his team. He catches the Briton off guard, steals the ball from him and runs practically the whole field to score quite the goal. He can hear the applause on their side of the stadium as he turns to Lewis, “Not gonna have it your way. We'll bounce back.”

 

Pierre is standing a couple of meters away when Sebastian scores his goal. Instantly, his eyes blow wide and his lips part in an idiotic grin, tongue slightly peeking out of his mouth, almost in rapture. “How... How did he...? He's awesome in anything he does!”

Kimi next to him rolls his eyes at the young Frenchman unimpressed. “Jesus, kid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're halfway through, people.


	16. Chasing Old Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy home race to Mr Seb "Honestly" Vettel! I have my fingers crossed for you, Sebby.

Liverpool is painfully full of memories. Every road, every corner, every pebble has a story behind it and even though they're all fond ones, here at least, it's hard to face them when the only other person you're sharing them with is missing.

Sitting on the grass at the side of the karting track they used to spend their afternoons at and watching the small vehicles flash past her, Jessica can still recall his kind eyes and the soft dimples that found their way on his cheeks each time he smiled. She shivers, and if she's completely honest, she's not so sure whether that's because of the light morning breeze or the reminder of Brian's taunting laughter.

 

_Ten-year-old Jessica jumps out of the kid-sized go-kart and stubbornly folds her arms. Fifth place isn't something she can settle with. She shouldn't even care, it was a stupid race at the local track and she had taken part purely for fun but Brian had won. He might have been racing his whole life but as far as she's concerned, if he can, then she can, as well._

_“Sweetheart, you did amazing!” A hand falls around her shoulders as her father tries to squeeze her in a hug. She turns around to glare at him and he instantly frowns. “What's wrong? Did you not like it?”_

_“I didn't win a prize!” she hisses, going back to trying to burn Brian's back with her gaze. Brian who is hugging his parents and shaking hands with the other kids, bursting with pride. He's rubbing that to her face and she only glares harder._

_Her father grabs her chin, tilting it upwards to force eye contact between them. “What matters is that you did your best. Not everything has to be about winning, Jess.”_

_She narrows her eyes at him. “Brian won.”_

_“Sweetheart...” her father sighs, patting her head. “Brian is a racer. Driving go-karts is like second nature to him. Fifth is great for a novice.” Jessica cocks an eyebrow. The way she sees it, that means accepting defeat. “Besides...” her father smirks. “If you're to become Brian's engineer when he raises up through the ranks, you should be happy for him.”_

_Jessica's lips slowly move into a playful smile as she nods, “Fine, I'll be happy for him.”_

_And she is **mostly** happy as she watches the podium ceremony sandwiched between Brian's parents and her own. Well, at least till he spots her in the crowd and waves his trophy in the air, a wide mocking smile plastered on his face. She sticks her tongue out at him as a response._

 

“Ah, there you are!” Her father's voice pulls her out of her daydream and she opens her eyes, which she didn't know that were closed, and forces a smile as he crouches down next to her. “Your mother is worried sick.”

At that, Jessica snorts hard. “I'm not five anymore. I can walk through my own city without getting lost or abducted.”

“Debatable” her father teases and Jessica rolls her eyes at him. But his cheerful expression washes away in a heartbeat as he takes her hand in his own and rubs her knuckles lovingly. “You could be brooding over the past, though.”

 

_Six years later, they're at another track somewhere in Britain and this time it's a race of the national karting championship. Jessica's cheeks are hurting because of how widely she's been smiling as she runs through team personnel gathering at the guardrails. She gets elbowed and pushed in the process but she simply doesn't care. She wants to be there when Brian climbs out of the car._

_And she makes it just in time as Brian's engineer, also known as his older brother, grabs her arm, positioning her next to him at the very front while in parc fermé her friend is taking off his helmet and gloves. She's so proud of him, he had to stick his elbows out and fight for that first place after an incident in the opening lap that left him facing the wrong way but he still managed to win. She waves at him and he rushes to her side with a huge smile on his face, enveloping her in a hug._

_“I can't believe you did this!” she screams in his ear, feeling tears blur her vision. She pulls back a little, stroking his cheeks and planting sloppy kisses all over his face as he laughs at the awkward display of affection. “I'm so proud of you, Brian, so freaking proud of you!”_

_“Let's leave the series in style” he shrugs playfully before kissing the top of her head and moving past her to shake his brother's hand. “Thanks, Kev. For everything so far and next year in advance.”_

_The other male nods. “You did awesome, champ. Continue like that next year in Formula BMW and before you know it you'll be driving a Ferrari around Silverstone.”_

_“It goes without saying that we'll be there” Jessica adds winking. “Please, choose me over Kevin as your race engineer. Red looks better on me.”_

_“Excuse me, lady” Kevin chimes in, feigning annoyance. “I've been his race engineer since both of you still had diapers on and that's going to change only over my dead body.”_

_Brian chuckles before suddenly he hugs the two of them tightly, seeming tearful for the first time this afternoon. “I love you both so much! I don't even know where I would be without you two.”_

_Jessica rubs soothing circles in his back. “Go have fun on the podium, champ.”_

 

“The future looked so bright” she whines, eyes filling with tears of remorse.

Her father sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. “What happened to Brian is none of your fault.”

She raises a skeptical eyebrow because they both know the truth but before she can utter a single word her father wraps her in a warm hug. Jessica can no longer hold herself. She lets her tears run free and splash her father's cotton shirt. His voice is soft in her ear as he leaves small kisses on her head and temples, “Let it go, Jess. Let it go.”

Eventually, her sobs decrease to occasional hiccupping as she lies on her father's lap, his fingers running through her hair gently. The engine sounds in the background are a comforting distraction from her thoughts and she closes her eyes, humming softly.

“Henry is getting worse” her father suddenly blurts out.

Jessica props up on her elbow and looks at him wide eyed. “Brian's dad? But I thought he was improving after the last operation.”

“That's what we all thought but his cancer returned even more aggressive than before. Ellen says he doesn't have much time left.”

Jessica's eyes open wider, if that's even humanly possible, as she whispers the dreaded question, “How much?”

Her father shrugs, “A couple of months in the best case scenario.”

Jessica lets her gaze wander around her surroundings, exhaling a big puff of air shocked. “Okay” she nods. “I'll be there.”

_I'll make it up to you, Brian._

* * *

_She bounces around Kevin in the pit wall, trying to warm up herself. She can always watch the race in the comfort of the garage but Kevin allows her to sit with him to gain insight on the procedures during the race and she's not going to decline that, no matter the poor weather. Besides, she can handle the rain, heavy as it may be, right?_

_She topples all over Kevin while shifting her weight from foot to foot to warm her numb knuckles behind him. “Damn! I'm sorry, Kev. I didn't mean to startle you” she begins apologizing, feeling her face heat up when he looks at her over his shoulder taken aback._

_Kevin flashes her an amused smile. “Hey, I'm not made of sugar. I can stand a small nudge.” Jessica laughs but he furrows his brow worried. “Are you cold, Jess?”_

_“Well...” she shrugs. “But I forgot my jacket in the car when we drove here in the morning and I'd rather be a little cold than miss the race.”_

_Kevin shakes his head, then unzips his team jacket and holds it up for her to wear. “Put it on.”_

_“No, I'm okay” she dismisses it with a wave of her hand._

_“Put it on” he insists. “Brian will kill me if you catch a cold.”_

_Chuckling under her breath, she finally gives in, slipping her arms in the jacket he's gently waving in the air as a temptation and Kevin helps her with the collar and the zip. It's almost a dress in her tiny figure and the sleeves are way too long for her hands but she appreciates the gesture. Instantly, warmth embraces her bones and Jessica lets out a soft purr like a satisfied kitten. She can't tell whether Kevin is admiring or mocking her judging by the look on his face and she distracts him, just in case, pointing her finger, or rather the sleeve covering it, at the screen in front of him, “So how's he doing?”_

_“Pretty well I can say” Kevin replies, freeing his ears from his headphones. “He's settled into a rhythm and he's actually closing in on Wissel. Rain seems to suit him.” He smoothes the communication wire and extends the headset to her. “Want to hear?”_

_She nods excitedly and he hands her his pair of bright blue headphones. Adjusting them to her ear shells, a wide grin splits her face as engine sounds blast through. She looks at him almost in rapture._

_He smiles softly, “Amazing, huh?”_

_Then, everything suddenly ceases. She hears a shuddering hiss before there's nothing but silence. She turns to him, a deep frown etched between her eyebrows. “Kev?”_

_He's occupied with some data and when he lifts his head at the sound of Jessica's worried voice, his eyes immediately fall on the screens before him and the onboard footage depicted there. His blood runs cold. “No!”_

_He yanks his headphones away from Jessica, his fingers painfully pulling at her hair, and desperately tries to bring his driver on the radio, “Brian, are you okay? Can you hear me? Do you copy?”_

_Jessica grabs his arm, shaking in fear, her heartbeats erratic and her whole body feeling numb as she waits for Kevin to tell her that her friend is alright. There are team members trying to drag her away but she shrugs them off, wishing for a change in Kevin's facial expression and relief to wash over his features. Yet, the longer she stays there, the more real it becomes as she watches Kevin practically cry down the radio, “Brian! Brian, please talk to me! Come on, little brother. I can't lose you!”_

 

Jessica's eyes snap wide open at the abrupt sound and the bump that follows. For a brief second, she wonders whether that's Hockenheim all over again but before she can panic Brian's mother speaks up, “Stupid car!”

Jessica silently lets out a big sigh of relief. Thankfully, she was just absorbed in her thoughts.

“Have you taken the car for a service lately?” she asks to distract herself from bad memories, inspecting the car's interior.

“Multiple times but the only thing it's done is lighten my wallet ” Ellen jokes. “Brian was right to turn down Formula Ford for BMW. This car jumps up and down like it's down for the Olympics!”

Jessica's heart skips a beat at the pain in Ellen's voice, despite the smile on the older woman's face. She redirects, enquiring the first thing that comes to mind, “How's Mr Stone?” Not really a much pleasant topic either but at least it's something.

“Uhh... He's still alive” Ellen sighs sadly. “I'm sure he'll be happy to see you. He's been looking forward to it ever since I told him you'll come to visit. But other than that, not very well. It's already difficult to cure cancer in his age and his body isn't reacting positively to treatment. The doctors are preparing us for the worst case scenario. Kevin is flying home this week.”

“Kevin is coming to Liverpool?” Jessica reiterates, squirming uncomfortably in her seat.

“Yes” Ellen confirms, reaching a hand up to adjust her dark sunglasses on the arch of her nose. “He says he wants to be by his father's side as much as possible. But he may even pop by Silverstone. It's Silverstone you're racing at this weekend, right?”

“That is correct” Jessica forces herself to nod. “Just right after Austria.”

Ellen flashes her a warm smile. “Look at you! Seems like yesterday you were assembling understeery karts and now you're working for the most iconic team in Formula One! Brian would have been proud of you.”

At the mention of her childhood friend's name, Jessica's chest tightens painfully. “I ruined Brian's dreams” she speaks her thought out loud but regrets it the very same moment that Brian's mother looks at her compassionately.

“Honey, what happened to Brian wasn't your fault” Ellen assures, rubbing her hand gently as the car comes to a halt at a traffic light. “No one, not even the smartest engineer could have predicted something like that. Don't beat yourself up over something you held no power over.”

Jessica doesn't even have the strength, physical and mental, to object.

The rest of the drive goes by in a bit of a blur. Casual talking about the weather, the lovely English weather that threatens to spoil the weekend, and light hearted jokes about each other's jobs until Ellen pulls up at a parking lot and shuts off the engine.

“Here we are.”

Jessica lifts her eyes to the huge, white building standing before her. She must confess she feels a little terrified just by gazing at it.

She knows she should have been here years ago and she would probably have never set her foot in here if it wasn't for her inner feeling telling her this is her chance to make amends for the past. And admittedly, following Ellen through hospital corridors, it does feel like it's her apology to _him_. An apology she had prayed she could voice face to face; eleven years late but still there.

Ellen motions for her to be quiet and she nods as Brian's mother guides her to a small room. Inside, it's dead silent, apart from the monitors' occasional beeping while Henry himself is fast asleep. Jessica pauses at the doorstep. Henry Stone looks exactly as the last time she saw him; so full of life even with his eyes closed, that it's hard to believe in a few months time he'll be gone.

“Henry, honey?” Ellen whispers, softly nudging her husband's side till his eyes flutter open. “Honey, Jessica is here to see you.”

At the mention of her name, Jessica hesitantly steps into the room, wearing a small smile on her face. “How are you, Mr Stone?”

“Jess!” Henry exclaims merrily as Ellen helps him sit up straight on the bed. “Don't worry about me, young lady. I'm not going anywhere before I see you celebrate a championship with the right team.”

“Wish granted” she smiles. “But that means at least till November.”

“That much?” Henry knits his eyebrows slightly mortified. “I don't think I can manage four months in here.” He leans forwards confidentially. “The food is awful.”

Jessica chuckles. “I should've brought you take out as a gift.”

“You should have!” Henry waves his fist in the air, looking genuinely annoyed. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to go to the grave starving, young lady?”

“Henry...” his wife scolds because death is the last thing he should be thinking about currently but Jessica brushes it off with a wave of her hand.

“Don't worry, Mrs Stone. I've gotten used to him over the years.”

Henry turns to his wife with a I-know-everything kind of smug expression and Ellen simply sighs, starting to go through the bag of things she has brought for him. He looks back at Jessica with a gentle smile, patting the mattress next to him. “Come on, then. Tell me all about your promotion to Ferrari.”

For Henry Stone, a die hard tifoso, a job at Ferrari is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, even if it has failed to win a championship for more than ten years and you've previously worked for the dominant team of the era.

“Okay” she lets out a soft breath and sits down next to him to fill him in on what happens at the red motor home when the lights of the track turn off.

* * *

The only thing that prevents Jessica from going straight to bed after she comes home from the hospital is Sebastian. She hasn't seen him since that charity match in Austria and even then he wasn't exactly what you'd call friendly. Yet, she's so eager for him to arrive that she can barely sit still. She tries to flip through the channels on TV, finally settling on some cookery show she's not interested in but she's not even listening to it anyway, her ankles shaking nervously and her mind racing with thoughts. In the end, she decides it's just a waste of electricity and switches it off.

According to her calculations, though, Sebastian won't be here in the next half an hour or so, meaning she needs something else to busy herself with. She debates going through the set up for Sunday again, just in case she has missed anything the thirty times she has already checked it, but she promised Sebastian to do no work while he's staying with her and even though he's not here yet, she should better stick to their agreement. Otherwise, she'll be gushing about his car the moment he walks through her front door. 

She looks out of the window; it's brightly sunny outside. Maybe some exercise will be good for her and she quickly slips her feet in her trainers. She doesn't go too far; it's a short walk to the park two blocks from her house and back. But it clears her mind and when she returns she's humming a happy tune.

“Jess!”

The angry male voice causes her to jump at least a meter and she turns around in horror, only to find Sebastian glaring at her Mercedes in her garage, a bag in each hand. She sucks in a breath and closes the distance between them.

“When did you come? And how the hell did you get in here?”

“Ten minutes ago. The door was open” Sebastian answers as short as it can get and then looks at her dejectedly. “What is _that_ doing here?” he questions, pointing at her car. His index finger briefly makes contact with the driver's door and he snatches it back, cursing loudly, as he rubs it furiously with the inner of his T-shirt, as if to get rid of the feeling of the black paintwork on his skin.

“It was delivered to me two years ago when we won our first double with Mercedes” she explains, laughing at his antics.

“It's utterly horrible!” Sebastian winces, now shaking his hand to remove the last trails of Mercedes aura. “I'm pretty sure last month you said you want to throw it away. Why didn't you?”

Jessica fights back her laughter this time and grabs his wrist before he can injure himself, dragging him inside.

“Ah, home sweet home” Sebastian smiles the moment the front door is closed behind him, inhaling deeply to allow the soft lavender scent enter his nostrils. His two bags thud against the floor and he's glared at but he ignores the warning, following her in the kitchen. “You didn't answer my question” he reminds her as she washes her hands. “Why didn't you get rid of the Mercedes?”

Jessica smirks closing the tap and and dries her hands with a towel. “I will when you or your lovely team send me a Ferrari as a thank-you-for-putting-up-with-us present.” Sebastian chuckles softly and she walks over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I've missed you. How was your flight?”

“Okay” he shrugs, resting his hands on her hips. “How was your day?”

She aahms, nuzzling in the crook of his shoulder. “I guess I survived.”

Instinctively, Sebastian tightens his grip on her and tilts her chin upwards with a finger. “Want to talk?”

“Not in the mood” she shakes her head and he nods understandingly, dropping the subject, and plays with the loose curls on her back instead. She looks at him up and down, fingers resting at the hem of his peach orange T-shirt. “You look cute” she tells him and instantly her cheeks turn a bright shade of pink.

He says nothing, only smiles, before covering her lips with his own. She sighs into his mouth and he closes his eyes as their tongues gently battle for dominance. She moves even closer to him, one hand hovering over the waist band of his jeans and he moans quietly at the sensation of their bodies pressed that close. Yet, even with all this proximity, he can't focus on her. That guilt feeling from the football match in Vienna is back at the pit of his stomach and he pulls away from the kiss.

Jessica stumbles back confused because all she wants right now is him. He can make things alright, no? But instead she's left observing him with a deep frown on her forehead. She can tell something's off about him even if he still has his eyes closed, and she cups his face, caressing his cheeks.

At the soft touch, Sebastian's eyes snap open to find Jessica's ones blinking back at him worried. He swallows hard before finally opening his mouth to speak, “I'm sorry about Austria. I didn't mean to blame it on you but I probably did and...”

His sentence is cut halfway through as Jessica kisses his lips hard. The intensity of the gesture catches him off guard and he has to steady himself grabbing her shoulders not to tumble over but he happily accepts it anyway.

“You little idiot!” Jessica laughs at him, gently smacking the back of his head. “Did you really think I'd be holding a grudge for that when you're _here_?”

Sebastian feels relief flood his whole body and a small smile finds its way onto his face. He leans forwards and pecks her lips once more, as if to make up for the previous display of affection that he ruined being too self critical, but the moment is gone and it's too short to lead to anything. They break apart within a few seconds and he flashes her an apologetic smile. She assures him she's not too disappointed gently squeezing his arm before she's hurriedly moving around the kitchen, looking through random cupboards for something to put in their mouths.

“Do you want something to eat? It's almost dinner time but I guess a snack won't spoil your appetite.”

Sebastian's eyes light up at the mention of food but he shakes his head, making a straight line for the fridge. “Rather something to drink. My mouth is dry like the Sahara.” He pulls the fridge door open and scans the various shelves with his eyes.

“I have apple juice” Jessica offers from where she's sitting on a kitchen stool, picking at a cereal bar, but he waves a carton of milk in the air beaming. She raises an amused eyebrow.

“What?” he huffs, kicking the fridge door closed. Again, he's glared at and again, he ignores it. “Antti will make me do extra work outs if my juice isn't sugar free and yours obviously isn't.”

She makes a sound as if pondering his excuse and he turns around, opening some cupboards, and lets out a triumphant hum when he finds the right one, pouring himself a glass of milk. He takes down a strong swig on the spot before joining Jessica on one of the stools.

They enjoy their snacks in companionable silence, Sebastian sipping on his milk as he gazes around the room curiously. “So, this place is all yours?” He actually sounds surprised.

“Uh huh” Jessica nods between bites. “I bought it when Mercedes hired me. I could no longer stand my parents' murmuring while I worked!”

Sebastian snorts so hard in his glass he almost chokes. “Well, I can relate to that” he jokes, remembering all the times he had to go to bed early because he had a race the next morning but his brother wouldn't stop playing video games. “It's far from Brackley, though, isn't it?”

“About a three-hour drive” she confirms, standing up to discard her bar's wrapping in the bin. “But I didn't want to leave my hometown. I love Liverpool way too much to do that. And anyway Maranello is on the other side of Europe so even if I had opted for somewhere closer to Brackley, it would have been of no use now.”

Sebastian finishes his milk and places his glass in the sink before he takes her hand grinning. “Come on, I want to see the rest of your house, as well.”

She has a practical mind. She shows him the living room first so he can pick up his bags from where he's left them at the corridor when they head upstairs. But Sebastian being Sebastian makes her regret it. He unceremoniously flops down on the couch, _her_ couch, dusty shoes still on, and casts a pillow at her. It lands on her face and he giggles excitedly, fumbling for the TV remote on the coffee table, complaining it's wrongly placed out of his reach. Jessica sucks in a large puff of air, stuffing the pillow and throwing it on the armchair next to him. He has already wreaked havoc, wonderful. Just as she's mentally debating whether to postpone the bedrooms tour for later, he straightens up, seeming dazed by something on the glass door. Or rather on the other side of it.

“A pool? You have a pool?” he turns to look at her in rapture as if he hasn't seen one before.

“Yeah?” she frowns, not really grasping why that's such a big deal. “You don't?”

“Well, yes, but mine is indoors and I mostly use it for training” he shrugs. A light bulb must've flashed up in his brain because a devilish smirk grows to his lips and his eyes twinkle cheekily. “Is the water clean?”

She purses her lips, a bad feeling settling in the pit of her stomach. Whatever he's thinking, she's not going to like it. “I suppose. I had it drained at the beginning of the summer.” To her horror, that only widens his smirk and his eyes have now zoomed in on her. She cocks a questioning eyebrow, “Seb?”

His name is still half on her tongue when he lifts her up and pushes the glass door open with his elbow, carrying her outside.

“Have you lost your mind? What the hell are you doing?” she screams in his ear. “Let me down!” He just increases his speed and her eyes widen considerably when she realizes what he's about to do. “Sebastian, let me down this very same instant or I freaking swear I'll...”

Whatever threat she was about to mouth, is left hanging in the air as he throws her into the pool. Even through a full layer of clothing, the cold water stings her skin like a thousand knives stabbing her and the instinctive reaction is to kick towards the surface to fill her lungs with air before she runs out of breath. Smoothing her hair back, she spits out a mouthful of swallowed water and blinks a few times to unblur her vision, only to come face to face with Sebastian's amused smile.

She glares at him. “Sebastian Vettel, you are a dead man walking! If you dare to approach within a ten meter distance, I swear I'll strangle you to death with my own hands!”

She doubts she can be any intimidating when she's soaking wet and chattering her teeth and Sebastian apparently wants to prove her right because he simply shrugs, backs up and lands right next to her, splashing her with water yet again. He immediately lifts himself out of the water, shaking his head to remove the drops in his eyelids as she squeals in protest. He beams at her, floating on his back towards her to kiss her pouting lips.

“Come on, it was good fun” he defends himself and drags his eyes to her chest, scowling at her grey shirt that is apparently too thick to be transparent. “Shame, I was hoping it would be see through when wet.”

Jessica huffs in fond exasperation. “Seeing me naked isn't what you're in Liverpool for!”

“No...” Sebastian shrugs, kissing the weak pulse on her throat “...but it's an added bonus.”

A soft gasp escapes her lips and he smirks at her before ducking under water again. Jessica grimaces irritated, “You shouldn't start something you don't intend to finish.”

Out of the blue, her ankle is yanked and she yelps as Sebastian drags her towards him. Their lips meet under water and she moans in his mouth when he sweeps his tongue across her bottom lip. Sebastian keeps his eyes open enjoying her reaction when his hands slip inside her shirt, caressing the delicate skin on her sides before finally settling on her breasts. She throws her hands backwards to give him more space and he gladly accepts that, trailing small kisses on the skin on her belly that the water pressure is causing her shirt to ride up and leave exposed. She doesn't want to stop but her lungs are burning and in the end she has no choice but to release herself from his grip and obey the physical laws, inhaling air greedily.

Sebastian resurfaces next to her, sucking in large breaths and wipes his face with his hands, despite that they're wet like the rest of his body and do nothing in terms of drying his eyes. He smirks at her, “Well, that was hot.”

Jessica scoffs, reaching her hands out to him, “You know we'll end up sick during a race weekend, right?”

“Most likely” Sebastian purses his lips, not really caring and intertwines their fingers, guiding them backwards. “But I can be your personal nurse, if you'd like.”

That actually puts a smile on her face and she raises a mocking eyebrow. “What, you'll take my temperature, bring me my medicine and offer a distraction from the fever?”

He blinks down at her innocently, “Maybe.”

She slaps his arm, laughing. “And here I was thinking Sebastian Vettel was a gentleman! The distraction part, though, I can consider that. Without the fever.”

He starts nodding eagerly. “Yes, we're definitely doing that!”

She smiles to herself, looking at the set of puppy blue eyes gazing back at her. Even with his kinky fantasies, Sebastian Vettel _is_ a gentleman. He flew from Switzerland here just because she asked him to. He hasn't even been by her side for an hour, yet he has managed to brighten her whole day. Truth be told, he's always had that effect on her; he could always put her broken pieces back in place. Despite her long list of ex lovers, no one had been capable of that. Not Lewis, not even Fabrizio. And that fact alone is enough to assure her that she can't afford to lose him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That pool scene was tiring the hell out of me. I had to rewrite it four times and I'm still not entirely happy with it. *sighs frustrated* But big thanks to [Zephoria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zephoria/pseuds/Zephoria) whose water scenes helped me massively to pull it together. I hope you're feeling better, dear! ❤


	17. Teddy Bear Comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to back updates?! 🤯 Has the world ended yet?
> 
> Let's take a moment to appreciate that without [Leonora_Acker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leonora_Acker/pseuds/Leonora_Acker) all the chapters would be untitled. Thank you. 💙
> 
> Please read the end chapter notes for an important author's note and drop me a line if you can.

By the time of the race in Silverstone, it's been two weeks since Austria and his stupid disqualification. What are the chances no one wants to dig into it?

None. Sebastian can feel all cameras flashing at his direction and fingers pointing at him as he glares at the packed media center below. The fact that he's squeezed next to Lewis at the press conference on Thursday doesn't really help and he doesn't have to be a genius to guess where all the questions are going to head.

And they bloody head there.

_“Sebastian, you were disqualified last time out in Austria because of an excessively wide front wing. Do you think it was fair?”_

“Well...” he snorts, sitting up straighter. “I'm not sure my opinion matters at this point but our front wing was like two fifths of an inch too wide, if I remember correctly, which isn't really that excessive. Such a small difference doesn't even impact speed so we were the fastest car on track and that's what we aim for in this sport: speed.”

Next to him, Lewis scoffs while sipping on his water bottle and Sebastian leans more towards Magnussen on his right. He's already been given the good boy lecture by Britta this morning and he's not going to initiate the verbal crossfire that the press wants.

_“Your team has appealed the decision. What do you expect out of that?_

He shrugs. “Hopefully to get it overturned but we'll see.”

There you go, that was a good boy response, Britta should give him a gold star. And satisfied with himself, he slumps backwards, sucking on his straw as the questions drift away from him.

_“Lewis, Silverstone is your home race. How much do you look forward to it?_

“Very” Lewis plasters a smile, pretending to be the charmer. “I mean, we go all around the world racing but you always look forward to returning home. Silverstone is such a unique place, such a unique track, and the guys here are the best. I'm blessed to have many supporters here as well, so I can't wait to get the weekend properly started tomorrow.”

Sebastian purses his lips amazed at his totally civil response. You'd actually think he's been given the good boy lecture, too.

_“Now, we've talked about it quite a lot the past few days but can we please hear your thoughts on Sebastian's disqualification from the Austrian Grand Prix? Do you think it was fair?”_

Sebastian smirks behind the palm of his hand. _Of course_.

“Ultimately, rules are rules” Lewis states, looking dead serious. “If the rules didn't exist, then the sport wouldn't exist either and we are all obliged to follow the rules, otherwise there'll be consequences. And you can't expect me to believe that if someone has built an illegal car, they're not aware of it so...” he flashes the reporters a sarcastic smile “...the rest should be pretty obvious.”

Sebastian next to him shakes his head, scoffing, but doesn't interfere; instead, he's happy to let the journalists focus on the two Haas drivers sitting at the edges of the desk. The press apparently has a great time poking at some inner team frictions he hasn't bothered to keep up with, Lewis and himself long forgotten as they both fiddle with their phones, willing this fiasco to be over already. And just as he makes wishful thoughts that maybe they would be free to go soon, the questions open to the floor and dozens of hands go flying in the air. He'll be here all day, then, entertaining the freaking press. He groans, shifting his weight to the other leg of the chair, and braces himself for the oncoming storm.

_“Sebastian, could you please talk us through the rollercoaster that was the weekend in Austria for you?”_

“It's quite simple, honestly” he lets out a small puff of air in the microphone. “We didn't have the greatest of qualifying, we missed out on pole by a very small margin and it's always very frustrating when that happens. Then, we had a perfect race, we won fair and square on track. Next thing I know is Mercedes has complained and we've been disqualified for a technical infringement. Two fifths of an inch, of all things. I'm not offended or anything; I guess they were just doing what seemed right from their point of view to chase a victory that they couldn't claim on track. I'm just angry because that's politics and politics shouldn't have a place in our sport.”

_“Lewis, did you or your team have anything to do with Sebastian's disqualification? Did you influence the decision?”_

“We've had this conversation before” Lewis glares at Sebastian. “We didn't bribe the stewards to be favored, if that's what you want to know. But as I mentioned earlier, there are rules and if one team, a team that is challenging for the championship doesn't mind to follow them, then why should we be the fools that do so?”

Sebastian would do anything to smack the smug expression off his rival's face. He balls his fists under the table as the urge to use them in another way grows bigger. He can punch Lewis when there will be no cameras around to immortalize the moment for the generations to come.

_“Sebastian, will you do the same to Mercedes in the next races, try and point at the small flaws that could enable you to, as you put it, chase a victory that you can't claim on track?”_

“No” he simply shrugs. “I don't think we boast such a good legal department as Mercedes.” There are giggles from below and he allows a tiny smirk to grow at the corners of his mouth. “At the end of the day, we're here to race. I personally believe that races should be decided on track, not at the stewards' office or on paper. I guess if the team wants, they can pursue something but I'm not going to request that.”

“Such a gentleman” Lewis comments, sarcasm dripping from his voice and Sebastian turns his head to glare at him.

_“Lewis, do you think you deserved the win in Austria?”_

“It's not like I didn't fight for it” Lewis defends himself, leaning forward on his arms. “I was at the right place should anything happen and something did happen. In the end, the only car that finished ahead of me was an illegal one, so...”

“Our car is _not_ illegal” Sebastian mutters from where he's sunk low in his seat. To hell with good boy lectures, he's had enough and he isn't even the one that started this.

Lewis turns to face him with raised eyebrows. “Your appeal will be heard at September, right? Until then and _provided_ that you can prove otherwise, your damn car is illegal. Grow up and accept that!”

_“Lewis, if it was the other way around and you had been the one disqualified, how would you have reacted to it?”_

“He's a big boy, he would've accepted it and moved on” Sebastian taunts and there are hushed chuckles from the floor.

“Actually, yes” Lewis intones. “I'd respect the rules and try to do my best in the next races, I wouldn't whine like a five-year-old to the media about the decision being unfair.”

Sebastian knows this is intended at him but he doesn't plan on playing Lewis's game. He presses his lips together in a tight line and the next time he opens his mouth, it's solely for the purpose of answering a question.

_“Sebastian, has your mental approach to the next races changed because of what happened in Austria?”_

“Uhh... In some respects, yes” he admits, nodding. “Obviously, we're approaching the summer break and therefore the end of the season. There are a couple of tracks coming up that don't suit our car very well so we're running out of races to make up for the points we lost in Austria. And that means we as a team and me personally inside the car will need to be more aggressive and sometimes take more risks than we did up to here.”

_“You mentioned taking more risks. Will you take **unnecessary** risks?”_

“I want my name engraved in the trophy next November so yes. I will do what it takes to win.”

“Adhering to the rules is a good place to start” Lewis chants while indifferently spinning his water bottle around on the desk.

“I know the rules are rules speech” Sebastian looks at him, eyes hard and stoic. “I get that quite often these days. What I'm saying is sometimes we could also use our brains and common sense instead of just looking at the rulebook.”

_“Question for both championship contenders. Do you think the title fight is already over?”_

Sebastian and Lewis exchange a meaningful glance. “I think we can agree that would be a shame” Lewis replies for both of them after a moment and Sebastian simply shrugs, saying he has nothing to add.

* * *

Vibe at Ferrari on Thursday morning is unpleasant, to say the least.

“Torger is the devil in disguise, I'm telling you” Stefano declares from where he's knelt down on the garage entry checking the front wing of Sebastian's car. “I bet he has the FIA bribed so as to gift him the wins he can't master alone.”

“As someone who has worked closely with him for two years, this somehow wouldn't surprise me at all” Jessica comments, arranging the tubes of oil and lubricant in rows at the back of the garage.

Domenico looks up from whatever he's reading in his phone and lets out a small laugh. “We should study the enemy. Tell us about Torger, Jess.”

“Well, you pretty much know him” Jessica sighs, crouching down next to Fabrizio as he clearly struggles with fitting the wheel nuts on the rear left wheel. She picks up a little screw and hands it to him and he accepts it without even looking at her. She narrows her eyes at him. “He can be quite childish at times.”

Fabrizio's only response is to press the wheel gun hard and she winces at the loud noise. He's being unfair right now because she was just trying to be helpful. Then again, he may not welcome that help, considering that they haven't uttered a word to each other since they both arrived in Britain. She wonders how much of that is down to what happened in Vienna between them.

She pokes him in the knee with a screw. He glares at her and snatches the screw away from her hands but no words are spoken. “We'll go with no talking, then” she sighs, standing up. He doesn't reply, casually rolling the wheel to check if it's working and his ignorance is irritating her more than his silence. “God, I'm dealing with a child” she mumbles to herself, going back to tidying up sponsors' products.

“You shortened the front wing” Domenico suddenly says.

“I'm flattered you actually noticed, Dom” she snaps, shoving her hands in their packaging boxes to pull more tubes out. “Built fully according to the wishes of our dear FIA.”

“Is it going to work?”

“I don't know, it hasn't been tested on track” she huffs, nearly dropping a tube because there no longer is enough space on the shelf. She should be building columns.

“Weather forecast for the weekend is light rain” Domenico tells her again, scrolling down his phone for updates on the expected conditions, and why does that sound as a warning?

Jessica groans, smacking the tube she's holding against her forehead. “Give me a break!”

Fabrizio almost smashes the wheel gun as he screws the front wheel too and she glares at him because that's not him trying to prove a point, it's getting simply annoying now. If he notices, he doesn't react and she looks for more tubes to take her anger out on. Turns out she's holding the last one. She waves the red box in the air furiously. “We ran out of lubricants! How can they not ship enough?”

“Jess...” Stefano knits his eyebrows at her, pointing a finger at the shelf behind her. “That's enough lubricants to last till the summer break.”

She turns her head to look at the tower of tubes she has built. Right, she needs to wrap her head around a few things.

* * *

FP1 is disastrous and somehow FP2 is even worse. None of the potential set up options seems to work. The rear wing doesn't produce enough downforce when combined with the front wing they had to shorten to make sure it is legal and no matter what alterations they make to the car, it just becomes more unsteady.

Jessica watches the rest of Sebastian's crew prepare the car for FP3 at certain distance, rattling her brain about possible race set ups. She finally gives up, slamming her clipboard on the bench at the back of the garage and grabs her water bottle, drinking heftily, just to distract herself.

Sebastian appears next to her, gloving his hands, as Antti follows carrying his helmet, going off at him for skipping breakfast this morning. Sebastian ignores him, squeezing her arm instead. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah” she sighs before looking past him to Antti who is now glaring at his driver's back with his arms crossed. “You?”

“Fine” Sebastian half turns around to shoot an angry glance at his trainer. “Antti is just overreacting.”

“I am _not_!” Antti denies, waving the hand that isn't clutching the helmet in the air. “For heaven's sake, you didn't eat this morning because of a freaking car! You're not helping yourself like that, Sebastian.”

That has Jessica look at him strictly, despite him pulling an exasperated face. “Take care of yourself, please.”

“I'm fine” he grunts before his eyes land on his polished car waiting for him and he immediately sulks. “The car is a nightmare to drive.”

“I know” Jessica drags her fingers through her hair frustrated. “But you focus on your program and I'll deal with the rest, okay?”

Sebastian nods half heartedly and she pats his back encouragingly as he starts the procedure of getting ready to jump in the car.

“Jessica!” Maurizio enters the garage and she lifts her eyes from the data she's studying. “Why didn't you tell me you have guests for the weekend? I could arrange everything.”

“I'm not expecting anyone” she frowns.

A man steps in from behind Maurizio. “Hello, Jess.”

“Kevin” she acknowledges him, gritting her teeth, and offers him a hand which he shakes far more excitedly than she does. “I wasn't expecting you.”

“Yeah, I visited dad yesterday and since I had time I thought I might as well stop by and say hi” he explains, eyes drifting to a confused Sebastian behind her and he flashes him a smile. “Hi, you must be Mr Vettel. I've heard a lot about you.” He earns a small nod from the other man and he extends his hand. “Kevin Stone, a friend.”

“ _Old_ friend” Jessica hurriedly clarifies. “And if you came just to greet us and wish us luck, thank you very much, now you've done so, you may go.”

Sebastian knits his eyebrows suspiciously. She sounds rather cold, unlike that Kevin guy who's trying to be friendly.

“I was hoping we could also catch up” Kevin smiles hesitantly.

“I don't really have time now...” Jessica trails off in a failed attempt to avoid the task.

“I don't mind waiting” Kevin shrugs, smile even broader because that isn't a complete no.

Jessica makes an unintelligible noise before huffing a breath. “Fine. You watch free practice and qualifying in the garage but before it's all over and done with, no chance of catching up.”

Kevin starts nodding excitedly and she shakes her head, walking away, deciding that's all going to be very interesting.

* * *

A good four hours and two sessions later, they're watching together from the screen in the garage as Lewis storms to pole and Sebastian only manages sixth. Jessica holds up her clipboard and punches it hard, cursing under her breath, while watching the track interviews.

“Sixth isn't bad, Jess” Kevin tries.

If looks could kill... “Don't talk to me right now” she snaps and heads off to find Stefano, since he's the only one still talking to her.

So, he stays there by himself, watching the press conference unfold, frowning at the unfamiliar faces and terms.

“Not a motorsports fan?” Sebastian is back at the garage, yanking his balaclava off his face, and eagerly drinking from a bottle.

“To think there was a time I loved F1 so much that I studied mechanical engineering for the sake of it” Kevin makes a very bad attempt at joking. “Stopped following the sport quite some time ago.”

“How's that?” Sebastian enquires curiously, moving to stand next to him. “Fans are like drivers in some respects, they're addicted to speed.”

“Personal reasons” Kevin replies sighing and Sebastian's lips form a silent 'oh'. For a split second, he has the crazy thought those reasons have something to do with Jessica's past that she won't open up about.

“Seb, we're briefing!” Jessica calls for him, walking back in and obviously still fuming, Stefano towing after her. She pokes Kevin's chest. “You! Stay in the garage and don't freaking touch anything!”

“Your word is my command, ma'am” he playfully salutes but she glares at him and walks away to the briefing room, shouting “Seb!” over her shoulder.

Sebastian sighs and follows her, flashing Kevin an apologetic smile on her behalf as he walks by.

* * *

There's been the slightest of drizzles between qualifying and debriefs and as Jessica walks next to Kevin on the track, she can still sense the refreshing smell of damp soil. She inhales deeply, enjoying the scent, and huddles into her Ferrari jacket, shivering at the abrupt gust of wind.

“So, ugh... Have you been to Liverpool lately?” Kevin shoves his hands into his pockets nervously, trying to make small talk.

“Yeah” she nods. “I saw your father. And I'm sorry.”

He draws in a deep breath. “Yeah, thanks. I've spent the last two years in and out of hospitals, yet nothing seems to work. He looks worse every time I see him. He keeps telling us that he'll be there to cheer for you when you win the championship with Ferrari but I doubt he can make it till next November.”

Jessica's chest tightens uncomfortably and she rubs a hand at it through her jacket. “Can we please talk about something else?”

“You and your driver” Kevin immediately perks up and he's now smirking at her. “You seem very cozy with one another.”

“Seb and I are none of your business” she retorts coldly, instinctively putting some distance between them.

“Ah, so you're on pet name basis” he muses, looking quite excited about his discovery.

“I'm not doing this with you” Jessica glares at him and Kevin blinks taken aback because he was just messing with her. He wasn't expecting her, admittedly good looking, German driver to be such a sensitive topic. He wisely shuts his mouth, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on the tarmac under his feet.

They walk in silence through Copse and Kevin uses that time to observe their surroundings more carefully. Although quieter than usual at this late hour, he vaguely recalls the place on the TV screen in his parents' house on a Sunday afternoon and he beams, recognizing their whereabouts.

“Maggotts and Becketts, right?” he points at the complex of corners in front of them and she offers him a small nod in reply. “I guess for someone who hasn't watched a race in almost eleven years, I have quite a strong memory.”

Jessica flinches next to him and she reaches up a hand to brush away a tear forming in the corner of her eye before it can run down her cheek.

“Why now?”

It's whispered, mouthed almost in the thick darkness and Kevin at first has the impression he just imagined that. He turns to look at her with raised eyebrows.

“Why now?” she reiterates, considerably louder than before. “We haven't spoken in years and you just decided to turn up at the paddock and plead with me for a catch up?”

Kevin shrugs, making a gesture that seems to include the circuit and all the enclosed facilities. “He was supposed to race here one day.”

“Yes, and I was supposed to be his engineer but nothing of all these will ever happen so what's the point in having this conversation?” she snaps, blue eyes hard and rather cold.

“You've made it here, Jess” Kevin stops, grabbing her shoulders, and looks at her face thoroughly. “You made it for the both of you.”

She shakes his hands off her and quickens her pace. “He's not here, though, is he?”

Kevin sighs and runs a hand over his face. “You can't keep blaming yourself for what happened in Hockenheim forever, you know.”

She whips around, sprinting close to him, and points an angry finger at him. “We don't talk about Hockenheim! _Ever_!”

“I know. I remember what we agreed” he tells her far too calmly, taking a step towards her. She takes a step back. “But we can't keep going like this, Jess” he sighs. “It's been eleven years. How longer are you going to torture yourself with that, huh? Let's put it behind us, make a new start.” He pauses, then hesitantly adds, “Forgive and forget.”

Jessica's eyes blow wide open in shock before she's screaming at him, “He's dead, Kevin! Freaking dead! And we don't get forgiven just because time has passed. Because if his seat at Ferrari or anywhere else in this damn paddock is not his, if he's dead...” She bites hard on her wobbling bottom lip and shakes her head at him, eyes filling with tears, “...that's totally on us, Kevin.”

* * *

Debriefs dragged longer than he expected them to. Apparently, Maurizio and his team of engineers hope he's figured how to regain their pace after spending the last two days behind the wheel of that mess of a car but he can't do wonders. He provides his feedback as detailed as he can but it doesn't seem to be enough to solve anything.

He hates the defeated nods he receives from his team as he explains the problems of his car and what he needs from it. When they're done, he offers to stay behind and help them with packing for the day and stuff, occasionally making light hearted jokes to lift the mood. And to some extent, he succeeds because his engineers wear tiny smiles on their faces as they wave goodnight at him. Sebastian himself, though, feels like something is missing and as he walks out of the paddock whistling absentmindedly, he knows exactly what that is.

Jessica has slipped off right after post qualifying briefings, too keen on catching up with that Kevin guy as he had suggested. Sebastian feels she wasn't really looking forward to that and truth be told he's more worried about her than he's missing her warmth by his side.

It's her home grand prix and yet no one has showed up with her at the track. No friends, no family, no one. Comparing that to his personal experience, he's never been alone during a home race weekend. The race in Hockenheim is in two weeks time and his whole family is already making plans to attend. He understands of course that for an engineer it's not such a big deal as a driver and that Silverstone is very far from her hometown but it must've still be special and she would've probably want to share it with someone.

He remembers she mentioned a racer friend in Australia and even though in Baku she told him he's no longer racing, what kind of a motorsports lover that wants, or at least at some point wanted to pursue a career in the field would miss a Formula 1 Grand Prix in his home country, especially if he has a friend in a top team? Things just don't add up and Kevin turning up unexpectedly in the garage this morning only perplexes the situation even more.

In the track's parking lot, he hears hasty footsteps from behind him and he turns around to find Jessica there, frantically pushing the balls of her palms into her eyes, as if to block away the accumulating tears. A deep frown etches between his eyebrows. “Hey.”

At the sound of Sebastian's worried voice, Jessica falters and her hands immediately fly down. “You're still here” she states the obvious, hoping her voice isn't as shaky as she hears it to be.

“So it seems” he smiles. “I was helping at the garage.” She nods but Sebastian doubts she's even listening to what he's saying. He reaches out a hand and brushes her cheek feather-lightly. “No need to pretend with me, Jess. I'm here for you any time, okay?”

“I'm fine. I was just leaving” she brushes off his concern and as if to emphasize her point, fumbles for her keys in her jeans' pockets.

Sebastian shakes his head. “Jess, you're upset. You shouldn't drive in this state.”

“No, I'm...” she begins explaining but he has already grabbed her wrist, tugging her along, and she groans as he guides them towards the car waiting at the other side of the lot.

“Antti!” Sebastian calls at his trainer, momentarily letting go of her, and walks over at him.

The Finn looks up from his phone screen that he's scanning with his eyes while leaning on the open driver's door and raises his eyebrows at the pair before him. “I don't remember agreeing to serving as a taxi driver tonight.”

“Shut up!” Sebastian scolds, lowering his tone of voice. “She's had a rough day, she's coming with us and that's the end of it.”

Antti drags in a deep breath, then exhales it slowly in the form of a sigh and glares at him. “Fine. But you owe me big time.”

“You're literally my favorite person in the whole universe right now” Sebastian beams, motioning for Jessica to come along.

“I thought your favorite person is your cutie engineer here” Antti comments, smirking when a bit of color raises up Jessica's cheeks. He's giving her a murderous look the very next second. “Don't change seats, don't touch anything and for heaven's sake don't make out in my car or I'll kill you both and throw your bodies in the highway.”

Jessica cringes. “Your trainer is bloodcurdling” she hisses at Sebastian, pulling the back seat door open.

He only chuckles and kisses her cheek as he moves to sit in the front. “He's not bad, he's just a little hard to get on with. Be good with him and do as he says for my sake, okay? Besides, it's only a short drive to the hotel, I'm sure you'll survive.”

She does survive but when they finally reach the hotel, she's made up her mind that she hates Finns. Five minutes in the ride, she bargains switching on the radio. Antti shoots her another murderous look through the rear view mirror and she zips her lips, dropping it. Ten minutes in, she's drawing patterns with the cold steam on her window.

“Hey!” Antti hisses, turning around to look at her as the car comes to a halt at a traffic light. “There are rules in my car and you're breaking a hell lot of them there, young lady!”

“Don't bully my crew, Antti” Sebastian laughs despite himself when her eyes widen slightly in horror and he unclips his seat belt, climbing in the back next to her.

“The rules stand for you, too, Sebastian!” Antti yells at him, looking like he might strangle them both. Luckily for them, the light goes green and he has to focus on the road again, keeping both hands occupied.

Sebastian smiles delighted with himself and presses close to Jessica's side. “Feeling any better, Jess?”

It's a stupid question; she looks horrible, tears still glistening in her usually sparkling blue eyes and she's about to fall asleep on the spot, leaning against the window.

She hums indecipherably and tucks her head under his arm, feeling well and protected there. “I'm exhausted. I want to go to bed.”

“Soon” Sebastian promises and kisses her forehead, massaging the bottom of her scalp softly with his fingers. “Hey, listen. I know this is not the time nor the place to talk but we'll get through this together, okay?”

She nods half asleep on his shoulder and squirms around to find a more comfortable position, relaxing when he stirs his arm around her waist to allow her to curl up on his chest. Gradually, tension leaves her muscles and she relaxes in his grip, drifting off. Besides, if Seb says it's going to be fine, then it's going to be just fine.

* * *

Race day is normally a lot of things but exciting doesn't really come to Fabrizio's mind as he drags the equipment out of the garage and towards the grid on Sunday morning. To be more accurate, exciting hasn't come to his mind at any point this weekend and he doubts that can change now, a few hours before the climax. Packing up and catching the next flight home seems such a tempting option right now; and that's long before the familiar male voice calls his name down the pit lane.

He hunches his shoulders and turns around to face the German. “What, Nico?”

Nico who has plastered a happy face as he jogs towards him, dark sunglasses on and drinking from an needlessly long straw. “How're you doing, mate?” he pats Fabrizio's shoulder cheerfully and the Italian assumes this is how it must feel when you've qualified as best of the rest.

“Busy” he quickly retorts, continuing to stomp to the grid.

Nico offers to help. “So uh... Everything okay between you and Jessica?” It's been bothering him ever since Fabrizio confined in him and the lack of contact between the two of them this weekend in the glimpses he has caught only increases his worries.

“No” Fabrizio clenches his jaw. “I talked to her in Vienna, I wore my heart on my sleeve for her and all she had to say was that we're freaking done!”

Nico lets out a silent sigh of relief. At least, the worst part has passed. He clears his throat. “Well, I...”

“Don't freaking say I told you so!” Fabrizio points a furious finger at him. “This isn't even because of me, it's because of freaking Vettel and if you say one word...”

“Wasn't going to” Nico raises a hand in defense.

“Good” Fabrizio nods, anger still very much visible all over his facial features. “And by the way, pick a side. You can't stand by for both of us.”

“I don't think there are sides here” Nico furrows his brow skeptically.

“I suppose it depends on how you look at it” Fabrizio shrugs one shoulder. “But Hockenheim is coming up, Sochi is coming up. You can't be there to pick up the pieces of us both. You'll have to choose.”

“But I'm a friend for both of you” Nico objects. “You know I'll be there for either of you should you need me.”

“Well, I need you _now_!” Fabrizio is now shouting at him, even if Nico would swear he saw a tear rolling down the Italian's cheek. “And I need Jess. She trusts you more than me, you know that? But you won't tell her to leave Vettel and come back to me. You're not making her any favors letting her believe the lies she wants. Eventually, he'll break her and turn away, like Lewis did. You're hurting her. And you're hurting me as well.”

“Fabrizio...” Nico draws in a breath and puts a firm hand on the other man's shoulder, lowering his voice. “After qualifying in Montreal, Jessica came to me. She told me everything. About you and your fiancée, about Maurizio, about her relationship with Seb. And you know what I told her? That she's wrong. That eventually he'll break her and turn away, like Lewis did.”

Fabrizio's head snaps up at the German surprised. “But in France...”

Nico nods. “Exactly. I spent the rest of the weekend in Canada observing them together and frankly I've never seen Jessica happier. That's why I told her those things in France. Maybe you should do the same.”

Fabrizio scowls. He doesn't really like the idea of Jessica with someone else. “She could be happy with me.”

“Mate, you're missing the point” Nico sighs. “This isn't about what you and I want. This about Jessica's happiness. And Jessica _is_ happy. With Seb. If you do love her, you won't ruin that happiness.”

Fabrizio gives him a skeptical look. He's not sure he's so selfless to do that.

He shrugs Nico's hand off his shoulder and shoots him a sideways glance. “Good luck for the race, Nico.”

* * *

Silverstone is a miserable race. It begins quite promising with Sebastian making up for three places at the start. But it only lasts three corners before chaos ensues. Lewis loses the rear of his Mercedes going into Village corner and spins around, clipping Sebastian's front wing with him. There's carbon fibre all over the racing line and the safety car is immediately deployed to allow the marshals to safely clear the track but neither of them benefits from it as they both limp to the pits for fresh tyres and new wings. And there's further drama as they chase each other through the pit lane, Lewis finally coming out on top just before they exit the pits to rejoin at the very back of the pack.

It must be a fun race to watch, two top dogs sprinting through the field, but for both their respective teams it's frustrating to say the least since from that point onwards it's simply damage limitation. Daniel wins, Lewis P6, Sebastian P7 and the media are going to love it.

 

Sebastian bounces on his heels as he's made to stand next to Lewis in the press pen, Will Buxton apparently wishing to spice up the post race interviews.

_“Quite an unfortunate race for both of you, guys. Have you talked about it yet?”_

“Yes” Lewis immediately declares.

“No” Sebastian replies at the same time and they both turn to frown at the other.

Will stares between the two of them confused. _“Okaaay. What did you make out of the first lap incident?”_

“For me, it was just unlucky” Sebastian shrugs, fingers tightly gripping the sleeves of his suit that are loosely hanging on his waist. “I mean, I had a pretty good start, I passed three cars, I could have a very realistic shot at the podium, and then I got wiped out by someone who can't control his car. Then, I pitted, changed the front wing but the race was already lost by that time and P7 was all we could manage today, which hurts even more because that's definitely not where our car deserves to be.”

“Well, first of all, I lost the rear of my car, which is absolutely my mistake, but I don't think that the people that were _wiped out_ have a visual impairment or something so no other cars needed to be involved” Lewis bites back. “I ruined _my_ race first and foremost and I'm well aware it was _our_ victory to lose so it's a bit hard to swallow right now. But I don't plan to dwell on it, I plan to learn and move on.”

_“You mentioned that it was your mistake. Have you apologized to Seb who obviously was the one directly affected by it and, Seb, how much does an apology compensate for that?”_

“Apologize? No. Why?” Lewis knits his eyebrows. “I mean, it's not like I did anything on purpose and these things happen. That's racing sometimes and it's not my fault. If anything, the only people that I owe an apology to are my team, who are working very hard at the moment and they really deserved a victory as a reward for their efforts, and my fans, who come here every year to support me and I'm grateful for that. I wanted to win for them today but it wasn't to be.”

“I never expected an apology and to be honest, I don't need one” Sebastian purses his lips, acting as if he doesn't care. He does but the press pen is not an appropriate place to become emotional. “At the end of the day, I'm mostly concerned about my own performance, not the others', and today, as much as it hurts, was none of my fault. I know that, the team knows that, we take advantage of what we can and move forwards.”

_“Okay, chaps. Thank you for your time and good luck in Germany.”_

They both nod and stomp away in opposite directions, despite their press agents calling after them that they have scheduled interviews. Sebastian slips behind a pair of dark sunglasses, plastering the most neutral look he can, and, ignoring Britta, he paces around the media center, making his own choices. He skips the reporters he can't stand and spends slightly more time with the ones he likes better. Yet, it doesn't make any damn difference as the same questions are shoved in his face.

_“Sebastian, has this race further hurt your title ambitions this year?”_

“A little. But there are still quite a few races left. Till it's mathematically impossible, we're not giving up.”

_“Sebastian, do you think Lewis should have apologized for the incident?”_

“I don't know. You should ask him, he was the one that spun around.”

_“Sebastian, your contact with Lewis was ruled as a racing incident. Do you think he should have been penalized?”_

“No. I'm not a fan of penalties and contact is part of the game.”

_“Sebastian, have you talked with the team about your race?”_

“Yes. They know it wasn't my fault so it's fine.”

_“Sebastian, your teammate finished third. Do you think you could have challenged for a podium place without the contact with Lewis?”_

“I believe so, yes. We had strong pace and I think a podium finish was realistically within our reach and that's why it's so frustrating.”

And surprisingly, no matter how many times he answers a question, the press never gets tired of repeating it all over again. So, the moment he decides he's had enough, he turns around and rushes away, not really caring about the mess he leaves Britta to deal with.

* * *

Jessica sucks in a deep breath before finally knocking on Seb's hotel room door.

Normally, she'd limit contact in such a public place during race weekends but tonight isn't about her; it's about Seb. He's had a rough time lately; from Austria and the disqualification to today's race, which had been the cherry on top of a nightmare weekend. So, ordering take out for him, because she's sure he hasn't eaten yet, and standing by him through this is the least she can do to cheer him up.

When Sebastian appears on the doorstep, he looks dead tired and his hair is sticking at odd ankles meaning he was probably lying down but he seems very much awake. His eyes widen slightly at the sight of her and he looks at her up and down in surprise. “Jess?”

“Hi” she greets him softly before flashing him the plastic bag she's holding. “I brought you food. Mind if I come in?”

He shrugs, pushing the door aside by a few more inches for her, which she interprets as an invitation inside. The door is closed the moment she's in the room and she hands him the bag as she takes off her jacket and shoes.

“What is it?” Sebastian asks curiously, already rummaging through the bag's content before he tears open a box and sniffs at it. “Indian?”

“A little bird told me you have a soft spot for India” Jessica snickers, obviously proud of herself for thinking this, and circles her hands around his neck.

“Well, it must've been a stupid bird” Sebastian's lips twitch up into a smirk. “I said I like the country, not the food. Too spicy for my liking.”

“Oh” Jessica scrunches her nose at the unexpected implication. “We can order pizza?”

Sebastian shakes his head. “Leave it. You're here, we have food, it should be fine.” He's not really hungry anyway. He leans forward and closes the little distance between them, pecking her lips gently. “Thank you.”

They end up eating on bed, watching some comedy that isn't even funny on TV, lights dimmed, feet tangled under the sheets and Jessica constantly complaining because “ _what on earth happened to good productions_?” Sebastian watches her from the corner of his eye amused as she rants at the director through the screen, actually surprised that she hasn't lost her appetite despite all the terrible puns, unlike himself who barely touches his food before shoving aside his take out box. Then again, his problems are a touch bigger than a couple of bad lines in a movie. An inefficient car, a robbed victory and a reckless rival qualify high up on his list.

“Next time we're watching action.” Jessica's dissatisfied voice pulls him out of his thoughts and he turns to his partner who's standing up to collect and discard the leftovers. If she notices how little he's eaten, she says nothing but judging from the frown on her face when he passes her his half-full box, she probably does.

Sebastian stretches his back, reaching for the remoter and shuts off the TV, humming contently at the peaceful silence that immediately fills the room. “Whatever you like, Jess.”

Jessica walks back to bed, brow wrinkled in deep thought. “How about The Revenant?”

“Sure. If you can stomach watching a man fall off a cliff and then sleep in a horse naked while devouring Indian, that's fine with me” he tries to joke, yet the smile doesn't quite reach his eyes. He collapses on his back on the mattress and rubs both hands over his face, sighing heavily.

“Hey.” Jessica moves to straddle him, pulling his hands down on either side of him and strokes his cheeks with her thumbs, smiling softly down at him. “It'll get better, Sebby. Don't let this bring you down. Don't be sad. You're a teddy, you can't be sad.”

He furrows his eyebrows confused. “I'm a what?”

“A teddy” she repeats, blinking down at him in mock innocence. “You know, one of those stuffed bears kids cuddle when scared? They kinda look like you when you're happy.”

Sebastian scoffs but a smile is tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Do I look like a bear to you?”

“Uh huh” she confirms, nodding, and plants a kiss on his nose. “They're happy and smiley...” she pushes her fingers into his cheeks, lifting his mouth into a smile “...and furry...” she gently scrapes her nails at his beard “...and they like cuddles...” she wraps her arms around his torso tightly “...and they're so cute, you can't resist them.” And then she's peppering his face with kisses and Sebastian desperately tries to dodge her mouth but he's laughing, and finally she kisses his lips and falls down next to him on the bed, still looking at him with a beaming smile. “Just like you.”

Sebastian shakes his head in fond exasperation, then rolls on his side to face her, supporting his head on his propped up elbow. “Okay, Jess, you win. I'm a teddy.”

She waves a fist in the air, making triumphant noises. “Obviously you are. They were originally made in Germany.”

“And so did a lot of other things. That doesn't prove anything” Sebastian raises a skeptical eyebrow. 

“Does so.”

“Doesn't.”

“Does so.”

“Doesn't.”

“It does!”

The first thing she can find is sent flying in his face and maybe because it _happens_ to be his Ferrari cap and she's searching around for her next weapon, it has Sebastian hurriedly embracing her to stop her from throwing more stuff at him. “Fine, fine, it proves everything!”

His gesture, though, backfires on him because the warmth of her body and her familiar smell immediately causes tears to prickle in the corners of his eyes and he presses them tightly shut, nuzzling in the crook of her neck. He tries to remind himself to breathe but that doesn't help when he inhales her luscious fragrance and he lets out a ragged breath, something close to a sob.

“Sebby...” His curled Ferrari T-shirt she was about to cast at him slips from her hands to the floor and Jessica's voice is soft in his ear, as delicate fingers run through his locks reassuringly. “It's okay. I've got you. It was just one race. We'll turn up in Hockenheim in two weeks and everything will be alright.”

“I just want this season to be over already” he chokes out, clinging on to her like a lifeline.

“But we have a mission here” she tilts his chin upwards with her index finger and offers him a small smile when their eyes meet. “How are you going to win and be world champion if the season ends now, huh? How are you going to prove everyone wrong and rub your trophy in Torger's and Lewis's faces?” At that, Sebastian actually manages a shaky laugh and she brushes away the few stray tears on his cheeks with the back of her palm. “It's going to be fine, we'll have each other every step of the way.”

He weakly nods and Jessica presses a kiss to his temple, rubbing soothing circles on his back till he calms down entirely. Slowly, Sebastian's breath becomes steadier and his eyes begin to flutter closed, heavy with exhaustion and frustration.

“We were supposed to talk about you” Sebastian reminds her sleepily, as Jessica tucks him under the bed sheets.

“Doesn't matter. As long as you're happy, then I'm happy, too.” It doesn't seem fair to drag Seb into her problems when he's clearly having quite a few of his own.

Sebastian surges forwards and kisses her lips softly. “Love you, Jess.”

“Love you, too, Sebby” she pushes some hair away from his forehead, smiling fondly at him. “Now, sleep. I'll be right here.”

He purrs happily and it only takes a couple of minutes before his breathing evens out but Jessica can't sleep. She feels tiny and powerless and maybe a little guilty as well, sitting there and watching him sleep. She promised him that everything will go back to the way it was after tonight. She promised him wins and a championship at the end of the year. However, deep down she knows she's not the one to decide those things; she can't really control much at this stage. Who knows what will happen tomorrow, let alone in the next race or the rest of the season? Will they bounce back? _Can_ they bounce back?

Sadly, she has no answers and even if she did, she's not so sure she would have liked them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I need to say a few things. (please especially notice #3)
> 
> 1\. Firstly, I'm not implying that anything Ferrari or Mercedes uses in real life is illegal or that they bribe the stewards and race officials to achieve preferential treatment. Everything mentioned in this and the previous/next chapters is all made up.
> 
> 2\. It's Germany up next, people, and that's where Jessica's secret is buried! It should be pretty obvious by now but what do you guys think has happened to her? Do you think Seb is going to find out next chapter? How do you think he'll react if/when he does? I'm really interested what you think about her past.
> 
> 3\. And most importantly, most of the remaining chapters are about as long as this (6k - 7k words) and some could be even longer. Do you prefer if they stay like this or would you rather if I split them resulting in potentially more often updates?
> 
> I'd be very grateful if you could spare a few minutes to answer my questions. You'd make my life a lot easier. I promise I don't bite! ;-)


	18. Tears Fall Like Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to those who left comments in the last chapter. 💞 The chapters are staying long.
> 
> As usual, beta reading and title goes to [Leonora_Acker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leonora_Acker/pseuds/Leonora_Acker). 😘

Sebastian puts down the window of his Ferrari and flashes his pass to security at the entrance of the circuit.

The guard nods before offering him the tiniest of smiles. “ _Viel glück an diesem wochenende, Seb_.”

“ _Danke_.” Sebastian can't help but grin.

Being at home feels so damn good, racing at home even better and he can't wait to get the weekend started. Of course, home race goes hand in hand with extra media commitments, interviews and autograph signing but he's been there. He understands the fans and all the frenzy. In a way, he shares some of their excitement this weekend and not just about the grand prix. He's excited that he gets to dine in Heppenheim every night, that his family cheers for him from the grandstands and his father accompanies him to the track. This is his hometown after all, the place where he was born and raised, and that means an added incentive to do well.

He curls his fingers around the leather of the steering wheel tighter, determined. He wants this one so badly. He wants nothing short of a victory in Hockenheim and he plans to do his utmost to make it happen.

He's pulled out of his daydream by some knocking and rattling from the engine as if something just broke.

His father lifts his eyes from the race programme and turns to look at him with raised eyebrows. “That's not a good sign.”

Not a good sign at all. Does this car have a mind of its own, trying to tell him something about his race? Sebastian glares at the prancing horse on the wheel mocking him, just in case.

“Nonsense” he grunts and hurriedly finds a spot that could be reserved for Mercedes employees to park it.

He kills the engine, or rather what must've been left of it, and unclips his seat belt, climbing off. Time to play engineer. He moves around to the front of the car and opens the hood. Instead of the sparkling aluminum of the Ferrari engine he expected, he's greeted by a thick cloud of smoke and he coughs a little, chocking on it.

“Damn it, Sebastian!” His father watches him from the side with his eyes open wide in shock but not making the slightest move to come closer and lend a hand. “When you said you don't usually drive a Ferrari to the circuit and cycle instead, I didn't think you would break down the car!”

“I prefer to cycle _to_ the circuit and drive a Ferrari _on_ the circuit” Sebastian tries to make light of the situation, waving a hand in the air to dissolve the smoke and bends over the hood when he finally succeeds to inspect the engine and all the various parts. “Now, what do we have here?”

He picks at a few things but nothing too big to fix the damage his Ferrari obviously has sustained. He leans backwards against the fence, scratching at his bearded cheek as he thinks.

“Sebastian Vettel, if you hurt Grace, you've had it big time!”

Norbert frowns suspiciously at the inside joke but Sebastian brightens at the familiar voice, a wide grin splitting his face as Jessica walks towards him cheerfully.

“You weren't around to protect her” he defends, shrugging innocently before he gestures to the open hood of the Ferrari. “I heard a noise as if something broke. As my race engineer, I guess my company car is your responsibility as well, so could you please have a look at it?”

“I'm pretty sure my contract doesn't include anything about your company car but since you asked nicely, I will” she smirks at him, handing him her purse. “God, I should be paid the extra shifts!”

She takes her own turn in inspecting and picking at stuff, only that her movements are a little more sloppy than his and Sebastian winces as more clicking sounds come out when she touches a pipe, wondering whether that was actually a good idea. She has a notorious past with his Ferrari, after all.

“Ugh... I don't think I can fix anything with bare hands” she looks at him after a while, letting out a breath. “If I had some tools maybe...?”

“There must be a box in the boot” Norbert offers and before she can pull a reply, he's already running to the back of the car to get it.

Jessica lifts her head from the engine to look at Sebastian, surprise and shock and disappointment all blending in her gaze. “Your father is going to be around for the whole weekend?”

“Yeah...” Sebastian rubs a hand at the nape of his neck before hesitantly adding, “That means minimum contact.”

Jessica's eyes blow wide open but he can't see them because they're hidden behind her sunglasses and there's a sudden burden in her chest that makes breathing difficult but she doesn't tell him that, either. If this wasn't Germany, it wouldn't be such a big deal; they'd still see each other at the paddock and she's a grown woman, she can contain herself. But this is Hockenheim, the place where everything happened and odds are she's going to need a shoulder to cry on sooner or later during the weekend. If Seb isn't there, surely that shoulder will belong to the right person?

She opens her mouth to tell him that he can't do this, tell him _why_. But nothing comes out and she closes it again, pressing her lips tightly together. No, Seb can't know. Not now anyway, not here. So, she swallows down the lump in her throat and nods condescendingly, hiding her head in the hood again, hands poking at random things, just to distract her thoughts.

Sebastian sighs, reaching out a hand to squeeze her arm gently. “Jess...”

The simple touch sends a shiver through her spine and she instinctively jerks away because his fingers are now moving in circles, burning her skin.

“Jess...” he tries again, voice softer this time and eyes searching for hers as they stand side by side. “I'm sorry.”

“I get it” she cuts him off, the corner of her mouth twitching upwards in a flicker of a smile. “I do, really. It's fine.”

Sebastian shakes his head, taking a step closer. “It's not if...”

“I found it!” Norbert's triumphant voice cuts through the air and the couple hurriedly breaks apart. “It was at the bottom.”

“Thank you so much!” Jessica sounds far too relieved for this distraction, even if he interrupted their moment, and she extends a hand to take the tool box, only to freeze when she realizes that Norbert's eyes have now landed on her and are observing her curiously. The atmosphere suddenly turns awkward.

Sebastian clears his throat. “Dad, this is Jessica, my race engineer; Jess, this is my father” he quickly makes the introductions, waving a finger between them. He really didn't want to do this at a parking lot. All the other two can manage in acknowledgement is a silent nod before he changes the subject once again, “Jess, any hope of fixing my car?”

Jessica tears her eyes away from his father's intense stare as he looks at her up and down and forces them to meet Sebastian's ones. For a brief second, she gazes at him as if he suddenly grew a second head, before she regains her composure. “Not really” she concludes shutting the hood of the Ferrari with a thud. “You'd better have it checked over as soon as possible, it could be an engine failure or something.”

Sebastian nods, taking in all of these, watching her as she wipes her hands with a slightly worn out piece of cloth she found while rummaging through the tool box. At least, it wasn't completely useless in the end.

“I'm sorry” she tells him honestly, putting everything back in place and collecting her belongings. She knows how much this car, in fact any car with a Ferrari branding means to him but Sebastian simply shrugs, shoving his hands into the pockets of his shorts, lips lifted into a smile, indicating that there's nothing to worry about, they're cool and she returns the smile, albeit a tighter one, waving at both him and his father as she starts walking away, “I'll see you guys around.”

Sebastian hums softly in response and supports his elbow on the mirror of the car, letting himself get lost in his thoughts as he watches her retreating form. He has the moment ruined for him.

“So, there's a girl” Norbert states flatly, looking sideways at his son unimpressed. “You've never mentioned anything about her.”

Sebastian sucks in his breath, reaching for his backpack in the backseat. “It's nothing.”

“Of course not” his father muses before his face sobers up and he glares at him. “You and I need to have a serious talk.”

Sebastian shoots him a glance over his shoulder negatively surprised but his father has already walked off, casually chatting to a couple of Red Bull mechanics he recognizes. He groans, pushing the back door closed. He's not five, he doesn't need lectures. He can perfectly handle matters on his own and as far as Jessica is concerned, he's done so just fine.

* * *

The track walk is usually one of Jessica's favorite parts of a race weekend. Of course, nowhere near the rush and excitement of the actual grand prix, she doubts anything can even compare to that but she enjoys it; rediscovering the track, walking through sharp corners that would later be driven on at over 300 kph, feeling history pump through her veins, it's all so interesting to say the least and usually she's looking forward to it very much.

Yet, today everything feels so different. Walking around Hockenheimring feels so exhausting and emotionally draining that she can barely drag her feet on the asphalt and the cloudy, foggy sky suits well her current state of mind. She hates this circuit, she doesn't want to be here.

She doesn't talk much during the track walk, happy to leave Fabrizio do all the technical blabbering as she tows behind Stefano silently, hands shoved into the pockets of her team jacket, zip pulled up as high as possible and scowl never leaving her face. She can sense Sebastian checking in on her from the corner of his eye as he walks ahead squeezed between Fabrizio and Stefano, quietly pleading with her to open up to him but she can't face him right now. Thoughts are swirling around in her mind and she tries to block them climbing over the kerb, avoiding to meet his gaze, and instead keeps her eyes glued to the blue and white stripes under her shoes.

She recalls the conversation,

“ _Don't race._ ”

“ _I have to. But I promise I'll be careful for you._ ”

The skin on her forehead smoothes down and her sour face is replaced by a plain sad expression. She lifts her eyes and looks at Seb, who seems to be as cheerful as ever as he chats and jokes with the rest of his crew a couple of feet in front of her. For a brief second, she debates shooing Stefano away so that she could at least walk by his side and feel his warmth. She shakes her head to herself, dismissing the thought as quickly as it emerged. No, this is not his problem. She must deal with it on her own and, truth be told, his reaction scares her even more than giving away such a significant part of herself. For the time being, Sebastian can know nothing.

“Jess?” She looks up at Sebastian who cocks an anxious eyebrow at her. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, fine” she answers far too quickly, nodding and catches up with the huddle in front, sighing to brace herself for the remaining of the walk around hell.

* * *

Sebastian's attention is split. Between track configuration that Fabrizio is currently rambling about and Jessica absentmindedly walking over the kerb on his left. He discretely keeps a close eye on her during the track walk and he frankly doesn't think she's doing very well. She's had bad days before but he's never seen her like that; she looks so vulnerable and fragile, hurt even, and it has him worried. When they bumped into each other at the parking lot earlier this morning, she looked her usual bright self, she looked _fine_. Nothing of the shadow he's witnessing now creep around the circuit silently and pained.

Could it be his fault? If Sebastian was just a figment of an animation creator's imagination, he's certain that right now there would be two voices on the screen battling for his consciousness. The one would be a devilish one, accusing him that he's breaking her by limiting, practically forbidding, contact between them this weekend. Sebastian's chest aches at this thought and he rubs at it through his shirt with his thumb. Eventually, though, the other voice, the angelic one, would preside over, after assuring him that he did the right thing, that he's being sensible and doing this for her best interests. And much as it hurts, Sebastian can find comfort in that fact and not be consumed by guilt all over again.

He can't stand her pained face, though. He stops, whipping around, causing Fabrizio and his other engineers to stop as well, and tilts a concerned eyebrow at her. “Jess?” He waits till she establishes eye contact. “Are you alright?”

She's quick to brush it off, “Yeah, yeah, fine.” And then she jumps down from the kerb and joins them at the end of the straight.

Stefano looks up from the papers in his hands to her, grimacing at her defeated stance. “Is Hockenheim treating you well?”

“As well as expected” she forces a tight smile, clearly unwilling to provide more details.

Sebastian initially frowns suspiciously, then synapses must connect in his brain because he suddenly sees her in front of him as vividly as that day in Melbourne, drawing in a sharp breath, eyelids fluttering slowly.

“ _The one I hate... Hockenheim_.”

He recalls himself nodding as he presses on, “ _Why Hockenheim_?”

“ _It's just_...” Jessica's eyes well with tears. “ _I've linked it to a bad memory, that's all_.”

Everything makes sense all of a sudden and realization hits Sebastian harder than he expected it to.

 _Well, damn_.

* * *

Fabrizio had flown straight home after the last race and thoroughly thought about what Nico had told him in Britain. Touching down in Germany, he decided to take up on his advice and he keeps his eyes and ears open for any gestures or words between Jessica and Seb during the track walk, despite having to do all the analysis since Jessica is completely in a world of her own this weekend.

So far, he's come to realize two things. One, Sebastian is head over heels in love with her and, judging from the concern glimmering in the German's eyes, he doubts he'd ever do anything to hurt her. So, Jessica is happy, perhaps even happier than when they were together, painful as it may be to admit. Two, she hasn't spoken to him about her past at all.

Fabrizio knows Jessica well enough to assume that she's trying to go through this weekend alone. It had been hard to persuade her to open up to him and, even then, he occasionally got the impression that she was still hiding something from him but at least he knew enough to offer her the support and comfort she desperately needed every time they went racing in Hockenheim. She'd been relieved, ecstatic almost, when the German Grand Prix was dropped from the calendar but for the last two years it's back and, given the lack of contact between her and Seb, he guesses he has every right to be worried about her. As a friend.

He finds her sitting on a blanketed tyre at the entrance of the garage on Thursday evening, face enveloped between her palms, eyes still and emotionless. He sighs and crouches down next to her. “Opened a hole in the ground with your gaze, yet?”

She half turns her head at him, raising a scornful eyebrow. “I thought we weren't talking.”

“We weren't...” he agrees, shrugging a shoulder “...till Nico talked some sense into me. I don't want to argue with you. I care for you, Jess. I want to be your friend at the very least.”

She studies his face apprehensively. “What about Vienna, then?”

Fabrizio draws in a deep breath, averting his eyes, and runs a hand through his messy hair. It would be a lie to claim he no longer has feelings for her. “We'll forget it ever happened at all” he decides, forcing his eyes back at her. “Can you do that for me, Jess?”

How can she refuse when he's asking her like that? “Yeah, I suppose I can do that for you” she nods and Fabrizio cracks a smile. Without giving it much thought, she surges forwards and hugs him firmly, breathing him in deeply. “It was so hard without you.”

Although taken aback by the gesture, Fabrizio wraps his arms around her and kisses the top of her head, hoping he helps to close some wounds. It only causes her to cling tighter on him and a few stray tears must've spilled down her cheeks because Fabrizio feels his shirt dampen at his chest and he kisses her hair again.

In some respects, her body pressed that close to his is such a warm and nice feeling and he'd craved the contact for so long that he could stay there forever, even if their highly uncomfortable position is hurting his back and it earns them a couple of weird looks from the few people that are still wandering around in the pit lane. Fabrizio, though, promised to put her happiness above everything else and letting himself get carried away by his emotions can only harm her happiness.

“You haven't told Seb about Hockenheim, have you?” he whispers in her ear gently and she immediately goes rigid in his arms. That's all the confirmation he needs. He sighs, “Jess, you should tell him.”

She untangles herself from him and pulls back, glaring at him with her arms folded. “Why?” she demands, astonishing even herself by the coldness in her voice.

“Because he deserves to” Fabrizio offers simply. “And because you need someone to be there for you, as well.”

“I'm not sharing my tear jerker story with Seb” she snaps, annoyed. “And I can perfectly deal with my problems alone.”

“Well, if you accepted a little help every once in a while, you may not have to deal with them alone any more.”

“I don't need Seb's help and I don't need yours either” Jessica fumes, distancing herself from him. “In fact, I don't need _anyone's_ help!”

“Arguing again?” Sebastian is suddenly standing there, hands on his hips as he looks at between the two of them amused. If only he knew. “You actually behave like a married couple sometimes.”

Both their glares are shot at him before Jessica jumps to her feet and walks over to him, slumping her face in his chest.

“I know you love me more, Jess” Sebastian smirks and she pinches his arm.

“Idiot.”

Sebastian's smile widens. That Jess resembles more the Jess he knows and loves. He lifts her chin with his finger. “Want to do something with me later?”

She looks at him surprised. “You must be busy.”

He is. He promised his family he will dine with them but he figured he can squeeze a little time for her as well if it's to cheer her up. He shrugs, “Looks like my plans have changed.”

Jessica beams at him, kissing his cheek hard and Sebastian mentally congratulates himself. It's all worth it if it brings that charming smile back on her face.

* * *

“What are we doing here?” Jessica frowns, climbing out of Sebastian's car, and looks at the aligned cars in the car dealership in front of her. She was expecting a nice dinner or something like that and she'd put a lot of effort to look beautiful for him but this kind of place isn't exactly a location for a romantic date.

“We're buying you a new car” Sebastian replies, checking the front left tyre of quite an old Opel with his foot. “It's a shame to drive that awful Mercedes.”

“I like the Mercedes” she protests honestly because despite her strained relationship with its manufacturer, it's still a great car.

Sebastian doesn't notice her offhanded comment and even if he does, he's distracted by the place's owner coming closer to them, patting his back before shaking his hand. They switch to German and from her stint at Mercedes Jessica has picked up enough on the language to be able to follow the conversation, which at least saves her some of the awkwardness she feels standing there and watching them talk.

“The owner is my friend” Sebastian tells her, walking back to her with a small smile. “You can choose whichever you like. I'll pay for it and it'll be shipped to UK.”

“I want a Ferrari” she clarifies, raising an eyebrow.

“I'll buy you a Ferrari with my championship bonus” Sebastian promises, circling an arm around her shoulders as he guides her around. “I can buy you a red one, though, and you put Ferrari seat covers on” he bargains when she pouts, stopping in front of a crimson Audi.

She touches the bumper and it falls off. She grimaces, “I have serious trouble imagining _that_ as a Ferrari even with Ferrari seat covers on.” She scans the other cars with her eyes and scowls. “They're all German brands?”

“Well, we're in the middle of Germany, darling, so...” Sebastian shrugs in mock innocence. “And anyway, what's wrong with Germans?”

“What's wrong with Germans?!” she reiterates, eyes widened as if she can't believe he even thought about asking that. She holds her fingers in front of his face and uses them to keep score. “Michael parked his car at Rascasse...”

“He locked his wheels” he objects and a glare is flashed at him.

“You crashed deliberately into Lewis...”

Sebastian's cheeks flush with embarrassment. Yep, playing bumper cars with Lewis Hamilton in Baku isn't really a highlight of his career. “It was once and in the heat of the moment” he attempts to defend himself.

“Rosberg wiped out his teammate...”

“Rosberg doesn't count, he's half Finnish” he argues, no longer knowing why he even bothers to argue when she'll certainly find something to argue back.

“Hulkenberg was hanging like a cow last year...” At that, Sebastian holds backs a laugh and she runs over to a white, classy BMW. “This...” she grins “...is something I can consider, though.”

“Quite an expensive taste you have” Sebastian comments, grimacing when he notices the price tag on the car's windscreen. Not that he can't afford it but he prefers to be sensible with his money, even if his annual pay check has seven zeros on it.

Jessica shrugs, pursing her lips innocently. “I do, I like you, after all. But maybe I'm looking at other features, as well?” she shoots him a mischievous smirk as she moves around the car, inspecting it carefully. “The backseat, for example. Looks quite comfy and quite spacious, too. Which could be useful if you want me to wear a see-through shirt next time you come to Liverpool?”

Sebastian's eyes widen, pleased at the suggestion. It doesn't sound too bad, taking Jessica at the backseat of a luxurious car while she runs her fingers through his hair and moans his name...

He falters, turning to look at her, and licks his lips in desire. She looks good in the short brown skirt she's chosen, light and crisp, nothing of the shadow that was wandering in his garage earlier, and at this moment he'd give anything just to feel her against him. That's the most contact they've had since Sunday at Silverstone and although he was the one that set the rule, all this space between them is killing him.

He looks at her once more and then around them. It's getting dark and they're all alone out here. A small smirk grows on his lips. That's not such a bad idea, actually.

“And it must be bloody quick” Jessica goes on listing the car's strengths, completely unaware of the effect she has on Seb as she leans over the driver's window to peer inside. “The speedometer goes up to...”

The number she was about to voice is muffled when Sebastian grabs her from behind, spinning her around to kiss her. She lets out a startled gasp, clearly not expecting this but her fingers still find their way to his collar, fiddling with the buttons there as he backs her up against the driver's door. The kiss becomes intense, heated and so full of passion. She parts her lips first and his tongue immediately enters her mouth, sweeping across her bottom lip before he gently bites at it. She moans quietly and as if testing her limits, one of his hands is removed from her hips, slipping under her skirt, and Jessica feels heat pooling between her legs as she waits for his touch...

And then the lights of the dealership go on. They hurriedly break apart, trying to fix themselves up.

“If your friend here saw anything, you're buying his silence” Jessica glares at him, smoothing down her skirt.

Sebastian uses the back of his palm to wipe her bright lipstick from his lips and smirks at her, moving away. “How about a Fiesta? That's not German.”

“I'm not buying a Ford” Jessica stubbornly crosses her arms. “Brian always said they're just a pile of metal and he was totally right.” She falters, her heart skipping a beat when she realizes she said his name out loud.

Sebastian turns to look at her with knitted eyebrows. “Who's Brian?”

Jessica's chest goes numb and a lump forms in the back of her throat, which she swallows down hard. “A friend” she manages out, voice slightly trembling at the end, before she adds calmly, “The racer.”

And he may nod, despite sensing the change in her mood, but Jessica has now lost her mirth and feels the overwhelming urge to cry. The same bleak thoughts about Hockenheim flood her and she needs Sebastian's reassuring warmth. But he can't know, not now anyway, and she draws in a shaky breath, slowly walking after him. How she'll survive this weekend, she doesn't know. And it's only Thursday.

* * *

Practice sessions on Friday are a mess on her part. She can't focus on anything; short runs, long runs, qualifying simulations, race simulations, it's all a bit of a blur as she goes through her duties on auto pilot. The information she passes to Seb is inadequate at best and distracting at worse. It results in him spinning twice at the hairpin during first practice and running the wrong set-up during the second. So, with a potentially injured car and a complete lack of data concerning race pace and the updates on the front wing they've brought, she can only hope to get away with just a scold.

In the debrief, she keeps her eyes constantly on Maurizio, trying to take in everything he's currently saying. Yet, her mind seems to be occupied with anything but the Italian and whatever he's talking about floats around in the room without actually reaching her. Maurizio may be clearly in her field of view but all she sees is rain, torrential rain pouring down as she stands next to Kevin in the pit wall, eyes glued to the screens and breathing ragged as he breaks down in front of her. And then, there are sirens screaming, a couple of machines beeping faintly till there's nothing but silence, arms wrapping around her shoulders before she's furiously pushing her hands into her bloodshot eyes.

She squirms uncomfortably in her chair, that annoying lump settling back in place at her throat and she lowers her head. She frankly hopes she's not asked any questions because right now she doesn't trust herself to answer them without crying.

“Jessica, stay behind, if you would, please.”

The room is emptying out, the rest of the Ferrari team bidding their farewells as they walk out and she looks up at her team principal a little lost.

“Ugh... Sure.”

Maurizio nods, following his employees to the door, waiting till the last of them has left the room before he closes it and walks back to her. Jessica doesn't bother with standing up or trying to look more professional, only arranges her paper sheets in a neat pile in front of her as he leans over the table next to her, sighing, and looks at her with his arms crossed.

“So, care to explain what the hell was that today?”

His tone is cold, accusing, and Jessica turns defensive, clenching her teeth. “I have no idea what you're talking about.”

“Oh, come on!” Maurizio throws a hand in the air exasperated. “We both know you've been useless all day!”

She knew that before he voiced it but having it so bluntly shoved in her face causes something to twinge in Jessica's chest. “You have my sincerest apologies, Mr Arrivabene. I promise to do a better job tomorrow” she forces out, making a move to stand up.

Maurizio presses a hand to her shoulder, keeping her still. “I'm serious, Jessica” he warns, leaning more towards her. “This is serious. We need a win here if we're to remain in the championship fight at all. Right now, this win is very much at stake because of you.”

Jessica resists the urge to snap at him, this would only get her into more trouble and she already has enough to deal with. She takes her anger out on the inner side of her cheek, which she bites hard on, mentally cursing when it bleeds.

“I don't know what's gotten into you this weekend...” Maurizio continues, shaking his head “...but for the sake of the team please put it aside and focus on racing, okay?”

She shrugs his hand off her and stands up, glaring at him as she tucks her papers under her arm. “I said it's going to be fine tomorrow and that's it.” Maurizio cocks an eyebrow, as if asking her whether she's sure and she only glares harder. “Am I free to go now?”

Maurizio replies with a small nod and she immediately flees out of the room, banging the door closed behind her to let him know that she didn't enjoy being told off at all. She hears him muttering in Italian to himself annoyed. That actually makes her feel better.

* * *

Before qualifying, Sebastian leans on the bench at the back of the garage, drinking from his water bottle and spies his crew as they prepare his car, eyes particularly zooming in on his race engineer. The faint spark of hope that maybe her mirthless Thursday was simply down to a bad day gone as he watches her work. The haunted look is back glimmering in her eyes and even though FP3 earlier today was heaven compared to how yesterday went, she's visibly struggling to pull herself together. Her movements are sloppier than usual, her voice shaking on the team radio and her whole body radiating a strange tension that he hasn't quite seen from her before and which he's failing to comprehend.

He shifts his weight to his other leg, sucking harder on his straw. Something is wrong with her and he wants to at least reach out and hug her, tell her that everything is going to be alright. But he knows he can't. He was the one that put distance between them and so far she hasn't made an effort to close it, apparently more than happy to follow his rules and beat herself up instead.

He assumes it has to have something to do with the circuit; Hockenheim is after all the place she has confessed to detest in Australia. But he doesn't have much to go on from there; his information is limited to the existence of a racer friend, whom he recently put a name on and heard to be referred in past tense, and her obvious hate of the track. The two could actually link; an accident or something involving her friend in Hockenheimring but that doesn't explain her behavior since they arrived in the town. It's motorsports we're talking about anyway, accidents will always be part of the game but every racer is aware of the risks. And Jessica herself has quite a long experience in racing; she has certainly watched countless crashes and accidents but none of them seems to have affected her so badly. So, what the hell happened here?

He's waved at to get in the car and he hands his bottle to Antti who's just come in sight to put on his gloves. Climbing in his car, he forces his concern for Jessica aside to focus on qualifying. His lips move up into a small smile as somebody does his belts and screws his steering wheel. Pole position, here it comes!

* * *

Pole is his, over one and a half tenths clear of Lewis in second, and with post qualifying commitments over and done with, Sebastian is off to have dinner with his father to celebrate. Yet, he's not in the slightest mood of celebrating, his mind constantly drifting back to the hollowness in Jessica's features, and he doesn't even touch his food, using his fork to draw patterns on his plate with the yellowish sauce for his steak, his other hand supporting his jaw as he glares at his food.

“So, qualifying...” His father's voice reminding him other things except for misery are expected from him. “It was good, wasn't it?”

Sebastian sits up straighter in his chair, sucking in a breath and then exhaling it shrilly. “Yes, good” he repeats what he guesses his father wants to hear when in reality qualifying doesn't really seem important right now.

“Because you're beaming with excitement.” Norbert couldn't be more sarcastic if he tried. He leans backwards and watches his son pick at his dinner. “Eat your proteins.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes at the order but he does put a tiny piece of meat in his mouth, chewing it longer than necessary, only half interested, before reaching for the bottle of red wine between them. His father stops him, snatching it back before even his fingertips can touch it.

“You shouldn't be drinking during a race weekend” Norbert narrows his eyes at him, pouring a glass for himself and Sebastian sighs, staring at it longingly. “So, something is bothering you” his father concludes after a swig and reclines in his seat, arms folded in his chest and an eyebrow raised at him in accusation. “I wonder whether a certain curly haired engineer of yours has anything to do with it.”

Sebastian glares at him. “Don't” he pleads. “There's nothing between Jessica and myself.”

“That's strange” his father feigns surprise, rubbing his chin. “You see, Domenico told me you two were quite _friendly_ with one another during the party in Monaco and in Canada. And Antti says you were so concerned that she was upset in Silverstone that you didn't even let her drive back on her own.”

Sebastian groans under his breath, fingers gripping tighter on his water glass. He's going to kill Domenico and then Antti. Although with Antti it's probably going to be the other way around due to pre race warm up.

“And I'm not a fool, Sebastian” his father continues, now glaring at him. “I saw you in the car park on Thursday and I saw how you look at her every time you jump out of the car. You obviously care for her very much.”

“No one can know.” Sebastian has now dropped the denial, which wouldn't be very useful with his father having figured out pretty much everything, and proceeded to explaining the complexity of the situation.

“I get the no one part” Norbert leans forward on his arms and for the briefest second Sebastian feels guilt twinge in his chest as hurt flashes in his father's eyes at his next words, “I'm not no one, though. I'm your father. You could have told _me_. Or am I not worthy enough to know what's happening in your life?”

Sebastian squirms awkwardly in his seat. It's not that he didn't want to talk to his father about Jessica and how happy she makes him; he's actually thought about it on multiple occasions. But it's way too risky, even if he trusts his father unconditionally. If the smallest word slipped to the press, it could well be the end of both their careers; well, at least Jessica's.

“It's how Jessica wanted it” he finally manages out, eyes immediately widening when he realizes how unfair it sounds to put the full blame on her. She probably hasn't told her parents either and well, Fabrizio and Nico Hulkenberg may be aware of their relationship but they're close to them both, either as friends or simply as colleagues. They'd figure it out on their own eventually.

His father shakes his head, taking another sip from his wine. “She has the upper hand on you. She's slowly turning you into someone you're not.”

“No, Jessica isn't that type of person” Sebastian instantly defends her, furrowing his eyebrows in thought. It's true that he has undergone a change since he met her, but he considers it to be a positive change, at least for the most part. Not once has it crossed his mind that Jessica is manipulating him or using him to her own selfish interests.

“Oh, really?” his father cocks a daring eyebrow. “And how do you know that, Sebastian? How much do you really know about her?"

The question actually touches a nerve. How much does he _really_ know about Jessica? He does know that she took the racing bug from her father and Brian the racer friend, that she was Nico's engineer at Force India for two years, then promoted herself up the ranks with a place at Mercedes, had a short fling with Lewis bloody Hamilton, possibly Fabrizio as well, but most of the facts he knows are irrelevant to one another. He doesn't know every single piece of Jessica Riley's story. Hell, they're in Hockenheim and he doesn't even know why she hates it so much!

“Not much” he looks up at his father, gritting his teeth.

“Exactly” Norbert nods. “Can you really trust her to love you and care for you and be your rock through hard times when in reality you only know her as your race engineer?”

The logical answer would be no. He really doesn't have any reasons to trust her, especially if the rumors last year were to be believed. But Jessica has already proved to love and support him, Silverstone being just the latest example. His heart feels safe in her hands and Sebastian trusts his heart to prove his father wrong.

* * *

Sunday's race is a roller coaster for Ferrari. Both Mercedes have a better start than Sebastian, overtaking him in the first couple of corners. Being the fighter he is, he doesn't give up, hunting them down, choosing different lines, trying to cut down on their lead. The gap between them, though, only increases and considering their deficit in race pace compared to their rivals, there doesn't seem much they can do to challenge for the win at this point. In the pit wall, there are hands rubbing at foreheads disappointed, contemplating different strategies; in the car, Sebastian watching his chance to triumph on home soil fade away with every passing lap.

Then, the Mercedes simply decide to move out of the way. Reliability issues for Valtteri, a poor pit stop for Lewis. Jessica almost doesn't believe it when she sees the silver Mercedes enter its box on the screens but no tyres are there to put on. That's not the team she used to know and it has her leaning back to shoot a curious glance at the Mercedes pit wall.

But Seb is now on the lead and with a significant margin to Ricciardo in second, Lewis stuck behind traffic back in fourth and behind Max who'd rather crash them both out of the race than give up his position. He just has to focus on retaining his lead and looking after his tyres at the same time and having Jessica's assuring voice constantly with him makes it all the more easier to bring it home.

Pulling up his Ferrari in parc fermé, everything feels so-larger-than-life. He quickly unstraps his belts and lifts himself out of the car and the crowd immediately goes wild. He stands on top of his car, steering wheel clutched tightly in his grip as he waves it in the air, and the cheering only grows louder. He jumps down, darting to the guardrails where his team pats his helmet till he's dizzy, his father hugs him hard telling him he's so proud and his mother looks like she might cry as she squeezes him in her arms. Everything feels so perfect he never wants the moment to end.

He lets them go only when he has to and begins to undo his helmet with shaking fingers, Daniel coming up behind him to congratulate him for his victory with a slap on his back and Martin Brundle walking over to him with a microphone. He places his gloves and helmet down next to his front wheel and runs a hand through his hair, ruffling it a little to try and make it look less fluffy than it is.

_“Sebastian, congratulations for the win. With Lewis's fourth place, you have now closed in on eighteen points from him, it looks like you really needed those points. Does that give you hope that you can still challenge for the title?”_

“Well...” he smiles, letting out a much-needed breath. “What can I say? Forza Ferrari!”

* * *

Lewis has to watch the podium ceremony from the team garage. He wanted a good result here at Mercedes's home race. Then again, they were the ones that messed up his stop and Toto's apologies along with a pat on the back don't make anything better.

A fourth place isn't something he can be very happy about, especially when he knows that the pace was there for more and his arch nemesis has been handed the win. Anyone else and he might actually be alright with it. But it had gone to freaking Vettel and it's not only the points he cut on his championship lead. Watching him throw his trophy in the air, sing along to the anthem playing in the background, mess with the Red Bull boys as they spray each other, him being his usual smiley, charming self, makes it even harder to swallow.

The cameras catch a glimpse of Jessica behind her driver who makes no move to approach and join the celebrations and Lewis wonders whether Sebastian is aware of the pained wrinkle between his engineer's eyebrows or he wouldn't triumph so wildly. He was expecting her to struggle this weekend, it's Hockenheim after all, and the memories of last year at this place make Lewis feel sick. She couldn't focus, couldn't sleep, suffering from nightmares as soon as she closed her eyes and for a night he had even allowed her to curl up next to him. She hadn't been this utter mess, though; she had hugged him when he won on Sunday and drank champagne with him on the podium. It all makes him wonder whether she has talked to Sebastian about her past at all.

Excusing himself from his team, Lewis slips out of Mercedes and jogs up to Ferrari. He's not a regular visitor at the red motor home and a couple of PR guys at the entrance look at him oddly with widened eyes. He ignores them, asking about Jessica's whereabouts and when he's told she's in Seb's driver's room, he immediately makes his way upstairs.

The door is half open and he peeks inside, taking every bit of caution just in case. Jessica is there alone, clutching firmly at the edges of Sebastian's massage table with her back at him and her head dropped, and sucking in a breath, Lewis steps in, pushing the door shut behind him.

Jessica turns around startled at the sudden noise and her eyebrows shoot up in a heartbeat when she sees him standing there with a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Lewis...” she breathes out weakly.

“Hey” he says softly, hugging her carefully.

She flinches at the contact, then wraps her arms around him, head falling to his shoulder, and Lewis finds his smile growing. They stay like that for a few comforting moments, rocking back and forth, as if dancing to some inaudible ballad, a silence that is very comfortable stretching between them till Lewis decides to break it, grabbing her shoulders so that he can have a good look at her. She looks terrible.

“I wanted to check up on you” he explains, frowning in concern. “Are you okay?”

“No” she manages out, pulling her arms back and away from him to wrap them around herself. She tries to suppress a sob but to no avail as it rises out of her throat shuddering and then tears that she fails to block splash down her cheeks and she's properly crying now.

She's pulled back against him but she doesn't fight him and Lewis rubs circles on her back, shushing her gently, “Hey, it's going to be alright. I'm here, it's going to be alright.”

She cries on his shoulder till she has no tears left but it feels so relieving, as if a burden has been lifted off her shoulders. This she knows; the pleasant fragrance, the strong arms holding her and the colorful tattoos covering them, it all holds a nice feeling of familiarity and she sinks into his chest, even if she has stopped crying by now. He's warm, his smell comforting and she just wants to stay there a little longer before he disappears again.

Lewis tilts her chin upwards, brushing the last tears on her cheeks away with his thumb. “Don't bottle it up, love. Talk to me.”

She sniffles loudly. “I... I just keep thinking... About Brian...” she manages to put together a coherent sentence after a couple of attempts and looks at him pleadingly, hoping that he'd understand.

Lewis lets out a heavy breath. Comfort and support isn't really his thing and he wills his brain for something witty to say. “I know it doesn't fix much but you're here. You're living the life that Brian couldn't. And you're so successful and happy... He'd be happy just because you are happy. And he'd be proud. Just like I am.”

Jessica eyes him silently, lips pressed together in a thin line, and for a moment Lewis panics that maybe he said all the wrong things. “I miss you.” The words slip from her mouth before she can catch them and she lifts her eyes to meet his. He looks as astonished as she feels.

“I... I miss you, too.” Lewis is unable to stop the grin from spreading on his face. “I told you before, in Canada and Austria... But you turned me down.”

“Well, I'm not turning you down now, am I?” she smirks at him, eyes sparkling cheekily.

Lewis flashes her a devilish smile and takes a step closer to erase the tiny space between them. She immediately takes a step back, trying to retain that space, teasing him, but she just stumbles on Sebastian's massage table and she's lifted onto it. His hands fall to her thighs, pushing them apart so that he can step between before he's kissing her. The contact is tentative at first but his lips are soft and she tries to melt into the kiss, tries to taste him. But it's all too short, he pulls away. She frowns at him, quietly asking what the issue is and Lewis looks at her up and down before he shakes his head, deciding _damn it_.

He kisses her again and this time it's full of passion and demand. She has to hold at the edge of the table to steady herself at the intensity of the motion and when she parts her lips, their tongues meet in her mouth. His taste now fully and utterly in her mouth, she deepens the kiss, her tongue moving in sync with his as he uses it to lick at the inner of her bottom lip.

Their heated kiss comes to an end when oxygen becomes a necessity and she looks at him breathless. “Lew...”

Lewis, though, doesn't want to talk, already pressing wet kisses into her jaw and neck, sucking in the flesh gently.

“Lew...” she says again.

“Shhh...” he places a finger over her lips and she actually shivers at how his eyes have darkened with lust. “Don't talk, babe. Just breathe.”

She nods, knees feeling very weak right now and it's actually a good thing that she's sitting or she might have toppled over.

Going back to kissing her, he feels her breathing quicken almost immediately and he smiles against her skin. “That's my girl.”

He makes his way down her throat and towards her shoulder, occasionally exchanging kisses for soft bites as she gasps. His lips touch the thin fabric of her team shirt and he grimaces. “Come on, take that off. Red doesn't suit you, anyway.”

Jessica beams at him, removing her hands from his chest to unbutton her shirt. He kisses her arms as she fiddles with the buttons, making her giggle and her movements turn sluggish.

The door is thrown open behind them and they quickly break apart to look at it. Finding Sebastian standing there, looking at them with raised eyebrows and his mouth slightly parted, tongue peeking out in shock, is the last thing they were both expecting, despite being in his room the whole time, and hot white shame pours over them.

“What the hell?” Sebastian whispers, voice trembling a bit with anger and surprise.

“Seb, we...” Jessica tries, her heartbeat becoming erratic as the reality of what she has just done begins to sink in. “I...”

Sebastian cuts her off, shaking his head before he steps into the room and slams the door behind him. “What the hell, Riley?” This time it's well yelled, hurt as well now apparent in his voice, and it makes her wince.

“Seb, mate...” Lewis attempts to do the explaining, noting the growing tears in Jessica's eyes.

Sebastian's head snaps at his rival as he looks at him up and down in disgust. “And you!” he hisses, pointing a finger at him in anger. “Stealing my win, fine but trying to steal my girlfriend? I didn't think you'd go that far to beat me.”

“I didn't do this for you, I did this for her” Lewis snaps, narrowing his eyes.

“Right, you and your big heart” Sebastian returns, sarcasm dripping from his tone.

Lewis scoffs under his breath, making a circle around himself. “You don't deserve her.”

“Because you did this so much better last year than I do, right?” Yes, he had looked up his engineer and her relationship with her then driver back in winter and mostly he had found rumors or speculations, never confirmed facts and all from doubtful sources. But truth or lie, if he can use this knowledge to put his rival off in any way, he might as well do that and it's actually hard not to be pleased that Lewis's face falls a little when he brings that up, “Dumping her for a random girl in a bar.”

The memory sends a dart of pain through Jessica's chest. Even months on from that night in Mexico, being rejected and humiliated in such spectacular fashion feels raw like an open wound. She suddenly doesn't want to be close to the Mercedes driver at all; in fact, she would appreciate it very much if he just turned around and walked out of this door.

Lewis sucks in his breath slowly, shooting her a brief sideways glance but it's just long enough to remark that his eyes have darkened even more. Yeah, not a nice memory for him either and she doesn't give a damn.

“Don't throw random beats of the story at me, Vettel. You have no idea how we ended up there” Lewis seethes, clearly annoyed at the reminder and Sebastian swears Jessica raises both eyebrows at that. “And anyway all you proved today is that you're as selfish as I am, if that's what you're blaming me for” Lewis straightens his back, mouth set in a tight line. “Even now, all you're thinking about is your bruised ego, not Jessica, not everything she's going through this weekend for your sake.”

“Lewis” Jessica calls warningly from where she's still sitting on the table. She doesn't like where this conversation is heading at all.

Sebastian frowns. “What are you talking about? She's fine.” She's not but he hoped she would talk to him on her own, not via Lewis Hamilton.

“Fine?” Lewis spits at him with raised eyebrows. “Are you even listening to yourself? Her best friend was killed in this very same track and you expect her to be fine?”

“Lewis!” She didn't want him to do this on her behalf and he knew that damn well before she hissed his name.

Sebastian for a moment falters. No, this can't be true. Jessica would have told him. His gaze shifts to her silently asking her whether it's true and to see her fight back tears is anything but denial.

“Ah, so you don't know.” Lewis's smile is a scornful one and Sebastian wishes he could smack the smugness off his face. “She didn't tell you. If I had to guess, I'd say the reason why she didn't tell you is because she doesn't trust you enough. Because you never, _ever_ , truly loved her!”

Sebastian acts before he thinks. He grabs a fistful of Lewis's shirt, his other fist raised over his face threatening, apparently none of his hands following his brain that is screaming at him this won't fix things. If anything, it can only damage his image very badly.

Lewis smirks at him, looking extremely pleased with this outburst. “Come on, not going to finish what you started? I'm sure the media is going to love it.”

His mind is still yelling at him and Sebastian is still ignoring it, fuming. His emotions have taken control right now, it would be so easy to take his anger out on the person that has caused it and he would have certainly punched him if it wasn't for...

“Seb.” Jessica has now jumped down from the table, one hand on his shoulder, the other on his curled fist and looking at him worriedly. She shakes her head, “Don't.”

Sebastian's grip on Lewis's shirt loosens slowly and he finally lets go of the Mercedes driver, who instantly smirks at him, “Such a good boy.”

“Get out, Lewis.” That's from Jessica, who's now glaring at him.

Lewis's gaze drifts from Seb to her, confused before he huffs loudly and moves out of the room.

Jessica turns back to Seb, blue eyes big and apologetic. “Seb, I'm sorry...” She pleads with him to understand, fingers brushing his knuckles hesitantly.

“Don't touch me” he demands, stepping away and out of her reach and Jessica just prays she hasn't lost him.

Sebastian paces around the room, tugging at the ends of his hair furiously, tension very much palpable in the air between them. He pauses, spinning on his heel to look at her surprised or shocked; she's not sure she can tell the difference right now. “How could you do this to me?” His voice is only a whisper at first but it goes louder after each word. “How could you do this to me, Jess? I waited patiently for you to open up to me when you'd feel ready and that's what I get as a thank you? Being cheated on with Lewis bloody Hamilton?”

“Seb, I didn't... He came to me!” Jessica desperately tries to defend herself.

“Why does that even matter?” Sebastian shouts, waving both hands in the air, anger and hurt flickering in his eyes.

Jessica grimaces as his words echo around the tiny space, arms circled around herself as if to make her smaller. “I love you.”

Sebastian drags in a breath sharply and exhales it slowly in the form of a sad sigh. He looks at her hard. “I trusted you with my heart and you just shattered it. Why should I believe you?”

“Then don't! Let me prove it to you!” she begs, reaching out for him.

He withdraws his hand before she can touch it. “You had your chance and you destroyed it. We're done, Jessica. Truly and forever done.”

Her eyes blow wide open and her breath catches in her throat. “You can't mean that” she mumbles, voice barely audible and shaking in terror but Sebastian just nods.

“I do.” He walks back and turns around, covering his face with his hands. “Fix yourself up and get out.”

Jessica reaches up a shaking hand to do the buttons on her shirt, wondering whether there's a point in fighting for him. But she's never felt so distant from Seb, even if it's just a few meters between them, and she just nods in defeat.

She manages to reach the door despite shaking like a leaf and the moment she's out of it she falls against it. Now alone out in the cold, the reality of the situation hits her. Hard. She lost the one person she actually cares about and she has no one to blame but herself. She was too timid and too selfish and it cost her a very high price. It cost her Seb and she's never going to get him back.

* * *

Sixth place in his home race is a reason to be happy and Nico allows himself to get carried away by his achievement for a moment as he walks down the pit lane on Sunday evening, whistling cheerfully. He's in the middle of an overly dramatic tune when something catches his attention near Ferrari. Stopping, he realizes it sounds as if someone is crying and it's coming from the other side of the fence? Leaning over the opening for the pit board to the start line, his chest tightens at the sight before him.

“Jess?”

Jessica lets out a gasp, startled that someone has found her, even if the wall next to the grid doesn't really make for a good hiding spot. She wipes her cheeks with her hands hastily before she looks up at him and her sobs are back, now considerably increasing.

“Hey” Nico tries softer, testing with his leg whether he can jump down and join her. It's not going to work; Jessica is sitting right underneath it and disturbing her while she's in that state doesn't seem like the smartest thing to do. He stretches his arm instead to pat the top of her head with his fingertips. “What is it, Jess?”

“I... I...” she struggles to utter anything, choking on her tears.

“Is it Seb?” he guesses, trying to be helpful. She shakes her head. That's encouraging. “Fabrizio?” Another negative response. “Lewis?”

“It was me” she finally manages out, sobs still sporadically interrupting her talking but at least what she says makes sense. “I... I kissed Lewis and... Seb saw us... He'll never forgive me.”

Nico takes a step back from the fence, sucking in a large puff of air, not really knowing how to process this kind of news. He takes off his Renault cap and scratches his head.

“I messed up, Nico” Jessica continues her tirade of self hate. “I lost Seb, I lost everything and it's all my fault. No one's but mine.”

“Hey, hey, breathe” Nico urges, looking around for the quickest way to the grid. He finally runs back to Red Bull, jumping down from their opening and runs the last meters to her. He falls to his knees next to her and she immediately crawls to his arms, burying her face in his chest and crying there as he places a kiss on her hair, whispering in her ear, “Everything's gonna be okay.”

She looks up at him, fresh tears sparkling in her eyes. “Nothing's gonna be okay, though, is it?”

“It is” Nico promises, drying her tears with his shirt that she has already damped anyway. “I'm not gonna lie, you must've hurt him. But Seb is reasonable and he loves you very much, he's just angry. Once he calms down, he'll come to his senses, he'll forgive you. Don't do this to yourself, things will go back to normal.” She raises a doubtful eyebrow so he adds, “You'll both laugh at it, you'll see.”

She doubts that as well. And despite his promise, she has a feeling this won't be magically solved any time soon. She broke Sebastian's heart and trust in more than one ways and it infuriates her. It drives her nuts. She remembers the beginning of the year. She remembers Shanghai, Baku, Seb openly expressing his feelings only for her to turn him down, denying him, refusing to be loved by him, telling herself that he wasn't worth the risk, that he would hurt her in the end. Not once had she thought that it would be the other way around and she would be the one to hurt him, and that feels worse.

She cries herself to sleep that night, tears of guilt and remorse rolling down her cheeks, dampening her pillow and covers as she tosses and turns in her bed, unaware that Seb is doing the exact same thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 💣 Booom! Did anyone see that coming?
> 
> *German translation*  
> • Viel glück an diesem wochenende =Good luck this weekend  
> • Danke=Thank you  
> I don't speak German so if something's wrong, please correct me.


	19. Edge Of Chaos (part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had an incredibly busy weekend but I really needed to post something after the fiasco that was Monza. Can somebody please give Sebby a hug for me? 💔
> 
> Quite minor, insignificant, possibly distracting point but please for the sake of the story let's assume that Toto and Susie's relationship is still at the beginning. You'll understand when you reach that part.
> 
> Other than that enjoy and happy week everyone!

The moment the first roofs of Budapest appear in the plane window, Jessica's foot goes tapping against the floor nervously. Since everything that happened last Sunday in Hockenheim, her head has been a mess. But Hungary is a back-to-back race and that means she didn't even have the chance to at least go home, block the world outside and sort out certain things. She has racing to worry about instead, make sure they finish the first half of the season strong, but in her current state of mind racing or anything remotely related to it is the last thing she wants to do.

“Jess.” Fabrizio takes her hand that is gripping the armrest so tightly that her knuckles have turned white, and kisses it gently. “It won't be as bad as you think.”

She raises an eyebrow at him. On Monday, after the debrief, she told him what happened between her and Seb and he'd been devastated, unlike what she expected. He had hugged her hard, promising to be there if she ever needs him. He's also trying to help her go through it as painlessly as possible which she has serious doubt has no point at all when it feels like her heart has been torn out of her chest.

“Look on the bright side. Only one more race and then you get three weeks of F1-free holiday. You're going to get bored without someone constantly complaining about something.”

That finally puts a small smile on her face and she relaxes in her seat, fastening her belt for the landing.

The moment the wheels touch the ground, there's rain, heavy, and if Domenico is right, it's not going to improve during the whole weekend. So, they're down for a wet race. Jessica glares at the open heavens above her as she waits for Stefano to come and pick them up with his rental car.

Fabrizio gives her arm a reassuring squeeze. “Things are going to be alright, Jess.”

She wants to scream, having had enough of people repeating those words over and over again like a mantra. Things are _not_ alright and the tiniest grain of hope she held that maybe things could be alright at some point is shattered when she sees Seb at the track on Thursday morning. He's standing at the back of the garage casually talking with Maurizio and their eyes lock for a second as she inspects his crew work. A shiver runs through Jessica's spine as she stares at the familiar set of bright blue eyes and for a second she has the impression that nothing has happened between them, that everything is just a figment of her imagination. Things are fine. But then Sebastian's gaze becomes a glare and he breaks the moment, stalking off to do press commitments. She sighs, watching his retreating form. _Nothing_ is alright.

* * *

Friday is wet, drenched to be more accurate, and as Jessica leans backwards in the pit wall to watch the cars as they head to the track, she knows it won't get better any time soon. Usually, teams wouldn't bother to get out, but with rain expected throughout the whole weekend it's essential to get as much time on the board as possible in wet conditions. In some respects, Jessica enjoys the challenge this weekend is throwing at her and she's very much grateful for it; it provides her with a precious distraction from her thoughts. If only practice sessions could last forever...

Listening to Seb give her his feedback as they stand side by side at the back of the garage, proves to be a hard task to fulfill. Gone are his smiles and the light touches he used to give her hand hanging on her side while his team fussed around the car. Instead, his eyes are hollow, emotionless, his voice flat and foreign even to his own ears and Jessica can only nod as he explains what he needs from the car.

“One more thing, Riley...”

Sebastian's voice has her drag her gaze from the Ferrari in front of her up to him and she raises a questioning eyebrow because she's Riley now? Not Jessica, not Jess, not sugar, even if he had never called her like that in public? Simply Riley?

“Stop hoping for us.” His tone is coldly serious and Jessica falters, looking at him with widened eyes. “We're not going back there. Ever. You hoping only makes this...” he pauses, searching for the right word, and gestures between them, shaking his head, “... _mess_ harder.”

Jessica stares at him lost for a second. “Don't ask me that.” She's surprised she managed to utter anything, even if it's just a faint whisper because her throat feels dry and tears are burning behind her eyes. “I love you, I won't stop hoping for us. Not as long as I believe that there is still a chance to fix things.”

“There is _no_ chance!” Sebastian hisses at her as loudly as he dares since they're surrounded by the team. “You won't fix things, you _can't_ fix things.”

“Give me a chance” she asks, face one of pure determination.

And at this moment, while she's asking him like that, it would take absolutely nothing for Sebastian to forget about everything. He sucks in his breath, pulling at his hair furiously, before he exhales and looks at her hard, eyes full of sadness and pain. Pain that _she_ put there. “I can't, Jess” he whispers and the way he pronounces her name, as if he's holding back a sob, causes her heart to leap in her chest. “I can't just wait and see. I can't afford to have my heart broken by you again.”

“Trust me” she insists, this time softer and he almost nods in agreement.

“ _You_ didn't trust _me_ ” he reminds her and, by the way her arms leave her sides wrapping around her torso as if she's trying to curl up on herself, he can tell this stroke a nerve. “We'll remain professionals” he tells her, struggling to hold at bay his own emotions. “But we'll put space between us outside the track. We'll move on as easily as possible.”

She nods, giving in, actually offering him a tiny smile. “Okay, fine. Space.”

So, he took what he wanted. He took his space. Yet, watching her walk away when she's called upon, Sebastian doesn't feel better. If anything, he feels considerably worse than before. His chest aches and he rubs at it through his overalls frustrated. It's definitely _not_ because of Jessica Riley.

* * *

Sebastian doesn't think that Kimi would mind if he doesn't say a word during their appointed dinner on Friday night. So, getting absorbed in his thoughts while absentmindedly staring at the cold steam on his water glass should be fine. Except it's not because all his thoughts revolve around Jessica lately and she's the last thing he wants to think about.

He reaches a hand and grabs his glass, sipping at the water furiously, wincing at the annoying shrill sound that is playing at the back of his mind. He wills it out so that he can go back to his misery.

“Sebastian!”

He looks up at the adamant voice, the noise stopping because it's not in his head, it's Kimi clinking his fork against his glass to get his attention. He raises an eyebrow.

“What the hell has gotten into you?” the Finn rolls his eyes, reclining in his seat and crossing his arms. “We've been here for an hour now and you haven't said bloody anything.”

So, he actually minds.

“It's nothing” Sebastian brushes it off, but his friend cocks a suspicious eyebrow. He clenches his teeth, letting out a small breath. “Personal matter.”

“So, it's Riley” Kimi concludes, arms unfolding so that he can return to his food, and Sebastian glares at him. Sometimes he hates Kimi and this is definitely one of those. “What did she do this time?”

Sebastian squirms in his chair. This is not a topic he'd like to discuss, especially with Kimi, but he doesn't seem to have any alternatives. “She, ugh, kissed Lewis.” He immediately feels Kimi's judging eyes upon him and he lowers his head. “In Hockenheim. There's something that she hates about this circuit and she didn't come to _me_. She went to _him_.” Hurt is dripping from his tone and he feels like a fool, moping over her when _she_ was the one to break them.

Kimi waits for a moment. “What did you do?”

“Nothing” Sebastian shrugs a shoulder as if he doesn't care. He does and that's what makes this so hard, not Jessica hoping because he's hoping too. “I told her that we're done and that we're not getting back together.”

Kimi eyes him silently for a few seconds before he shrugs and shoves a mouthful of food into his mouth. “Well, they do say better late than never.”

Sebastian's eyes snap up at him wide open. “What? That's all you have to say?”

“What else do you expect me to say? I'd warned you about her and her secrets” Kimi points his fork at him, brows raised in accusation. “But you were too deep in love to pay any attention. So, you reap what you sow.”

“Well, thank you for being my friend” Sebastian snaps angrily, pushing his chair back and stands up. “I should've called my parents like I was supposed to!”

Kimi calls after him, “Your parents wouldn't let you rant at them about Riley.”

That actually stings and Sebastian stops, closing his eyes. His father didn't trust Jessica, but he was certain she would prove his father wrong. Yet, all she has managed is to hurt him even more than his father had assumed and Sebastian isn't sure whether he can forgive her for that.

* * *

Hanging out with her fellow engineers is the last thing Jessica feels like doing on Friday evening. She's been in a bad mood since her talk with Sebastian earlier at the track and, anyway, she isn't supposed to be doing socializing, she should be studying data to prepare for qualifying tomorrow and the race on Sunday. And she has an awful lot to look over considering that Mercedes was faster in both sessions. But Fabrizio suggested it would be good for her to relax and have some fun, promising there would be plenty of alcohol, too. And that last bit had been what finally persuaded her to drag her feet from her own room to Stefano's one; maybe alcohol is the plain solution to her problems. As she glares at the alcohol-free beers the small fridge is full of, though, she's not even getting that.

“You promised me real freaking alcohol” she rolls her eyes at Fabrizio annoyed when he elbows her aside to grab cans for all four of them.

“It's race weekend. You shouldn't drink” Fabrizio reasons, only for her to fold her arms, looking like she'll just murder him on the spot. “Hey, I'm doing you a favor!” he raises his eyebrows at her, handing her her drink, which she accepts with a pout. He pats her back, “Come on, Jess. Don't be a picture of misery.”

She opens her mouth to argue that she isn't; she's incredibly cheerful, but he's already walking away to Stefano and Domenico, teasing them in Italian. She looks at the beer in her hand and sighs. It's not like she has an option left right now. She joins the huddle on the floor, demanding that they all speak English tonight or she'll speak German, and when they laugh she actually finds a smile growing in her lips. She tells herself that it can't go too bad.

She figures it's some sort of a Friday routine for the three of them, gathering up and practically gossiping about the paddock news. Why isn't she surprised? She even finds herself half amused at some of their lame jokes and Stefano using some kind of terrible deductive logic to uncover the paddock's dirty secrets, but she can't be a part of their joy. Her mind is wandering anywhere but here and she feels a little bad to ruin the light atmosphere with her scowling.

Fabrizio toes her sock-clad foot, offering her a sad smile when she looks up. He looks guilty, as if under the impression that she blames him for making her be in a place she didn't want to be at all. She doesn't and she returns the smile, although it's a smaller one, and he rubs his foot against hers in comfort.

Their moment of peace is ruined by a can intended to Domenico flying between them.

“Have you gone completely nuts?” Stefano yells at his colleague sitting opposite to him, waving in the air both hands, holding a pen in the right one and a notebook in the left to write down the clues. “Torger might be an idiot, but he wouldn't date the development driver for a customer team!”

Domenico waves it off, “He's done worse things, what's dating Susie?”

Stefano huffs. “Let's see why Susie is a bad choice again.” He stabs at his notebook and the bullet points he has neatly put down. “One, she's a test and reserve driver.” More stabbing. “Two, she's a test and reserve driver for a customer team. Three, he's the team principal of the supplier team. Which means she is _his_ driver which means a relationship between them is anti professional which means he could lose his job! I'm telling you, Dom, there's nothing here.”

“And I'm telling you there is and they're dating!”

A hand that almost pokes Fabrizio in the eye has him stand up and look for another spot terrified before finally flopping down next to Jessica.

“Great, now they can kill each other more easily” Jessica smirks as the other two slowly close the space between them, the arguing turning definitely more physical with knee slapping, flying objects and arm pinching.

Fabrizio shrugs, pursing his lips. “Not my business.”

“I know, I know!” Stefano suddenly exclaims holding a hand up to stop Domenico from casting another can at him. “Jess, you know Torger, you tell us. Isn't the idea of him and Susie together totally absurd?”

Jessica shrugs a shoulder indifferently. “They do seem very friendly with one another. I think they would make a matching couple.”

Stefano's jaw drops open, eyes widening and the can that Domenico was holding in the air lands right on Stefano's forehead.

“Just admit it, mate” Domenico laughs smugly at him. “You're not cut out to be Sherlock. It's not a shame, you know.”

Stefano pulls a face at that. He likes Sherlock, he can perfectly be a mini me of his favorite detective. He snatches the can up and throws it at Domenico as hard as he can. “You're an idiot.”

“I might be, but when they're married and have a kid named Jack or something, you're paying off.”

“You know you just initiated World War Three, right?” Fabrizio mutters in her ear, but there's no strictness behind it, he's smiling and looking very much amused.

Jessica shrugs. “I do, but I don't care. Let them play.” And then she falls against his chest, sighing contently and Fabrizio wraps an arm around her shoulders.

“It won't be like that forever, you know. Things will work out in the end.”

She grimaces, clinging tighter onto his shirt. “I wish you stopped saying that.”

He kisses the side of her head. “Sorry.”

His fingers are tracing circles in the back of her neck and she enjoys it. The soft touch and the peaceful silence in the room are lulling and her eyes begin to flutter closed. Hold on, why is the room silent? Her eyes snap back open only to find Domenico and Stefano now sitting together and blinking at her innocently.

“What?” she hisses at Domenico, who is also smirking.

He places both hands over his chest, as if in pain. “Riley, you and Fabrizio? I don't ship that. What about Seb?”

She looks up at Fabrizio who has turned as red as she feels. She glares at the other Italian. “Keep me out of your gossip stories, Dom. There's nothing going on between me and Fabrizio and there's _definitely_ nothing going on between me and Seb!” It hurts that the last part is actually true.

“Yes, Dom, Sebastian is a bad choice, too” Stefano agrees, flipping through his notebook pages to a clean one. “You want to make a list for that too? One, he's a driver. Two, she's his engineer. Which means it would be anti professional which means she would lose...”

Domenico snatches his notebook and hits him with it over the head. “Can you shut up for a second? This is serious!” He turns back to Jessica, “What happened between you and Seb? He's not his usual self after Germany.”

“Yes, he's not in the mood for any jokes or pranks and he's supposed to have dinner with Kimi tonight” Stefano confirms, rubbing at his head before he brings down his hand and his eyes widen at the drop of blood he finds on his finger. “What the hell, Dom? Are you trying to kill me?”

Domenico looks at the notebook between them. “It must've been the spiral.”

“Right, so early night for me.” Jessica is on her feet, already halfway to the door and mumbling her goodbyes.

Fabrizio stares after her confused, even after the door is closed because she can't possibly have left him to deal with the other two alone, right? He slowly turns back to them to find them both looking at him as if he has all the answers, even Stefano who apparently is no longer concerned about Domenico's murderous instincts.

He clears his throat awkwardly. “So, Torger and Susie?”

* * *

Saturday morning is the same story all over again. Wet. Cold. No greeting. No glances or touches. Ignoring each other unless it's about the car. This car is the only thing keeping them united it seems.

Jessica leans towards the pits to watch the red cars as they storm out of the pit lane and to the circuit, a deep sigh escaping her, which immediately turns to mist in the cold air. She misses Sebastian being her boyfriend, not just her driver. She misses his cheeky winks while getting ready to jump in the car, she misses his smiles and jokes intended to her, she misses him being _hers_. But it seems she lost that right when she kissed Lewis in Hockenheim and it hurts much more than she thought it would.

Fabrizio bumps her knee under the pit wall gently, concern and worry clearly etched on his features when she tears her gaze from Sebastian's Ferrari to look at him. “Talk to him” he prompts very gently.

“I tried, he won't listen” she whimpers, voice breaking at the end and bottom lip slightly protruding as she struggles to hold back tears.

Fabrizio sighs and rubs her arm through her zipped up team jacket. “Let me have a talk with him? Maybe he accepts some things from a neutral side.”

Is there a point in that? What can Fabrizio do when Sebastian is angry at her and her only? Then again, what does she have to lose? And so she nods.

* * *

Fabrizio has no idea what he's about to say. This is not a subject where he can just put his finger on. Yet, the moment he spies Sebastian in a drenched paddock with his press officer a little before qualifying, he immediately quickens his pace, jogging up at him before he can skip off to media.

“Sebastian!”

Said person whips around confused and offers him a very tight smile. “What can I do for you, Fabrizio?”

Now by the German's side under the intense gaze of both him _and_ his press agent, this is far more awkward than Fabrizio had expected it to be. “Can we talk?” he requests as friendly as he can.

Sebastian tilts a surprised eyebrow. Yes, the two of them aren't close, they don't do the talking thing very often. In fact, playing ping pong in Shanghai at the beginning of the season might be the most interaction they've had outside the track in their almost three years working together. Even Britta wrinkles her brow at him suspiciously and it has Fabrizio mutter, “Alone. About Jessica”, because he really isn't explaining himself or the situation to anyone.

Sebastian looks like he wants to decline, but Fabrizio's eyes tell him it's important, so he sighs and nods. “Fine. In the motor home.”

And Fabrizio beams because at least he managed to persuade him to listen to him. Maybe it won't be too hard to make him see this from Jessica's perspective, either.

Sebastian hands his umbrella to his agent with some mumbled German so they're both standing in the wet now, hoods pulled down over their ears and they jog up the stairs to Ferrari. Inside, it's warm and quiet and they take off their damp jackets, Sebastian guiding them to a table. “Sit.”

Fabrizio accepts the offered seat and smiles at the German regarding him with cold eyes. “Lunch?” he proposes, trying to break the ice between them.

“I've already eaten” Sebastian shakes his head and folds his arms, clearly not caring about the tension between them.

Fabrizio nods, pursing his lips in a goodhearted nature before finding a visual escape at the scenery out of the window. If it was awkward before, now it's unbearable and it doesn't help at all that he has very little time available.

“So, Riley made you her messenger pigeon” Sebastian disturbs his thoughts, raising an eyebrow.

As bluntly as expressed, it's a way out and Fabrizio smiles weakly, exhaling a small breath. “Actually, I came here on my own to talk to you about a few things.” His face sobers up as he informs his interlocutor, “She's having a very hard time, Sebastian.”

For a hot second, Sebastian's face crumples with hurt and concern and in a way Fabrizio is happy to see it; it means that he still loves her, that he hasn't written off everything about them. But it's immediately replaced by anger and his eyes harden as he grunts, “I don't care. She did this to herself.”

“Yes” Fabrizio agrees. “But you're not doing great, either.”

And then Sebastian's well-plastered anger fades from his features and there's only pain there. “I... I had promised to be her future, the shoulder she could rely on. I thought she knew she could trust me” he whispers, burying his face in his hands, tears barely kept at bay. “I thought she knew she could come to me no matter what. And instead... Instead she went to him.”

“That's Jessica, she doesn't trust people. Not as much as she should at least” Fabrizio admits before knitting his eyebrows at him. “Why are you angry, though? Because she didn't trust you or because she turned to Lewis, because of your defeated ego?”

“I don't know!” Sebastian snaps, waving both hands in the air, exasperated. “I don't know” he repeats calmly and leans backwards in his chair. “Maybe both, maybe neither.”

Fabrizio eyes him silently for a few moments, recognizing a bit of himself in those words and mentally debates whether he should let Sebastian know this. Jessica will hate him if he does, but if there's the slightest chance that sharing their story with Sebastian will fix them, then he can live with it.

He sucks in a large puff of air, as if that's where the mental strength he needs right now is hidden. “Back when we were both working at Force India, Jessica and I were a couple” he begins and from the corner of his eye he can see Sebastian is looking at him with his undivided attention. “We lasted for two years.” He holds up as many fingers. “Two lovely years. But we ended up in smoke and ashes.”

“Why?” Sebastian enquires curiously.

Fabrizio rubs both hands over his face, willing away the lump in the back of his throat and exhales his earlier breath. “Because I was a jerk” he replies simply, blinking as memories flash in his brain.

 

_He leans against the door frame, watching Jessica as she types on her computer frantically and he takes a sip from the cup of tea in his right hand. “What are you doing?”_

_“Working on set-up for Sochi” she tells him, eyes never leaving the screen for a single second._

_“It's late” he tries again, his free han shoving into the pocket of his jeans._

_She remains focused on the data in front of her for another long moment before finally looking up at him. He's still in his work clothes and looking exhausted and she frowns in concern. “You should go to bed.”_

_“No, I'll wait for you” Fabrizio shrugs a shoulder, testing her limits. She looks at him with her mouth slightly open, wondering whether he is actually doing this before huffing a breath and returning to her computer. He slumps his forehead on the door frame. Exactly what he expected. “Come on, Jess. You've been doing this for months. How longer do you think we can go on like this, huh?”_

_The tapping on the keys turns a little angrier, faster and she glares at him. “I have no idea what you're talking about, Fabrizio.”_

_“I'm talking about **this**!” he gestures at her desk, voice raising an octave and eyebrows shooting up. She's not stupid, she knows bloody well what he means. “You forgetting all about life and putting this damn job over everything else...”_

_“This damn job is important to me” Jessica mutters through gritted teeth._

_“And what about **me** , Jess? What about **us**?”_

_She's now looking at him as if he lost his mind. “What are you talking about? I care about us and I care about you.”_

_“Oh, really?” Fabrizio cocks his head sarcastically. “So, you sitting there behind that desk is you proving you care about me? At this point, I'm not sure you even have feelings to begin with.”_

_Her fingers halt above the keyboard and for a moment he wants to take that last bit back, but he doesn't and she half curls her hands into fists. “Since you met me, you knew my aims and what I wanted to achieve. You knew I wanted to be technical chief. And you knew what it would require to get there. You walked into this with your eyes open. So don't go around pretending to be the victim here! If you care about me, you'll accept it and back me up.”_

_Fabrizio waves a hand in the air, exasperated. “Do you ever think of anyone apart from yourself? Why does everything have to do with you?”_

_“I made a promise, Fabrizio!” Jessica is now yelling at him. “I promised Brian to make it there with him on my side. And do you know why it's so important? Because he's dead, Fabrizio! And it was my...” she stops about to blame herself. Fabrizio has no idea about her involvement in her friend's death and she doesn't want his pity right now. She shakes her head, fighting back tears and covers her mouth with her hands._

_Fabrizio looks at her with wide eyes, telling himself that he can't be sorry for her right now. He lets a moment pass before he speaks, significantly calmer than before, “I won't ask you to stop, but you have to choose. Either your job...” he pauses to swallow down the tears he feels forming in his eyes, pushing himself to say the words, “...or me.”_

_Jessica sucks in a deep breath, not really surprised or shocked that he's asking her this. She looks at him with hardened eyes. “You know what I'd choose.”_

_Her job. Honoring Brian._

_Fabrizio clenches his jaw, letting out a frustrated sigh. “Very well, then. See you in Sochi.”_

_And wanting to have the last word in this argument, he stomps out of her house, making sure to slam the door behind him as hard as he possibly can._

 

“So?” Sebastian asks, because there's a dragged out pause and time isn't on their side with qualifying underway in less than an hour.

“So, we went to Sochi” Fabrizio sighs, swallowing hard. “Finished the race in third place, Sergio did. There was a party afterwards, we got both drunk and left together. I was the one driving and...” he blinks tears away “...we crashed.”

Sebastian's eyes open wide as he whispers, “What do you mean _you crashed_?”

“I mean, we crashed” Fabrizio reiterates. “I ignored a red light and we got T-boned by a truck. I got away with a minor concussion, Jessica fractured a vertebra and... We fell apart.”

Sebastian stares at him unable to process what he has just heard before he drops his head in his hands and rubs it furiously, drawing in a deep breath. “Why are you telling me this, Fabrizio?”

“Because Jessica told me about what happened between the two of you in Hockenheim” his engineer replies and Sebastian stiffens at the reminder. “And I don't want you to make the same mistakes as I did” Fabrizio continues, placing a hand on his shoulder and Sebastian lifts his eyes at him in surprise.

“I don't think I'm the one that made a mistake here.”

“I know” Fabrizio assures, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I know that Jessica isn't perfect and that this is her fault. And I know it hurts. But, looking back, do you know what I think it was that brought us to Sochi?” Sebastian purses his lips expectantly. “My own selfishness. The fact that I couldn't see things from Jessica's point of view.”

Sebastian shakes his hand off him, now glaring at him with folded arms. “Well, I'm not seeing anything from her point of view! _She_ kissed Hamilton, _she_ turned her back on me.”

“But deep down you know she had her reasons. And you still love her, right?” Fabrizio searches for his eyes and the expression he receives from Sebastian is anything but denial. He gives him a tiny smile, in encouragement. “I'm not saying do it today or tomorrow. But when you're ready to forgive her and she asks for a chance...” Sebastian's eyes snap up at him and Fabrizio shakes his head, “...don't deny her that. She deserves it.”

Sebastian nods very slowly, pondering what this would mean. Jessica has already asked him for a second chance and, despite him being very clear that they're over for good, he doubts she'll stop hoping for them any time soon. And if he's honest with himself, he's grateful for it in a sense because then all this pain and hurt wouldn't need to be real. His chest tightens every time he thinks about her and the happy times they've had. Is he ready to forgive her, though, just like that? By no means.

* * *

When Sebastian jumps out of the car in parc fermé after qualifying he mostly feels annoyed. Annoyed that Hamilton is on pole and the best he could is a lowly fifth place. Annoyed that Fabrizio had Jessica before him. Annoyed that he had the nerve to rub this in his face just before the session started and offer his advice on how to fix things. What does he know about this, about _them_? And, above all, annoyed that whatever happened to her friend in Hockenheim apparently isn't the only secret she is keeping from him, now Fabrizio and their relationship popping up. What else hasn't she told him? If he had to guess, he'd assume more than a little.

He yanks his helmet off and tosses it to Domenico, who's standing there for no apparent reason and who almost drops it, taken aback, before hugging it firmly in his chest. Sebastian pulls at the ends of his hair where rain is pouring down on him frantically, glaring at the thick clouds above him, at Lewis being interviewed ahead, at the car, at the press, at his team... at everyone before his eyes fall on Jessica. She's cooling his front brakes with Fabrizio, sleeves pulled down and hair tucked in the hood, chatting and laughing with him, the two of them looking so very fine and he glares at her harder. How can she possibly be so bright and carefree when everything is going downhill for him? His fingers dig angrily into his red overalls, pulling out the sleeves and tying them tightly around his waist before he stomps around the car to grab her arm. “What the hell is wrong with you, Riley?”

He's hissing way too loudly even for the buzzing parc fermé and not only her but also Fabrizio turns to look at him. “What are you talking about, Seb?”

Come on, drop the innocence act. “I'm talking about you promising to tell me everything about you one day in Austria, you remember that? Is that your way of doing this, keeping stuff from me and cheating on me? And sending Fabrizio to talk to me, that doesn't make up for you hurting us, Riley!” Her cheerful face fades and Sebastian licks his lips satisfied. She hurt him very much in Germany, the least he can do is return the favor. “There's a reason why things never work out with you, right? I'm no different than all these people before me, am I? Lewis, Fabrizio...” he points to his other engineer watching them with a frown plastered on his face. “For heaven's sake, Riley, have you slept with every man in the paddock?”

“I love you now, isn't that enough?” Jessica defends, face wrinkled painfully.

And Sebastian stops because he didn't want this as a response. He wanted her to snap at him, argue with him like the Riley he met in January, so that he could go on and put all this fury and hurt he feels into words. He can't fight her now, not when she looks so small and vulnerable, and he barely holds himself from saying the words back, pressing his lips tightly together.

“Seb...” Her hand is gentle on his shoulder and her eyes are pleading with him to stay, to understand, to forgive. He averts his own gaze, not ready to let his defense mechanisms loose on her. “Please, don't do this to me” she whispers and his eyes widen, returning to her. What is he doing to her? Being blunt? Remind her of the truth? It doesn't even compare to what she did to him in Hockenheim. Her fingers slide lower down his arm and Sebastian bites his lip because this is familiar and comforting. “Don't you know that I'd give you the world if I could? Don't you know that I'm trying for this already?”

He looks at her face hard, at her loving eyes and sweet mouth. “Looks like this backfired, Riley.” He throws her hand back to her and turns around.

“Seb...”

“Forget about it, Riley!” he shouts at her over his shoulder. “Forget about _us_! We were so happy and you ruined everything. Why should _I_ trust _you_ when _you_ didn't trust _me_?”

“Seb?” That's from Britta looking at him from the other side of the parc fermé, a worried expression on her face and a recorder in her hand, and he turns on his heel and follows after her to the press pen.

* * *

Debriefs go poorly but that was to be expected after such a disappointing qualifying session. So, a full-on rant from Maurizio, instructions given to Seb, instructions given to her as if fifth place is their fault. Rain doesn't suit the Ferrari cars, they're strictly made for dry and France proves it. But when Jessica dares to object that, it only earns her another rant from Maurizio, telling her to do her job properly and not make up excuses. As far as she's concerned, she knows _slightly_ more about race cars in the five years she has worked on the field than the cigarettes guy who found himself running Ferrari, but she decides better not to say that.

She lets out a huge sigh of relief when they're finally dismissed, suddenly feeling very tired. And to find Lewis bloody Hamilton drinking coffee at this peculiarly late hour in the Ferrari motor home makes her feel ten years older. She sighs, slamming her clipboard and all sheets of data next to him on the table. “What are you doing here?”

“You have good coffee, I like it” he tells her, sipping on his Ferrari themed cup. Under different circumstances, she might have laughed at that. “I'll stop by more often from now on.”

“I'll make sure to have cookies as well for you next time” Jessica promises, it could hardly get more sarcastic if she tried, and he raises his eyebrows at her. “Why are you here, Lewis, really?”

He lets out a small breath, sitting back and waving for her to join him. She sighs, but sits. “Hockenheim” he says merely and she freezes, almost choking on her own saliva. She's acutely aware that Seb is watching them from the other side of the room while packing his things for the day with Antti and she squirms in her seat. If the ground could open up and swallow her, it would make her life so much easier. “Hockenheim must mean something” Lewis continues and his hand moves to brush hers that is resting on the table. “Perhaps a new start for us. You know you're always welcome back to Mercedes and I could speak to Toto...”

“No, Lewis” she cuts him off, snatching her hand back and he frowns, looking surprised that she turned down his offer before she even heard it. “I'm not coming back to Mercedes and Hockenheim doesn't have to mean anything. I'm not letting anything like last year happen again. We're not going back there.”

“But Jess...” He wasn't expecting this reaction if his wonderstruck expression is anything to go by. “I still love you. And you can't deny that you still love me either after Hockenheim.”

She grits her teeth and looks at him hard. “I don't love you, Lewis.”

He gazes at her in shock before he jumps to his feet and stomps out without another word. Jessica watches him go, sucking in a breath, thinking about what he just told her. She loved him once, yes, and it wasn't that long ago but not anymore, she's sure of that. Hockenheim didn't happen because she loves him, it was a mistake which she regrets deeply because it cost her the man she truly loves - Sebastian.

* * *

He should be focused on the data from qualifying that he and Jessica were running through together. But since this afternoon Fabrizio can hardly think of anything else. Talking to Seb about them made him realize he's not over her, that his feelings for her are true and genuine, no matter what he's been trying to persuade himself for after Silverstone. Having her sprawled on his bed doesn't help, even if they're only supposed to be working. If only he got a chance to go back, fix things, do everything with her better...

“Fabrizio?” Jessica is clicking her fingers in front of his face and looking at him with raised eyebrows. “You okay?”

He hums. “I'm fine. Just thinking.”

She doesn't press more, going back to her papers of data and he tries to do the same, stretching his legs to get more comfortable where he's sitting on the floor. But his eyes drift back to her, watching her fingers as they flip through the pages and he hesitantly reaches out to touch them, feel her skin against his...

“How's Monica?” His fiancée whom he hasn't even bothered to call yet.

His hand stills on the mattress, the question catching him off guard, and he sighs. “She is, ugh, okay.”

“The wedding preparations?”

He turns to look at her. Is she doing this on purpose? Hurting him so as not to be the only one sad? But there's nothing of it in her features, she seems rather interested. Fabrizio doesn't want to talk about this, though; about his fiancée and his wedding and all his doubts that he's doing the wrong thing. He wants to focus on them and he hurriedly pushes his papers aside, jumping to his feet before he sits next to her, grabbing her hands in his.

Jessica knits her eyebrows at him confused. “Fabrizio?”

He looks up at her to find blue eyes blinking back at him, unsure. He notes how close they are and it would be so easy to just lean forward and vanish the space between them...

“No, Fabrizio.” Jessica's voice is adamant in his ear and he stops only inches away from her mouth. He pulls back and looks at her. She shakes her head, “We're not something that can be fixed. Everything we had is in the past. We can't change the past.” Fabrizio nods in understanding and she squeezes his hand gently before quickly collecting her papers. “I should go.”

Fabrizio nods again, rubbing at his aching chest through his shirt and watches her as she rushes off the bed and towards the door. “If you need any help...” he offers awkwardly.

She gives him a tight smile. “I'll manage.”

And then she's out, gone, the door thudding behind her, and Fabrizio alone. He falls on his back on the bed, sighing loudly, rubbing both hands over his face and trying very hard not to cry. And then he swallows and gets back to his feet to find his phone and call Monica.

* * *

When Sebastian walks into the paddock on Sunday morning holding an umbrella for Britta next to him, he's silent. Focused, determined. He knows Hungaroring isn't the best place for overtaking, and with the rain and his car's pace deficit in it, it's going to be even tougher. But he wants this race and he wants it for himself. After Hockenheim, nothing has been on the positive side and to win before the summer break, to narrow further the gap between him and Hamilton, to put himself back in the championship bid in a weekend where nothing has gone according to plan for him would truly mean a lot.

His chat with the team and a couple of interviews go by in a bit of a haze and he seeks a quiet spot to just _breathe_. Standing on the stairs outside the Ferrari motor home, despite that it's chilly and his team jacket not thick enough for him not to shiver, he pulls deep breaths in and out. Letting every emotion pass over him, he closes his eyes and envisions his race; his launch off the line, his attacks and defense, his tyre management, his pit stop, his strategy... He has heard muted whispers about cancelling the race due to safety concerns amid the treacherous conditions. He sincerely hopes it's not because at this point he's not sure he had craved anything more than he craves driving today.

The race is finally announced to be on, albeit starting behind the safety car but Sebastian would gladly take that over nothing. He stands under the tent above his car on the grid and sucks on his ear plugs after the national anthem, watching his car being prepared. He catches a glimpse of Jessica standing on the side chewing her lip and looking nervous as hell. For a brief moment, Sebastian moves towards her to assure her that nothing will happen to him but then it hits him. Her uneasiness is none of his business and he isn't even meant to care. Anger and betrayal bubbling up under his skin again, threatening to spill out, he yanks his balaclava over his face and turns to Antti who's clutching his helmet hard.

His trainer looks as anxious as Jessica, if not more, and Sebastian narrows his eyes at him suspiciously. Antti sighs, “Careful out there, okay?”

“Of course” Sebastian nods winking and Antti sighs louder than before. If he understands how serious this is, he's not sounding like it. “Hey” Sebastian pats his arm encouragingly. “Relax, it's just rain.”

And fog and limited visibility and spray-offs which are going to be pretty bad considering that he's lining up fifth. But Sebastian seems to be having none of that as he puts on his gloves and climbs in the cockpit.

He relaxes in his seat, waiting for his belts to be done up. Adrenaline is pouring through him, demanding to be burnt, and he barely contains himself from fiddling with the buttons on the steering wheel or tap on the pedals. From the corner of his eye, he sees Jessica approaching, almost leaning over, as if she wants to tell him something. He doesn't want to talk, particularly to her. He wants to race and he closes the visor.

* * *

If the fact that the race is starting under the safety car is supposed to provide some sort of reassurance and comfort, it's spectacularly failing. Jessica leans across the pit wall towards the track watching the cars as they clear the circuit of standing water behind the safety car and a worried frown finds its way to her brow. Rain is still pouring down with no chance of improvement according to Domenico; in fact, they're expecting it to increase through the race, and there have already been complaints on the radio by various drivers. She sighs as Sebastian's Ferrari dances on the water; she has a very bad feeling about this race and no matter what she does it won't go away.

And she's proven to be right. As soon as the safety car drives into the pit lane at the end of the eighth lap, there's chaos up and down the field. A Toro Rosso skidding off track, Daniel's Red Bull soon joining the sister car on a wall and Stoffel complaining about a lack of grip. She lets out a shrill breath, linking her arms behind her head as Seb reports on team radio that the conditions are fine and not a cause of worry. He clearly wants to race, no matter the consequences, and she feels a little guilty because _she_ pushed him there.

Flashbacks of a wet Hockenheim linger in the back of her mind begging her to reason with him, to stop this before it's too late, but she shakes her head to herself, pushing the thought aside. This is her emotional side getting the better of her. She should pull herself together, focus on the situation at hand. And with that she goes back to studying sector times and gaps. Sebastian has already gained two positions, settling into a rhythm and they're now evaluating different strategies to fight for the podium. She forces herself to calm down; currently things look so bright and promising and _fine_.

And it's not until a couple of laps after his second pit stop, almost mid-way through, that she casts a quick glance at the data and her heart skips a beat.

“There's something wrong with the GPS signal” she nudges Fabrizio, trying to remember how to breathe and to convince herself that it's not what she's thinking, it's just some malfunction in the system.

Fabrizio looks over and frowns. “No, he's fighting on track, he's closing in on Bottas.”

She shakes her head at him furiously. “This is not the track, this is the run-off area at turn 1!”

And just then the footage on the screens changes from the Sauber garage to the Ferrari on the gravel, nose and cockpit buried deep in the tyre barrier and Jessica feels the air leave her lungs. The replays of Sebastian's crash hit her hard. The blood red Ferrari numbered five speeds down the straight, taking the right line for the corner following afterwards before clipping a tiny bit of kerb too much. It's instantly skidding off track in a spray of dirt as gravel goes flying in the air, brakes locked up and traveling towards the wall at high speed. Jessica closes her eyes literally a fraction before it makes contact with the barriers, as if not seeing explicitly the accident will make it any less real.

Fabrizio squeezes her hand numbly and she reopens her eyes, now to watch marshals as they rush towards him, but as far as she can tell there's no movement from inside the cockpit and Sebastian himself. She jerks forwards and presses the radio hard. “Seb? Seb, are you alright? Can you hear me?”

She only receives silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😱😱😱
> 
> Cliff hanger. You're welcome.


	20. Edge Of Chaos (part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is way too sad and angsty to be a celebration but hey, Seb won! Grazie ragazzi is back! I'm so happy and proud of him. ☝️❤️
> 
> Please note that I'm neither a doctor nor an engineer so when it comes to these areas everything mentioned in this and the next couple of chapters serves as a plot device and is mostly based on my online research. If anyone is an expert, please let me if I have totally messed up. 🤦
> 
> With the way life is going at the moment, the next update will probably be in a year from now so make sure you enjoy this.

Nico stomps around the press pen sulking and arms folded tightly across his chest. He's furious and justifiably so. His first realistic shot at the podium this year with rain mixing up things as expected, he'd done well in qualifying, he'd done well in the race, put himself in the most appropriate spot should anything happen to the front runners and then boom, engine failure ten laps from the end. It hurts and angers him equally. He has some pretty words for the team but he swallows them down. Instead, he's forced to pretend to be the nice and supporting team player who stands by the team through good and bad. Honestly, the team can be damned right now.

He's in the midst of an interview when replays of Sebastian's accident appear on the TV monitor behind the guy he's talking to and he freezes. He does recall his engineer informing him of a crash when he asked why the hell the race was reflagged at some point but he didn't mention _this_. It doesn't look good at all, the Ferrari is barely keeping in one piece. His first thought is, of course, Sebastian, who despite all the willing Nico is doing in his head won't emerge from the debris. His second one is Jessica.

“That's all” he mutters to the confused journalist, most likely curtly since he still has half of the question to answer.

He turns and grabs his press officer's elbow who's looking at him with knitted eyebrows, dragging her aside and immediately whispering, “Is Vettel okay?”

He begs for a yes or just a nod, _anything_ that will shake off this hollow feeling from the pit of his stomach but she only shrugs, “I don't know. I think he was transferred to a local hospital.”

Nico sucks in air furiously. This can't be good. “No statement from Ferrari?” he presses. “Is he okay, is he injured or what?”

Another shrug. Can she stop shrugging? “I don't know, a lot of speculation, but there hasn't been anything confirmed officially yet.” And then she's eyeing him worriedly. “Nico, if you don't want to continue with the interviews, I can...”

He shakes his head. “No, I can do this.”

His agent nods slowly and he walks to the first journalist he's pointed at. He can finish the interviews. He can do this. At least, he can try to persuade himself that he's strong enough to deal with whatever happens because once he's free from here he's checking up on Jessica and asking her about Seb's condition in person. Only that he can't concentrate on the questions he's being asked, his mind constantly thrown back to the accident and he blinks away the image. This is the side of Formula One no one wants to see and it's going to haunt him for a long time.

* * *

“... _I am happy to have won today, but, of course, all our thoughts go to Sebastian. I haven't seen the crash myself, but I heard it was pretty bad. This win is for him and I'd like to wish him all the best and to return to us, where he belongs as soon as possible. Get well soon, Seb_...”

Jessica is packing up the equipment in the garage when Lewis's voice rings from the loudspeakers and she resists the urge to roll her eyes. He's a freaking hypocrite, he doesn't give a damn about Seb. In fact, he would probably love it if he didn't return for the second half of the season so that he could walk away with the championship and if he thinks he's fooling anyone with the crocodile tears... Well, most certainly he's not fooling her.

She throws in the box the last things and yanks it closed before she straightens up and sighs. There was no way this weekend could have gone worse; Kimi was freaking lapped in seventh place after a disastrous strategy and Seb... Seb is in hospital. Her brain drifts back to the moment medics extracted his limp body from the ruins that once was his car and she immediately feels sick to her stomach.

“Jess...”

Warm arms wrap around her from behind and she turns to find Nico there, in his team shirt and grey shorts and a pained frown similar to hers between his brows. She's never been more happy or relieved that he has retired from a race, finishing off with press obligations early. She falls against him, clinging onto him like a lifeline and finally letting tears run free.

He kisses the top of her head and she can tell he's struggling to keep his own tears at bay when he whispers, “It's okay. It's over now.”

She holds him tighter, harder, as if to make sure that he can't go away too, and sobs against him. She feels it then, soft moisture in her hair, and she loosens her grip to pull away and look at him.

There are tears in his eyes as he dries her cheeks with the back of his palm and then asks the only thing that is really on his mind right now, “How is he?”

Jessica shrugs, not knowing what else to respond. It's not like she has seen him other than on the screens and Maurizio isn't providing them with any news, even if she suspects that he has some. “He was unconscious when they took him, chances are he has suffered injuries.” Nico sighs and she buries her head in his chest again. He plays with her hair and she closes her eyes. “It's my fault.”

She didn't think he would hear it, it was mumbled against his shirt but apparently not muffled since Nico is grabbing her shoulders, looking at her with a deep frown. “That's not the truth and you know it. It was a freak accident, no one's fault.”

Jessica huffs, this being the second time in her life that she hears the exact same word and the second time that she doesn't believe them. 

Nico's hands now cup her cheeks, brushing away the last of her tears. “This isn't your fault, Jess. And Seb is a fighter, he'll come back. And he'll win and give Toto and Lewis a real reason to hate him.”

At that, she manages a shaky laugh and Nico offers her a sad smile. That would be so typical of Seb.

She wipes her face, untangling herself from him. “You're right” she nods and then hiccups. “Seb won't give up. He'll come back, right?”

He doesn't know that, no one does. This is their life as racers and there's no guarantee Nico can give her that Seb is going to recover at all, to begin with. But she's silently pleading with him to say yes, soothe her fears, and he kisses her forehead. “Of course, Jess.”

Then again, it's not that big of a lie. Knowing Seb, he'll move mountains to get behind the wheel again and Nico trusts him to come back only stronger after such a setback. A small smile finds its way onto his lips. Seb will be back before any of them realizes.

* * *

Sebastian opens his eyes very slowly, only to slam them closed a second later when the dazzling white light invades his pupils. He lets out a small breath and furrows his brow, trying to figure out something about the situation. He's obviously lying down and he feels sore. Well, he probably hasn't had a good night's sleep. He tries to roll over and immediately tears of pain flood his eyes, his left leg feeling heavy and aching very much with the slightest movement. He relaxes back in his initial position, taking small anxious breaths to relieve the pain, and wills his brain to think.

The last thing he remembers is racing through turn one of the Hungaroring, pulling back his hands from the steering wheel and folding them in his chest when he realizes he's not going to make the corner. The world seems to have slowed down as he slides towards the wall at top speed, the tyre barriers glooming ever so closely, and he grits his teeth to brace himself for the inevitable collision. He recalls the impact being quite hard and followed by darkness. His head is also pounding and he covers his eyes with one hand, attempting to further block out the brightness.

From his experience in racing, Sebastian is aware of the post-accident protocol. Rationally, he should have been transferred to the medical center of the track or a nearby hospital to undergo all the medical tests to ensure that he's okay and hasn't suffered any life-threatening injuries. Which he isn't completely certain that he hasn't, considering how stiff and sick he feels.

He bravely opens his left eye, then the right one, still using his hand as a shade, and squinting he looks around the room. White walls, white furniture and a weak beeping next to his bed. Yes, definitely a hospital. He sighs before looking down at himself. The hand in his lap is bruised and so must be his legs, given that it requires a hell lot of effort to move even his toes. He's careful not to put any pressure on his left leg, the sharp pain from earlier assuring him this is not a good idea at all. He drags his right foot across the sheets and touches it with his small toe instead. He doesn't find skin, though, only hard, solid plastic and he frowns. Is that a cast? And why the hell is his leg casted?

“Mr Vettel.”

He lifts his head to the blonde nurse that has just walked through the door and looking much more happy that he's awake than he does. She proceeds to take his blood pressure and Sebastian curiously asks her about his condition.

She gives him a small smile. “I'm sorry, Mr Vettel. I'm not allowed to tell you anything. The doctors will explain.” Sebastian knits his eyebrows suspiciously as she scribbles something down on a notebook before smiling at him again. “There are people wanting to see you. I can let them in now if you're feeling well enough.”

He won't feel well enough until somebody lets him know how he really is, but he nods anyway and she leaves. And moments later Sebastian wishes he could go back to sleep, uneasy as it may be, because his room fills with people and voices that he's not prepared to handle right now.

Britta and Antti both hug him hard, even his trainer whom hours ago Sebastian would swear didn't particularly care whether he's alive or not as long as he had his pay check and vodka.

“You scared me” Britta lets go of him and sits down next to him, a stray tear spilling down from the corner of her eye. “I thought I'd lost you.”

Sebastian looks sheepish as he pulls his bed sheet over his chest. “Sorry. I... I just thought I could do it.”

Britta sighs, more tears gathering in her eyes, and Antti interferes, “The important thing is that you're okay. Make sure you rest well and you'll return even stronger.”

Sebastian nods before he winces, bile rising up his throat. “I feel nauseous.”

“It's probably from the concussion” Britta mutters, rubbing her chin worriedly.

Sebastian's eyes widen in shock. “I have a concussion?!”

Britta hesitates. “Yes” she says finally. “And a couple of other scratches.”

“I wouldn't exactly call them scratches” Antti snorts and Britta shoves him hard with her elbow and an expression that indicates this is a moment that he really needs to shut up.

Sebastian looks between the two of them confused, a bad feeling settling in the pit of his stomach. “What happened to me?”

Antti goes to reply but another shove from Britta shushes him. She grabs Sebastian's face, looking at him hard. “What happened isn't important. The important thing is what you'll do from now onwards. And you won't let it bring you down. You'll win against this.” She stops and studies his eyes. “Right, champ?”

Sebastian nods very slowly and very confused and Britta plants a kiss on his forehead, smiling at him shakily afterwards. She stands up, digging his phone out of her pocket and places it on the table beside him, making sure it's close enough for him to reach.

“Call your parents” she tells him strictly. “They're worried sick.”

Sebastian nods and promises he will.

* * *

Fabrizio, Domenico and Stefano all appear in the doorway at the same time, fighting to get through first, arguing in Italian about whose turn it is, and Sebastian grins. “My favorite Italians.”

Stefano finally wins that battle, walking in first and he turns to look at the other two smugly. Fabrizio's response is an exasperated glare, Domenico's to stick out his tongue at him and Stefano little does he care as he spins on his heel with a smirk, walking towards Seb at the bed, and pats his shoulder cheerfully, “How're you doing, mate?”

Could they remember he has smashed his Ferrari in a wall a couple of hours earlier, arrived here unconscious and is still not aware of his condition? But, fine, let's pretend he's here to make public relations instead, and he shrugs, “I've seen better days.”

“Agree with you on that, mate” Fabrizio sighs, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “It was a pretty nasty crash.”

They all seem to sober up at that and Sebastian lowers his head, fiddling with the hospital sheets again. He'd prefer not to discuss this right now because he's well aware that it could have ended up much worse, if the force of it in the cockpit is anything to go by.

“Tell me about the race” he requests, trying to smile at the change of subject.

“Hamilton won” Domenico informs him, letting out a breath, and they all scowl, Sebastian included. “Dedicated his victory to you.”

Sebastian snorts so hard he almost chokes. “Because he cares so much about me” he says and it couldn't be more sarcastic if he tried.

Stefano half smiles at him reassuringly. “We'll get them at the end of the year.”

“I don't know whether I'm still so sure about that” Sebastian mumbles.

His engineers all fall silent, neither knowing how to approach this without crossing the lines that Sebastian has apparently set when it comes to his earlier crash. They understand, they don't push; it's still way too raw and thinking about it causes them to feel sick, they can only imagine what it does to him.

Sebastian doesn't break the silence, relishing the peacefulness of it, and reclines in his pillow sighing, eyelids dropping slowly. He's not tired, he has spent the last few hours sleeping but maybe a nap...

“Jessica is worried sick about you.”

At first, he has the impression hearing those words was just his brain playing tricks on him. But when his eyes snap up he finds Fabrizio blinking at him hesitantly. So, he did say that.

He grits his teeth and mutters, “I'm sure the shock will pass in a while.”

Seriously? Fabrizio wants him to think about Jessica right now? When he's rigged up to hospital machines and in so much pain he can barely move? Unconsciously, his gaze at the Italian turns to a glare and his nostrils flare angrily, challenging him to go on. For his own good, Fabrizio shuts up then, not pressing further, giving him the time and space he so desperately craves at the moment.

Stefano raises both eyebrows at the awkward exchange before him curiously, gaze shifting from Sebastian to his fellow engineer and back to the German, sensing the tension build up in the room and he steps in, “Right, how about we go and leave Seb to rest?”

The nods he receives from the other two are interpreted as agreeing and Sebastian half smiles politely as they mumble their wishes for a speedy recovery. He's grateful when they turn and start walking to the door. He already feels exhausted and he hasn't seen even half of the people waiting to check up on him. He sighs deeply, relaxing in his pillows, and closes his eyes with a satisfied hum. If he's been cursed to crash out of the race and now face all these people he doesn't even want to see, he might as well get comfortable while doing so.

Someone clears their throat loudly next to him and Sebastian begrudgingly reopens his eyes to find Domenico still standing there, hands shoved in the pockets of his trousers and rocking on his heels, looking like he has something to tell him. He raises his eyebrows expectantly.

“You're not gonna win her back like that, you know” the Italian says matter-of-factly and Sebastian scoffs quietly, having a very good idea about where this is heading.

“You know absolutely nothing...” he starts but Domenico cuts him off.

“About what happened between you two in Hockenheim?” he guesses what Sebastian was about to add, cocking a brow that is almost mocking, and the stern glance he receives as a response is anything but denial. He shakes his head, “You're right, I don't. But I do know that if you don't do something to get her back, you're going to lose her forever.”

Sebastian sucks in a sharp breath. “What makes you think that I want to get her back in the first place?”

“Please...” Domenico snorts. “You were all over her in Monaco and Canada... hell, even in Germany! You're fooling yourself if you want to believe that you don't give a damn about her. And you know what, you're the one that's going to end up hurt if you two don't get back together.” That finally perks up Sebastian's interest and he looks up at the meteorologist with knitted eyebrows. “Jessica loves you, yes, but she won't mope forever over you. She has Fabrizio to look after her, she could even have Lewis. Who are you going to have, Sebastian?”

The German's face of suspicion falters and he lowers his eyes, mulling the words over in his head.

“Domenico!” Stefano's strict voice brings them both back to reality and said person rolls his head to where his fellow Italian is waiting for him at the door with a glare.

He holds up a hand at him. “Give me a minute.” He turns back to Sebastian, whose gaze now is a mixture of annoyance and hesitation, and leans towards him confidentially. “What happens to Jessica is _your_ decision. Careful how you play your cards, champ.”

And with that, he finally walks out of the room and Sebastian rubs his forehead in thought. He no longer feels tired at all.

* * *

Maurizio shakes his hand for far too long and Sebastian clenches his jaw because at some point it even stops being uncomfortable; it just becomes painful. But the glassy look in the Italian's eyes tells him that he was as scared as the rest of them about him so he doesn't complain, says nothing as Maurizio informs him about his state and when he's done, he carefully slips his hand away from his boss's one, rubbing at it. Apparently, he almost destroyed his whole body; a severe concussion and a fractured calf bone are only a high-profile couple of the injuries he has suffered. To be frank, he was half expecting something like this after such a bad accident. That last bit, though, sounds a touch more serious and he looks up at his team principal alerted.

“Will I be able to race in Spa?”

And he hopes, he _prays_ that he says yes, says it won't be a problem but Maurizio shakes his head solemnly. “Sorry, champ. You'll be lucky to race in Singapore.”

Sebastian feels his whole body draining of blood, the world is back to swirling and he drags in a sharp breath. Three races missed, two at the best case scenario; that's a hell lot of points lost. This isn't something he can afford to happen, not now, not when he's fighting Lewis for the championship and the tables have started to turn in his favor. He should be studying data with his engineers and helping with the development of the car.

But he's stuck in a hospital bed, unable to do any of those things and instead he has to listen patiently as Maurizio then goes into great detail about the inner-team procedures following his injury. Apparently, Leclerc is stepping in from the junior program to fill his seat and Jessica is appointed as his race engineer after the summer break. Sebastian chews his inner cheek to prevent himself from breaking down or snapping at his boss, his fingers gripping tighter the sheets over him. Has Maurizio no heart at all? Can't he see that he doesn't want to talk about this? Hasn't he thought that maybe he wants to know absolutely nothing about his replacement or his now former engineer who exactly one week ago broke his heart? But Maurizio seems to get none of that, blabbering on and on till Sebastian has to beg him to leave him alone to rest.

And the moment his boss has exited, Sebastian throws both hands over his face, momentarily forgetting about his shoulder and the inconvenience it causes. He sighs shakily in his hands, trying to hide from reality and wishing the lump in the back of his throat away. He doesn't succeed and before he realizes he's properly crying and sobbing and feeling like an idiot but the tears won't cease regardless. He feels pain all over his body, pain that he's not sure is just because of his physical injuries and he coldly informs the returning nurse that he doesn't want to see anyone else. He wants to be alone right now, perhaps take a nap, and he forces his eyes shut. Maybe he'll wake up in an alternate universe where everything is fine and his heart doesn't feel like it's been pried from his chest.

* * *

When Jessica comes in, it's late and well past visiting hours. Sebastian is half dozing off, the intensity of the day's events finally catching up with him. He's not even aware of her presence at first; he knows someone is there when he hears cautious steps on the floor nearing his bed, but he assumes it's just one of the many nurses checking up on him literally every ten minutes and he doesn't bother to even open his eyelids. It's only when she kneels down next to him, her sweet scent filling his nostrils and her fingers carding through his curls delicately, that it finally dawns on him that she's _here_.

His eyes slowly flutter open, his brain still foggy with sleep, and he nuzzles in the hand that she drags lower to stroke his face. He takes it in his own hand, flipping it over and places a small kiss in the back of its palm. Her touch is warm, comforting and her name slips out of his mouth before he can stop it, “ _Jess_...”

She surges forward, shushing whatever he was going to say next, both hands cupping his face now and kissing him with all she has. And he relents, doesn't fight her, lets her have her way, and she kisses him again and again, deeper, harder, with more passion, as if the feeling of skin against skin, soothes her fears and worry, cements the reality that he's okay, hurt but alive and _here_.

They break apart for air but their eyes remain locked and gazing at each other lovingly. Sebastian squirms, frowning ever so slightly because something at the back of his mind nudges him that this doesn't feel right, that's not the way things are supposed to be. But he ignores it because Jessica's head lands on the crook of his shoulder and she's crying, her whole body shaking, and he panics a little, not knowing how to deal with her emotional outburst. Jessica has always been the strongest of the two.

“I thought I'd lost you” she whispers against him, planting light open-mouthed kisses to his neck between her sobs.

Sebastian draws in his breath when her lips make contact with his skin again. This is neither the time nor the place to be intimate and he settles with caressing her hair. “It's okay, Jess. I'm here; I'm sore but I'm fine. Don't beat yourself up over this, sugar.”

Her head snaps up at the nickname and she looks at him with sorrowful eyes. He wants to take that away, assure that apart from a couple of broken bones he's fine, no need to worry about him, and he reaches out a hand to brush away her tears.

“I thought I'd never talk to you again...” she continues, whimpering and voice shaking with emotion. “...I'd never see your smile again, watch you race... I thought I'd never get a chance to fix things, make it up to you for Hockenheim.”

And those words finally do the trick for Sebastian as images flash back to his mind and he remembers about Hockenheim and Lewis and everything. His fingers on her cheek still and he snatches his hand back, leaning away.

He sighs, gritting his teeth, “Yeah no chance of fixing anything any time soon, Riley.”

Reverting to surname basis, causes the pain in Jessica's chest to grow duller and she lets out a deep breath. “Please give me a chance, Sebby. Just a single chance. And if I let you down, then...then, fine. But can't you see that I care for you very much?”

“Well, I don't want you to care for me, I want you to trust me!” Sebastian snaps at her angrily.

And as expected, she doesn't argue that she does, only draws in a breath, pulling away, and stands up, arms wrapped around her waist as she paces in the small room. Sebastian sighs; her reaction simply proves him right, she doesn't trust him any more than she did in Hockenheim and that's more than enough of a reason not to take her back just yet. He partly wishes Domenico was here right now so he could rub this to his face.

“You remember Austria?” Jessica has now stopped near the only window of his room, sitting on the inside marble frame and looking at him intently. He tilts a questioning eyebrow, his memory clearly affected and demanding more details. “When you asked me to move in with you and I said no? I promised one day to tell you everything about me.”

Right, once there had been this; the confident declaration of her love and undying trust in him. So far, she has failed at it spectacularly and even though a part of him wants to cling onto her promise from Spielberg, Sebastian has always believed that actions speak louder than words. Riley's actions have been in total contrast with her words, but he nods regardless.

She hesitates, chewing her lip, “What if that day is today?”

Sebastian's eyes snap at her. She didn't bother to tell him in Hockenheim where it obviously mattered and she's offering to do that now? And yet he can't stop himself from enquiring, “So, Brian the racer friend is the same one that Lewis mentioned in Hockenheim?”

Jessica nods, dragging in air sharply, and shifts so that she's facing the rain pouring down outside rather than him. “Brian and I... We grew up together” she begins and Sebastian swears her voice is shaking ever so slightly. “Our families were always close and so we were like siblings. He was a couple of years older than me so he was practically the older brother I never had.” She pauses, smiling sadly at the memory of her childhood friend. She really wishes she could have him by her side now. Brian would know how to fix things, he always did. “Brian started karting when he was four. He was quite good actually, he won multiple national and European races, he even won a couple of championships and finally made it to Formula BMW. And he's the reason why I became an engineer. Our biggest dream was to win for Ferrari in Silverstone, him as a driver and me as his race engineer.”

Sebastian's chest tightens, having a pretty good idea about the outcome of things. “But?”

Jessica sighs again, blinking the growing tears away. “It happened in Hockenheim...”

 

_There's commotion at the front of the garage and Jessica looks up from where she's knelt down next to her friend's car, working on it with her tongue slightly peeking out, to see that Brian himself has walked in, suited and booted, and the team is instantly upon him. She chuckles watching as he tries to be polite while they babble on trying to prepare him as best as possible for his first wet race in a Formula BMW car. A strict “uh huh” from Kevin opposite her is enough to bring her back to reality, though, and she returns to her work, quickening to finish it in time._

_“My two favorite people working on my current favorite thing.”_

_Jessica smiles turning to Brian, who's now leaning on the bench and watching her as she works on the final details. The moment she's finished, she jumps on her feet and bounds over to him, trying to wrap her arms around him. Brian is quick, though, grabbing her wrists because she was going to wipe her hands in his suit. She pouts, settling with the worn out yellowish piece of cloth that Kevin passes her. Grinning at him, she shows him her hands after almost scrubbing off her skin with the fluffy material and now clean, he doesn't stop her from hugging hum. He plants a kiss on the side of her head and she hums contently in his arms._

_“When are you two getting married yet?” Kevin smirks from the side, cleaning his hands._

_They both blush slightly, Brian sticking his tongue out at his older brother and Jessica lets go of him. “Kevin and I made some alterations to your suspension” she informs him and he furrows his brow curiously. “We made it thinner, which means lighter, which means faster” she explains in a happy sing song voice._

_“Yup. You should look after her, Brian. She's a real gem” Kevin interrupts them again, but this time it's a compliment and Jessica is unable to stop the proud beam from spreading on her face._

_Brian looks between them both with an apprehensive smile. “Are you sure this is going to work?”_

_She nods excitedly. “Of course!” And Kevin is shrugging confidently and so Brian relents and agrees, letting them tug a hand each to guide him at the back of the garage, babbling excitedly about their creation._

_And Jessica doesn't know how but half an hour later she's alone, both Kevin and Brian swayed away by the team to review certain things before the race, and standing at the front, watching the rain as it pours down. It has been raining since she woke up this morning, but now that the race start is only a few minutes away, nerves are kicking in. She has never liked wet races, regardless of the series; yes, they usually provide plenty of entertainment and, yes, Brian is usually exceptional in the rain, but honestly she just deems them as an unnecessary extra risk. Brian's choice of profession is already dangerous enough as it stands, she doesn't want him getting anywhere near other hazardous situations unless she can't absolutely help it. She sighs; this is not her call to make._

_A strong arm circles around her middle and she tilts her head just enough to notice from the corner of her eye that it's Brian that has joined her in glaring at the poor weather._

_“It's so bad they were thinking of canceling it” he tells her and, as if to prove her point, there's a rumble of thunder in the distance._

_Jessica flinches, sagging against him and Brian removes his hand to wrap it around her shoulders and massage the bottom of her neck. She relaxes in his embrace, rubbing her nose in his blue overalls and humming softly. In this moment, everything feels alright, it's just the two of them and nothing can touch them._

_Her eyes fall on the embroidered Stone near his waist and the British flag next to it and she smiles, feeling pride swell in her chest. She reaches out and traces the letters with her finger. “Don't race.”_

_It's a faint whisper, yet he catches it and tilts her chin upwards. “I have to. But I promise I'll be careful for you.”_

_Jessica sighs. The uncomfortable feeling won't go, settling itself in her lower abdomen. Still, she nods and lets him go kissing his cheek good luck when Kevin calls his name._

 

“What happened?” Sebastian chokes out. He didn't know he was holding his breath.

“There was an accident” Jessica replies, shrugging a shoulder and blinking to unblur her vision from the gathering tears, bottom lip wobbling slightly. Saying those words hurts like an open wound and she swallows at the pain. “The suspension failed. It was too thin to last the climbs over the kerbs. Brian didn't make it. He succumbed the next morning.”

Sebastian gapes at her, eyes open wide in shock, and he involuntarily lets out a quiet gasp. If he got the numbers right in his head, she must've been seventeen at the time and her friend nineteen. It's just... unfair. Yes, they've mourned racers in the past, but to lose someone that young and according to Jessica's words that talented, to lose practically a kid on a racetrack... The whole thing doesn't sit well with him. 

His gaze softens when he looks at her and she's visibly struggling to control her tears. “It wasn't your fault.”

Jessica folds her arms around her torso, as if to make herself as small as possible, dragging in a sharp breath, and her eyes shoot up at the blank ceiling. “Please... I didn't even go to see him in hospital. And there was nothing wrong with the suspension. It was legal and reliable and all. It was _my_ idea to change it. I wanted an edge in speed and Brian paid the price.” Sebastian opens his mouth to say something but she cuts him off, “I've been told it's not my fault a million times before. I don't believe it. And you repeating it is not going to make any damn difference. It won't change my opinion that it was. Hell, even you sitting on a hospital bed and being set to lose up to three races is entirely _my_ fault!”

Sebastian's eyes widen at her. “No! I swear the car was perfect, I was just pushing way too much. Jess, me crashing today is none of your fault!“

“Oh, really?” she cocks an eyebrow, clearly not believing him. “So, you pushing wasn't because of me? Wasn't because you were trying to forget about me and Lewis?”

It's purely on instinct, not in order to confirm her point, when Sebastian lowers his eyes and fiddles with the sheets on his lap. He can't deny that he was thinking about her and what happened in Hockenheim in the cockpit because he was. On the other hand, what's the point in trying to convince her otherwise when she has already convicted herself to guilt?

So, he just nods slowly to portray more his understanding than his agreement to her perception of things, before he looks up at her. She seems miserable, like trying to remain strong and contain her pain for his sake, and he does his best not to sound accusing as he asks genuinely curious, “Why are you telling me these?”

She shrugs a shoulder, pursing her lips, as if giving away such an important part of herself is no big deal. And yet it feels like she's been stabbed right in the heart. “I wanted you to know” she offers merely and Sebastian knits his eyebrows, her answer obviously not sufficient, and she explains, “I might not have told you about it when it mattered the most, but I didn't want you to find out like that. I wanted to tell you myself, not have Lewis do it for me. He couldn't do the explaining that I did. He doesn't even know the whole story. Besides my parents, you're the first and only one that I've ever told this to since then.”

Sebastian's interest perks up. He raises a suspicious eyebrow, “Fabrizio?”

“No” she shakes her head. “Sometimes I wanted to tell him, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Guess I didn't trust him enough, either.”

So, by extension, that means he's the only one she has trusted enough to open up to. A small smug smirk finds its way to the corners of his mouth. He clears it when he catches her eyes studying him, but he doesn't stray from the subject, “What about me?”

She sighs, “I love you. I don't know what I need to do to convince you about it. But I do love you more than I've ever loved anyone or anything else. And, in my heart, I trust you. I just don't trust myself enough not to hurt you. That's why I didn't tell you about Hockenheim earlier. I've hurt people in the past, I don't want it to happen to you, too.”

All she receives as a response from Sebastian is a surprised dilated set of blue eyes. He can't utter a single word. He fails to understand her reasoning and yet it suddenly causes everything to make perfect sense. Because the Jessica he fell for is not a bad person, nor does she make him suffer on purpose; she loves him, and the happy times he's had with her -Canada, France and Silverstone are only a few that come to mind- assure him that his happiness has always been her priority. On the one hand, he's grateful for that, he loves her for that; on the other hand, though, that hardly seems like the correct way to work on them.

He gazes at her hard. “Jess, do you remember Switzerland? I promised to look after you regardless of your past. I knew that I'd have to deal with it sooner or later, I knew what I was agreeing to. But I can't fight something I don't know about and you can't keep secrets from me. Keeping me in the dark about this hurt me way more than hearing the truth. This is not how we get to do this and if there's the slightest chance we make what we created succeed, we need to always have each other's back. Be united.”

“I know, I know” she lets out a sigh, running a hand through her hair frustrated. “And I've messed up. But that's why I keep asking for a second chance. I want to fix this, _us_.”

Sebastian purses his lips tightly together. He's not ready to give her that. He exhales his breath shrilly. “Learning what it means to trust people is a good place to start.” The moment he says that, her face takes on a hopeful expression. It's not going to last. “But this doesn't change anything between us.”

It's rough to hear those words, even more to realize what they truly mean, and her eyes fill with tears. She nods, though. She understands.

* * *

From her unfortunate conversation with Seb on Friday morning to her encounter with Lewis on Saturday, Sebastian's accident earlier today and some of her secrets being revealed, Jessica has had a spiral of a weekend. She's exhausted at the end of the day and all she wants to do after leaving hospital late that night is have a long shower and go to bed. However, when she walks on her floor, yawning, she realizes she has a visitor waiting for her, a shadow lurking in the darkness outside her hotel room, leaning against the door, and she squints trying to put a face to the person.

The shadow turns towards her direction and smirks. “How's little Sebby doing?”

Jessica's eyes widen at the familiar voice, now fully awake, and she freezes. This can't be happening to her, she can't have angered the whole universe, and she darts to his side. “What the hell are you doing here, Lewis? Do you even know what time it is?”

He checks his phone. “Half past eleven. And I came to express my best wishes.”

She folds her arms, glaring at him. “Thought you already did that at the track.”

Lewis smirks again, this time accompanying it with a slight chuckle. “Yeah, incredible what small things it takes for the press and the fans to like you, isn't it? They actually believed I care for your sweet and charming German.”

“Don't you dare breathe another word like that for Seb when he's lying half-dead in hospital” Jessica grits her teeth as a warning at him, but Lewis raises both his eyebrows.

“I'm serious! Have you seen Twitter?”

She shoves away the phone that is being thrust in front of her face. “What the hell do you want from me Lewis? We've had this conversation before. If I remember correctly, I've made it very clear that I'm not leaving Ferrari.” She emphasizes the next part, “And I'm not leaving Seb.”

“You're not talking, though, right?”

It's not a question, it's a statement, and it catches her off guard. Her face falls and she looks at him wide-eyed. “How do you know that?”

Lewis simply shrugs. “I'm a racing driver, too, Jess. And I've been fighting him on track since we were kids. I know the way his mind operates. You mess with him, he'll get back at you. Him putting space between the two of you is his way of getting back at you for Hockenheim. You're fooling yourself if you think he's going to forgive you for that or for today.”

The words hit her where she hurts the most and she clenches her jaw. “Things can change.”

“Now? For the better?” He shakes his head. “You're a house divided. You're not going to win anything like that.”

Jessica cocks an eyebrow. “How is that any business of yours? I'm sure you wouldn't mind if your championship is a walk in the park.”

Lewis reaches out and cups her face, eyes softening. “This is not about the championship. I want you back, Jess. Can't you see that we belong together? Hockenheim wouldn't have happened otherwise.”

She backs away from his touch and glares at him. “What about Russia last year? Mexico? Abu Dhabi?”

Lewis sighs. “You hurt me in Sochi. The rest was me getting back at you. But I still care for you. And you knew the deal; you work exclusively for me and our relationship remains secret, that was our deal. _You_ chose to ignore it. So, don't try to make it look like this is all my fault because that's a lie.”

Her gaze is a mixture of shock and surprise and she doesn't know what to reply except for, “Are you kidding me? You were kissing a random girl in that bar in Mexico, you had me fired and only let me know in the final race, and now you call that _my_ fault, demanding I come back? You're pathetic.”

She goes to move past him but Lewis grabs her wrist. He looks at her hard, “You don't belong in Ferrari or with Vettel. Eventually, you'll return to me.”

Jessica smiles at him sweetly. “Lewis, I'm not leaving Ferrari. In November, I'll be standing right next to Seb celebrating the World Championship.”

He stares at her for another long moment before he lets go of her hand and points an annoyed finger at her. “This doesn't end here.”

He turns and leaves then and Jessica watches after him, frowning, before she shakes her head at herself and finally steps into her room. Her shower and sleep long forgotten, she collapses on the floor, slumping her head against the door, and sighs. If anything has come out of this whole argument with Lewis, that would be she also doesn't trust people because they have betrayed her. And when she drags herself on her feet and to the bathroom a good half an hour later, she promises herself she won't repeat the past's mistakes all over again. Particularly not as far as Lewis is concerned.

* * *

The summer break in not long enough and Jessica tries to keep her head occupied for the majority of it. She's needed at the factory the first week while she spends the second one in Liverpool with family and friends. She declines as politely as she can an invitation from Fabrizio to travel to Italy the third week because that would mean she would have to put up not only with him but also his fiancée and she doesn't feel like having his happiness rubbed to her face right now, and flies somewhere exotic instead. She enjoys swimming at the local beaches and visiting the attractions and she mostly, _mostly_ , manages not to think of certain persons. And then holiday is over altogether and she boards her flight to Belgium alone, reuniting with the rest of the squad at the hotel lobby. But Seb isn't there to flash her a smile or squeeze her arm and she can't help but check her phone again, sighing when there are no new calls or messages. Almost a whole month of no contact at all is too much to bear and she smiles at one of Stefano's silly jokes, pretending it doesn't hurt. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos/comments are my constant source of encouragement. I love them all as they always make my day.


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